5. Kayla

CHAPTER 5

KAYLA

I stare at the ceiling as I listen to Jack and Ash reminiscing about the good old days.

When Jack told me Ash was coming to visit, I was shocked. My brother has always tried to keep his hockey friends away from me. He says that hockey players are walking red flags, whatever that means.

Out of all his friends, Ash was the one he constantly warned me about. From what I've seen of him in the media, I understand why.

A lot of hockey stars flit from woman to woman. I wonder if the media get tired of constantly reporting on sporting players' love lives.

His cocky attitude and sense of entitlement doesn't impress me at all. I could tell he expected me to fall all over him the second I met him. Yawn.

Maybe my eyes lingered on his muscular body after he got drenched when Blaze kicked the bucket of water over him, but that's the extent of it.

While I don't mind a bit of eye candy, I've purposefully avoided him. When I'm around him I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something mean. I promised Jack I would play nicely, and I really am trying.

It's been hard to be nice, though, because all Ash has done is brag about his skills and strength. It's laughable given he's barely gotten his city-boy hands dirty.

I turn over on my bed and close my eyes.

Listening to Jack talk about hockey and the NHL since Ash got here has become a habit. It's like getting a sneak peek into the life Jack would've had if our dad hadn't retired and wanted us to take over.

I was already helping Dad on the ranch when he decided to retire. I love horses and I've been helping train them since I was a young girl. I've always had ideas about how we could utilize the horses and the ranch better.

I know how much of a struggle it was for Jack. He had lots of arguments with our dad about pursuing a career versus loyalty to family.

Up until now, I'd thought Jack was happy with his choice, or had at least made peace with it. He always talks about how he dodged a bullet. But hearing him talk to Ash, it makes me wonder.

My eyes get heavy and I drift off to sleep to the sound of nature and laughter.

My alarm shatters the peaceful silence, and I groan. Usually, I'm ready to seize the day, but today my body aches and I just want to go back to bed.

When I get to the kitchen, Jack is already making coffee. He jumps at the sight of me, nearly spilling his coffee. "Goodness. You scared the life out of me."

I come downstairs at the same time every day, so he shouldn't have been surprised. I narrow my eyes, scanning his tired features. "How late did y'all stay up?"

He rolls his eyes. "It wasn't that late, and I like having him here."

I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down. "You could've had that life. You still can."

He shoots daggers at me with his eyes. "Kay, it's too early for this conversation."

I would push him on the subject, but I use my limited energy to drink my coffee instead.

His seat drags against the floor like nails on a chalkboard, and I shiver at the sound. He smirks, and I know he did it on purpose. He knows exactly what buttons to push to annoy me.

"I'm going to wake up Ash," he says.

I nod and focus on finishing my coffee.

The house phone rings, making me jump. It rarely rings, and never this early. I feel like this is how horror movies start. The sun isn't up. We're in the middle of nowhere. I clear my throat. "Hello?"

"How's my princess?" a familiar voice says.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Hey, Dad, I'm good. Why are you awake?"

There's a lot of noise around him. My heart starts to race. Something's wrong.

"Can you put your brother on?"

I sigh. "You can't tell me?"

Before he can answer, Jack walks back in with a bucket in his hand. I smile. I wish he would've let me watch him throw cold water over Ash.

It's probably not what Ash had in mind when he came to visit, but Jack said he was happy to help. He's probably regretting it now.

I look back at the bucket and realize it doesn't look wet. I hope I get to use it on Ash at some point. It'll be good to take his ego down a notch.

I hear my dad's voice yell Jack's name and I hand the phone over to him.

Jack's face instantly lightens when he hears our dad's voice. "Hey, Dad, what are you doing up at this time? Retirement means you need to rest."

I'm so glad they patched up any issues they had. We are the only family we have, and we need to stick together. However, if I were in Jack's position, I don't know if I would've patched things up so easily. It's a tough spot to be in.

My brother's face drops, and my heart plummets. I knew it. I knew something was wrong. There's a prominent crease in Jack's forehead, and my stomach twists. I wish I could hear what Dad is saying.

Jack nods his head and lets out a loud breath. "Okay. Yes. Okay." He paces back and forth, giving one-word answers.

I hate when they exclude me like this, the way they have since I was young. They say they're protecting me, but really they're just treating me like I'm fragile.

They should know better than anyone that I hardened the second we lost Mom. Nothing else can break me like that did. Maybe losing my dad would come close, but I don't want to think about it.

Jack notices my tense shoulders and concerned expression and gives me a thumbs-up.

I know it's meant to reassure me, but it just makes me angry.

Jack sighs deeply. "Okay. I'll call you back soon. Bye."

I tap my foot. "What happened? Is he okay?"

Jack puts his hands on my shoulders. "He's okay. It's not a big deal, but I'm gonna need you to breathe for a minute."

My eyes widen as my stomach drops. "What happened?"

"He fell and broke his arm."

I step backward and give myself a second to process. "Oh. Okay. That sucks, but it isn't that big a big deal…"

I search Jack's face. There's definitely more to it.

I cross my arms. "What is it?"

He sighs. "He wants me to come and help him out."

I gnaw on my bottom lip. "For how long?"

"As long as it takes to heal, I guess." He rubs his hand against his forehead. "Which means…"

I huff. "That I'm stuck with Pretty Boy."

My blood boils. I'm stuck babysitting a spoiled hockey player. Lucky me.

He chuckles. "You're sticking with the nickname, huh? You know he takes it as a compliment."

I scoff. "He shouldn't."

I knew the second I called him a pretty boy that Ash would take it as a compliment. For me, you need to have a good heart and decent personality to be truly attractive.

Sure, maybe I'm judging him too harshly based on his looks, but he hasn't said or done anything to prove me wrong.

His face drops. "Seriously, Kayla, will you be okay with him?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "I've trained some pretty rough horses in my day, but this one might be a challenge."

He laughs at me comparing Ash to one of my troubled horse jobs. "Yeah, he's not likely to be tamed."

I nod. "But seriously, I'll be fine. I'll put him to work." I smirk. I've noticed Jack going easy on him because he's a friend and he's not getting paid to help out. I won't be going easy on him.

Jack notices my smirk and laughs. "I feel sorry for him."

I lightly shove his shoulder. "Hey, you might come back to a changed man. A gentleman."

We both pause and then burst out laughing.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I take a moment to finish my coffee, and I catch sight of Ash through the kitchen window, struggling to manage his chores.

Now that I really think about it, I don't know if Jack would've turned out like Ash. If Jack had been in the NHL and I were thrust into that world… I think I would be different. I might've ended up as one of the girls spotted on Ash's arm at a Hollywood party. I cringe at the thought.

I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't intrigue me, though. I would hope that I wouldn't get caught up in the lifestyle and the attention, but I've seen the way the world changes people. Given the circumstances, we're all capable of becoming different versions of ourselves.

If I were put in the public eye, I hope that I would stay true to myself. It's one of those things that you don't know until you're there. It's easy to say I would never end up on the arm of a playboy hockey player, but there's no guarantee.

It could be intoxicating to get that kind of attention. It could be exhilarating going out with people who are considered celebrities.

A part of me thinks Jack would be just as egotistical as Ash if he'd been constantly told how great he was. The other part of me thinks he would've kept his head screwed on because of how we were raised.

Still, I know Jack got into his fair share of trouble in college. Now that I think about it, in nearly every story where he ended up in serious trouble, he always had Ash by his side. Go figure.

Ash really is a walking red flag. He's a walking, talking embodiment of everything I despise in a man. Yet, I can't help how my breath catches when his muscles bulge or a dimple appears in his cheek when he smiles. I hate myself for it.

I'm glad Jack didn't end up in the NHL, because if all the men are like Ash, I would've gotten myself into a lot of trouble.

Also, I wouldn't have my beloved horses, and I don't think that's something I'd ever willingly give up. Maybe it's selfish of me. Maybe I should've sided with Jack and let the ranch go. My chest tightens at the thought. This is where I grew up. This is where all my memories of my mom are. This is where her horses are.

My whole life has been here. Sometimes I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I've barely lived my life.

I think of the ranch, the horses, my friends, and my family. It would be hard to give this up.

I think if I ended up traveling or moving, somehow I would always find my way back. This town and these people are my home.

I wonder sometimes if I'm too sheltered. I've visited a couple of places, but never too far. I wonder if I'll regret not traveling the world but staying in my little bubble.

The way I make most decisions is to make a pros-and-cons list, and to think about if I'd have regrets.

I think about how my mom lived her life to the fullest. She traveled and loved and really lived.

Sometimes I think I'm missing out on life. In the same breath, though, being here reminds me that I'm alive. The fresh air, the mountains, the animals, the serenity — it's invigorating. Like jumping into a cold lake.

That's too much of an existential crisis for this early in the morning. I shake myself out of my thoughts and go to see if Jack needs help packing.