4. Ash

CHAPTER 4

ASH

J ack shows me around the ranch. I assumed it would be a few fences and some cattle, but there are a lot more contraptions and set-ups than I expected.

There's an area not too far from the main house that has a bunch of run-down cabins. It reminds me of the camp we went to in middle school.

Jack explains the best way to town, but it involves walking through the woods. I doubt I'll give that a try. I wonder if the woods and a forest are the same thing. I wonder what wildlife they have out here.

I ask about bears, and Jack laughs.

"Not in our town, but a few towns over they get them."

I squint. "Isn't the next town over like an hour away?"

He nods.

We really are in the middle of nowhere.

Jack shows me a large shed where they keep tools, cleaning supplies and everything else they need to manage a ranch.

I trace my hand over a chainsaw. "You realize this looks like a serial killer's home base, right?"

He chuckles.

It's a lot of acreage, and I understand why they need two young people to manage it. I point out that he could probably hire some people to help, but he brushes it off.

He shows me where they herd the cattle into. "Again, very much serial-killer vibes," I say.

Jack rolls his eyes and continues showing me around.

We've circled back to the barn. I look around at the horses. "So, now what?"

Jack chuckles. "I've got to help Kayla with the cattle."

I bite my lip. I wonder what he wants me to do. "How can I help?"

A smile plays on his lips. "Settle in. I'll wait until tomorrow to start torturing you."

I laugh, but my stomach does a flip. I've never been a farm or ranch person. I never helped my grandparents on their estate. I only remember riding in the tractor.

I wander around and resist the urge to check my phone. The lack of reception might be a blessing in disguise. I'm probably better off not having access to the outside world. I don't need to see how badly this whole thing has gotten.

A few girls on my roster sent me texts during my flight saying we're done purely because I disgraced someone they idolize. I still don't see how it's my fault that Chase's ego got the best of him.

I'm trying to look at this whole situation as a vacation.

As I walk around, I notice the natural beauty of the land and the calming effect it has on me.

Speaking of natural beauty, I'm surprised I haven't seen Kayla again.

I keep hoping to catch her so I can try to get on her good side. I don't want bad vibes while I'm here.

Once Jack is done with his job, darkness has already set in.

He brings out camping chairs and starts cooking us a barbecue.

I take a sip of the beer he gave me. I definitely need it. "So, what's it like living out here?"

He flips some of the meat. "Peaceful."

I don't know if I've ever felt peaceful. It's kind of a horror house in my head.

Jack takes a swig of his beer. "What's it like being in the NHL? I know it's great, but truthfully, is it everything we talked about?"

I take a second to really think about my answer. I'm so used to censoring myself; sometimes it feels like I'm putting on a mask and being who the press or the fans want me to be. Jack is the one of the few people I can always be truthful with.

I sit with the question and take a sip. "It's better than I ever could've imagined. It's harder than I ever could've imagined. There are a lot more lows than there are highs. It's a lot of pressure."

Jack nods his head. "It seems very high-stress."

It's the part that doesn't get talked about much. It's emotionally and physically draining. Your livelihood is on the line every time you leave your house or step onto the ice.

Being here is evidence of that.

I still can't believe something so stupid could end my career. Other players have done far worse things than piss off an egotistical celebrity, yet I'm the one being punished. It's ridiculous.

Jack seems to read my mind. "Why are they singling you out? If your team is anything like ours in college, surely some of them have done worse."

I nod. "I don't know why, but they definitely are."

He sighs. "That's rough, man."

Even though I don't want to be here, I'm glad of the chance to catch up with Jack. He was there through some of the hardest patches of my life. He's never judged me or wavered in his belief in me. He's a true friend. Those are hard to come by.

Don't get me wrong — there's a strong bond within a hockey team, especially in the NHL. But it's different when it's someone who knew you before you were thrown into the spotlight.

It's an odd thing being known in the sports community, because you can generally go out and not be recognized, but if you walk into a sports bar, you suddenly feel like a movie star or something.

Jack serves up the food and gets me a fresh beer.

I clink my bottle against his. "Cheers, man. Thanks for having me."

He takes a sip and chuckles. "Always here to bail you out, A-list."

We finish our food, which is the nicest meal I've had in a long time, and call it a night.

I go to bed hopeful that my time here will be cleansing. All I have to do is stay out of trouble.

The morning starts far too early for my liking. Jack swings open my door before the sun has even come up.

Now I'm standing in the cold early spring air, coffee in hand, watching as Jack demonstrates how to replenish the hay for the horses.

He swears it's warm for this time of year, which is why they are turning the cows out to pasture early. I think that's what he said. My brain has barely switched on.

I'm starting to regret asking to come here. I thought the most they would have me do is watch some horses or something. I didn't expect to actually help .

Jack runs through how to muck out stalls and get the barn in order. To his credit, he does thank me profusely for my help.

As I follow his instructions, a part of me is keeping an eye out for Kayla. If I'm here, I may as well have a little fun.

I start cleaning out one of the stalls, and one of the horses kicks a bucket of freezing-cold water all over me.

Fuck, that's cold .

I can't stay in these clothes. I quickly strip down to my boxers and start running toward the loft, but I hear someone clear their throat. Shit . I pause and slowly turn to face Kayla, who has an amused look on her face.

She clicks her tongue. "What are you doing?"

My teeth start to chatter as I blurt out my reply. "A horse kicked a bucket of water on me, so I'm going to get changed."

She chuckles. "Jack didn't tell you where to put the horse while you muck out the stall?"

I rack my brain. He might've. I wasn't exactly the best student in college. The teachers said I had trouble concentrating and listening. Clearly they were right.

Kayla rolls her eyes. "Go get warm — and a piece of advice: watch out for those two." She points to two of the horses. "They smell fear."

I'm too cold to stand there and figure out if she's joking or not. I nod and run to have a hot shower.

By the time I return to the barn, the sun has finally risen. I step out onto one of the paddocks, and the warmth soaks into my skin. Sighing, I think to myself that this is more like it.

Jack walks over to me with a smug look on his face. "So, Kayla told me she saw you earlier."

I raise an eyebrow. "She got a look at the goods and liked what she saw."

Jack's face drops, and I smile. That was exactly the reaction I was shooting for.

He shoves me. "First of all, Kayla's off limits. Secondly, I didn't think your ego could get any bigger."

I give him a wicked smile, and he puts his hand up to stop me. "The next words out of your mouth better not involve your genitals and referencing anything getting bigger."

I scowl. "You're no fun."

He rolls his eyes. "I've known you long enough to know how you think."

I give him an accusatory look. "Hey! You were just like me."

"I was never like you," he says, feigning disgust.

"I'll start naming girls just to prove it," I smirk.

He laughs and holds his hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine. I was a douchebag for a little while, but I'm reformed now."

I pretend to be hurt. "You think I'm a douchebag?"

He rolls his eyes and walks over to one of the horses. "Horses are a good judge of character. That's probably why Blaze soaked you."

I start to walk away and then pause. "He did it on purpose?"

He lets out a booming laugh, answering my question for me. "Yes, she did. Also, you were meant to take out the bucket of water and the old hay first, and then remove the horse."

I sigh. Clearly I didn't pay attention to the instructions. At least it was only water.

The rest of the day makes getting soaked by water seem like a highlight. I've never felt so physically and mentally drained. As much as I hate to agree with Kayla, I really didn't know what hard work was.

I even failed at the more simple tasks that I thought would be a breeze.

Jack tried to show me how to mount a horse. It looks so easy in the movies, but when you're faced with a giant horse and you have to pull your whole body up a mountain of a creature — it's freaking hard.

I tried not to show how much it was frustrating me, but I've never been good at hiding my emotions.

Usually, I would let my anger and frustrations out on the ice, but that's not an option here.

Jack organizes a nice quiet evening around the fire, which is exactly what I need.

As my head hits the pillow later, I notice how much my muscles ache. I'm a hockey player. It's a physical job, and I'm no stranger to pushing my body to its limits. Yet here I am, feeling like I got hit by a truck from working on a ranch.

I feel someone kick the bed. "Rise and shine, A-list."

I groan. "When you say A-list , it sounds a lot like another word starting with an A."

Jack chuckles. "That's the beauty of it, a-hole."

I open one eye. "Am I tired, or did you actually call me a-hole ?"

He smiles and ignores me. "Up."

I groan and curl into the blanket.

Suddenly I'm hit with a wave of cold air.

I jump out of bed to shove Jack, but he's already halfway out the door. "See you downstairs."

I'm really regretting choosing this as my place to hide out.

After downing a coffee, I say hi to the horses and contemplate flying home. I can't go home, though. I put myself in this mess. I decide to suck it up.

My muscles protest as I start mucking out the stalls. Jack chuckles when he sees me struggling but helps me out. The rest of the day passes in a blur.

I spend the evening with Jack by the fire. I'm enjoying his company, but I wonder how lonely it must be on the ranch.

My body aches a little bit less as I wake the following morning.

After a few hours of working, I grab a bottle of water and sit on top of a hay bale, taking a moment to soak up the sun. There aren't too many moments like this back home. I'm inside most of the time.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes. It's so peaceful. It feels like I'm in a completely different world. I'm used to constant noise; in a way I don't like it too quiet. I don't like sitting with my thoughts.

Before I can analyze myself, I hear a horse trot over and the sound of Kayla clearing her throat.

I slowly open my eyes. I've been trying to catch glimpses of her all day, but I haven't seen her until now.

"Pretty Boy, time to go."

I chuckle at the nickname.

She rolls her eyes. "We're burning daylight. Grab a horse."

I not-so-subtly take in her gorgeous figure as she dismounts. I find myself captivated by her natural beauty and it takes me a second to stop staring. Groaning, I push myself off the bale of hay.

She follows me as I take out my favorite horse, Blaze.

She's one of the feistiest horses, and I like her energy. We've bonded over the past few days, even after she kicked her water bucket on me.

Kayla gets back on her horse but pauses.

I feel her eyes on me as I mount the horse. "Hoping I'd fall?"

She raises an eyebrow. "A little."

I smile. "Sorry to disappoint."

She smirks. "The day is still young."

I let out a dry laugh. Here's hoping that doesn't happen.

It feels like time slows down during the ride. It takes me a little while to get used to riding Blaze, but we fall into a rhythm.

Jack and I usually banter back and forth, but Kayla seems stuck in her own head. It takes a lot longer than expected, and the sun is setting by the time we return.

Kayla explained along the way that this was only a very short trip compared to actual cattle drives. This was more of an excursion for the cattle to get used to fresh pasture again.

She runs back to the house before I can ask if she wants to join us for dinner by the fire.

I turn to Jack. "She doesn't want to join us for dinner?"

He rolls his eyes. "She probably just wants to decompress, or FaceTime one of her friends, or catch up on a show."

I can understand the appeal of living here, but I keep thinking about how lonely it must be. I find chaos comforting, and quietness makes my stomach tighten. It's also invigorating, though, which I definitely didn't expect.

Jack and I have fallen into a dinner routine, and we pick up where we left off, talking about the old days.

If I were back home, I would be at a bar or the hottest party in town. It's always given me an adrenaline rush to go out and be in the middle of a crowd.

I look up at the intensely starry night sky and take a deep breath in. Strangely enough, I don't mind the slower pace, for now.