CHAPTER 32

Kendra sat across from Aspen at the table and looked down at her own shirt as Aspen talked about the coach they’d basically interviewed that day. She’d left the two buttons undone, and her undershirt kept the scar from view, but something had happened in that hotel room only an hour or so earlier that Kendra couldn’t quite explain.

“Are you okay?” Aspen asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

“You got really quiet on me. Did you not want to come here? We could’ve gone somewhere else.”

“No, I wanted to come here. It’s a nice restaurant, and we deserve a nice restaurant for our first date,” she answered.

“So, you’re just usually quiet on first dates?” Aspen asked.

“I don’t know. Well, I don’t think so, but maybe I am. I’m being quiet right now, though, because I’m listening to you, babe.” She took a sip of her sparkling water.

“Should I shut up, then? Let’s talk about your day. How was the match?”

“Aspen?”

“Yes?”

“When I was first diagnosed, my entire world came crashing down around me. I was a kid, but I felt like I was an adult. I was at that age where my parents were treating me like a combination of the two. Things were confusing. I had offers from a lot of schools, and I walked around my high school like I was hot shit. I knew what I wanted, and nothing else would come close to me having that. I was going to play volleyball in college and then professionally, and I knew that like I knew my own name. Then, one day, that was all gone, and I was still a teenager without a fully formed brain, so I didn’t listen when they told me not to risk it, and I almost died. I passed out and came to on my own, like I told you before, but I left out the part about getting to the hospital and them telling me that I’d had a small heart attack.”

“At eighteen?” Aspen asked, looking worried.

“I could give you the full diagnosis, if you want, but it’s a lot of really long scientific words and not the point of me telling you this. I was angry when I went to college and had to go to a school with a great volleyball team. I had to hear about their wins and losses on campus, even when I tried to ignore it. I was still angry when I graduated and pursued journalism. When I found out that I needed that surgery or my heart might go out, and soon, so I’d need a transplant, and they were unlikely to move me up on the list if I refused the operation that could repair the problem, I felt like, once again, I had no choice in my own life. And I was only twenty-five, you know? I was just really starting to get into my life. I had the operation, of course, but this scar on my chest is ten years old now, and I think I’m only just now starting not to be angry about it being there.”

“I’m glad it’s there,” Aspen said.

“You’re what?”

“I’m not glad that you had a heart condition, but I am glad that you had that operation because you’re still here, and you didn’t need a heart transplant at twenty-five. God, I’m so glad that it’s there because you’re okay. You’re okay now, right? You said–”

“Yes,” Kendra interjected and took Aspen’s hand over the table. “I’m okay. And I think you just by being you… It’s made the anger dissipate.”

“Really? You were pretty angry that day on the beach.”

“You came out of nowhere with your research about me, and I might have reacted poorly because I was angry, yes. But you reminded me earlier about getting into your car that night and unbuttoning my shirt, and I can’t think of a time when I’ve done that in front of someone before. I did it again tonight, and I didn’t even realize that. I’m sitting here right now, leaning over the table, and I know you can probably see a little of it, and I’m okay. The world isn’t ending. You’re still here on this date with me, and I’m not angry.”

“I’m glad you’re not angry that I’m still on this date with you,” Aspen joked.

“Yeah, the order of my words made that sound bad, didn’t it?” Kendra laughed.

“What does that all mean, though? What you said, what does it mean?”

“I think it means I might be finally letting things go that I’ve been holding on to for years.”

Aspen smiled at her and said, “I think that warrants a cheat meal tonight, then, to celebrate. Dessert?”

“Yes, please,” Kendra said with a wink.

“Wait… Was that a wink because you want a different kind of dessert, or because you want the cheesecake? I’m confused.”

Kendra laughed and replied, “Let’s start with the cheesecake and go from there.”

◆◆◆

“Um… We’re staying in the same room tonight, but this is our first date, so…” Aspen looked down the hotel hallway.

“You want to say goodnight here, don’t you?” Kendra asked. “And go to your own room?”

“I’m debating because I really, really want to come inside and watch that movie with you and then fall asleep next to you, but–”

“Aspen?” Kendra wrapped her arms around Aspen’s neck.

“Yeah?”

“You’re coming inside. We’re going to watch that movie and sleep. I’m going to fall asleep with my head on your chest, and we’re going to wake up next to each other. All of that is going to happen tonight.”

“Oh,” Aspen said with a little smile and wrapped her arms around Kendra’s waist.

“But first, I am going to kiss you because it’s been months, and I can’t wait any longer.”

She moved her hands to Aspen’s cheeks and leaned in. Aspen met her lips with her own, and for the first time, Kendra finally got the kiss she’d been waiting for. Her lips moved against Aspen’s as if they’d rehearsed for this moment.

“Fuck. Inside,” Aspen said and moved her lips back over Kendra’s.

“What?” Kendra asked and pulled back.

“Oh, no.” Aspen shook her head. “Not what I meant. I mean… yeah, I want that, but not tonight. I just meant that we should get inside because I’m about to press you to this door. I didn’t think you’d want the security cameras to pick that up.”

“Please, press away,” Kendra told her with a smirk. “But maybe when we’re inside the room.”

“Unlock the door.”

Kendra used her key and pushed the door open. She motioned for Aspen to go inside, which she did. Kendra then followed her in, and as the door closed, Aspen was there in front of her, with one hand on Kendra’s hip and the other pressed to the door by Kendra’s head.

“You’re a great kisser,” Aspen spoke, her lips inches away from Kendra’s. “That’s what I meant when I said, ‘Fuck,’ before. I meant to say, ‘Fuck, you’re a great kisser. Let’s get inside so that we can do more of it.’”

“I like how you said it out there better.” She pulled Aspen in for another kiss.

This time, their tongues met, and Kendra moaned. It had been a long time since she’d been kissed like this. The first year of her previous relationship had been good, and they’d made out like this back then, but not at all during the whole last year they were together. And they’d been broken up for a while now, so this kiss up against a door, with Aspen nibbling on her bottom lip before pushing her tongue back inside Kendra’s mouth, had Kendra wanting way more than what she’d talked about wanting in the hallway seconds ago.

“Babe,” she managed.

“Hmm?” Aspen asked as she moved her mouth to Kendra’s neck. “I’ve wanted to kiss this spot forever. Well, lick it, mainly, but kiss it, too.”

“God…”

Kendra’s hands moved up the back of Aspen’s sweater and under it until she had Aspen’s lower back in her grasp. She pulled Aspen in closer, spreading her own legs to allow Aspen to move between them. Aspen’s hips started to rock as she continued to press her lips to Kendra’s neck.

“Bed?” Kendra asked.

“For the movie?”

“Not for the movie, Aspen.”

Aspen pulled back and looked at her.

“Are you sure? You said you wanted me to hold you tonight.”

“You can still hold me after,” she suggested.

“I want to, Kendra. But we don’t have to rush this.”

“So, you want it, but you’re trying to talk me out of it?”

“Not trying to talk you out of it. I just want to make sure that you’re ready.”

“Are you ready?” Kendra pressed her hand to the spot between Aspen’s breasts over her shirt and thought about how Aspen might not want to touch her there, given what they’d spent far too much time tonight discussing.

“I’m ready,” Aspen replied. “I’m very, very ready. But I was also ready when I saw you in the elevator earlier, and probably weeks or maybe months ago.”

“Months ago?”

“You are very hot,” Aspen told her in explanation and ran the hand, which had been pressed to the door prior to that, over Kendra’s neck and down until it rested in the spot Kendra had just been thinking she’d never touch.

As Kendra stared into Aspen’s eyes, she knew that Aspen was silently telling her that everything was okay.

“Aspen…”

“You and me,” Aspen said. “Only you and me.”

“Yes,” Kendra replied. “Only you and me.”

“You have to tell me what’s okay and what’s not. I don’t want to touch you there if you don’t want me to,” Aspen whispered in her ear.

“It’s okay,” she replied. “Just take me to bed, Aspen.”

Aspen stood back and held out her hand for Kendra to take. Kendra was terrified because she knew what she was about to do, and it was something she’d never done before. When Aspen sat on the end of the bed, she held her arms out, and Kendra walked into them, letting Aspen hold her by the hips as she looked up into Kendra’s eyes.

“Take my shirt off, Aspen,” she said.

Aspen reached for the button-down and untucked it from Kendra’s pants. Then, she unbuttoned her shirt and parted it for Kendra, who let it fall down to the floor. This part wasn’t a big deal. This part Kendra had done before. Aspen lifted her undershirt a little and began kissing her stomach. She looked up at Kendra with those deep hazel eyes, and Kendra nodded, telling her that it was okay. As Aspen lifted the undershirt just a little bit higher, though, Kendra’s heart began to race more than it had been already because her scar was long, so another inch up, and Aspen would see it. This was the part she’d never done before.

“You’re shaking,” Aspen noted and reached for her hand. “Kendra, you’re shaking. I–”

“It’s okay,” she replied. “Just give me a minute.”

“Babe, we don’t have to do this tonight. We can wait. I’m not–”

Kendra didn’t let her finish that, though, and went to pull off her undershirt, leaving her in only her bra in front of someone else for the first time in a decade. The shaking didn’t stop, and Aspen didn’t look down. Her eyes were still glued to Kendra’s.

“Was that something you needed to do or something you thought I needed you to do?” Aspen asked.

“It was something I needed to do,” she said nervously.

“What do you need right now?”

“You to take off your shirt.”

Aspen quickly yanked off her sweater and shirt under it, leaving her in only her sports bra.

“And?” Aspen asked, still not looking down.

“Your bra.”

Aspen tugged until her bra was off, and Kendra could see her for the first time.

“Baby, you…” Kendra’s hands went immediately to Aspen’s breasts, which were small and perfect, with hard-with-arousal rosy nipples sticking out, ready for Kendra’s lips. “God. Your pants.”

Aspen leaned back on the bed, and with her eyes still on Kendra’s, she unbuttoned and unzipped her own jeans, nodded at Kendra, and waited. Kendra pulled at them until they were around Aspen’s ankles. Aspen, for her part, kicked at her shoes to allow Kendra to get the jeans off completely. Then, she just lay there, looking perfect in only her boy shorts.

“You turn?” Aspen asked.

Kendra undid her slacks, letting them fall to the floor, and kicked off her flats until she only had on her underwear, her bra, and her socks. The socks went next, and she knew the only difference between them now was the fact that she still had on her bra.

“I will make love to you all night long,” Aspen said, sitting back up and moving her hands to Kendra’s hips again. “You’re still shaking. If you need to put your shirt back on, it’s okay. It’s not going to stop me from touching you, from wanting everything with you, Kendra.” Aspen kissed Kendra’s breast through her bra.

It was the closest anyone had been to her breasts in a very long time, and she twitched when Aspen did it.

“Should I stop?”

“No,” Kendra said. “Can you…” She lowered the cup of her bra.

Aspen licked her lips and moved her mouth to Kendra’s nipple.

“Oh, God.”

“I will give you anything you want,” Aspen promised. “Anything. It’s yours. Just tell me.”

Kendra swallowed hard as Aspen looked into her eyes before she licked her hard nipple. That made Kendra reach behind her back and unclasp her bra. Aspen moved back to allow it to fall to the floor between them.

“I need you not to make a big deal out of it right now. Later, we can talk about it, and I can process it, but can you just pretend like it doesn’t matter and touch me? I need you to touch me. Please, Aspen.”

Aspen nodded and smiled up at her.

“That is really not a problem.”

Aspen stood up, turned them around quickly, and pushed back on her shoulders until Kendra was flat on her back and Aspen was lying on top of her.

“I’m going to take these off now.” She tugged down on Kendra’s underwear.

Kendra nodded rapidly. Aspen pulled until they were down to Kendra’s ankles, and Kendra shook them off. She then pushed at Aspen’s boy shorts until they, too, were gone. When Aspen settled between her legs, and she felt Aspen’s nipples against her own, Kendra felt tears well in her eyes.

“Beautiful,” Aspen whispered into her ear.