10. 10

10

Ember

I ’d been sitting on my bed, staring at the tattoo kit, and pondering all the options for use with it, when I realised I hadn’t had a chance to read that letter I found in Mr E’s bag, so I opened it up in the gallery on my phone and read it, my fingers curling into a fist as I took in the words from that bitch, Suzy.

Ethan

I know we were interrupted last night, but I’d really like to pick up where we left off. I know you feel the attraction between us, just like I do. I’d love to take things further, and get to know you more intimately. Why don’t you pop round anytime and we can explore our growing feelings?

Love Suzy xx

What the fuck?! How dare she? How dare she make advances on the man I wanted? My god, my heart thudded in my chest as I realised just exactly what I was thinking. I wanted a man. I literally wanted him for me, for myself, to be mine. That’d mean more kissing, more touching, and it’d obviously mean sex, right? He could be my first, my only. One thing was for damn sure, she wasn’t having him.

I tore the latest picture I’d drawn of him from my sketchpad and snapped a pic on my phone, because I knew I’d miss it when it was gone. It was my favourite so far, and I had like thirty of them, various angles, and expressions on his face. I’d been drawing them for a while, but I’d always convinced myself it was practice, it was because I was with him all day, five days a week. It was just practicing drawing from memory. Now I knew the real reason. I was in love with him, and I had to have him.

I wasn’t sure what having him would entail exactly, but I wanted it. I dug out an envelope from my craft drawer, and sealed it inside, using a silver pen to scrawl his name in elegant letters. I’d drop this off for him, and keep my eye out for that Suzy woman. I’d seen her face last night, and she said ‘pop by’ so maybe she lived near him, or maybe she’d be visiting again. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I saw her with him again, but the only way I’d find out more was by going there.

As luck would have it, I’d almost reached his house, when a woman stepped out of the house next door, to put a bag of rubbish in her wheelie bin, and it was her. She was his neighbour. That meant she had access that I couldn’t beat, didn’t it? She could just pop next door and try it on with him. I kept walking to the end of the road and around the corner, giving it a few minutes, before I returned to slide the envelope carefully through his letterbox.

From there, I walked around the block of houses, checking out the gardens, and noting that the house belonging to her had a back gate, and her back door was open. It was like she wanted me to go in, so I did.

I stepped into a warm kitchen, and caught sight of a block of kitchen knives. Carefully sliding one free, I weighed it in my hand, that familiar rush of adrenaline surging through me at the first sharp blade I’d held since I gave up cutting. It was so tempting to use it, or keep it, but that wasn’t my purpose here.

“Who the hell are you?” I lifted my eyes to see her standing there, all mumsy and dull, thinking she was good enough for my Mr E.

“I’m here to give you a friendly warning, actually,” I gritted out, as I took a step closer to her. I hoped that my gothic makeup made me look as threatening as I wanted to appear, because I felt it on the inside, and I wanted her to feel it too.

“A… a what? Who are you?”

“Shut it, and listen to me, you ugly old cunt.”

She gasped, holding her hands up to her mouth as I approached again, hoping I looked like a vengeful woman, rather than a child playing at it.

“Stay away from him.”

She frowned as she backed up another step, lifting her hands between us now.

“Him who?”

“Your boy next door, bitch. Stay the fuck away from him, or I’ll show you my knife skills. Trust me, I’m really fucking good with a blade, and I’d love to carve up that face of yours, so people scream instead of yawn when they look at you.”

She stumbled back a few steps and hit the wall, her hands up in front of her, trembling like mad as tears filled her eyes.

“Please don’t!”

“Tell me you understand what I just said,” I hissed at her, lifting the knife and wielding it in her direction.

“Yes! Yes, I understand. Stay away from Ethan. I… I won’t go near him, I promise.”

Now, call me whatever you like, but my bullshit detector was pretty fucking good, so I knew she was humouring me right now. I stepped closer, stopping about a foot away from her, lifting the knife towards her face, smirking when she cowered, rather than trying to fight me, or hold it away from her. Any idiot would fight at this point, right?

“Don’t just fucking say it if you have no intention of doing it! I’m watching you, you fucking whore, and I’ll sneak back in here and gut you like a fucking fish, if I even see you near him again.”

Her phone started ringing somewhere in the house, and I saw her eyes dart in the direction of the door nearest to her. Did that sound give her some sense of hope? Did she really think the person on the other end of that phone could save her?

“Shall I leave you with a little taste of what you’ll get if you fucking lie to me?”

She started shaking her head frantically, her eyes fixed firmly on me again.

“I promise. I’ll stay away from your Ethan! He’s… he’s yours, I’ll stay away. Please just go and don’t come back.”

I waved the knife at her again.

“Always watching, Suzy. Don’t think you can play me, because I’m perfectly capable of being your worst nightmare.”

Ethan

BY SUNDAY NIGHT, I was no closer to working out my feelings about Ember, but I knew for sure that we needed to approach things differently from now on.

Starting tomorrow, I’d put a few things in place, to protect both of us, because we had to remain focused on her education being a priority. The girl was almost eighteen, but without at least some qualifications, she wouldn’t have the amazing future she deserved, so we had to make sure we made that happen, before anything else could even be considered.

What was I considering exactly? I couldn’t be considering taking things further with her, could I? Wasn’t this the kind of madness that I’d been trying to avoid? She was so mature for her age at times, and so immature at others. She’d been through things no girl or woman should experience, and it had changed her forever, but that didn’t mean I should be thinking of her in any way other than as my student.

I was realising that the fact that Suzy hadn’t answered my phone call was probably a good thing, because that knee jerk reaction, to use her to forget someone else, was another sign of this inner asshole I didn’t know I truly was. It wouldn’t have been fair to use her in that way, and it would’ve only given her the wrong idea in the end. I didn’t want her, and I shouldn’t be leading her on, still, the fact that she’d have had a missed call on her mobile from me, and hadn’t even sent a text message, was a little unusual.

I sat on my bed, even though it was barely nine at night, and popped her a quick text;

Me : Hey, everything okay? I tried to reach you earlier.

There was no response, and again that was strange, because surely to fuck she’d respond, even if it was just to tell me to go fuck myself, right? I’d ignored that note of hers, and maybe she was pissed about it, but I didn’t like the sudden radio silence from her. I gave it about twenty minutes, and grabbed my phone , just about to message again.

Suzy : Sorry, really busy day. I’m just about to switch off, night.

Her tone of voice in her message was off, because normally they were flirty and quite honestly made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but this? This wasn’t the norm at all.

Me : Are you okay though? You don’t sound like yourself. If you need anything, you know I’ll help.

Another long pause, so I was already stripped down and getting into bed, when my phone dinged.

Suzy : Everything’s fine, thank you. I just need to focus on me right now. I need some time to myself.

So she’d gone from throwing herself at me, and sending me love letters, to ‘give me time’ and dodging me? What the fuck? See, this is why I don’t get women. One day they’re feeling all this strong shit about a man, and the next, it’s like they just switch that shit off. Fine. I was done trying to talk to her if she wasn’t feeling talkative, because I had plenty to worry about all on my own, didn’t I?

I couldn’t sleep though, because thoughts and fears about Ember were mingling with sudden concerning thoughts about my neighbour, who’d been a good friend for a year or more. What if she was ill, or something was going on that was hurting her? As a good friend, shouldn’t I push her a little more to see if she needed help and felt she couldn’t ask, or didn’t want to burden me?

I decided I’d pop over and see her tomorrow, after I’d been at the Cross house. If she needed help, whether she still felt anything for me or not, she had to know I’d be there for her.