13. Hallie

13

HALLIE

O ver the following week after telling Kaia they had to put their careers before their feelings, Hallie watches with a mixture of awe and longing as the rookie seamlessly integrates herself into the fabric of her squad. Gone is the reckless loner who charged headfirst into any situation without a second thought. In her place is a team player, a confident and dependable firefighter who understands the importance of communication and trust.

During today's rescue simulation, Hallie finds herself transfixed by Kaia's performance. The rookie takes charge of coordinating her crew's movements, her voice steady and sure as she directs them through the maze of obstacles, and every one of the guys listens and obeys.

No snide remarks.

No disdainful side eyes.

Hallie can't help but feel a swell of pride as she listens to Kaia's calm, precise instructions. A leader in the making.

It's a stark contrast to the Kaia of mere weeks ago, the one who would have barreled ahead without a thought for her fellow firefighters. The one whose fellow recruits would rather knock her down a peg than listen to her strategies. Hallie knows she should be pleased by this development, should be satisfied that her strict approach to training protocol seems to finally have sunk in. But instead, she finds herself grappling with a fresh wave of sadness, a desperate yearning to close this alien distance between them and tell Kaia how proud she is.

How much she misses her.

The thought is like a punch to the gut, stealing the lieutenant's breath and making her eyes sting with threatening tears. She furiously blinks them back. She can't afford to let anyone see her wavering, least of all Kaia. Hallie had sacrificed everything there was between them to put both of their careers first. Like hell was she going to fall apart in the middle of the damn station.

But try as she might, Hallie can't convince herself to see Kaia as just another recruit. Every unspoken emotion is still there between them. It's in the charged silence that falls whenever they find themselves in their locker room at the same time. It's in the way their gaze lingers on each other when they think the other isn't looking.

And every night when she lies in bed alone and stares at the ceiling, Hallie can't help but wonder if Kaia is doing the same thing, thinking of her.

The next morning, as they're suiting up for a station-wide inspection, Hallie catches sight of Kaia in one of the locker room mirrors. The rookie's face is almost gaunt, dark circles blooming under her eyes as if she hasn't slept in days. But there's still that determined set to her jaw, that fire in her gaze that makes Hallie's heart pound.

Their eyes meet briefly in the glass, a thousand unspoken words hanging in the air between them. Kaia opens her mouth as if to say something, then seems to think better of it. She drops her gaze and busies herself with buttoning her turnout gear.

Hallie sighs, that heavy weight now permanently sitting on her chest as she watches Kaia turn and march out. The lieutenant's mind swirls with all the things she thought the rookie might have been about to say. Perhaps that she hoped Hallie thought better of her, now that she was throwing everything she had into gelling with her team. Perhaps that she hoped Hallie might have reconsidered ending their relationship, now that Kaia was proving that she could put aside her emotions and live up to her lieutenant's exacting standards.

But it's not that simple, Hallie thinks to herself, her fingers fumbling over the fastenings on her own uniform. Even Kaia becoming the best firefighter this station has ever trained, it wouldn't change that fact that their relationship could irrevocably damage both of their reputations if it ever became public knowledge.

The thought of losing her hard-earned position, of watching her dreams of making captain crumble to ashes, is enough to make Hallie's resolve harden again in her gut. She's worked too hard to get where she is, poured her blood, sweat, and tears into earning the respect of her peers and superiors alike. She could never risk all of that just for a shot at love.

And it was her fault that she let both of them get their hopes up in the first place.

She knows this with every fiber of her being. So why can't her aching heart get the message?

The uncertainty gnaws at her, a constant pain in her chest that grows more insistent with each passing day. Hallie finds herself just going through the motions, her mind always a million miles away even as she barks orders and runs drills with mechanical precision.

By the time the weekend arrives again, the stoic lieutenant is a shell of her former self. While packing up her gear and striding out to her car, Hallie's thoughts are once again consumed by the memory of Kaia's laughter. The phantom warmth of her skin. The way she sometimes seems to hold her breath right when she's on the edge of coming.

The sun is setting over the city as Hallie drives home, painting the sky in the same vivid streaks of orange and pink that it had the night they'd watched it together from her favorite ridge. But Hallie doesn't even notice its beauty tonight. She just absentmindedly crawls through the Friday night traffic, trying and failing to remember a time when she didn't miss Kaia's lips.

Eventually pulling into the parking lot for her apartment complex and having no idea how she'd got there, Hallie throws her head back against her seat.

"Enough is enough, Lieutenant," she mutters to herself. "You have to get a fucking grip."

The following morning, she packs a bag and decides to take a train out of the city. It's time she unpacked everything she was feeling with the two people she trusts most in the world.

Less than two hours later, Hallie strolls up the front path of a cozy two-story house she knows better than any other house on Earth. She raises her hand to knock on the door, but before her knuckles can even make contact, it swings open to reveal her father's beaming face.

"Hallie-Pallie!" he exclaims, his eyes crinkling at the corners before he pulls her into a tight hug. "What a wonderful surprise! Your mom and I were just sitting down to breakfast. Come on in, there's plenty to go around."

Hallie feels some of the tension drain from her shoulders immediately as she steps into the familiar warmth of her childhood home. The mouthwatering aroma of her mother's famous blueberry pancakes wafts from the kitchen.

"Thanks, Pop," she murmurs, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry for not calling ahead. I just... I needed to see you."

Her father's brow furrows a little in concern as he no doubt spots the weariness etched into Hallie's features. He doesn't comment though, just gently takes her arm, leading her into the kitchen where her mother is setting the table.

"You never have to apologize for coming home, Hallie," he says firmly, guiding her into a chair. "Now, why don't you tell us what's on your mind while we eat? You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders."

Hallie takes a shuddering breath, suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of everything she's been grappling with. Her mother sets a loaded plate in front of her, the food a welcome distraction as her parents take their seats across the table.

"I'm just... I don't know where to start," Hallie admits at last, her voice barely above a whisper. "I guess… I was seeing someone. A rookie at the station. Kaia. And I think... I think I'm in love with her."

Hallie's father leans back in his chair, his expression thoughtful as he takes in her words. "In love, huh? That's a big deal, Hallie-Pallie. So, what's the drama?"

"The problem is that I'm her lieutenant," Hallie says slowly, pushing her food around her plate. "If anyone found out about us, it could ruin both our careers. I've worked so hard to get where I am, Pop. I'm scared of risking it all."

He nods, his eyes filled with understanding. "I can see why you're worried. Your position is important to you, and it should be. But let me ask you this—when you picture your future, what do you see? Is it a life filled with nothing but work? Or is it a life shared with someone you love?"

Hallie blinks back the creeping sting of tears, her father's words make it sound so simple. She thinks of all the long, lonely nights she's spent pouring over training protocols and incident reports. Of the emptiness that seems to fill her chest whenever she imagines a future without someone by her side.

"I see Kaia," she whispers, her voice cracking with emotion. "I wanted us to build a life together. But I screwed it up, Pop. I ran away. What if I can't balance my career and a relationship?"

He reaches across the table, his weathered hand covering hers with a gentle squeeze. "No one ever said it would be easy, Hallie. But you've never been one to back down from a challenge. If you love this girl, really love her, then you owe it to yourself to fight for her."

When her mom reaches out to place her own hand on top of theirs, Hallie feels something break open inside her chest, a dam of pent-up emotion flooding her veins.

"You're right," Hallie says softly, a sense of calm determination settling over her. "I can't let her go and just assume I'll get another chance down the line. She's here now, and she deserves to be fought for."

Her parents both smile, pride shining in their eyes as they each give her hand a final squeeze. "That's my girl," her mom says gently. "Now, finish your breakfast and tell us all about this Kaia. I want all the details."

Hallie huffs a small laugh, an easy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she tucks into her meal with renewed appetite. For the first time in weeks, she feels a glimmer of hope. A sense that maybe, just maybe, she can have the life her parents have after all.

Later that afternoon, Hallie decides to cut her trip home short and boards the train back to the city, her stomach fluttering with nervous anticipation. She barely notices the sparse towns and arid desert passing her by. This time round, her mind is swirling with all the things she wants to say to Kaia.

I'm sorry. I was wrong. I miss you. Please give me another chance.

The words play on a loop in her mind as the train winds its way back to the city, the gentle rocking of the carriage doing little to soothe her fraying nerves. She pulls out her phone, her thumb hovering over Kaia's contact as she tries to summon the courage to take the first step.

Come on, Hunter. You've got this.

Taking a deep breath, Hallie begins to type, her fingers trembling slightly as she pours her heart out onto the screen. She tries to ignore the previous message she sent. The cold dismissal that Kaia never responded to. Hallie couldn't blame her.

I need to see you.

My train gets in at 3.

Can I come over?

Hallie's thumb hovers over the send button, her blood pounding in her ears as she reads and re-reads the words. Should she say more? She would rather say everything she wants to in person. But will Kaia even respond?

With a final, shaky exhale, Hallie hits send, watching as the message disappears into the ether. All she can do now is hope that Kaia will at least give her a chance to speak what's on her mind. The rest is out of her hands.

Hallie leans back in her seat, her eyes drifting closed as she tries to calm her racing heart. She pictures Kaia's stunning face, the way her eyes crinkle at the corners when she laughs, the way her unruly dark curls splay over her pillow as she sleeps. She imagines a future filled with lazy Sunday mornings and late-night movies, of coming home after a grueling shift and having someone who understands exactly how it is. Who went through it right by her side.

The thought brings a smile to Hallie's face, a warmth blooming in her chest that chases away the lingering chill of doubt. She's ready, ready to fight for the woman she loves, ready to build a life together that's full of endless possibilities. Even if she never makes captain, she'll have everything she needs in life to be totally content. To be happy.

Suddenly, deafening screech rips through the air. The train lurches violently, throwing her from her seat and sending her crashing to the floor.

Chaos erupts around her, a cacophony of screams and shattering glass filling the carriage as the world tilts on its axis. Hallie feels a searing pain explode behind her eyes as her head slams against the metal edge of a tray table, the force of the impact sending white dots across her vision.

She tries to push herself up, the emergency responder in her trying to make sense of the pandemonium unfolding all around, but her limbs refuse to cooperate. She can feel a warm, sticky wetness trickling down the side of her face, the coppery scent of blood filling her nostrils as her eyelids start to feel as heavy as lead.

No… Kaia. I have to get to Kaia.

It's the last thought that flickers through Hallie's mind before the darkness claims her, dragging her from consciousness even as she fights to cling on.