58. Kami

58

Kami

I 'm sobbing at Crash's pain as much as I'm grieving Ahza. It's so raw. So real.

"Fuck." Ries joins us, hugging the group, and then Oz is hugging us too.

I feel so much emotion, and I shouldn't because I'm no empath.

But the pain is cleansing, like a wash of water taking all the infection away.

Crash has grown silent, but his tears continue.

As do mine.

Oz wipes my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. Sounds like your brother really loved you, Crash. And Kami, I know yours did."

That's right. He saw Ahza before Rilitar tricked him into fading away. Before Rilitar beat him to death.

Yet I still feel Ahza deep in my heart, where it counts.

"He d-did." I smile through tears. "As much as I loved him."

I'd felt so alone after he passed, but now I don't so much.

Crash has his face tucked against my neck, and he's shuddering against me .

The others are somber, their own pain coming to the surface.

"I had to leave Eden. Too many memories," Crash whispers into the quiet. "I came here, not feeling much of anything. Just waiting for something to kill me so I could join my family."

"Oh Crash." I stroke his hair, feel the warmth of him against my skin.

"Then I got mad, and the anger was easier to accept than all the shit I'd been feeling. I decided to stop being a loser and took back my power."

Oz nods. "I'll say. You fucking razed Godtown. They're still talking about how some no-name mage conquered Sambora's territory."

"Yeah, pretty slick, Crash." Ries sounds approving.

"I was going to kill Dwyknae." Asrai's leader. "Then Rilitar. Both of them are dickheads who treat everyone like shit. But Rilitar got me first. And fucking Folas."

"Fucking Folas," Malkar mutters.

We're silent as we absorb all that Crash has said.

Until Malkar confesses in a low voice, "My older sister died."

He pulls back a bit, still sitting close. Oz and Ries move back as well, and I feel Crash's attention shift to Malkar, though he's still clinging to me.

I know he'll hate himself for this later and probably hate me a little as well, but it's good he's letting some of his pain out. Because otherwise it causes more harm.

Something Ahza and I learned a long time ago. Others could try to treat us like garbage, but if we refused to allow it, if we let go of all their hate and our anger, we could live happily.

Well, mostly. Until Rilitar.

"Iskae trusted the wrong person. The wrong elf, " Malkar bites out. "And that elf killed her and chopped her in pieces. Would have killed me too if she hadn't sacrificed herself to save me."

"Man, that sucks." Ries shakes his head.

"I failed to protect her. And for my weakness, I was banished."

I see the pain in Malkar's eyes and know he's not lying. The dream. The dream I'd had of him was real. Which means… That means Malkar is a— No, that's not possible. They don't exist outside of Faery, all dead when The Meld happened, too much magic unable to exist in earth's mundane realm.

I stare at him, unable to comprehend the truth.

Oz scowls. "What the hell? They banished you because your sister died? Did you kill her?"

"I might as well have." Malkar sighs.

Crash untangles himself from me and looks at Malkar. He wipes his face on his shirt and tries to pretend he wasn't sobbing. "Death comes for us all." He glances at me. "But it's not bad. It's about balance."

"Yes, it is." I'm so surprised he understands that.

Malkar growls, "A balance I long to make right. With Folas, the bastard who killed my sister."

And there it is. The ties that bind us.

Revenge.

Ries and Malkar hate Folas.

Oz hates Daleyne, the monarch's consort, and Rilitar for imprisoning him.

I hate Rilitar for killing my brother.

And Crash hates Rilitar and Folas for taking him captive.

"All of them have to die," I say out loud. "Rilitar, Folas, the monarch, Daleyne, Algraas. All of them."

"To stop the war god," comes a new voice that shocks us all .

We turn and see that slick vampire, Serl, leaning against a wall in the far corner, outlined in shadow.

All our secrets, shared with someone who didn't deserve any of them.

The guys stiffen, and I know Crash is regretting what he shared already.

My own secrets bared before my companions, those of our blood pact, exposed to someone who had no business being here.

Who has no business still breathing.

I'm suddenly so angry, so tired of trying to heal and getting shit on in the process.

We'd all done so well, been so open, and now this asshole will ruin that.

Ruin my belonging to this new family.

"Uh, Kami?" Crash sounds concerned.

I'm so angry, so done taking everyone's shit.

"No, let her," Malkar says from far away. "I want to see this."

"Oh fuck. No, Oz," Ries says. "Don't get in the middle."

Serl pushes off from the wall and walks into the middle of the room. He holds up his arms. "Well, dryad? What are you gonna do?" He laughs. "You mad I heard all you fuckheads sobbing about dying family? Boo hoo. No wonder you're all in here. Why don't you grow a pair?"

"I'll kill him," Crash growls.

Serl ignores him. "Go ahead, dryad. I'll let you throw the first punch just as soon as you're done wiping your eyes."

I'm so mad I can't see straight, and then the darkness comes.

And I'm tired of keeping it back.

Accept who I am? Who I've been given ?

Well, it looks like I've been given a vampire to gnaw on.

Time for Death to make her entrance at last.