57. Crash

57

Crash

" I knew you were more than a fucking incubus," I seethe as Malkar waves that weird tail at me. And if I'm not mistaken, he has wings too. Wings.

Maybe he's an archdemon. Some kind of flying beast? High spawn?

He blinks, and his eyes turn a bright blue, his pupils thinning to slits, like some kind of hellish feline.

Malkar smiles, his teeth now sharp long.

All of us tense.

Then Kami slaps him on the arm. "Cut it out. We need to hear Crash."

He blinks at her, bemused, and turns back into his mostly normal self.

"Point to you, necromancer." He nods. Then he looks at me. "Well?"

I glance around and see everyone staring at me. "Seriously? Are we not going to call him on being a winged beast with a tail?"

"What wings? I didn't see wings." Ries frowns .

"I did." Kami blushes. "When we, um, were, ah, you know. Together. In the nymph bar."

"Oh, right. Your happy threesome Oz and I missed out on." Ries waves at me and with a grin adds, "Carry on…commoner."

"Fuck you, you water fuckin?—"

"Crash, focus. " Oz blows out a breath. "Seriously. You are such a hot head."

"Totally fits," Ries says under his breath.

Oz ignores him, staring at me. "What are you hiding?"

Secrets that aren't your business. "What do you want to know?"

Kami scowls and crosses her arms. "Why are you in Sacred Lakes? Why did you ignore me in the woods?"

Not letting go of that, I see. Though she was clearly in the wrong, somehow I'm at fault for avoiding her trap.

"And how do you know a necromancer, your friend?"

The hope in her eyes claws at me, because I can imagine how alone she must be. To hide yourself forever not because of anything you've done but because of what you are.

Like my friend Raine had hidden herself, literally behind a mask, and figuratively behind an identity as a weak regular.

Just thinking about her hurts because Arlen loved her so much. Not her, exactly, but what she represented when she pretended to be a hero of the people.

"Crash? It's okay. We won't judge." Kami has weaseled her way to my side. Then she tucks her small hand in mine.

"I might judge," Ries mutters, but he's staring at our clasped hands. He sighs. "We all have things we're not proud of, Crash. Blood pact, brother. Remember?" He holds up a hand that's scarred where he cut it.

I look down at my free hand and find a mark there as well. Odd. It should have already faded, burned away by the fire in my blood, my magic.

Well hell. I might as well tell them. Not like I need to keep my past a big secret or anything. "I used to live out west, in Paradise."

Oz's eyes narrow. "Where that gang cut down a monarch and his angel."

"I know. I was there."

"No shit. Really?" Ries leans in. "That happened? How?" His eyes widen, and he looks at Kami. "Wasn't a necromancer with them?"

"Yes." I squeeze Kami's hand but don't look at her. And I don't let go. I need something to get me through the retelling. "The Choir Boys, a gang of cutthroat monsters, finally had enough of that prick monarch and his demented angel. They staged a rebellion."

"And won." Malkar nods.

"But not without a lot of casualties." I hate that my voice is thick with emotion I can't help. "My younger brother died during that battle. A lot of my friends as well."

Kami asks, "What about your parents?"

"They and my twin died years ago during a Black Fang skirmish."

Oz raises a brow. "Black Fang?"

"A vampire gang in Sin Central, my home in Paradise. It was and probably still is really dangerous."

"I've heard." Oz sounds sympathetic. But I doubt anything compares to his time in Yssa, not even sadistic vampires. "Paradise is a huge city known for its splendor, but more for its habit of corralling all its criminals and monsters into the center district of Eden."

"Yeah. Eden's the center of Paradise, bordered by spelled forests patrolled by spawn. The district is organized into neighborhoods. Mine was Sin Central. My friend, the necromancer, rules Saint's Bowery. Well, I guess she and her crew rule all of Eden now."

"A place ruled by monsters." Ries nods. "No shit. I like it."

"Because you're one of us," Kami tells him. "More fae than monster, because sirens aren't exactly fae, though they pretend they are."

"Truth," Oz agrees.

"We're all monsters," I tell them, because even though I'm not by blood, I've done enough bad things I have to wonder if I'm evil at heart. Perhaps that's why I'm paying the price by surviving.

Malkar is watching me.

"What?" I snap.

"The monarch fell not long ago. Maybe close to a year past. And you arrived in Sacred Lakes not long after that."

"I know. I was there."

Malkar shakes his head. "So much grief, it clogs your will and smothers your healing. Yet it also enhances all that repressed power inside you. Of the five of us, you're the only one who still commands your ability." He glances at the others. "Well, not counting Kami and Oz, who aren't mages."

"Ogre genes for the win." Oz flexes.

The others grin.

I feel a moment's reprieve, and then the hurt comes rushing back.

Kami must see it on my face. She squeezes my hand. "What else, Crash?"

Fuck. I hate this. But it's like an expanding balloon in my chest, the need to release all-consuming or I'll pop. "The battle was brutal, and we got jailed in the monarch's dungeons for a while. They were far worse than what Rilitar has."

The demons and shades guarding us had been horrific, feeding off our fear and nightmares.

"Arlen, my brother, he convinced me I should help. That without us, the people continued to suffer. Those with power should always use it to help those with less, he'd tell me." I can't help smiling at the reminder. "My brother didn't have much power. He was a wind mage, a gentle kid. He liked to draw…"

I remember an astonishing image of myself in his sketchbook, of me working alongside Nova to save the people. Arlen always saw more to me than I was. He saw me as a hero.

A gentle hand caresses my cheek.

I blink down at Kami as she wipes my tears. "It's okay, Crash. It's okay to miss them. I miss Ahza every day."

She hugs me, and I'm torn, frozen by the urge to scream and shove away from everything and everyone. And needing, so fucking much, this reprieve from the storm welling inside me.

So much pain I've kept down, bottled up, feeding only an occasional rage to let those who deserve it suffer my wrath.

But not here, among…friends.

The pain is soul-wounding. I can't…It's not…

"Shh, pet. Let it go or it will eat you alive." Malkar folds himself around me and Kami.

I want to hate him, to kill him. But I can't.

Because I'm crying.

And I can't stop.