3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Penn

“You thirsty?”

I glance down from the ladder I’m standing on to find my mother holding out a glass of water to me. “Yeah, thanks.” Taking the glass from her, I drain the entire thing.

“Thank you again for getting to the gutters today,” she says as I hand her the empty glass.

“No problem, Mom. You know I’m here to help.”

“I can always count on you, Penn. I don’t know what I would do without you and your siblings most days,” she says, a solemn tone to her voice.

Since Dad died, she has good and bad days. Today, she is dealing with a lot of feelings. I can see it in her eyes.

“Well, we will always be here,” I reply, reaching up and clearing out the last bit of leaves from the gutter and tossing them to the ground.

It’s fall in Carrington Cove, bringing a chill in the air and a cascade of leaves falling from the trees. I had plans to get my oil changed this morning, but when my mom called, I rearranged my schedule so I could help with her gutters as soon as possible. Grady told me to stop by the garage whenever and he’d fit me in.

“Lately it seems like you’re the only one I see.” My mother shields her eyes from the sun as she looks up at me. It’s early in the morning, but the sun is already bright.

“That’s because I’m the best one.”

She scoffs, but she’s smiling, which makes me feel like I have magical powers. “Don’t go getting a big head now, Penn. It’s unbecoming of you.”

I laugh as I begin climbing down the ladder. “I’m already the tallest one, so why not add biggest head to the mix?”

She stands to the side as I grab the trash bag and start gathering the leaves with a rake, scooping them inside. “That’s not who you are, Penn.”

I glance up at her. “Who am I then, Mom?”

“My boy who always wants to help.” See? Even my mom knows my role . “Just like your father.” Tears well in her eyes now.

I drop the rake and peel off my gloves, tossing them to the ground. I walk over and wrap my arms around her, dropping my chin to rest on her head. “Today’s a bad day, huh?”

She sniffles against my chest. “Yeah. The holidays are coming, and it just reminds me that he won’t be here.”

It’s the end of October and my mother has always made a big deal about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last year we knew were the last holidays we’d have with Dad because the cancer had progressed so fast there was nothing else to be done. But it still doesn’t make his absence sting any less.

“I know. But your kids will be here, and we still need to eat.”

She chuckles now, wiping the tears from under her eyes as she leans back to look up at me. “Always thinking about your stomach. ”

“I’m a growing boy, what can I say?”

She elbows me in the ribs. “You definitely ate more than any of your other siblings. That must be why you turned out to be so tall.”

“Still don’t know how that happened, huh?”

“All the work on our family tree, and now one else was as tall as you.” My mother is a retired teacher, so now in her spare time she’s been working in her garden, volunteering around town to keep herself busy, and spent some time this past summer digging into our family’s lineage.

I wish I had time to do that kind of shit some days, but then I also know that keeping busy is what fuels me. I’ve never known anything else.

When she steps back, she brushes her hair from her face. “What else do you have planned today?”

I move back to the leaves, putting my gloves on once more. “Getting the oil changed on my truck at Grady’s, then I’m headed to the bakery to start renovating for Astrid.”

“I’m so proud of that girl. She was beaming the other night at her going away party.”

My mother and Astrid’s have been close friends since we were kids, so my mom is fully aware of what Astrid’s gone through the past four years.

“She was.” I feel the corner of my mouth lift as I echo her sentiment.

“Well, she deserves it. Going after something you really want is a gamble, but the payoff can be life-changing.” She pauses, giving me a pointed look. “Are you ever gonna take that gamble yourself, Penn?”

I meet her gaze, feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement. And even though I hadn’t planned to tell anyone about my recent leap of faith, I know I can trust my mother to keep it to herself. “Actually, I just bought a house, Mom. ”

“What?” She places her hand over her heart. “You’re selling your place?”

Shaking my head, I explain, “Nope. I’m gonna fix it up and start a rental business, turn houses into vacation homes.”

“I’m not sure I believe what I’m hearing. What sparked that idea?”

I brush the sweat from my temples with my forearm. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I enjoy what I do now, but I want more. I want to be my own boss, finally create my own contracting business and the rental houses will create passive income once they’re ready.” I stare off to the side of the yard now. “I’m taking a risk, but…”

Stepping closer, she cups my face in her hands. “There is no reward without risks, honey. And you deserve your reward, Penn. You help others achieve their dreams all the time. It’s finally time for you to chase your own.”

“I get the keys this afternoon, but I won’t be able to do much until I finish up some other jobs.”

She drops her hand and wraps her sweater around her body tighter, warding off the chill in the air. “Just promise me that you’ll make time for your own projects, Penn. This is a big step. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She flashes me a sad smile. “I’m so proud of all of my kids, but you’re the one I always worried about the most.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re always so up in your head.” She stares at me with a pinch in her brow. “You’re the quiet, observant one. My cautious child that always stood back and watched because you wanted to know what to expect. I guess a part of me is relieved to see you finally taking risks.”

Jesus. Is this how everyone sees me? Penn, the safe, cautious one ?

“I just wanted to make sure Dallas wasn’t going to break a bone doing something before I tried it, you know?” I joke, trying to bring some levity to the conversation.

My mother rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Blowing out a breath, I pull her into my chest again. “I know, Mom. This is a lot of responsibility, though.”

“You have nothing to be nervous about Penn. You’re one of the hardest working people I know. I swear, I don’t know where you got that work ethic from, but it’s ingrained in you. At the end of the day, the determination to never quit is what determines success, not intelligence or money. I used to tell my students that all the time.”

Grief slams into me because I know exactly where I got my work ethic from.

“Dad made me this way,” I say softly as her eyes lift to find mine. “Dad taught me the importance of helping others, Mom.”

Tears well in her eyes again. “Then that makes my heart happy.”

I kiss the top of her head and release her. “I need to get this finished so I can get everything done today that I need to.”

She nods and takes a few steps back. “Okay. When you see Astrid, tell her that I’ll be by tomorrow for the order for the gardening club. I’m in charge of bringing the muffins this week.”

“I will. Although, something tells me she already knows.”

“That girl makes the best blueberry muffins this side of the Mississippi.”

“Yeah, she does.”

I turn back to the leaves, but don’t miss my mother’s final comment. “That’s not all that she’s good at, though. She has a lot to offer to the world…I just hope she finds someone who can see that.”

***

Grady slams the hood on my truck, wiping the sweat from his brow. “There. You’re good to go.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate you fitting me in this morning.”

“No problem. If you’d have waited any longer though, your engine would have been smoking.”

My truck was way past due for an oil change, but I’ve been so damn busy that I’ve kept putting it off. “Pays to know the owner of the garage then, doesn’t it?”

Grady is Astrid’s older brother, so I’ve known him just as long as Astrid and Brandon. When Grady was drafted to an MLB team in California right after high school, we still kept in contact even though his schedule was sporadic and crazy. But when an injury ended his career, he moved back home to Carrington Cove and took over the automotive repair garage from the previous owner whom he worked for throughout high school. Grady’s Garage, as it’s named now, is his pride and joy after he lost the first love of his life, baseball.

But I know there are still days when he misses it.

“It does.” Grady wipes his hands on the towel he pulls from his back pocket. “So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day?”

“I’m headed to the bakery, actually. Astrid wants me to do some renovations and give the place a face lift.”

“I heard you two talking about it last weekend at her going away party.”

“She seems to be excited about it.”

Grady scoffs. “Dude, you have no idea. She’s waited years for this. It wasn’t exactly an option for her when Brandon was still alive.”

That little tidbit of information has my brows lifting. “What do you mean? ”

He shakes his head, drifting his gaze to another part of the garage as his thoughts consume him. It takes a minute before he finally replies, “Nothing. I’m just happy for her.”

“Yeah, me too.” I want to press further about his comment, but he dodges the topic.

“But renovating sounds like a good business move. It will make the place feel new and more like hers.”

“Yeah, and I’m gonna help out by cutting her some slack on labor costs.”

He scowls at me. “You don’t have to do that, Penn. You deserve to be paid for your work.”

“I know, but I don’t want her sinking herself in debt even more right in the beginning, you know?”

“Overhead costs are part of owning a business, man.” He pats me on the shoulder. “Although, I suppose that isn’t something you’d have any experience with, is it?”

His words cut deep, and the smirk on his face tells me he knows exactly what button he just pushed.

While Dallas likes to give me shit about my personal life, Grady is the king of pushing me in my professional life. When he came home three years ago and saw that I was still picking up odd jobs around town, he wanted to know why I didn’t establish my own contracting business and do that full time. I told him that owning my own company wasn’t what I wanted because that was easier than admitting the truth—I was scared.

In a small town like ours, there’s a limit to how much success you can have. Sure, Dallas’s restaurant can thrive on tourism, and hell, even Hazel benefits from visiting families for her photography business. Parker is the vet, so there’s never a shortage of animals that need tending to. But fixing someone’s deck? Unclogging a pipe or cleaning out gutters? Building a chicken coop or mending fences? There’s only so many people in Carrington Cove to help with those things. Most people here would rather take care of those projects themselves.

Plus, the last thing I want to do is fail and make a mockery of myself. That’s why I always blend into the background. I don’t like the fucking attention. I’ve seen what that’s been like for my siblings, and nope. I’m good.

But lately, I just want more for my life. I guess death has a funny way of making you question how you’re living.

My mood instantly sours. “It sounds like you’re wanting to piss me off already this morning, Grady.”

Chuckling, he says, “No, just checking on you.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, for starters, my sister just took a leap of faith on a new business, your brother is doing well, Parker mentioned trying to buy the practice from Dr. O’Neil, and you’re still…”

“Just the local fix-it guy?”

He tips his head to the side and shrugs. “Yeah. And you could have so much more, man.”

Staring at the sky, I momentarily debate telling him about the house I’m in escrow on right now. But until those keys are in my hand later today, I don’t want to jinx it. Confiding in my mom is one thing, but telling others isn’t something I want to deal with just yet. And the look on his face when he finds out later will be worth the wait. “Look, I appreciate you worrying about me, but maybe the real issue is that you need to get a life so you’re not so fixated on mine.”

“I have a life.”

“Really? What do you do after work? Or on the weekends?”

“Work on rebuilding the Nova,” he says, gesturing to the ’73 Nova he’s had under a sheet in this garage since he bought the place .

“Really? Looks like it’s going really well.”

Grady laughs again and holds his hands up. “All right, I can take a hint. Just wanted to see where your head was at this morning.”

“My head is fucking fine.”

“All you do is work, Penn—and for other people. If you’re not careful, you’ll burn yourself out with nothing to show for it.”

Reaching for the handle on the door to my truck, I say, “I like being busy. Gives me less time to think.”

With a tip of his chin, he says, “Can’t say you’re wrong about that. Catch you this weekend?”

“Are you coming to Bentley’s soccer game?”

“Most likely. I was gonna have Chet manage the place that morning so I could take a break. You think you guys will make it to the championship in a few weeks?”

“If we keep playing like we have been, then yeah.”

“Cool. Then I’ll see you there.”

After I settle into the driver’s seat and crank the engine, I take off for the boardwalk, hoping Astrid is ready for me to start tearing her bakery apart.

Nestled right by our town’s namesake cove, the bakery and my sister’s photography studio are in a prime location. Just across the street, the tranquil waters of the cove are right at your toes. Dallas’s restaurant is a short walk up the boardwalk, too, so it makes it easy for me to shuffle around between work and helping out where I’m needed.

Well, because…that’s what I do.

The bell above the front door chimes as I walk in, and the sweet smell of sugar and cinnamon fills the air. I take a moment to look around, taking note of the same walls, tables, and chairs that have been here since I was a kid and Dallas and I used to ride our bikes to the bakery to get donuts on Saturday mornings. I guess I never really paid attention to the inside because I was more fixated on getting two or three donuts in my mouth, but Astrid is right. The place desperately needs some life brought back to it.

“Hey! Sorry about that, I had to put a batch of blueberry muffins in the oven,” Astrid says as she emerges from the back of the bakery, a light pink apron tied around her waist and her hair tossed up in a clip. A few pieces have fallen out, framing her face, but it’s the flour on the tip of her nose that really catches my attention.

“No problem. I just got here,” I reply, looking around at the aged paint and furniture. “Just taking a look at what we’re working with.”

“I can’t wait until you work your magic, Penn. But do you mind coming back to the kitchen while we talk so I can multitask?”

“Of course.”

Watching her ass sway in her jeans as she walks away from me, I’m grateful that her back is to me so she can’t see how transfixed I am by her curves. Astrid has always been a beautiful girl, but after she became a mom, and more importantly, in the years since she’s been a single mom, there’s something about her that sets her apart. Maybe it’s that she’s so busy, she barely bothers with makeup, which she doesn’t fucking need anyway. Maybe it’s that she makes a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans look like they were made for her perfect fucking body.

Or maybe it’s the fact she has no idea just how sexy she is by just being her.

God, I’m hopeless and pathetic .

When she finally stops moving, I reach out and wipe the flour from her nose, showing it to her on the tip of my finger.

She rolls her eyes and groans. “Flour practically seeps from my pores these days. ”

I lean in and take a whiff of her, which catches her off guard. “What are you doing?”

“Seeing if that’s true.”

She grins at me curiously but then I see her shudder as I get closer. “Well?”

I inhale deeply once more and then lock my eyes onto hers when I say, “Nope. You smell like fucking sugar.”

Her throat bobs and she smiles nervously. “Well, there are worse things, right?”

“Definitely.” Standing tall again, I cast my eyes over the kitchen and remember why I’m here instead of imagining tasting her sweetness as well. “Okay, so I figured I’d start in the back, work on those shelves for the pantry for you since that will leave the front untouched for a day or so. Then those tables…”

“They’re hideous, right?”

“Nothing some sanding and a new coat of paint can’t fix.”

“Perfect.” She reaches for a big metal bowl and starts scooping in cups of flour.

“The display case is going to be the most expensive change.”

She sighs, leveling out sugar and adding that to the bowl. “I know.”

“I did some research on them last night and the ones that had the best reviews were about $2500 apiece.”

She freezes and looks up at me. “You researched them last night? After you left my house?” I nod, but she looks at me like I’m a fucking alien. “God, Penn. When do you sleep?”

The truth is that I don’t, not for long anyway. If I can manage a solid five hours, then I consider that a good night. But by two or three in the morning, I’m usually wide awake and my mind is racing with everything that needs to be done .

Or how I’m stuck in the same place in my life that I’ve been in for years.

Well, as of this afternoon, that won’t be true anymore, for better or for worse.

“I manage. So, do you want me to order those, or would you like to research some on your own?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t have time for that. I trust you.”

“All right. I’ll place the order today.” I take out my notepad I keep in my pocket, jot down my to-do list for the day, and then shove it back in my jeans just as the chime above the front door rings out again, and Astrid groans.

“I keep getting interrupted. I need to get these cupcakes going or I’m going to be behind filling an order.”

“Where’s Tanya?” I ask. Tanya is a recent high school graduate who worked for the previous owners. She’s eager to be a pastry chef, so when Astrid took over she agreed to stay on, promising she wouldn’t leave her high and dry. In fact, she was more than excited to be working for her and Astrid promised to teach her everything she knows.

“She had a doctor’s appointment this morning, so I gave her the morning off.”

“And what about Vanessa and Anthony?”

“They won’t be here until nine.”

“Then I’ll handle the customer.”

“No, Penn. You don’t have to…”

But it’s too late. I head for the front of the store, pushing through the swinging door that separates the kitchen area from the storefront and come face to face with Richard Cockwell.

Yes, his name is really Dick Cockwell.

We had a field day giving him shit in high school, but he took it in stride. You almost have to with a name like that .

But now he's a teacher at our alma matter, so I can only imagine the creativity his students have with butchering his name.

“Hey, Dick. How’s it going?”

He rolls his eyes. “Nice to see that some of us haven’t matured since high school.” But then his smile turns placating as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his khaki trousers. “Does Astrid have you icing cupcakes back there, Penn?” His grin grows. “You really are a jack of all trades, aren’t you?”

I flash him a tight-lipped smile, sensing some sarcasm in his tone. But now’s not the time to get in a verbal spar, especially since he’s a paying customer of Astrid’s.

Dick teaches science at Carrington Cove High School, so while he may have fancy degrees and a pension, I’d bet he’s more familiar with books and beakers than a set of tools.

“Actually, I’m here because Astrid hired me to do the renovations on the bakery. I’m just taking some measurements and then I’ve got to stop by the hardware store. You have heard of it, right?”

His eyes narrow at me across the counter. I knew he always thought he was better than Dallas and me, but the smarmy tone he’s taking with me just confirms it. “Yes, Penn. I have lived in Carrington Cove my entire life, just like you.”

“Just making sure.” I straighten my spine. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Well, I wanted to bring some baked goods into the school today for the office staff.” He peeks around me, trying to get a look in the back. “Is, uh, Astrid here?”

“She’s busy,” I say just as she barrels through the door.

“Richard?”

He perks up like a fucking puppy as he looks at her. “Hey, Astrid! How’s it going? ”

Astrid casts a quick glance at me before standing across from Richard, the case a buffer between them. “It’s going. Busy.” She brushes her hair from her face and pastes a smile on her lips. “How can I help you?”

“I’m here for my usual Friday order. The office staff always go nuts for your muffins and Danishes.”

“Oh, well, I’m happy to hear that!” She grabs a box from behind her, folds it together and then starts grabbing items from the bakery case with tongs.

“How is running the bakery going? I can’t wait to sample that new menu.”

I feel like I’m watching a teenage boy try to get the nerve to ask out the girl he has always had a crush on. It’s oddly unsettling. Now I understand the term second-hand embarrassment.

“How did you know about that?” Astrid asks, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I ran into your mom at the grocery store earlier this week. She says you’ve been working on it.” Then he leans over the counter, getting closer to her as he says, “Just so you know, I have a weakness for cupcakes.”

A snort escapes my lips, drawing both of their attention. “Sorry,” I say as Astrid narrows her eyes at me.

But really? A weakness for cupcakes? What a fucking twatwaffle.

I mean, I would eat anything Astrid makes, so maybe I have that weakness too. But I’d never say it out loud.

“Well, then you’ll be a happy customer. I’ve been so excited to unveil the new menu, but I might wait until after the renovations are done. Kind of like a grand re-opening, you know? ”

Dick nods as I pull out my phone, checking my text messages and trying to make it less obvious that I’m listening to every word of their conversation.

“Makes sense.” Dick clears his throat as he meets Astrid at the register, handing her his card. “So, I know this may seem out of left field, but…I actually came in here this morning with the intention of asking you something.”

Astrid hands him his receipt. “Okay…” she slowly draws out with an uncertain smile.

“I know you’re busy, taking over the bakery and everything. But I’ve wanted to ask you out for a while now, and I figured, there’s no time like the present.”

Astrid drops his card from her hand just as my head pops up so fast I nearly give myself whiplash.

“What?” she asks for clarification, clearly stunned by his admission.

Yeah, me fucking too .

“Yeah, uh.” Dick rubs the back of his neck. “I think you’re great. Beautiful. And it’s been four years, so I figured…” He shrugs. “Maybe you might be ready to start dating again?”

My stomach feels like someone is squeezing it in their palm, and fury crawls up my chest.

Dick is asking Astrid out?

But I think the more important question is, what is she going to say?

“Oh, uh. Well, thank you.” She picks up his card, handing it to him once more before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, her hands visibly shaking. “I’m sorry,” she laughs. “I guess you just caught me off guard.”

I can feel him wanting to dart his eyes over to me, but I’ve got to hand it to him, he doesn’t. He keeps his gaze on her. “Look, you don’t have to give me an answer now.” Reaching for the box of baked goods, he tucks it under his arm and takes a step back. “Think about it this week and when I come in next Friday, just let me know.”

Astrid licks her lips and then nods. “I—I can do that.”

“Great. Well, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day.” He turns to me again now, nodding his head once. “Penn. Good to see you.”

“Yeah. Pleasure.” I watch him walk out and then the sound of Astrid blowing out a breath pulls my attention back to her. “So, uh…that was interesting.”

Astrid shakes her head and moves right toward the back of the bakery again. “Yeah.”

I follow her, watching her move right back to making cupcakes. “So…”

She flicks her eyes up to me. “So, what?”

I look around the room as if someone else might be wondering the same thing I am. “Uh…are you going to go out with him?”

Astrid shrugs as she starts cracking eggs into the bowl. “I don’t know. Maybe?”

My blood starts to boil in my veins.

I know I have no claim to this woman, but for the past four years I’ve stood by her, helping her in every way she’s needed.

And no, I didn’t do it just to get her in bed. But I figured that one day, if she felt like she was ready to move on, I’d be the one she’d move on with.

You mean you were still holding out hope after she rejected you three years ago?

Oh, poor Penn. You’re a little stupid, aren’t you?

Fuck.

I point to the front of the store and try to reign in my frustration. “Really? Him? ”

That causes her to stop and turn to me. “What’s wrong with Richard?”

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with Dick. He’s got a good job, owns his own home, and no one has anything bad to say about him really.

But he’s not me .

He doesn’t see Astrid for how utterly spectacular she is.

“I just think you can do better.”

She scoffs. “Yeah, okay. Tell me where all the men are who want to date the widowed single mom of two kids who works all the time, Penn. Please.”

I stare at her, wondering if she is just that clueless.

Has all the tension between us been in my imagination?

Am I really the only one who has felt anything over the past three years?

I feel like my entire world just shifted in one conversation.

I’ve buried my feelings all this time, intent on letting things be. I was happier having Astrid in my life as a friend then not at all. And in less than ten minutes, this surge of possessiveness has kicked in that I’ve tried to keep buried and I don’t know what to fucking do about it.

Needing space to process what I’m feeling, I shake my head and turn away from her, heading for the door. “You know what? Just forget it.”

“Penn!” she calls after me.

I glance at her over my shoulder.

“You’re coming back to start on the shelves, right?” she asks me timidly, a look of uncertainty in her eyes.

Fuck. That’s right. I can’t just run away from her right now. I have a job to do, one I promised her that I would.

And I always keep my promises.

“Yeah, I’ll be back. ”

Her smile is unsure, but she grants me one nonetheless. “Okay. See you later.”

“Yeah, see you later, Astrid.”

Walking out to my truck, my skin feels itchy. My chest feels tight. My mind is at war with all of these thoughts and feelings bubbling up to the surface.

Maybe I can’t have Astrid the way I want.

But I sure as fuck don’t want Dick Cockwell to have her.

Jesus Christ. How did I get myself into this mess?

And more importantly, how the fuck do I get out of it?