Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Ella

Past

Jude has turned from the unexpected acquaintance that saved me from an embarrassing date, to the person I can’t picture living without. Over the last several weeks of living in the same house, and with Madi practically living at her boyfriend’s house, Jude and I have become inseparable. It feels like we’re living in our own little world, as he’s quickly become the person that understands me better than anyone. And I’m beginning to find it increasingly difficult to keep my feelings for him separate from our friendship.

It’s still a mystery to me why someone like him would enjoy being around someone like me. The only thing men typically try to get out of me is sex, but he hasn’t even come close to crossing that line. So far, our friendship has been completely platonic .

We’re similar in many ways, but there are also glaringly obvious differences as well. He’s a perfectionist that probably has a highly detailed PowerPoint presentation prepared for every aspect of his life. While I’m me. The newly twenty-one year old woman that’s been long-term crashing at her friend’s house in order to run away from her own family problems. I have zero life plans. No fancy college degree, or purpose or skills at anything worthwhile.

Pilates. Doing and teaching Pilates is the only thing that feels right, and that I’m certain I’m good at. But I know it’s not a career, or one that I can pull off at least. I can’t pay the bills making minimum wage as a part-time Pilates teacher.

Hard and simple, I’m floundering.

Most days, my skin crawls with that impending doom eating me alive from the inside out. The only times the clouds of that darkness are parted are when I’m down on the mat teaching and when I’m with Jude.

Funnily enough, both of those things are only temporary. He’ll be leaving in two months time and this part-time job can’t sustain me forever. It’s like life has decided to show me the best summer of life, only to snatch it right back as soon as I feel like I’ve caught my breath.

Tonight, we’re out bar hopping to celebrate Delaney’s birthday. I volunteered to be the designated driver, since most of the time drinking alcohol only seems to heighten my anxiety. After stopping for greasy pizza slices the size of our heads, we end up at a rickety dive bar. There’s a Foo Fighters tribute band playing, and questionable barbecue meals for sale off a half-door down the hall.

Madi has disappeared to god knows where. Delaney keeps running off and making out with much older men. While I sip on my soda water and lime, listening to the band, Jude comes to sit beside me with a grease-soaked barbecue platter. He slides it between us with a playful look in his eyes.

I stare at it like he’s offering me a can of cat food. “You sure about this? That thing has salmonella written all over it.”

“You know you want some,” he replies, nudging my elbow.

“I’m not that brave.” I grab a fry from his plate. “But fries can’t be too dangerous.”

I watch him sniff a forkful of shredded meat, before making some internal decision and shoving it in his mouth.

“What kind of meat is that?” I ask.

“It’s a mystery.”

“Very cryptic. But really, what kind?”

“I’m serious. The guy told me it was ‘mystery’ meat.”

“You really shouldn’t eat something called mystery meat from a bar like this.” I playfully slap his bicep. Of course, it’s no surprise that it’s rock solid when my fingers graze the muscle. “Besides, how the hell is that clean freak side of your brain not forbidding you from eating that?”

For a moment he grimaces, really taking in the sloppy plate of food before him. Then he shrugs. “Tonight I’m choosing to live in blissful drunken oblivion.” He holds a forkful of barbecue sauce slathered meat out towards me. “I dare you to take a bite.”

I’m laughing, debating, if I should risk my life eating a bite of horrid meat just to make him laugh. But my deliberation is interrupted when an empty glass is placed in front of me, as a silver-haired bartender fills it with soda water and a wedge of lime. The bartender gestures to my right, informing me the person at the end of the bar bought it for me. When I glance over, a tattooed man with a buzz cut waves and gives me a flirty smile. He’s attractive in that gym rat, MMA fighter wannabe way. Politely, I smile back and tip my glass his way as a thank you. I have no idea what the hell to do in these situations. I’m the most socially inept person I know. What I also don’t expect is for him to start heading in my direction.

“Shit,” I mutter.

Jude has seen the whole exchange take place and has the trace of a frown tugging down at the corners of his lips.

“Save me. Do something,” I frantically whisper, right as the MMA lookalike comes over.

The man has a grin like a Cheshire Cat as he walks up. “Hey, what’s up? I’m Adam.”

“Hi, Adam. Thank you for the drink. I appreciate it.” I lift my drink to clink his awaiting outstretched glass.

Adam places his hand on my exposed knee, and leans in. “I just had to come tell you you’re fucking gorgeous,” he yells, over the loud music that has started back up.

Suddenly from behind, two big hands wrap around my waist. Jude lifts me up as if I’m weightless, and places me side saddle in his lap. It brings me back to that first night he saved me from the horrible date. Coincidentally, that must be our thing since he’s saving me, yet again, from another awkward bar conversation. I’m not sure what the expression on his face is, but whatever it is, makes Adam stop short and walk off without another word.

I barely notice Adam leaving, because everywhere Jude’s touching me, I’m buzzing. Electricity runs through my veins, hot and thick, as I realize how turned on I am by the contact. All this time, we’ve maintained a polite cushion of distance. Separate cushions on the couch. No hugging. No flirty touches. But in an instant, all my efforts to keep distance between us are undone. I’m forever ruined because now I know how it feels to have his hands on my body.

We sit there, with his hands anchored onto my hips like he’s worried I’ll decide to make a run for it. I look up into his blue eyes, my mouth beginning to open to let him know the coast is clear. But I’m surprised to see his always calm demeanor suddenly looking feral. As if he’s pissed off and turned on all at once.

I shift in his lap, oblivious, as my movement begins to awaken something beneath me. I shift again, and inhale sharply when I feel him hard and straining against my ass.

“Sorry, just…ignore that,” he gravels out, conflict flickering in his eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s fine.” I nestle closer into him, testing the waters, my upper body and breast making contact with his chest. My whole body telepathically relaying that this is okay. I want this, I want you. I’ve wanted you this entire damn time. I can’t help myself as my hips roll, moving myself deliberately along his hardness, teasing him. It’s undetectable to anyone but us, but I know he feels it as he pushes his erection into my ass in response.

“You’re killing me,” he mumbles into my ear.

My smile curves up, and I grab one of his hands that are still holding my hips, placing it on my exposed leg sticking out from my very short dress. He drags his hand up to the hem, playing with the edge of the material, slipping his fingers right under the edge of the fabric that rests high up on my thigh. If we weren’t in a bar, I’d slide his hand up my leg even further, silently begging for more.

“Jude.” I turn my head towards his face, and we’re close. So close that one of us could easily lean in and kiss the other. I bite my lip and his eyes track the movement. Watching me closely, looking high on infatuation.

He buries his face into my hair with a tortured exhale. “Tell me what you need and it’s yours.” His dick is rock solid beneath me. More than anything I want to tell him to take me into the bathroom, lift my skirt up, and fuck me senseless against a wall.

And I’m about to do exactly that, when Delaney magically appears out of thin air, stumbling around and singing dramatically to the “My Hero” song the band is playing. Somehow my dirty thoughts invaded my brain and left it devoid of any concept that we’re in public and that his sister , and our friends, are out there somewhere. When it all comes crashing back, I jump off him faster than a bullet train, frantically smoothing my dress. My panties are damp, and I feel suffocated by the intensity of how much I want him.

Feeling embarrassed, I don’t want to look him in the eyes. It will make everything that happened feel all too real. We just foolishly incognito dry humped in a bar where our friends could easily see us. And more than anything, we certainly ruined whatever beginnings of a friendship we’ve formed over the last several weeks.

I’m silently freaking out when I feel him tap my leg with his shoe to get my attention. Looking up at him, I find his face etched with concern.

“Are we okay?” he mouths.

I nod and manage an untroubled smile, like it’s all no big deal. Even though my insides are in knots, and I still want to kiss or fuck him. Luckily, Delaney is drunkenly unaware and flings her body into mine, hugging me tightly. I squeeze her back, but I’m not present. I can’t stop thinking about his hands on me. His erection, thick and hard, straining against his jeans and into my butt. His full lips, growling into my ear.

If we didn’t just fuck up our friendship, we definitely fucked up what little chance I had at squashing my crush this summer.