Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Jude

Present

Apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment. All night long, I find myself constantly drawn to Ella. Whether it’s stealing glances or positioning myself next to her, she’s the sole focus of my attention. She hasn’t changed a bit since the last time I saw her. She’s still as angelic and gorgeous as ever, with those wide, green-brown eyes, and a gravitational energy that pulls me in.

Our initial run-in this afternoon was a surprise. One minute I was listening to a TED Talk and the next I was face-to-face with the woman I’ve been trying to forget for years. It knocked me over like an avalanche and buried me with a mountain of unfinished feelings. Hours later, and the shock still hasn’t worn off.

I’ve thought about her, far more than I care to admit, over the years. I’d imagined the scenario of our reunion a thousand-and-one different ways. Yet nothing could have prepared me for the way I felt when it finally happened. It’s like no time at all had passed. All those feelings and attraction came rushing back to me straight away.

Being alone in the same house as her, only a floor apart, with no idea what to say or do was torture. But tonight, I’ve found out that the real torment is having to watch all these frat boy assholes drool over her.

She’s the type of beauty that’s undeniable to everyone but herself. She turns heads everywhere she goes, and is clueless about the effect she has on people. Years ago, I was privileged enough that she let me see what was buried under all those carefully locked away layers of self-preservation.

She’s special and unlike anyone else. Standing out in ways that made her feel small and unremarkable, but to me, was everything—brilliant, compassionate, effortlessly beautiful, and full of quiet strength.

For the last half-hour, I’ve been stationed near the outdoor bar, half-heartedly listening to my sister’s nurse friend, Allison, recount stories about life in the ICU. She’s nice enough, and conventionally pretty, but there’s nothing there.

I also don’t want her or anyone else to get the wrong idea. While I’ve had a handful of relationships over the years, none have amounted to anything worth the time and stress. It makes me sound like a non-committal dick, but no one has come close to making me feel like it’s worth the effort.

“I’m surprised I don’t see you around the hospital much. We should grab lunch at the cafeteria sometime,” Allison remarks, blinking her fake eyelashes in a not-so-subtle attempt at flirting.

“Usually pretty slammed,” I reply, my eyes scanning the dark backyard. I spot Ella looking bored and cold, her hands tucked into the sleeves of her black hoodie as she waits for her turn to toss the ball in the beer pong game she got wrangled into earlier. Noah’s brother, Levi, is stationed at the far end of the glass rectangular table. He makes an effortless shot into a red plastic cup on her side and lets out a victorious whoop. She’s unaffected by his cocky display, calmly taking the red cup and chugging it down without flinching, almost as if she’s bored by it all. The only sign she’s had any alcohol is the slight sway in her step as she moves back into position to throw the ball. When her shot lands perfectly in the cup, Levi runs over and picks her up by the knees, throwing her over his shoulder. She yelps a nervous laugh at the unexpected action, her voice carrying through the misty night air.

The leaden drop in my stomach doesn’t even surprise me. I colossally messed things up a long time ago. There’s no coming back from that, and I’ll regret it every damn day of my life.

Levi sets her down, his hand lingering on hers as he inches closer. I know the game he’s playing, and from the look in Ella’s eyes, so does she. Without missing a beat, she points dramatically at the sky, shouting something about a rogue seagull to create distance between them. It works—Levi’s head snaps up, searching the dark sky for the made-up bird. In a drunken daze, he gives up quickly, nodding toward the house and tugging her hand, leading her back inside. Her fingers remain interlocked with his, and though she follows, there’s a hint of hesitation in her steps.

As she walks past me on the deck, our eyes meet. Her small grin fades the moment she sees me staring, and it stings—like I can steal her happiness with only a glance. I used to be one of the few people who could make her smile, and now I’m just like everyone else who’s ever wronged her in life.

If tonight couldn’t get any worse, now I’m forced to watch some idiot try to charm the woman who should have been mine in some alternate universe.

“Earth to Jude,” Allison coos beside me. “Everything okay?”

“Sorry, yeah. Everything’s all good. But I just remembered I need to do something inside. I’ll see you around.” It’s rude as hell, ignoring her and bolting. But I can’t stand by idly and watch my second chance go down the drain. I turn on my heel and head indoors, the soles of my shoes thudding against the wooden deck as I power walk to the sliding door.

There are absolutely zero tasks I can currently think of that I actually need to do inside—besides cockblock, of course. But I’d never admit that to a soul in a million years.

As I step foot into the family room, I immediately glance in both directions around the expansive living space trying to figure out which way they went. They’re nowhere in sight, and my stomach drops like I’m freefalling from a thousand feet high. I’m too damn late.

“If you’re here to cockblock my best friend, she went that way,” Delaney informs me nonchalantly, from her perch on the arm of the couch. She’s mid-conversation with Noah’s cousin, Marley, and gestures toward the kitchen with a knowing smirk. I should be horrified for being busted out, but who the hell cares. I’ll take all the help I can get at this point.

Rounding the couch and striding across the glossy marble floors, I scramble for an excuse to justify walking in on them. It’s been ten years, and we aren’t even friends anymore. But the thought of her with someone else, right in front of me, makes me want to do something insane—like throw Levi into traffic or stress clean every inch of this place for ten straight hours.

My body and brain seem to be on autopilot, moving and thinking without any rational input. I’m desperate to keep this fragile thread of connection between us from snapping. I’ve only been around her for half a day and I already feel myself slipping right back into that possessive state of mind. Like she’s mine.

And I have absolutely no right to feel that way.

Not after what happened between us.