Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Ella

Present

“To Madi and Noah!” we cheer, clinking an assortment of drinks together. Everyone has gathered in the living room as we raise our glasses to officially start the night.

Tonight, I’m determined to soak in every moment with my two best friends. My time back in my hometown is short, and these moments with them grow more fleeting as we all get older. But being the fifth wheel between their two couples only highlights how single I truly am.

While I found Delaney’s antics entertaining by trying to not so subtly point out that Jude and I were both single, it also sideswiped me with realization.

I live in Washington, he lives here in California. I’m a mess, composed of grief and anxiety, while he has a neat, perfect life. It’s almost a replica flashback from ten years ago. I’m stuck in this dark tornado, never reaching a bright spot, always cycling back to that same life I always led—being alone.

We’re simply two people drawn together, but not cemented and rooted to weather what could be.

Levi’s fingers suddenly land on the bare skin of my open back dress, surprising me.

“Babe, this dress is making me lose my mind.” He grabs my hand, spinning me in a circle so he can see the full outfit—even though I’m fully aware he’s trying to get a good look at my ass. “Guess all those Pilates classes are paying off, huh?”

I should tell him right now I’m not interested. But this insistent need to want to move on eats away at me. I spin, my hand landing on his built chest as I stop. What I should do this weekend is sleep with him. He seems like he’s looking for no-strings-attached sex, which is all I’m ever able to offer anyone too. Because the only person who has ever made me feel an ounce of attachment is currently sitting at the mounted bar, nursing the same beer he opened over an hour ago. Probably still as emotionally unavailable as he was the day he left.

Levi’s calloused palm gropes my ass, yanking me out of my thoughts and slingshotting me back to reality. The way my skin crawls tells me everything I need to know—I could never actually go through with sleeping with him.

“Just say the word when you want to head upstairs,” he says, a little too loudly, no doubt so everyone can overhear.

Delaney walks by, probably taking notes of the festivities like she’s Lady Whistledown. I seize the opportunity, catapulting myself away from Levi and straight toward her. “I’ll be right back,” I shout over my shoulder to him.

Pulling Delaney off to the side, I lean in and whisper, “What the hell am I doing?”

“I don’t know. What are you doing? What’s going on?” she asks, arching one dark blonde eyebrow, her tone a mix of curiosity and concern.

“I can’t get on board with this whole Levi thing,” I sigh.

“Oh thank god. He looks like he probably doesn’t even know what a clitoris is. Why the sudden change of heart though?”

“Because…” I point my finger at her, narrowing my eyes. “You can’t tell a damn soul, okay? But it’s because of Jude. Being here, around him again—I think it makes me miss him.”

“Well, duh you like him,” she replies, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“What do you mean by ‘duh’?” I ask. He is the one secret I’ve always kept close to my chest, never letting anyone in on it. It hurt too much ten years ago, and the thought of going through that again—of possibly hurting even more—terrifies me.

“You two are about as subtle as a damn siren. You’ve both always been into each other. And way more than in a horny way. What’s the word—” She snaps her fingers as it comes to her. “Obsessed. That’s it. Obsessed is way more fitting.”

I bite the nail of my thumb, anxiety bubbling up. “Well, fuck me. I didn’t realize it was that obvious to everyone else. I’m an idiot, right? How could I even think about being with him after he left?”

She pulls me into a big hug, her voice soft but firm. “Stop overthinking it. If you find an ounce of joy, seize it. Especially with everything you’ve been through lately. Maybe he’s that joy for you. Maybe it’ll make you happy for a few weeks, or maybe it’ll make you happy for a lifetime. But you won’t know unless you talk to him. Find out what happened all those years ago. Don’t hesitate, don’t over analyze it—just snatch that happiness and soak it up, girl.”

My eyes burn with tears that I refuse to let fall and ruin the eye makeup I spent so long perfecting. “Thank you,” I whisper, breaking the hug and shaking off my self-doubt. I exhale, trying to cast all my stress aside. “You really are wise now, you know.”

“Cole’s magic dick, I’m telling you.” She winks. “Go get ‘em, girl.” Then shimmies away, in true Delaney fashion.

Levi is all over me again the moment we’re alone. His hands seem incapable of staying off my body, each touch more intrusive than the last. I keep trying to step back, putting distance between us, but he keeps closing the gap, like a moth drawn to a flame. I’ve tried to force something that’s not there and I can’t do it for even one millisecond longer. It’s becoming painfully clear that I need to put an end to this.

“Hey, let’s go outside. I need to talk to you,” I say, gesturing to the back door.

His hand trails along the bare skin of my spine, stopping right above the curve of my ass. “Hell yes, let’s go,” he says, with the confidence of a man that thinks he’s about to get laid.

As we weave through the kitchen, dodging tipsy partygoers on our way, I catch him cockily winking at people like he’s about to hit the jackpot. He thinks he’s about to get lucky—on the back deck, no less. His arrogance only makes the conversation I’m about to have with him even more satisfying.

My heart sinks when I spot Jude nearby. He freezes, mid-speech when he sees me holding hands with Levi. The smug grin on Levi’s face also makes everything look worse than it is, instantly complicating things. Cole is talking to Jude, but Jude’s eyes stay on me. His jaw ticks as I hold his stare, wishing he could read my thoughts so he could know this isn’t what it looks like.

As I step outside with Levi close behind, a wave of panic hits. The last thing I want is for him to think I’m settling for a meaningless hookup. I should absolutely not care about Jude’s opinion or feelings, but I can’t help it. All I want is to get this over with fast, so I can go back inside with my friends.

The deck feels dark and eerie, the overcast sky casting an unsettling brightness that only adds to the ominous atmosphere. We’re not even out of eyesight when Levi pulls me roughly into his body, his lips immediately on mine as he forces his tongue into my mouth. I recoil instantly, jerking back with lightning speed. “Wait, stop. That’s not why I wanted to talk.”

His expression hardens, as if I’ve slapped him. “What the fuck. Then why? ”

Taking a deep breath, I steady myself. “I wanted to tell you that I’m not going to sleep with you, and that we need to chill out.”

Frustrated, his hand drags down his face and snaps, “So we’re not going to fuck? Why’d you lead me on then?”

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. You’re attractive and everything, I just…can’t.” The words taste bitter in my mouth, and I’m annoyed with myself for even apologizing, knowing I did nothing wrong. Simply because we flirted and I accepted coffee from him doesn’t automatically mean I’m obligated to take things further.

“Whatever. I’m going back inside,” he mutters, stalking off toward the house.

I let him go and I stay outside, needing to distance myself from the chaos. Inhaling deeply, I let the crisp ocean air fill my lungs, then exhale slowly, watching my breath turn visible in the night. Everything feels overwhelming, with too many feelings, too many expectations—so I focus on this one small thing: the sight of my breath appearing and fading away.

Making my way back into the house, my eyes immediately search for Jude.

But he’s gone. Nowhere to be found.

And as the night wears on, it becomes clear he’s not coming back. The party hums around me, laughter and music filling the air, but it all feels distant, muted. My thoughts are knotted in the empty space he left behind, every nerve on edge, waiting for any sign of him.

But he never returns.