Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Jude

Present

All damn weekend I’ve watched Levi pull out every stop to try and win Ella over. Acting a damn fool to humor her and attempt to draw her out of her shell. Pulling out her chair, and bringing her a cup of overly sweet coffee that I know she’ll hate. Pasting on his annoyingly charming frat boy smile that normally gets him laid.

If I liked him as a person and wasn’t insanely jealous, I’d offer to help him out. Maybe tell him her favorite flower, or band, or some way to help the guy connect with her. The problem is that I did know her like that. Ten years later, I’m not so sure I know the answers to those questions anymore. Things change. People change, and what they like and want evolves. Being blunt with myself, I need to face the fact that I may no longer know her at all anymore. And that thought kills me because it’s what I’ve prided myself on for years. The fact that even though we didn’t get the chance to take our relationship to the test—at least I knew her better than anyone else. It made me special. And it made our connection different. Like I had those final pieces of her to hold onto.

That dull irritation morphs into full-on annoyance as the day wears on. Every time I try to talk with her, there’s Levi butting his way in. I make a comment to her about a new movie coming out, and then he’s there suggesting he take her to see it. I offer to help hang the bright pink and gold bachelorette banner, but here he comes with his little step stool.

Ella and I exchange a look every time. Everyone except for Levi is fully aware that he’s interrupting. But I back off, letting him go at it, so long as she doesn’t seem to mind. If she looked uncomfortable like she did yesterday, I’d refuse to leave. Now, it’s as if she’s come to terms with something about him. Like she’s embraced being the center of his attention and is possibly open to something more between them. The assumption makes my stomach sour.

By mid-afternoon, Levi and most of the house have gone back to the beach to play volleyball. I opted to stay behind, in order to finish my online continuation course and review case studies while the house was quiet. Two hours and a headache later, I finally exit my room, in desperate need of a break.

When I wander into the uppermost family room, I find my sister, Delaney, and Ella lounging on the upscale furniture, chatting over cups of coffee and chocolate chip cookies the size of my head. My sister spots me instantly and grins. “Well, well, look who finally decided to emerge from their cave.” She pats the spot beside her on the couch, conveniently right next to Ella.

As I sit down, scooting into the space they’ve made for me, I can’t help but notice the way Ella immediately tenses up. It wasn’t like this ten years ago. Back then, I was one of the few people who put her at ease. Now, it seems I have the opposite effect on her, and it cuts deeper than I’d like to admit.

My sister shoves a cookie into my hand. “You need to stop working and relax. We’re at the beach, for chrissakes.”

“It’s not work, it was reading,” I clarify.

With a mouthful of cookie, she mumbles, “Let me guess. You were reading case studies.”

“It’s technically still reading,” I reply, shrugging her off.

“No matter what, you need a break. No more laptops for you this weekend.”

From the linen-upholstered accent chair, Delaney eyes Ella and I, her gaze sharp and inquisitive. She looks like a detective on the verge of cracking a case, the way she’s studying the tension between us, a knowing smile spreading across her face.

“So, Jude…tell us, are you single?” Delaney asks, her tone lacking in subtlety.

It’s not audible, but I can feel the silent groan rolling off of Ella without even having to look in her direction .

“Yes, I am single. And why do you have that look on your face, Delaney?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.

“No reason,” she replies, smiling wide. “Just like to know my friends’ relationship status. In case I know of any potential suitors that may wish to inquire about you.”

Ella busts up laughing beside me. “Delaney, I think you’ve been watching too much Bridgerton.”

“Perhaps I have,” Delaney replies, picking an imaginary lint from her shirt and raising her head up high again. “And tell me, are you single as well, Ella?”

Aware that she’s now the focus of her friend’s interrogation, she narrows her eyes at Delaney. “You already know the answer to that. What’s your game here, girl?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Delaney replies. “Levi had just cornered me earlier to make sure there wasn’t anything going on with someone else in the house. I think he thought there was a chance you were already taken.” Her eyes slide over to me as she says this, the implication hanging in the air.

The awkward tension in the room thickens. I’m absolutely guilty. Guilty of cockblocking Levi, sure, but more than that. I’m guilty of not wanting to let go of the past. Because letting go of the past means letting go of Ella, and I’m not ready to do that. Not yet.

“Well, I’m single. And I have no plans to change that anytime soon,” Ella sighs.

Raising her mug in her friend’s direction, Delaney says, “Final question, and then you’re off the hook. Would you even go for someone like Levi?”

I can’t help the way, my head whips to look at Ella as I wait for her response. It’s none of my goddamn business and also the exact answer I’ve been dying to know.

Ella’s cheeks turn a rosy shade of pink. “He’s nice enough. A little pushy at times, but I think he has…potential?”

“Potential.” My sister almost spits out her coffee, cracking up. “You’re being way too generous. Potential for beer pong champion? Or driving us crazy? You know what, maybe both.”

Ella shakes her head, trying to hold in a laugh, but failing miserably. My stomach sinks as I absorb her answer—or rather, the lack of a definitive one—knowing that she’s still leaving the door cracked open for him. She could do so much better than him and I’m not sure if she’s even aware of it. I’m not saying I am necessarily better. But I do know I would try every damn day to make sure I was worthy of someone like her. Levi on the other hand has the IQ of a surfboard, and is probably more concerned with his online football draft than whether he’s ready to settle down.

From the couch, Ella pretends to look around the room. “Where’s Cole? I need to tell him you’re harassing me.”

Delaney shrugs, nonchalantly. “Eh, he won’t even be surprised.”

“Surprised about what?” Cole asks, walking into the room with Noah right beside him.

Delaney grins as she leans back into the chair. “Oh, you know, just pointing out how my two good friends here are both single. What are the odds, right? ”

Cole’s eyes widen but he doesn’t say a damn word. He simply pulls his hat a little lower and keeps on walking like he’s got something important to do in the other room—like avoid this awkward as hell conversation.

If I believed all of Delaney’s pushing would work, that Ella and I would somehow find our way back to each other, I wouldn’t even mind. Instead, it’s only a glaring reminder that she’s moved on while I’m still stuck in the past, paying the price for my own mistakes.

From the back deck, I’m grilling burgers, beer in hand, staring out at the ocean. Inside, my sister and her best friends are hunched over the kitchen counter, cackling as they decorate a cake so lewd it would raise eyebrows anywhere but a bachelor-bachelorette party.

From my perch by the barbecue, I have to listen to Levi brag about how tonight is the night he’s going to bag Ella and ‘rock her world.’ It takes every ounce of my self-control to not shout at him to shut the fuck up. Or to spit in his burger—I can’t be sure which would be more fulfilling. Probably both.

I can see how he’s watching her like she’s a prize to be won. He has no emotional attachment, only a need to claim her. It feels like I’m sitting back, watching the entire scenario unfold from a third-person point of view. I have no right to want her as much as I do. Yet every bone in my body screams the opposite—that she is, and always has been, mine .

Someone slaps me on the back, breaking me from my trance. “How’s it going over here?” Noah asks, as he rounds the corner in nothing but board shorts and a WWE-style belt that reads Bachelor Belt . The spectacle doesn’t come as the least bit surprising. While he looks prickly on the outside, with his dark beard and huge stature, he’s always the first to proudly sport some outlandish attire.

I put on my typical unbothered attitude. “It’s going well. Having fun.”

He narrows his eyes at me, disbelieving. “You sure about that? You seem off.”

“Off how?” I ask, with a touch of too much defensiveness.

“Off, as in acting strange because the woman you’ve been in love with for the last ten years is here too.”

I give him a look, warning him to shut the hell up. But he simply stands there, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest as he waits for my answer. He totally knows I’ve been caught. Apparently, I’m not as good as I thought I was at hiding it.

“Fine. I can admit seeing her again has thrown me for a loop.”

He smiles smugly, proud of the fact that he’s read me correctly. “Thought so. And what are you going to do about it? Is she interested too?”

“I don’t think so. Her and your brother seem to be hitting it off.” I shrug, because there’s not much else I can say about the situation. Levi is Noah’s brother, so I can’t talk crap about him seeing as they’re related .

He scratches his beard in thought. “Well, shit. Want me to tell him to back off?”

Yes. More than anything I want to tell him to inform his brother that she is off-limits. But I can’t. She’s single, and free to do whatever she pleases—even if that fact does kill me on the inside—which is why I shake my head.

He slaps me on the back, full of pity. “Try not to worry too much. Ella’s a smart girl and will realize sooner than later that my brother’s a damn idiot.”

Even though he may be right, the reassurance doesn’t help in the slightest. Because I know even if they never do turn into anything more than playful flirting, I still have a zero percent chance of ever being with her.

I lost that right the moment I drove away to school without a word, leaving everything unfinished.