19. Jamison

"Do you want to read them?"

Jamison searched her father's face, never having seen him look so vulnerable. The exhaustion didn't help. Midnight had come and gone, but none of them could rest.

"They're private."

They sat on the bed in the room he was using while Simone stood silently in the corner. Rowan had pulled the phone call, and with everyone gathered to listen, the strain on her father's face when his secret was revealed would be something she would never forget.

Or the look on Liam's face.

As the voice of Michael Sinclair boomed through Rowan's laptop speakers, the way Liam's gaze had snapped to her at the end of the phone call nearly stopped her heart.

"I can talk about it." Her father gripped her hand tightly as if she would run away and never return. "We don't hide from the hard stuff. Remember?"

The hard stuff. Like for him to stay at Haven House. He hated it here. Some of her first memories of him were when he would come to Haven but be unable to enter. Just physically unable. Simone had said he tried a few times in the beginning, but after that horrible day of CeCe and Toby's departure, it had taken him years to walk through Haven's doors again.

The porch hadn't been a problem, though. Sitting in the rocking chairs parked outside the parlor windows is where Benjamin Fairweather became a dad to his daughter. They started slow, with their weekly conversations sticking to the basics of little girl life. Dolls, princesses, and the unfairness of eating vegetables. It turned out her aversion to green beans came from him.

When she entered school, he came to every event, often staying in the back to avoid drawing attention. Yet, as middle school hit, his visits waned until he went silent for a year. She understood now he'd been suffering, but to a girl at that age, the lack of communication took its toll.

And once he did start to come around again, she had purposely made their time together difficult. The family vacations were born from those days. Her father's bright idea to draw his children together and reform the bonds he had lost with them. It worked. Spectacularly. She and Selah were already close, but Samuel was the odd man out in her mind, and those vacations changed their relationship, and their relationship with their father. The four of them became a unit, creating a uniquely new kind of Fairweather family dynamic. She and her brothers were allowed free rein over what they were to do and see, and being in her early teens, it had been fun to have a little control. Selah took on the role of activities coordinator, while Samuel functioned as the voice of reason with his; no, they could not hike thirteen miles to see a volcano.

Her job had been to figure out what they would do in their downtime, and she took it seriously. Everyone—including their father—left each trip with new skills, such as mastering Angry Birds or performing the full choreography sets of her favorite songs.

Samuel had zero rhythm, no matter what he said.

The last vacation they took together was directly before Toby. Everything changed after that, and she often wondered if they would ever be able to recapture those times again.

"I know hearing it was intentional is a shock." Her father struggled with what to say. "But I can answer any questions you might have."

"We don't have to do it now, but I do have questions. After all the stuff… I thought I knew every little secret about this family and you."

Simone snorted, and her father winced. "Not everything, but nothing like what you've just learned."

"And whatever it is, it's okay." She squeezed his hand. "I like you just the way you are, and nothing will change that."

He turned away, unable to face her as he spoke. "Life without Laura Jean is a near impossible thing. I slipped. One time, I slipped, but by some miracle, Samuel found me before it was too late. It really messed him up."

"I get it. I really do," she told him. "And this also finally explains why Samuel is such an asshole. I just assumed he was born with a stick up his butt, but I guess not."

Her joke did the trick, and he faced her again, not bothering to hide his laughter. "He was definitely born with a stick up his ass."

"Poor Evie."

"She can handle him," Simone said finally. "And if she can't, that's not our problem. Your father and I have a strict no-return policy. Them two. You. Selah. We're not taking any of y'all back."

Jamison grinned, and a knock at the door sounded. Simone opened it to reveal Selah. "What's happening in here?"

"We can have a family discussion without you," his mother said.

"No, you can't." Selah pushed his way inside. "Lenora is putting X-man to bed, so tell me what you guys are talking about."

"It's nearly one o'clock in the morning. Why is he not already asleep?" Simone asked, already moving past her son to head out the door. "I'm going to hurt that Sinclair man for all the crap he's done, but now he's keeping my babies awake."

"We're talking about whether Samuel was born with a stick up his ass," Jamison told Selah when Simone left. "Or if one was inserted later."

"Born with it," Selah confirmed. "Now stop bullshitting me."

Not wanting to get into the notes with Selah, she lied. "Michael Sinclair."

"I swung past the media room and overheard Liam talking on the phone to his dad," Selah said. "The FBI is bringing in even more people from Zanmi."

Their father got to his feet. "Sinclair?"

"Not that I've heard." Selah shoved his hands in his pockets. "But we need to talk, Jamison."

Bracing herself, she waited. The questions had already been asked, but she guessed her brother thought she hadn't been telling the truth and would confide in him privately.

"What the hell was Sinclair talking about?" Selah asked. "Have you met this guy?"

"I have not." Same answer as before. "I have never in my life met Michael Sinclair before he showed up here."

Selah dropped into the room's only chair. "Okay, fine. But what was that bit about you lying to Liam?"

And again, the same answer as before. "Michael Sinclair is a manipulative psycho. I have no idea what he's referring to."

Liam had been the one to ask first, cold and distant when he did. Out of everyone, she thought he would know not to take the phone call at face value.

Selah rubbed a hand over his shaved head. "Dad?"

"If she says she hasn't met him, then she hasn't."

At least her father had her back.

"I'm tired and want to go to bed." She stood and said goodnight. "We'll talk more tomorrow."

Opening the door, she shrieked when Xavier startled her. Standing in his Spiderman pajamas, he grinned sheepishly. "Is Papa in here?"

"Why aren't you in bed?" Selah groaned.

Lenora appeared in the darkened hall. "Because he wants to sleep with Papa."

A complete and total sucker for his grandkids, Jamison shook her head when her father waved him in. "Okay, but we're going straight to sleep. No talking."

Xavier let out a whoop and rushed to the bed. Jamison left them to it and headed out and through the kitchen. The house was finally shutting down for the night, with only Liam in the media room downstairs.

She paused in the doorway to watch him work at the makeshift desk constructed of folding tables.

"Where's Rowan?"

"In bed, I hope." Liam's dark, bloodshot eyes flicked up from the laptop screen. "I need him fresh by the morning."

"Don't you think you need some sleep, too?"

His gaze lowered, returning to whatever was in front of him. "I'll get to it."

"Get to it now."

Swiping a hand through his hair, he blew out a stream of air. "My bag is still in your room. I'll be up in a minute to get it."

"I'll bring it down."

"Great," he grumbled and held her phone in the air. "We're done with this."

The fear of Michael calling back hung on, and she didn't want to touch it. "I'll get it from you tomorrow. Were you able to trace him at all?"

"No, we didn't get a damn thing, but we're prepared for next time."

"Hopefully, there won't be a next time."

Reclining in his chair, Liam looked her over. "Ben didn't hire a member of a family that absolutely hates yours without reason. Rowan isn't just good at what he does. He's one of the best in his field. Three foreign governments tried to hire him in the last year alone."

This was all information she knew. "What are you getting at?

"Sinclair took a risk in contacting you. He's insane, yes, but not stupid. There was something in that conversation he wanted to be heard." Standing from the table, he stretched his arms overhead and yawned. "With four people guaranteed to be listening. You, me, Rowan, and Klausen."

"And you're in here trying to figure out the who and the what."

Coming around the table, he stood before her in his overly wrinkled clothes. He was dead on his feet and needed rest. "I'm also in here thinking up ways to draw him out again."

Tentatively, she laid a hand on his bare cheek. When she popped out of Simone's bedroom this morning and saw how he had shaved and attempted to trim his shaggy locks, her heart had done an entire gymnastic routine. It was for her. The effort was always just for her.

"I like you with a little scruff, but the whole beard was too much."

There it was. An insignificant twitch of his lips that meant everything. "Whatever, I look good with a beard." He moved closer, invading every inch of space between them. "And my shaved face set you off. What the hell was with the attitude this morning?"

Being barefoot, she was a few inches shorter than him and had to tilt her chin upward to meet his gaze. "Insanity," she confessed. "I'm going insane from all this."

"That makes two of us. Maybe three, if you count Samuel."

"Selah said he's worried."

"Selah should be." Reaching past her, Liam hit the light switch, and the room fell into darkness. "What are you getting ready to do? Go to bed?"

"Um, I'll probably read until I fall asleep."

Even in the dark, she could see him smile. "What are you reading?"

One of the many hobbies they shared was reading, even forming their own "book club" after she read him some of the more scandalous passages from her romance books.

He'd been adorably shocked at first. "You're into that?"

"I don't know."

"Well, let's find out."

Turns out she was into it. Hours later, when they lay crumpled on the floor after fucking themselves right off the bed, Liam had declared that night to be their first official book club meeting.

"I'm reading a memoir."

He made a face. "You'll be asleep in no time."

"The only other book I brought was a murder mystery, and I don't think I can handle it."

Cupping her jaw, he rubbed a thumb over the cut on her bottom lip. "Don't let him in. I've got you. No matter what we are to each other, I've got you. For better or for worse."

If he had punched her square in the stomach, it would have hurt less than hearing him say for better or for worse. "I know you won't let anything happen to us, just like I know Michael was lying about those therapy sessions. You didn't say those things."

"Yes, I did." His fingertips pressed into the back of her neck. "It's terrifying to love someone the way I love you."

"Love shouldn't be terrifying."

He pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. "Says you."

At home in her spot, she inhaled his scent. "Says I."

"God, we're so tired. We're starting to talk like pirates."

She giggled. "Argh."

They stood holding one another in the dark as the rest of the house quieted for the night. No one interrupted or said anything if they passed the media room's door, leaving them to have their moment.

"Have you eaten today?" he asked.

Had she? She honestly couldn't remember. "I think so."

He pulled back to look at her. "Where are you sleeping?"

The same question she asked him the night before. They had removed the cameras found in her room, but no one could erase the lingering fear—no one except him, and Liam knew that.

"In the cottage with you."

"That's what I thought." Releasing his hold, Liam grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face the hall. "Go change your clothes, grab my bag, and meet me in the kitchen."

"But sex is off the table," she rushed out, wanting clear boundaries. Boundaries were important. "We're keeping our hands to ourselves."

"That's fine. I don't have to use my hands to get the job done. Other body parts, yes, but hand usage is optional."

"William!"

He gave her a little push. "I'm kidding."