Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

B J sat at the table in the back of the distillery they used for meetings, staring at the dark brown liquor in the glass tumbler sitting in front of him. They distilled gin and vodka, but about a year ago they started getting into whiskey. Small batch was simple enough. They had to buy another still since vodka stills had to be twice the height of whiskey stills. They didn't age them in the barrels for as long as the big whiskey distillers did, but customers seemed to like Jacks Moonshine Whiskey well enough.

Normally he drank gin, but the wildness of tonight's events called for whiskey. The smooth amber liquid would calm his racing mind and ease the raging tornado inside him. To do that, he'd have to drink it first. Since pouring the taster half an hour ago, all he'd done was stare. His mind overwhelmed with the knowledge dropped on him a few hours ago at Penny's. He hadn't been able to shut his brain off and lift the damn thing to his lips.

"You trying a new testing method I don't know about?"

He jerked his head to the side. Attention called away from staring numbly at the drink to see Ace striding in from the front of Jacks. A large, gray tub full of empty bottles held in his arms.

"What?"

Ace placed the tub down on the table, the glass bottles clanked against each other as they jostled slightly in the container. "You've been sitting there staring at that damn glass since we closed. Just wondering if you had a new method for tasting the product that involved psychic connection or osmosis or some shit."

His twin could be a real Jackasson , to quote his sister.

"Fuck off," he grumbled, grabbing the glass and slamming down the contents. The alcohol ran down his throat, smooth as silk, but with a slight burn, warming his chest as it took its path down into his gut. "Good batch."

Too bad it did nothing to solve the crisis going on in his head.

"You want to tell me what's up?"

Ace grabbed another tumbler off the dish drying rack along the back wall before coming to sit across from him at the table. His brother poured them both another finger of whiskey before taking a small sip, looking as calm and collected as ever. Nothing new there. Ace was always calm and collected. He didn't think he'd ever seen Ace riled by anything. Even when their father died. Ace stoically stood by their mother. Holding her when she fell apart, taking on the role of man of the house as if he'd always known he'd need to.

"Why would you assume something is up?"

A face identical to his in every way—except for a lack of facial hair—stared back at him with a knowing expression.

"Maybe because earlier this evening you got a text from Penny and took off like her damn house was burning to the ground. Then when you came back, you told us all jack shit and hid back here for the rest of the night."

"I was working."

"I know, so was I. But usually, I can't get you to shut the hell up for five minutes when we're back here. Tonight, you haven't said more than five words. And most of those were barely grunted syllables."

"What, you want me to talk your ear off all night long?"

"Hell no." Ace shuddered, running a hand over his short hair. "I want you to tell me what's wrong."

Ace nudged the tumbler of whiskey closer. BJ grabbed it, taking a healthy sip. The alcohol burned a path down his throat, easing some of the tension. The current sip—on top of the previous glass he'd downed—mixed. It rose to his head, lessening the tight knot encased in his brain. Damn, Ace knew exactly what he needed. Annoying as hell how his twin always seemed to be right.

"It's Penny."

"Kind of figured that. She okay?"

There was a loaded question with an impossible answer.

"She…asked me for a favor."

Ace raised a brow. "What kind of favor?"

Ace had never been big on favors. His older brother—older by five minutes and he'd never let BJ forget it—believed people had to earn what they wanted. He never asked for handouts and rarely granted them to others unless they had an excellent reason. But Ace loved Penny the same as the rest of the Jackson family. They were all protective of her. BJ more than the others.

"Shewantsmysperm." He mumbled the request into his glass, all the words mashing together, and finished the whiskey in one large gulp.

Ace leaned forward, brow furrowed. "Come again?"

"She wants my sperm!" Damn he hadn't meant to shout. Maybe he should slow down on the booze.

Pale blue eyes, Jackson family eyes, widened. Ace leaned back into his chair, tipping his tumbler to his lips, and finishing his own drink. "Say what now?"

The entire story poured out of him. Penny talking about wanting a baby a month ago and his offhanded offer. Rushing to Penny's fearing something had gone horribly wrong. Her revelation of wanting a baby now. The request that he supply the donation. The entire. Wild. Story. When he finished, his brother poured them both two fingers. He happily accepted the invitation to get shitfaced.

"You offered to father her baby?" Ace's brow rose.

BJ ran a hand through his hair. "It was an offhanded thing. One of those things you say because you'd totally do them for the people you love, but you never actually think they're serious about it."

It had popped into his head, and he spouted it off. He didn't think Penny would go for it. Hell, he'd been half joking when he said it. Who seriously offered their best friend sperm?

"So, you'd have a kid?" Ace asked.

"No, she'd have a kid. I'm only supplying the…baby-making material."

"Yeah, but this isn't like an anonymous donation. You guys are best friends. You see each other almost every day. You're gonna be in that kid's life. Can you really see them every day, knowing they come from you, have a part of you inside them, and not step up to the plate as a parent?"

Now his brother was pissing him off. The tumblers rattled as he slammed a fist on the table. "I'm not abandoning anyone. I'll be around to help however she needs. I'm sure we'll work something out, but Penny doesn't want a partner. She doesn't want a husband. She wants a kid, and she wants me to help give her one."

Ace ignored his outburst, grabbing his glass and sipping as he muttered to himself. "Pretty damn big favor."

"I know. I don't know what to do."

Silence filled the distillery as they sat there, sipping Jacks Moonshine Whiskey. Thankfully, everyone had already left for the night. It was one thing to reveal this stuff to Ace. He didn't want to deal with Del or Charlie's opinion on the matter. Not until he'd made up his mind.

"Well, you did offer. If you weren't serious about it, you have to tell her. But if you go through with this, you'll still be in that kid's life. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do." But Penny didn't want him to be a dad. Fine with him. He never imagined himself as a father. He was more the fun uncle. Maybe that's what he could be to this kid. Technically, the DNA would be half his, but any nieces or nephews his siblings gave him would have some of his genetics, too. Could he think of it like that? A baby connected to him, but not…his?

A sharp pounding throbbed above his right eye. This whole thing was giving him a headache. Or maybe that was all the whiskey he and Ace had been downing.

"I just want to help make her happy. Penny never asks anybody for anything. You know that."

His best friend was so self-reliant sometimes it worried him. She wouldn't even let him help her move out of dickwad's apartment when they broke up. Said she had to be strong and do it herself. She was the strongest damn person he knew.

"I understand all that, but this is a lot to ask of a person. There are emotions involved here that might not come into play until it's too late to change things. We're talking about a human life."

He knew that. Why the hell did his brother think he was having such a hard time figuring this out? But they weren't just talking about a future life, they were also talking about Penny's life. He knew how badly she wanted to be a mother. He saw the longing in her eyes every time she hung out with her niece and nephew. She loved those kids to death, would do anything for them. He had every confidence she'd make a great mom. Who was he to say how she started her family? He guessed he had some say since she was asking him to help her conceive.

"Whatever you decide, it's going to change things."

Shit, he knew that too, but life was all about change. He liked it better when he got to direct the flow of that change. Sucked when it just happened to you, like the death of their father. He knew right now he held his best friend's happiness in his hands. A part of him wanted to toss all caution aside and say yes, give her what she wanted, what made her happy. But another part of him feared the repercussions of that action. This was a big step in many ways. It would change things, change them. But if he said no, that would create change, too. A negative one.

"I don't want to let her down."

He hadn't even realized he'd whispered the confession until he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. At some point, Ace had risen from the table and come over to stand by his side. He glanced up into a face identical to his, like looking into a mirror. A grim mirror since Ace rarely smiled.

"I'm sure Penny won't hold it against you if you say no."

Maybe not consciously, but he'd always feel like he let her down.

"If you say yes, just remember the impact this will have on not only you, but the entire family. That little baby will be half Jackson and we take care of our own."

He knew that. Penny had invited his family to be a part of the baby's life. Hell, she was already a part of the family. Any kid she had would be too. Whether they came from him or someone else.

"Whatever you decide, I'm here for you."

Ace gave his shoulder another squeeze and headed to the back office, leaving BJ alone with his thoughts. Calmness settled over him. Whether from the talk with Ace or the multiple fingers of whiskey, he had no idea. At least now he could think without a million thoughts racing through his brain. This whole situation was so mired in emotions there was no way to be strictly logical about it.

Truth was, Penny had the means to support a child. She definitely had the emotional love necessary to raise a kid. Every sign pointed to her being a fantastic mother who deserved the baby she wanted so badly. He knew all these things. He also knew she'd be true to her word and not ask a single thing from him he didn't want to give. But this wasn't just about him and her. There were more people involved, his family, her family. They needed to talk more.

But not tonight.

Tonight, he had an appointment with his bed. Tomorrow would be soon enough to discuss this further.

He stood, grabbing the two empty tumblers and the bottle of whiskey. Dishes in hand, he headed to the sink. After taking a few hours to finish up his nightly closing duties, he checked in on Ace, not surprised to find his twin hunched over his desk, poring over paperwork.

"I'm heading out."

"You good to drive?"

"All set." He knew his limits. The whiskey earlier had loosened him up but worn off in the past few hours. They ran a business that supplied alcohol to people. They didn't mess around with drunk driving. That shit didn't fly at Jacks.

Ace nodded. "I'll be home in a few."

He and his brother shared a small house on the outskirts of town. They hadn't been in the same unit in the military, but other than those eight years apart, they'd always lived together. They once shared a womb, and he was pretty sure they'd eventually share a grave plot too.

He left Jacks, getting into his truck and making the ten-minute drive home. The events of the day played over and over in his head. The pro and con list wobbled back and forth as he shucked his clothes, climbing under the covers of his king-sized bed. This was a big decision, possibly the biggest of his life. He needed to consider it with every caution.

Penny needed him. He knew he could say no. She wouldn't hate him for it. It wouldn't totally derail her dreams. She could still have a kid with some other guy's sperm.

Something dark and mean churned in his gut at the thought. It didn't sit right with him, Penny having another man's baby. Not that he'd ever considered having a kid with her, but for some reason he didn't like the idea of another man having a kid with her, even if it was some random sperm donor.

He had no idea what that meant, but he pushed it away for now. No reason to think about it when he hadn't decided yet. Tomorrow he'd talk with Penny. They'd hash out some more details and then he'd make a fully informed decision.

But as he closed his eyes to go to sleep, all he could see in his mind was Penny's face, bright and hopeful as he told her he'd think about it. The hope he'd seen lighting her up from the inside tugged at him. It would kill him to say no and crush her happiness. He lived his entire life trying to make the ones he loved happy. Penny was his best friend. He loved her, like he loved his brothers and sister. He'd give his life for her.

Guess the real question now was, would he give a life to her?