Chapter 58

The day before the wedding, I was beyond jittery. Dash had tried to talk to me a few times, but he hadn't pushed me to see him and I appreciated that. My old relationship had given me trust issues. I understood that. Dash seemed to understand that as well.

I'd seen the follow-up interview he'd done, saying that the video was half a decade old and that he'd grown since then. He said he didn't feel that way anymore and he had seemed sincere.

While I liked that he'd once again said all the right things, I knew I just had to focus on the wedding for now. I could deal with our relationship after, when I didn't have the future of my career hanging over my head as well as the future I'd envisioned with him.

Unfortunately for me, the wedding I had to focus on was his mother's and they were all coming in today to do a walkthrough before the big day. Diana, Richard, Dash, and all his brothers. They'd all be here in just a few minutes and I was so damn nervous that my hands were shaking like it was my first day of high school.

If even one thing wasn't right today, I'd be working through the night to set it right before tomorrow. If more than one thing was wrong, I was screwed. Plus, Dash.

I sighed, wondering if I should have talked to him when he'd called last night. It was too late to go back and change it now, but it might've helped if I'd known where I stood with him. If he brought a date to this wedding, I would never recover.

Staring out my window, I knew the moment they arrived. My office faced the front of the building, and when a huge, black limousine pulled up, I knew it was them.

I watched intently as they climbed out, one dark haired man after another. I'd never met Dash's brothers, and now they were all here, knowing I was the reality star their brother who hated reality stars had been dating for the last couple months.

I couldn't see their features clearly from up here, but I still knew which one was Dash. My gaze zeroed in on him and I realized I didn't know how I knew. Just that I did.

It was the way he moved. The way he held his shoulders and stepped aside for Richard to emerge. The way he reached back into the car to offer his mother his hand and, finally, in the way his head tipped up to look at my window like he knew I was watching him.

My heart ached to run to him, urging me to fling my arms around his neck and tell him that I believed him. But I couldn't do that. Because I didn't know if I did believe him.

The interview he'd given to rebut his previous point of view had been beautiful, heartfelt, and genuine. He'd had even the reporter misty-eyed by the time she'd signed off. Al Carson wasn't even the type to get misty-eyed. She was generally pretty rough around the edges, but he'd managed to reduce her almost to tears.

That was how beautifully he'd spoken, but Dash was good with words. Going on air to give the rebuttal interview hadn't just been words, though. It had been an action. A big one, considering he'd apparently called them to arrange it, but still.

I just didn't know if I could go through it with him again. We'd had so many ups and so many downs, but we were at the point now where the highs felt like I could touch the clouds and the lows were so low that I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

I just had to get through the day, and I had to do it without looking like I was holding myself up by my damn bootstraps. Spinning around once I saw them entering the lobby, I took the elevator to the mezzanine level that contained the lounge where I was meeting them.

"Serenity!" Diana said excitedly when she saw me, though I could see a hint of sadness in her eyes as well. "We love the flower arrangements being done in the lobby, honey. They're gorgeous."

"Thank you," I said. "The florist assured me that the buds will be in bloom tomorrow and that nothing will be droopy until the day after. We just need to keep the AC on, which we will do."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine. I also love the font you chose for the welcome signage." She gave me a hug, then stepped aside to wave a hand at the army of St. Clair boys behind her.

I had to admit that shoulder to shoulder, the five of them really could've been an army. They also looked remarkably alike, all their features sharp and handsome, and all of them as tall and well built as the next.

"This is Zachary," she said, motioning to the man standing closest to Richard. "He's my eldest. Then that's Finn, Asher, and Corbin."

As she said their names, they each stepped forward to give my hand a swift shake, but only Asher managed a smile at me. Zach scowled, Finn looked concerned, and Corbin just seemed bored. Dash stepped up last, inclining his head at me but, thankfully, not saying anything in front of his family.

Richard shooed him away, ostensibly under the guise of hugging me, but as he did, he also whispered into my ear. "He's an idiot, but he's a lovable one, don't you think?"

I sighed, chuckling softly, but didn't respond. With the introductions now made, I led the tour, showing them everything being prepared for the wedding as we walked through the venue.

Diana was in tears by the time we were done, and she gave me another tight hug as she thanked me. "It's beautiful, Serenity. Absolutely breathtaking. Thank you. Thank you for doing this for me."

I nodded, hugging her back, and then said goodbye to the army of St. Clairs at the door. Dash hung back, however, his hands in his pockets as his gaze met mine. "Can we talk? Please?"

Considering that he'd waited the entire meeting to even try, I nodded. "We'll have to make it fast, though. There's a lot still to get done today."

"Of course," he said amiably, following me into a conference room just off the lobby. Once the door shut behind us, he leaned against the chair closest to him, scrubbed his hands over his jaw, and closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply. "I gave that old interview hot off the heels of a wedding we hosted at the estate."

I frowned. "Okay?"

"I was only a few years into my career then, and Dad had agreed that we'd host the weddings of all the couples who'd gotten engaged during one of those dating shows that were all the rage at the time."

"Okay," I repeated slowly. "So?"

"So the brides were all nightmares," he explained, finally opening his eyes and looking at me like he was begging me to understand. "Love had nothing to do with any of those weddings. The producers were paying us, of course, but a viciously reduced rate since they had guaranteed us at least four weddings out of the show."

I blinked hard. "Four? How?"

He shrugged. "To this day, I don't know. Maybe it was in the contracts. And it wasn't only the brides who were nightmares. The grooms were even worse. Everything was about how they looked. It was all for the cameras. And don't even get me started on the other contestants who hadn't found love on the show. They were all in attendance, trying to make shit about them."

Somehow, I could imagine how it'd been. I didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue. He sighed. "Suffice it to say that they were all brats. Horrible, entitled brats, and that's coming from me. I'm a St. Clair. We're entitled, horrible brats by birth."

I chuckled softly. "Your brothers didn't seem that bad."

"Mom lectured them in the car about being on their best behavior," he said, cracking a tiny smile. "Anyway, out of the four weddings we were promised, only two couples made it to the reception. The other two broke up just before and then during the ceremony."

"I think I know what show you're referring to."

He lifted one of his shoulders. "The point is that when I gave that first interview, those were the only reality stars I'd interacted with, and they were some of the worst people I've ever met. All they cared about was clawing their way into the spotlight. I believed they were all like that until I met you, but I've changed, Serenity. You made me see that I was wrong to make assumptions about everyone who's ever appeared on a reality show and I'm not that person anymore."

"I know," I said softly.

He nodded. "Good. I just wanted you to see that. And to know that I never meant to hurt you. You're nothing like the people I was talking about, and even them, I probably judged too harshly."

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me," I said. "I still need time, though. With the wedding about to happen and everything going on, it's just too much today or tomorrow. I just need a minute to make sure your mother's wedding is everything she deserves."

Disappointment flickered across his features, his face falling and the light in his eyes blinking out, but he didn't keep pushing. "I'll be there when you're ready to talk. I know you'll do an amazing job on the wedding, too."

Leaving the conference room with one last glance at me over his shoulder, he walked out and I headed up to my office. My heart was heavy. My feet felt like they'd been encased in concrete. Everything he'd said swam through my mind and I hated myself for not forgiving him on the spot almost as much as I hated myself for considering forgiving him on the spot.

He'd done everything he could to prove to me that he didn't think I was a garbage human being, and I wished it didn't matter that he'd believed it when we'd met, but it did. I'd spent so much of my life second-guessing myself, getting my self-esteem battered and bruised, and defending myself when I hadn't even done anything wrong that I really just didn't know if I could go back to him.

While I wasn't on reality TV anymore, I would always know that once upon a time, he'd thought I was only good for gaining fame and getting laughed at. What was more was that when I went on that show, I'd been trying to find myself.

Sure, I'd done so in an unorthodox way, but my parents hadn't been dead that long and nothing else had worked, so I figured I'd give it a try. I'd done some traveling, I'd tried partying, and I'd even tried going back to school, but none of it had managed to pull me out of the hole I'd been in.

When I'd seen the ad, saying that I'd be living in a whole different place with a bunch of other people, it'd felt like a gift—and it had been. In a lot of ways, that show had changed my life. It'd surrounded me by people when I'd most needed it and I hadn't cared that it'd all been on camera.

That was part of what had made the distraction so powerful.

By the time I'd finished with it, I'd felt stronger than I had since my parents had passed and I was ready to face the world again. Leaving that bubble of safety provided by the cameras and the people hadn't been easy, but I'd done it.

And all the while, the Dash St. Clairs of the world had watched, laughing at me and thinking it was all about getting famous. The same Dash St. Clair who had encouraged me to go after my own show not so long ago. Who'd sworn he'd support me if that was what I wanted.

Julie was waiting for me in my office when I walked in. "How did it go?"

I shrugged. "Fine."

"Nope. That's not even nearly good enough. Did you talk to him? What did he say? Is Diana happy with the setup so far? How hot were his brothers?"

"Diana is ecstatic," I said. "And I spoke to him, but I still don't know if I can forgive him. I think I'm just broken inside somehow."

"What?" Her eyebrows pinched together. "Why didn't you forgive him?"

I sighed as I went to sit down behind my desk. My shoulders slumped and my brain felt like it'd been split in half about this decision. "I know I shouldn't be worried about how he felt five years ago, but he really hated me when we met and I'm glad he's changed, but it still hurt."

"Well, of course it does, but you need to decide once and for all whether he's worth it."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone will hurt you at some point, Serenity, but some people are worth figuring it out with. When Dash said those things, he didn't know you. He didn't know what he'd find in you. He's already gone back on air to say he doesn't believe them anymore, so is he worth it or not?"

She gave me a meaningful look, then left me with a lot to think about. It really was that simple—and that complicated.

Was what I had with Dash worth figuring it out, or was it better to cut my losses now, before I had my heart broken all over again just when I was at my happiest?