Chapter 57

Istormed into my office, furious about the video and even more furious at myself for having forgotten about that interview. It'd happened so long ago that I hadn't thought about it in years.

Plus, I was pretty sure I'd blocked it out because I hated talking to reporters. After any interviews, I had worked hard at forgetting that I'd ever done them to begin with. Ethan had to be responsible for unearthing this clip now, though.

That was the only explanation.

Breathing heavily, I tossed my phone down on my desk and covered my face in my hands, spinning to face the window. I released a frustrated roar into them. "Fuck!"

My muscles were so tense that it felt like my shirt might tear. My heart hammered and my breathing was erratic. Go figure that he'd dig that thing up now, just when everything was starting to go well between us.

The truth was that when I'd given that godforsaken interview, that really had been the way I'd felt. At the time, a new reality series was being released every five seconds and I couldn't throw a stone in this fucking town without hitting some new star.

I'd felt that way for a long time. If I was being completely honest, I had still felt that way when I'd met Serenity, but obviously, my views on the subject had changed.

Hell, she'd changed me to the core of my very fucking being. I was even nice to reporters now. I smiled at them and everything, but I just wished she believed me.

I didn't feel that way about her. What I thought years ago didn't mean anything.

I was still breathing hard, my fingers clenched around the back of my head as I scowled out the window when Lance walked in. "You okay, bud?"

"No," I said honestly.

He'd been the one who sent me the video this morning. Wanting to give me a heads-up that it was coming, he'd texted it to me just as I'd climbed into my car. Seconds after I'd said goodbye to Serenity. Seconds.

I'd missed being able to explain myself in person by seconds. Now, she was going to have at least the whole day to think, and after that last text of hers, it would probably be all night too. I doubted she was going to agree to see me today, and the longer she sat with this, the less likely she was to forgive me again.

"Serenity says she needs time," I spat, so damn angry that I felt like I could catch snakes, strangle them, and then bring them back to life just to strangle them all over again. "I don't know what to do, Lance. I'm all out of chances with her. I don't think she should hold something I said five years ago against me, but it's pretty damning. I get that."

"To be fair, you still felt that way when you met her," he said. "You and I both know you did, right? All flash and no substance. You hated reality stars. You had no respect for them. Apart from Serenity, do you even have any respect for them now?"

I blew out a hard breath. "I don't know, man. I haven't sat down and reassessed every view I've ever held now that I'm into Serenity. People change, okay? Shouldn't we commend people when they open their minds and realize they were wrong?"

"Calm down, Dash," he said slowly. I heard the padding of his footsteps as he walked back to my door. Then I heard it click shut but he obviously hadn't left. "Just think this through, man. How would you have felt if she'd said something like that about your family? Like if she said every St. Clair brother was a huge man-whore. Even if she said it a long time ago, it does make a person question the beliefs someone else holds now."

I finally spun to face him, my eyes narrowing, and I gripped the back of my chair so hard that my fingers started aching. "Sure, but does that mean I'd have shut her out if she had said something like that? No, because that's not what you do when you're in a relationship. Aren't you supposed to hear the other person out before you leap to conclusions? Aren't people supposed to communicate?"

"Yes, you are, but you guys are still new and you can't blame her for needing a minute."

"I don't." I shoved my hands into my hair and pulled at the longer bits on top. "I don't fucking blame her. I blame her ex, if you must know, but even then, this was five years ago. She won't even talk to me about something I said five years ago?"

"It's not about what you said five years ago, Dash," he said calmly. "It's about the beliefs you held until a couple months ago. If you want her to talk to you, you have to make her see that you're not that person anymore."

I snorted. "How am I supposed to do that? I can't crack open my head and let her have a poke around my thoughts."

"No, you can't, but again, things are still new for you even if you are in love. You need to?—"

I balked at what he'd said. "We're not in love. We're giddy, sure. Horny, definitely. We like each other a lot, but?—"

"You don't have to admit it, but everyone else can see it, bud. You're in love. I happen to know that you know it too, by the way. I've practically seen you thinking it. You just haven't said the words yet. Maybe you should."

"I'm not telling her I love her as a way to get her to forgive me," I said firmly. "Whether it's true or not, I've never said that to a woman before. It's just wrong to say it now and expect it to fix everything else. Besides, love isn't enough. It's a good start, but there are a lot of other things that go into making a relationship successful."

"What, are you an expert on relationships now?"

"No, but my mom is and I've been listening to her and Richard a lot lately. You should try it sometime. They're good at the whole advice-giving thing, even if they think they're being subtle when they're really not."

"Okay, so love isn't enough. Do you know what is?"

"No."

"Making her see that you're not that person anymore," he said emphatically. "I knew you then, and if it's necessary, I can bear witness to how much you've changed these last few months."

"Somehow, I think I'm going to need more than the word of my best friend."

"Exactly, you need to show her that you're not that guy anymore."

"That's great. Any ideas on how to do that?"

"Nope." He grinned at me. "I can't give you all the answers. Some things, you need to figure out for yourself."

After that useful tidbit, he left and I managed to pull myself together just enough to get through my meetings. The morning dragged by though, and I still hadn't heard a peep from Serenity by lunchtime. Needing to get out, I called my mother to see if she was free.

"Of course, honey. Come on over. I wanted to talk to you today anyway."

Grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone, I took off, letting my assistant know I'd be back when I was back. I had no more meetings this afternoon and I honestly didn't know if I had admin and planning in me, so I decided to take the rest of the day as it came.

Driving over to my mom's, I was surprised to find her waiting for me by the door when I arrived. I wasn't so surprised when the first words out of her mouth clued me in on what she'd wanted to talk to me about today.

"I saw the video," she said. "Boy, you must be in a lot of trouble with Serenity."

"Trouble doesn't even begin to describe it," I said honestly, my heart crumbling now that I was looking at my mother. "I think this is the end, Mom. If this was the first thing that happened, then fine. We could've probably worked it out, but every time I think we're okay, something else goes wrong and I don't know how many more times she'll forgive me."

"As many as is necessary, sweetheart," Mom said. "For as long as you deserve it, that is. Relationships are endless cycles of mistakes and forgiveness. Misunderstandings and trying to understand."

"Okay, so what do I do?" I asked, cognizant of the fact that I wasn't even inside her house yet and I was already asking her advice. "How do I prove to her that I don't think that anymore?"

"You said this publicly," she told me. "The answer seems rather simple to me. Release another video saying the opposite. A lot of things change in five years. You've been one of those things in the last five."

"That's it?" I asked, frowning. "I just go do another interview and say that I love reality stars now?"

Mom snorted as she shook her head. "No, darling. That won't cut it. Not only will you have to make her feel it all the way to her bones, but after this, the world is also going to have to believe that you've changed. That knowing her has changed you and that loving her has opened your eyes to the judgmental asshole you were in the past."

"Gee, thanks, Mom," I said. Jogging up the steps, I brushed a kiss to her cheek and started back down to my car. "Seriously, though, thanks for the advice. I've got to go do something, but I'll talk to you later."

She wiggled her fingers at me in a wave. "Call me after, Dash. Be careful what you say."

Climbing back into my car, I looked up the number for the gossip blog that posted the video, and immediately, they agreed to a rebuttal interview. That had been the easy part, though. They were always going to be willing to have me back on air.

The difficult part was going to be figuring out what to say once I had a camera pointing at me.