Chapter 34

After a day spent scrambling to catch up but being unsuccessful thanks to my head being in the clouds, I was more than relieved to get home. Dash was a frigging dreamboat, but I was going to have to do something about my brain if I was going to keep seeing him.

If I couldn't figure out a way to stop daydreaming while I was supposed to be working, I was never going to have another productive day. Even now, as frustrated as I was with myself, I was smiling as I headed to my bedroom to change into comfy clothes.

I hadn't been able to stop doing it since I'd left him this morning, and at this rate, I was sure that at least half the people who worked for me thought I was a loon. What was worse was that I was okay with it.

They could think whatever they wanted as long as I got to keep trying things with Dash St. Clair. Distant knocking at my front door pulled me out of my thoughts just as I'd finished changing and I frowned. Julie had a date tonight, so I knew it couldn't be her, and a grin suddenly spread on my face when I realized that meant it could be Dash.

Rushing to the door, I looked through the peephole, my hopes crashing and burning when I saw who was waiting on the other side. I flung the door open, scowling at my ex and wishing that I'd never married him to begin with.

"Why are you here?"

"You haven't been answering my calls," he said evenly. "I wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

"I'm better than ever, actually." I crossed my arms over my chest when I saw that glint of steel in his eyes that told me the switch had flipped.

"Well, I'm glad you're doing so well while you're destroying my fucking company."

I sighed. "I should've known you'd come up with something snarky to say. I don't want to hear it, Ethan. Leave."

"No." He took a step forward, his pulse suddenly hammering under his jaw as he narrowed his eyes at me. "My company is being hurt by your antics with St. Clair and I won't stand for it. I didn't give it to you so that you could run it into the ground, Serenity."

"You didn't give it to me at all. A judge did and it's no longer your company anyhow. It's beyond me why you care about what I'm doing to it."

"Just let me come back," he said, his voice low and menacing. "I can save it. I can save my fucking company before you kill it completely."

"Fuck off," I snapped, starting to close the door when the elevator opened at the other end of the hall.

Dash walked off. Ethan saw him at the same time I did, and he laughed, rocking back on his heels and glancing between us with disbelief tightening his features. "This is unbelievable. Unfuckingbelievable."

Dash had flowers in his hand, a huge bouquet featuring all the brightest summer blooms, but he lowered it to his side as he strode confidently toward us. Part of me was relieved he was here, but the other was apprehensive.

Ethan wouldn't like this one bit, and he was sure to make me feel his dissatisfaction somehow. My stomach flipped as I considered the possibilities. He'd already used the pictures of Dash and me, but he'd have something else—find something else—and when he did, it would be worse than the pictures.

"Leave," Dash said to him once he reached us, his voice strong and firm. "As far as I know, you're not welcome here, Ethan."

My ex went dangerously still, only a muscle in one of his eyes twitching as he stared at Dash. Unsurprisingly, he didn't start swinging his fists and throwing punches. In a fight, I was pretty sure Dash would win since I knew for a fact Ethan had never been involved in one, but his deathly silence, not even his chest moving to breathe, was far more intimidating to me.

"I tried to warn you," he said quietly as he turned to me. "You didn't listen, so you've left me no choice. It's time to come after the both of you now."

Dash chuckled. "Whatever, man. Just leave me out of your drama, okay? I didn't ask for it and I sure as hell don't have time to deal with it."

As he said it, my eyes narrowed of their own accord and shock filtered through my system. Oh, so now he's trying to distance himself? Coward.

The relief that he'd shown up evaporated. Clearly, he wasn't going to stand up for me or defend me in any way. This fight was still my own, which was fine. It always had been. At least now I knew that hadn't changed.

Ethan held my gaze steadily, his as narrow as my own before he nodded, spun around, and stalked away. With him gone, Dash stepped forward and held the flowers out to me. "Well, the unexpected strikes again, but maybe these will help cheer you up."

Throat working to hold back a scream, I scoffed at him. He didn't even seem to realize what he'd done and that made me even madder. Anger raced like lava through my veins as I plucked the bouquet from his hand.

"Thank you for throwing me under the bus there," I snapped, reaching for the door with my free hand and about to shut it in his face.

He frowned, his head cocking. "Throwing you under the bus? How'd I do that?"

"You could've defended me just a little instead of only worrying about keeping yourself out of it," I fumed. "You keep telling me that you support me and that you have my back, but you don't. The only person you watch for when push comes to shove is yourself."

"What? No. I?—"

"You have no idea what it was like living with him for so long," I kept going, too angry, disappointed, and shocked to entertain his excuses. "Ethan tried to control me for the entire duration of our marriage. He made me feel like I was crazy for suspecting him of cheating. Until I finally found proof. Sometimes, he was so smart about his manipulations that I didn't even realize what he was doing, and at others, he outright told me I was stupid and that I wouldn't be anything without him."

My chest was heaving at this point, bright red spots dancing in my field of vision. I was fifty percent sure that if I hadn't been holding on to the door, I'd have been swaying. "He broke me down until there was nothing left. I was a shadow of myself for so damn long and it took everything I never even knew I had to claw myself out of that hole, and you just stood there, telling him to leave you out of it? I'm sorry, Dash. That's just really not good enough."

It wasn't that I needed a big strong man to fight my battles for me. I'd been forged in fire and no matter what, I would always get through whatever life sent my way, but the fact of the matter was that I also didn't need a partner who didn't have any backbone.

I didn't need someone else in my life to protect when the backlash came after Ethan did whatever he was going to do next. Moreover, I didn't need someone I couldn't trust to actually be there for me. If a relationship was a partnership, I didn't have the energy for a good-times partner. One who enjoyed the sex and our time alone together, but who couldn't buck up when shit got real.

Dash looked into my eyes as I ranted at him, searching them like he couldn't understand the words that had come out of my mouth and was looking for some other clue, but he wasn't going to get it from me.

"I didn't know all of that, Serenity. I was just trying not to escalate?—"

I shook my head at him, then closed the door in his face, the disappointment weighing me down so much that I tossed the flowers on my kitchen counter. They were gorgeous, and I'd put them in a vase later, but just not right then.

Stumbling to the nearest couch, I collapsed on it, scrubbing my hands over my face and letting out a loud groan into my palms. Men suck.

I stayed there for a long time, pondering whether there was a future for me with Dash after all. Honestly, I didn't know. At this point, it didn't feel like it would be anything but a waste of time.

Another knock sounded at my door and my heart lurched, but I forced myself up and back across the room. Please, please don't be Ethan. Or Dash.

Steeling myself for the probability of it being one of them, I glanced into the peephole and grinned, swinging the door open in the same motion. "Jules! What are you doing here? I thought you were on a date."

"It was awful, so I ditched it and came here instead." She looked me up and down before she frowned. "Why do you look like you were hit by a hurricane?"

"Long story," I said as I stepped aside, waving her in and checking that neither man was lingering in the hallway before shutting the door behind her. "Tell me yours first. What made the date so awful?"

"The dude was a serious narcissist," she said on an exaggerated sigh. "He also tried to order for me, and when I said I'd do it myself, he insisted. I left when he kept telling me how to eat the crap he'd ordered and exactly which drinks to pair it with."

"Maybe he was trying to show off," I suggested meekly. "On the other hand, it does sound like he has issues. Good on you for walking away."

She chuckled, then took my hand and started dragging me toward my bedroom. "Since I'm already dressed and you look like you could use it, we're going out for a few drinks. I'll tell you all about Mr. Narcissist and you can tell me what on earth happened to you tonight."

I groaned. "I really don't feel like?—"

"Nope, we're doing it."

Once we got to my bedroom, I relented, knowing I'd probably feel better for getting out of the house. As I got dressed, I told her all the drama with Dash and Ethan, and she sympathized, proceeding to get me tipsy after we got to a bar nearby.

We drank, we bitched about the male species and their tendency to let us down, and then we drank some more before eventually we realized it was time to head home. All things considered, I was happy I'd let her drag me out, but as we collapsed into the backseat of a cab and headed back to my apartment, I was also happy to be on my way to bed.

It'd been another long day and I desperately needed sleep—and to figure out once again how on earth I was supposed to pull my life together.