23. Lily

23

LILY

L ily drove most of the way home with Levi in comfortable silence, until they finally turned on Ambler Road and into Trinity Falls. Bare tree branches met overhead and pretty Victorians adorned with twinkling Christmas lights led the way down through the village.

“Hey,” Levi said softly as she turned left onto Princeton. “I have a little surprise for you. It was supposed to be a Christmas surprise, in case you came back to me. But you’re getting it early now.”

She felt a pang at the thought that he had been dreaming of a Christmas with her, against all odds.

“Oh, I can wait until tomorrow,” Lily said, suddenly feeling nervous.

“I don’t think you can,” Levi told her. “It’s not really something I can hide.”

She decided not to argue and focused on parking the car out front. When Levi went to get Flora out of the car seat, Lily turned to face the house .

“Ohhh,” she sighed at the beautiful sight.

There were icicle lights hanging from the porch roof, and tiny white lights strung around the window frames, lighting up her surprise.

Levi had painted the shutters of the little cedar shake house a beautiful, pale pink.

“I’ll paint the whole thing pink, if you want,” he said, stepping onto the sidewalk to join her in front of the house.

“No,” she said softly, blinking back tears. “This is just right. Thank you for surprising me. I’m really honored.”

“You deserve it,” he said with a smile. “Besides, it might have started off as a tribute to my girl, but it looks really good, doesn’t it?”

“It really does,” she agreed, a little shiver going through her at the phrase my girl.

She tried not to let herself think about the future, or picture window boxes with pink impatiens blooming.

“Well, I guess we should get this little lady in out of the cold,” Levi said.

The sun had fully set, and Lily was sure she could taste ice on the air. The storm was coming.

They headed inside and Levi heated up some soup on the stove while Lily snuggled Flora in her arms until she woke up.

The baby’s evening routine went just as usual, but somehow knowing it might be the last time made Lily want to slow things down.

Flora ate her dinner with gusto and seemed to enjoy her bath. Looking lovely in her fresh Christmas pajamas, she gurgled and chatted to her mobile while they sang to her. Lily tried to memorize the sound of her little voice and the way she waved her arms in the air like a tiny magician.

At last, her eyelids began to droop. Lily slipped a hand into the crib to rub her little belly until she fell asleep. For a long time, Lily and Levi stood together, watching Flora sleep, her sweet face so peaceful in the lamplight.

“I have to ask you something,” Levi whispered at last.

She glanced up at him, wondering what he wanted to know.

“Downstairs, I think,” he told her.

“Okay,” she said, wondering what was going on.

He took her hand, and she felt a happy tingle go through her as the warmth of his hand encircled hers.

Once they were downstairs, he led her to the living room. Outside, she could see the icy rain was already falling, lashing against the trees and windows, making the inside of the little house feel cozier than ever.

“You wanted to ask me something,” she said, turning to him.

“Two things, really,” he said with a smile. “The first is why you ran from me. I mean I understand maybe you felt a little embarrassed at first, but why wouldn’t you even return my calls?”

Lily sighed and let her eyes return to the swaying trees outside as she thought about it.

“A week ago, I would have just said I was ashamed,” she said after a moment. “Now I realize it’s not just shame, it’s also pride.”

She paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. Levi remained silent beside her, listening, as he always did when she spoke.

“I know it sounds silly,” she said, “but I was reliant on so many people just to survive when I was a kid. And my parents are amazing, but they were very protective even after the surgeries. Anything I’ve ever done on my own has been a huge point of pride for me.”

Levi nodded, understanding in his eyes.

“Like the toy shop,” she went on. “I know my mother would spend every day over there helping out if I let her. But it makes me happy to know I can do it on my own.”

Levi nodded again, looking more and more like he understood what she meant, even though she was having a hard time getting it into words.

“It was the same in school,” she said. “I know you think it was kind of me to help people out a little here and there, but I did it for me as much as them—the project for the kids tonight too. It makes me feel good to be able to give back, even in small ways. I feel like I need to, I don’t know… even out the score. Even though I know I’ll never be able to, because the people in that hospital saved my life.”

Tears threatened and he squeezed her hand. She could feel his strength and compassion flowing into her, steady and sure as the house around them, protecting them from the storm.

“Anyway,” she went on, “I guess admitting that I can only read because of Mr. Gustafsson’s kindness is another thing making me feel like I go through the world never giving anything. I only take and take and take. It doesn’t matter that I’m standing on my own two feet now, because if I’m being honest with myself, I only got here because people like him put me here.”

“You know that’s not true, right?” Levi asked quietly. “Or maybe, more accurately, it’s true of everyone.”

She bit her lip and shrugged. It felt more true for her.

“You have so much to be proud of, Lily,” he told her, his deep voice enfolding her heart. “You’re a kind person, a fun person, and a person who makes other people feel important because of the way you treat them. You shouldn’t worry for one second about whether you give or take, because it’s our job on this earth to do both.”

She nodded, tears threatening again. Somehow hearing all this, in Levi’s truthful, reassuring voice, was healing something in her that she hadn’t realized was broken until tonight.

“The way you felt good tonight, watching the kids enjoy their time together and their gifts,” he went on. “I’ll bet you anything that’s exactly how Mr. Gustafsson felt when he was working with you in the library. Accept that with the same grace I see in you every time you take quiet satisfaction in helping someone else, and you’ll never feel another moment of shame.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder and gathered herself to say what she had to say next.

“I also thought you would be finished with me,” she whispered.

“Why?” he asked quietly.

In the darkness, with his steady warmth beside her, the truth was easy to admit.

“Because you’re smart and I’m stupid,” she said quietly. “And I didn’t want you to stay with me just to be honorable.”

“ What?” His voice was low and dangerous.

“You were a chess champion, and I was an illiterate cheerleader,” she said, wondering why she had to state the obvious to him. “And now you’re a lawyer and I’m a shopgirl. We just… don’t belong together.”

“I really hate hearing you say that,” he murmured. “But thank you for telling me how you feel. Can I say something?”

“Sure,” she said.

“I think I was afraid of the same thing with you,” he said simply. “The way I’ve always looked at it was that I’m a complete geek, and you’re the most charismatic person I’ve ever known. I joke around, but you inspire people. And you go for what you want—when you couldn’t read, you went out and got help on your own. When you decided you wanted to open a toy store, you did it. You don’t wait around for permission. You make things happen. You’re brave, Lily, so brave. And it takes a lot of intelligence to do all the things you do.”

She shook her head in amazement. The things he was saying… they felt good because they felt sort of true . She wished she could have always seen herself through his eyes.

“People used to tease me for having a thing for you and never acting on it,” he went on. “But I honestly felt like I had nothing to offer you.”

“You served our country,” she replied immediately. “That’s the bravest thing I can think of. And then you chose a profession that you can use to help people in big ways, even though it meant committing to so much school...”

She couldn’t find the words to tell him how wrong he was, that he had it all upside down and twisted inside out.

“I guess we both have our own hang-ups,” he offered. “But maybe we can help each other remember how much we have to offer?”

“I like that idea,” she said softly.

“So, no more running?” he asked her, pulling back slightly.

“No more running,” she agreed, tilting her chin up to look him in the eyes so that he would know she meant it.

“In that case, I have another question for you,” he told her. “I know tomorrow is going to be a very sad day for us. But a good friend told me something that stuck with me this week. He said that we’re not in control of when the people we love come in and out of our lives, so we have to take advantage of the time we have.”

“Ashton,” Lily said, practically hearing the words in Levi’s best friend’s voice. He had lost two of his closest friends the night he took custody of his daughter, Kaylee.

“Yes,” Levi said, smiling down at her. “We might not have Flora with us forever, but let’s be as much of a family as we can, even if it’s only for tonight.”

The next thing she knew he was kneeling at her feet, holding out something sparkly and pink, and she was crying too hard to say yes.

“We don’t have to do this tonight,” he said quickly, squeezing her hand. “I’m ready to make this commitment whenever you are. I just needed you to know that.”

“ Yes ,” she managed to sob.

“Yes?” he asked.

“ Yes, yes, yes ,” she laughed through her tears, watching him slide the ring onto her finger.

This had happened so many times in her fantasies. But it had never been a moment filled with so many emotions.

He rose a moment later and bent to kiss her. The ardent press of his lips to hers was beyond anything she could ever have imagined. Lily practically swooned as his warm arms and delicious scent enveloped her, making butterflies explode in her chest and sending tingles down her spine.

It was strange to be so happy and to be hurting at the same time. But that was life—shame and pride, joy and pain, all wrapped up together. Whatever happened next, the road would be easier to travel with Levi by her side.

She pulled back after a moment to look into his beautiful eyes. There was longing in his expression, but restraint and respect too.

“I guess we should get some rest,” she said, suddenly feeling shy.

“Of course,” he told her. “We’ll want to be up early with the baby.”

“I can sleep on the sofa,” she told him. “You don’t need to sleep on the floor in her room.”

“I want to,” he said simply.

She nodded and let him lead her upstairs and show her his room and the bathroom, and find her a fresh towel and one of his old Army t-shirts she could sleep in.

He stood in the doorway for a moment before leaving, gazing down at her with so much love in his eyes it almost hurt to see it.

How could I ever think he cared about anything but the way we make each other feel?

She glanced down at the ring on her finger, really seeing it now that there were no tears in her eyes. The pink gem sparkled in the lamplight, dancing and winking as she turned her hand slightly.

“It’s so pretty,” she murmured.

“I knew it had to be pink,” he told her with a smile. “And Valerie told me the minute I walked in that this was the ring I should give to you. It’s a garnet, from a river not too far from Trinity Falls.”

“No wonder it feels like home,” she said, smiling down at the ring and then lifting her gaze to take in her fiancé’s handsome face. It felt like she was living in a fantasy.

“I’m glad you like it,” he told her, his voice husky.

Electricity filled the air between them, and she felt her cheeks heat. Was he going to kiss her again?

“Good night, Lily,” he said gently.

“Good night, Levi,” she replied, feeling a mixture of relief and disappointment as he slipped out, closing the door behind himself.

Lily climbed under the covers a few minutes later, shivering just a bit as the cozy bed warmed up.

She hadn’t thought about it when he offered her his room and clothing, but of course they smelled like him—the rich comforting fragrance made her think of camping trips in the forest.

With Levi’s blankets wrapped around her, Lily felt safe and sound. She found herself drifting to sleep almost immediately, even though she was in a new place, freshly engaged, in the middle of an ice storm on the night before Christmas.

All that stuff barely mattered, because the biggest emotion running through her was the feeling that she was home.