14. Hunter

Chapter 14

Hunter

now

I wake up deliciously sore and deeply satisfied. I slept harder last night than I have in months, if not years. It was the most restful sleep I've experienced since I've been back in North Carolina, of that I'm certain.

Silently, I stretch, then stifle a yawn as I sit up and take in the man beside me.

He's turned away, sprawled out on his stomach, his bare upper back on full display. He's exquisite: lean muscle and definition wrapped in flawless dark skin. I resist the urge to touch him, to confirm that he's really here, in North Carolina. Back in my life, lying beside me in bed.

Then a memory of yesterday morning bubbles up, reminding me of why he's here.

Reminding me of how his arrival immediately and irrevocably shattered the foundation of trust Greedy and I were starting to rebuild.

Reminding me of how I screwed up. How I keep failing where Greedy is concerned.

I don't know how any of us will come back from this .

Greedy was so hateful and cruel last night, and rightfully so. Spence dropped the biggest of all bombs. Dammit. A sharp pain in my chest has me rubbing at the spot. I never wanted Greedy to find out like that.

It's my fault that he did. I should have told him, and I accept responsibility for this whole mess. For years, I've been keeping this secret because I can't fathom how I could ever explain to the first boy I loved that when he lost me, I lost myself, too.

The pregnancy and the miscarriage aren't even the hardest parts. I was a coward, and I ran. As shameful as my behavior was, I own up to it. I made my choice. I'm woman enough to live with the consequences.

The problem lies in talking to Greedy about what happened next and the aftermath. Once I start talking, there's no way I won't tell him everything. That's what terrifies me. Admitting how close I came to giving up completely in London.

A shadow eclipses the crack of sunlight streaming in between the blinds, pulling me out of my own head.

Someone is awake and out on the balcony.

I take my SSRI and turn over the bottle, then slip out from under the sheets. I take a minute to pee and brush my teeth, then quietly slip outside while trying not to disturb the blinds.

The smooth wooden planks are freezing under my feet as I shut the door behind me. As soon as the handle clicks in place, I beeline for the sectional couch, which is situated on an outdoor rug.

Immediately, my steps falter.

Levi is seated on the couch, his arms spread wide across the back cushions, his gaze set intently on me.

I offer him the slightest smile, testing the waters.

With a dip of his chin, he readjusts his backward hat.

He's worried, but there's not even a hint of anger in his expression.

Then I notice the two steaming mugs on the coffee table. We're okay. Or at least, we will be.

"Extra thirsty this morning? "

Brows furrowed, he assesses me, clearly not catching on. I roll my lips and nod toward the mugs.

His eyes light just a little, and he chuckles. "The one on the right is yours."

With that simple phrase, my heart stitches back together ever so slightly.

"I've gotta warn you, though," he says, holding one mug out to me. "It's tap water that's been warmed up in the microwave. It may not live up to certain standards."

I snort and take a sip of the weak but warm and soothing tea, then set my mug back down beside his. Steam billows off the pair of them, swirling and dissipating quickly in the cold morning air.

Shifting from hip to hip, I eye the empty cushion at his side. "Can I sit with you?"

"Of course," he replies, sitting just a little straighter.

I gravitate toward him, then sink into his side. He drops his arm over my shoulders, cradling me close and playing with the wispy hair that's fallen out of my messy bun.

For a few minutes, we stay like that. Silent and still. When the chill gets to be too much, I wrap my arm around his torso and snuggle closer.

It's cold this morning, so we're both dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, though the thick fabric can't hide the hardness of his chest. I take a deep, shameless inhale, savoring the scents of musk, teakwood, and peach.

I bury my face in Levi's side because I'm a coward, and mumble, "I wasn't sure what to expect this morning."

After last night and the way Kabir made them leave and shut them out, I can't even begin to sort out how to move forward. It must have been difficult to be on the outside looking in without any context or heads-up. I was just so desperate for an out—aching to escape Greedy's anger, Magnolia's meddling, and most of all, the self-loathing churning in my gut .

Levi pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. "It's going to take a hell of a lot more than some Dom with an accent to scare me away, Daisy."

I snort at his all too accurate assessment, even as my heart leaps. "So we're okay?"

Levi is silent for a breath, then another. As quickly as it lifted, the damn organ in my chest sinks as I wait for his response.

"We need to talk. About what happened with Spence, and what it means for—" He pauses, his Adam's apple bobbing. "What it means for you and me."

Relief washes over me, and I snuggle closer into his side. There's still a possibility of you and me in his mind. "We'll talk," I promise. "But I don't want anything to change between us."

Easier said than done, I'm sure.

After another breath, Levi reaches for his coffee, takes a big gulp, and regards me with one brow cocked. "I don't either," he says, his tone firm. "I'm not giving you up for anything, Daisy. As long as we communicate—and by we, I mean all of us, including Kabir—I think we can make this work."

My stomach riots with butterflies. I haven't lost Levi.

He's staying.

He knows just how bad my mom can be. He bore witness to how I act—what I need—when I'm feeling low. He's not scared, and he's not giving up on us.

Levi wants to stay.

"I assume Greedy isn't going to share the same opinion."

His body goes rigid, and his grip tightens on my shoulder.

The reaction causes me to look up and really take him in for the first time since I ventured out here.

Levi's piercing blue eyes meet mine, then he shakes his head. "He's not okay. He was wrecked last night. Thoroughly and truly wrecked."

"He was drunk," I scoff .

"He was." Levi nods, his lips tipped down in a pensive frown. "But he was also desperate to save you from what he thought was a threat. Even after everything he found out yesterday, Daisy, he just wants to love you."

A whimper catches in my throat. It's the truth. There is no doubt about it. Only, I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Tears well in my eyes, and my stomach burns with anxiety.

What we had, it's gone. It slipped away, and my life changed forever that fateful day in August three years ago.

The Hunter who existed back then is no more. I've hardened around the edges. I've had to fight down personal demons I didn't even know existed until it was almost too late.

I did everything I could think of to remove myself from the equation. During my darkest moments, I truly believed his life would be better without me in it. I don't know if I have the strength to explain all that to him. It's not fair to ask him to love this husk of a person—a shell of the Hunter he fell in love with—when I couldn't even love him properly when I was whole.

Where do I go from here? It's safe to say that yesterday, Greedy and I hit rock bottom. Add my connection with Levi, then Kabir's unexpected appearance, and the complicated place we've found ourselves in is only magnified.

"I don't know what to do," I admit, swiping a tear from my cheek. My chest aches with the pain I caused and continue to cause Greedy.

"Give him some time to cool down," Levi suggests. "He's hurting, and his feelings are valid. I think a little space would do us all good." He cups my head with one hand, smoothing over my hair and kissing me again.

"Easier said than done, considering our parents asked us to spend the holidays with them in the mountains."

A surprised huff escapes him. "Are you serious?"

"I told them I wouldn't go unless you came with us."

There is no way I'd leave Levi out, especially knowing that if he was stuck in South Chapel over the holidays, his mother would do her best to guilt him into visiting .

"I may have also insisted Spence come along, too."

Levi blows out a long breath, his chest deflating. "You sure that's a good idea, Daisy?"

"No." In fact, I'm sure it's a certifiably bad idea to invite my European lover and my boyfriend to spend the holidays at my ex-boyfriend/not-brother's cabin. Yet here we are.

For a long moment, I focus on the steam billowing out of the mugs. A yawn catches me by surprise—I'm always groggy for an hour or so after taking my meds.

"Just so we're on the same page, I don't have a problem with Spence being… in your life… on principle. But what he said to you—"

And there it is.

Sitting up, I place my palm on the center of Levi's chest, relishing the warmth that radiates from him and the feel of the rock-solid muscle beneath the thick fabric of his hoodie.

Keeping my gaze set on my hand, I focus on the steady rhythm of his heart and tell him, "I like that."

He stiffens. "You like that? Hunter, he called you—""A slut. A useless hole. Yeah." The words are strange outside the confines of the bedroom where Spence and I have an established dynamic, but I need Levi to understand. "I like when he degrades me."

Heart pounding against my sternum, I sit taller and check the solidness of my defenses, mentally preparing for battle.

Levi gapes, and his jaw ticks with visible irritation, but he doesn't lecture me.

Always the southern gentleman.

I wrap my arms around his neck, willing him to understand.

"I've asked him to say those things," I explain, burying my face in his shoulder. "I crave it. When Spence is in control, when he's degrading me or talking to me like I'm worthless while worshipping my body, I can let go. The berating voices in my head go silent. When someone else takes over, I can rest. "

Cool hands find the hem of my sweatshirt and work their way up my back. Then Levi is holding me just as tightly as I'm clinging to him.

"You like it," he murmurs, the words slow, like he's testing out how they sound.

I nod, my nose brushing the warm skin at his neck. "If I wanted him to stop, he would. Immediately. Without question. We have safe words. He knows me better than…"

I cut myself off, because I can't honestly say that Spence knows me better than anyone. There are parts of me that Levi sees that no one else understands. There are pieces of who I used to be that only Greedy knows. Then there's the version of me who healed herself—a woman who was raw and vulnerable with a man who's still on the other side of the world.

There are parts of me that are only his to know. He knows me so well, but so do three other men, along with my bestie Joey.

"He knows me really well," I finally say. "He and I, we understand each other. He was exactly what I needed, when I needed it."

For several heartbeats, Levi says nothing, jaw ticking. Finally, he clears his throat. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay." If this is going to work between us, we need to be honest with each other. I want him to feel like he can tell me anything.

"He… Spence," Levi clarifies, "He mentioned last night that he wasn't surprised you had a boyfriend, because he hadn't been celibate either over the last few years."

Worry pulls between Levi's brows, though I don't know if the concern is over how I'll take this news or over sharing something he isn't supposed to share.

"Thank you for telling me," I say with a soft peck to his lips. "I'm not surprised to hear that. I assumed we weren't together the day I left London."

"Yet he's here," Levi reminds me.

"He is," I whisper. Spence traveled all the way from London to check on me. I get the sense he's not in any rush to return home .

He's here.

He's not the only one. For the first time since waking, I think about my mother. About her identical green eyes meeting mine in the mirror at the club last night. About her saccharine smile and the singsong voice she employs around Dr. F.

Why is she here, and more importantly, when will she leave?

"So if he's here," Levi pushes, "what are you now?"

Good question. "I honestly don't know," I admit. "But I promise we'll figure it out."