Chapter Twelve

Randy

I s it presumptuous to hold her hand? Is she secretly thinking I’m a creep? Is she thinking I invited her here just to get her alone?

All the cons don’t hit me until her hand is in mine already. She doesn’t say a word, though, as I lace my fingers through hers and hurry us out of the barn. Outside, the snow is coming down hard, and the wind has picked up, swirling around us and making me shiver even in partial shift.

Neither of us says a word as we rush to the cabin the best we can through the quickly growing snow drifts. By some miracle, neither one of us ends up on our asses. I unlock the door as quickly as I can and step back to let her go first. The fire is out, but the temperature difference is noticeable. I move to the fireplace to get a fire going as Soojin looks around.

“Was the cabin already here when your family bought the land, or did they build it?”

I look up from the fireplace to see her running a hand over the logs that make up the walls.

“My grandfather and his brothers helped my great-grandfather build it. It’s been in the family ever since, but Robert and I were the only ones who wanted to keep up the ranch.”

She turns to look at me. “Robert? Zach’s father?”

I nod.

“What was he like?”

I use the poker to get more of the wood going as I think about her question. It’s been so long since I thought about him outside of the accident. “He was short.”

She huffs a laugh. “Little brothers and sisters are always taller. I’m the oldest.”

I smile back. “He was stubborn. Ridiculously smart. Wise beyond his years. He was a good Alpha. The boys would have been better off if they could have known him and this life, instead of the life I gave them.” I don’t know what makes me say that last part. I regret it instantly. Soojin just tilts her head.

“Maybe. Or maybe they would have fought hard against this life. You never can tell with kids.”

The fire gets going, and she comes to sit near me on the couch. The heat seems to magnify her scent, and it takes everything in me not to suck in an obvious breath.

“Are you hungry?”

She shakes her head, kicks off her shoes, and pulls her knees up to her chest. “No. Just grateful to be warm again.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, let me get you a blanket.”

I hurry off to the bedroom to get a blanket for her, grateful for once that Zelda insists on treating me like her 6th son. I’ve got a stack of freshly laundered blankets she insisted I take with me when I left her house last night. I pull out the thickest one and bring it to the couch. Soojin’s eyes light up as I come back into the room. She takes it from me and wraps herself until only her face is visible.

The groan of pleasure she makes as she curls up in it is borderline obscene. “This is the best blanket ever,” she says, curling up on the couch.

“Should I leave you two alone?” I tease.

“Jealous?” she deadpans.

“Maybe a little?” I sit on the opposite end of the couch, a cushion’s worth of room between us. She tilts her head and stares at me for a bit before wiggling around under the blanket.

Her hand emerges from the covers, a yellow piece of paper in her hand. “Did you leave this note for me?”

I take it from her and examine it. It has been gnawed on by something, but it’s definitely my note. I nod. “I left it after church. I was waiting for you, but Zach asked me to help, and I got caught up with that. By the time I came out, you were gone.”

She stares at me for a long moment, then reaches out for the note, taking it back and pulling it under the covers. Finally she says, “Are you sure?”

“Sure?”

“Anytime I’ve shown the slightest interest in you over the past year, you disappear,” she says from the blanket.

“I don’t mean to, it’s just that the pack–”

“Is your only priority… yeah, I know. Well, I learned that yesterday. Before yesterday, I didn’t know that you were the Beta. I just assumed you were the Alpha who just liked the attention.”

“I’m sorry, I never meant to make you feel–”

“All your relationships have been with demanding women who made the first move, haven’t they, Randy?” she interrupts.

It feels like a trap, but she has a smile on her face. Do I answer truthfully? What’s the right answer?

“I–”

She shakes her head and laughs. “You don’t have to answer that, but I do have a personal question I need to ask before I can say yes.”

She’s going to say yes? “Sure. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“I know it’s cold, but would you be willing to not be in your wolf form when we’re together?”

Her question has me totally confused. “You need me to shift right now? Sure, I have some clothes I can change into.” I move to stand, but she stops me with a hand on my leg.

“Randy, you asked me earlier about what I was doing today. The truth is, I don’t like Christmas. It’s not a hardship to treat it like just another day.”

How did we jump from me shifting to Christmas? I decide to keep my mouth shut and just roll with it.

“My family was very poor growing up,” she says, scooting closer to me. “So Christmas was always a time for my parents to fight over money. And when I grew up and got married to a gorgeous man with tons of money, I thought all my problems were solved.”

She bites her lip and pauses, as if she’s thinking about what to say next. “My ex-husband was the Alpha of a very large and wealthy pack. Everything had to be perfect, and he had the worst temper if even the slightest thing was off. We would be getting ready for an event or a party and if even one thing went wrong… let’s just say he was good about hitting me in places I could hide easily. Christmas was the worst. His father insisted that the entire pack spend it together. It was two weeks every year where I didn’t get a break from perfection.”

She stops and meets my gaze. “I’m sorry, that’s way too dark for Christmas Eve.”

I shake my head. “No, tell me the rest.”

She looks away and then looks back. “I’m sorry. This is going to be a lot.”

I put a hand on the one still on my leg and squeeze. She meets my eyes and gives me a half smile. Finally, she says, “The more stressed he got, the more violent he’d get in the bedroom, and Christmas with his family was two straight weeks of nonstop stress. Knots were only for his pleasure, not mine. If it hurt me, well then it was just my duty as his Luna to take it.”

I want to pull her in my arms and tell her she’s safe with me, but something tells me that’s not what she wants.

“I spent a long time in therapy and worked really hard to have intimate relationships with men again, but haven’t been with another wolf since him, and I don’t think I can…”

It finally dawns on me what she means by “together”. “Then no knots ever, if it makes you feel safer.”

“Not never,” she says, her eyes flicking across my face, “just until I’m ready.”

I nod. “Anything you need, Soojin. It’s yours.”

She tilts her head again and blinks. “I don’t need things, Randy… I just need you. I need your attention. I know the pack was here first, but I need to be a priority, too, if this is going to work.”

I take the hand I’m holding and I press my lips to her knuckles. With her hand still in mine, I break the distance between us. “Give me a chance to be the man I should have been for you this past year. I promise I won’t fail you.”

I can almost feel the doubt and uncertainty radiate off of her. She nods and I pull her close, wrapping my arms around her.

A long silence hangs between us as my brain races through a million different scenarios. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Ask her out again? Wait until the storm clears and then call on her at the restaurant? She pulls back and turns to look at me from her blanket, a look of expectation on her face. “Well?” she says.

I have no idea what to say. “Well?”

She sighs. “I’m one hundred percent right about your exes,” she says, pushing the blanket away from her face and leaning toward me. “I’m going to kiss you now, Randy.”

And she does.