Chapter Eleven

Soojin

I ’ve never been so nervous in my life.

I just practically invited myself to spend the night at Randy Lamar’s cabin out in the middle of the woods.

His secluded cabin. Alone. Just me and him.

What is wrong with me?

I spend way too long in the freezing cold of my apartment trying to decide what to bring. Do I bring my “good” silk pajamas or the warm ones? (I go with the warm ones) Socks or slippers? (Both) Do I need a blanket? (No) Or a towel? (Yes)

Before I know it, I’m staring into space, holding a half-empty backpack because I’m so overwhelmed by my indecision.

This is stupid.

“It’s just Randy.” I mutter to myself. “He’s just being nice.”

We know how this is going to go. It doesn’t matter what I wear. Hell, I could walk around naked and he would probably just offer me a blanket to wrap up with. With that depressing thought rolling around my head, I shove a few more things into the bag and zip it up.

I don’t know where his ranch is, and honestly no clue how long it would take to get here by horse. Randy told me to expect him, at the earliest, in an hour. I check my watch. It’s been forty-five minutes since we got off the phone.

I hurry around my apartment, unplugging everything, opening all the cabinets, making sure the pipes are all covered, before I throw my phone charger in the bag–just in case the power comes back on–and head outside.

The normally busy road is completely dead and eerily silent. I’ve salted the steps multiple times, but I still take each step like an elderly woman, slowly and carefully, my hands tight on both rails as I make my way down. It’s only because I have to move at a snail’s pace that I even end up seeing the note.

On the second step from the bottom is a mangled square of yellow paper. It looks like it’s been torn or gnawed on a bit. I’m a sucker for the pig family that runs around, so it was probably one of them that got to it first. It’s stuck to the side of the stairs, so I have to wait until I’m at the bottom to reach for it.

The paper is dirty on one side, but on the back in smeared blue ink are the words:

like to take you to dinner

don’t have your number.

send me a text?

It’s signed “Randy.”

I stare at the paper for a long moment, unbelieving. It has to be a coincidence. This can’t be my Randy. Not that I have a Randy.

There’s no way he left this for me. It must have fallen from someone’s car or pocket. The Randy Lamar I know isn’t this straightforward.

Maybe that’s a Beta thing? The Beta is supposed to always have his eyes on the pack, keeping the peace, meeting needs, while the Alpha protects it from the outside world.

But then again, it can’t be…Zander, the new Beta of the Lamar pack, chased every girl he could before he settled down with his mate, Nolig. Maybe it’s not necessarily a Beta thing, but could it be a Beta who had to spend years as an Alpha thing?

I don’t have time to think about it anymore, as the sound of the horses approaching in the distance catches my attention. I watch as Randy makes his way slowly toward the back lot of the Wild Hare on the back of a tall spotted horse. He has another horse–this one is brown–tied to the one he’s on by a long lead. I guess that’s my ride.

I watch as they disappear behind the Wild Hare and reappear at the other end, closer to my side of the parking lot. Carefully, I walk to meet them, not sure if the horses can navigate the parking lot. Fortunately, there’s already enough snow on the ground that I get enough traction without falling on my ass in front of Randy.

We meet halfway, alongside the Wild Hare, where the grass ends and the gravel begins, or at least it would, if the snow hadn’t covered it.

“You ready to go?” he asks.

I look down and realize the slip of paper is still in my hand. Quickly, I shove it in my back pocket and move closer to him and the horses. With a ridiculous amount of grace, he slides down the side of his horse and drops down in front of me, a smile on his face.

“Come meet Ramona, she’s your ride. Don’t worry, she’s a very calm horse.”

I don’t know anything about horses, but I figure it’s probably a good idea to let her smell me properly. I pull off my glove and reach out to her face, slowly, until my hand is right under her nose. She sniffs for a few seconds and doesn’t seem to find me lacking.

Randy says nothing. He just watches as Ramona dips her nose and lets me pet her. “Can I give her a snack?” I ask him.

He nods. “Go right ahead.”

From my backpack, I pull out two apples that I grabbed on a whim on my way out the door.

He laughs. “I thought you said you’d never been around horses.”

I shake my head. “I haven’t, but I have been around animals. I know how to make a good first impression.”

I offer the apple to Ramana, who takes it from me whole, and then move to Randy’s horse. She eyes me suspiciously for a moment before taking the apple from my hand and turning away. “She’s jealous,” I tell him, surprised, and he laughs.

“Yep, Grace has always been a diva. You ready to get on?”

I look around uncertainly, hoping for something I can use as a step stool. “How do I get on her back?”

“You can use my knee as a step. Here, give me your bag.”

I do as he asks and hand him the bag. He hooks it onto Grace’s saddle and comes back to me and Ramona. “You’re going to place your left foot on my knee and both of your hands on the saddle.” He instructs. “Grab on tightly and then bend your knee a little bit before you throw your right leg over.” I look at him, doubtful. I’m one hundred percent going to end up on my backside in the snow, but he’s come all this way. The least I can do is try.

I take a deep breath as Ramona and Grace turn to look back at me. I now have an audience. I picture the steps in my head and will myself not to do anything stupid. I brush off the bottom of my left foot, place it on Randy’s waiting thigh, and reach out for the peak of the saddle. With both hands on the saddle, I bend my knee and throw my leg over.

To my surprise, it works. Suddenly, I’m on Ramona’s back. “Hey, that actually worked.”

Randy smirks. “You didn’t think it would?”

I shake my head. “Absolutely not.”

He brushes himself off and moves to Grace. He’s in partial shift, and dressed more for a crisp fall day than the middle of a storm. He’s got on a flannel, a short jacket, and very well-fitting jeans. I stare for way too long at his backside as he jumps smoothly into the saddle with all the practice of a cowboy in a movie.

“Soojin?” he asks, breaking my focus on his backside. Guiltily, I shake my head and look away. He turns Grace so he can look at me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sure, why?”

“I asked you if you were ready twice and you didn’t say anything.”

Does he know I’ve been ogling his butt?

“Are you afraid of heights? We can take it slow–” His brows furrows with concern.

“No, sorry, I’m fine. I’m ready.” His eyes flick over me for a long moment before he turns Grace away, clicking his tongue and pressing his legs into her sides. Slowly, we head out the way he came, across the back lot, and over the grass.

I’m not afraid of heights, but it is slightly unsettling to be so high up on a living creature. I run a hand along the back of her neck as we walk, wondering if my weight is hurting her, if the saddle bugs her, if her feet are cold. “You okay back there?” Randy asks.

“I’m fine, but are the horses okay to walk this far in the snow? I’m not hurting her, am I?”

He slows down until Grace and Ramona are walking side by side. “You’re definitely not hurting her. It isn’t far, and they get frustrated staying in the barn. They’re like kids stuck inside the house on a rainy day. Grace is already mad that she has to share the barn with Ramona. Staying inside would just make her grumpier.”

“You’ve had Grace for a long time?”

“Eighteen years today.”

“But wasn’t that–” I find myself saying aloud before I can stop myself.

He looks over at me and nods. “Yep, we were hauling Grace and two other horses the day Robert died.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

He shakes his head. “It was a long time ago, I’m–”

“You don’t have to say that you’re over it.”

He gives me a half smile. “How did you know what I was going to say?”

“It’s what we always have to say when something horrible happens. No one ever wants to hear the truth.”

He nods and looks ahead.

Silence stretches out between us for a while. The only sound is that of the horses’ hooves through the snow.

Finally, he says, “So if the power hadn’t gone off, what were you going to do for Christmas?”

I shrug. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. If the storm hadn’t come in, I might have gone to visit some of the older people from church, but most of them live in assisted living way on the other side of the county.”

“So… you were going to be alone?” His tone makes me feel slightly defensive. It must be written all over my face because his expression changes. “I mean–”

“So were you.”

“Yeah, but I’m an old man. It’s not the same.”

That makes me laugh. “How does that even make sense? Besides, you can’t be much older than me.”

“I’ll be fifty in a few months. What about you?”

“Forty-seven and three quarters.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “For all that my back likes to remind me, I don’t feel fifty.”

“How old do you feel?”

“I don’t know. Not old enough to be responsible. I thought I’d have my life together by now, you know, have a plan,” he says.

“You’re being too hard on yourself. You just went through a huge transition. It takes time to figure out what’s next.”

“Yeah…” His voice trails off as a chorus of grunts and a weird bark comes from behind us. I can’t turn very well in the saddle, but Randy expertly nudges Grace around and sighs.

“Go home, Porshetta,” Randy calls.

I try to twist in my seat and find it unnecessary as the pig family and a small brown creature catch up to us.

“Is that a capybara?”

“Go home,” Randy calls to them again, before answering me. “Yeah, I think the vape guys are still moving forward with their exotic petting zoo plans.”

Exotic petting zoo? “Do they know their zoo is on the loose?”

Randy chuckles. “I don’t honestly know.”

“They seem pretty determined to join us.”

The wind starts to pick up, and snow begins to fall. Randy sighs. “I have an extra stall in the barn,” Randy says aloud to the pigs. “But no pissing off the horses.”

“Do you think they understand?”

He nods. “The pigs definitely understand. The capybara, I don’t know him well enough to know one way or another.”

We slow down for our animal entourage, but thankfully, the journey isn’t much longer. Randy stops us at a gate just past mile marker five and hops down from his horse with a grunt. He opens the gate and the pigs and capybara pass through as if they own the place.

“C’mon, Grace,” he calls, and the horse moves forward, Ramona in tow. He locks it back and stays on foot the rest of the way up the drive to a large barn. Inside, Ramona stops by a wooden table and I use it to get down before Randy can say anything. He looks surprised, but says nothing.

“Do you have a towel or blanket?” I ask him, eyeing the capybara. He walks over to a shelf and pulls down an old towel.

“Can I use it on the capybara?”

He shrugs. “Sure, but why?”

I move over to where the creature stands next to Frigg, the piglet. It doesn’t seem to mind me being in its space, so I kneel down carefully on the ground and start to dry it off. “They’re native to South America. I’m not sure they do well in cold weather.”

Randy snorts. “Of course, those assholes would buy one in the winter and not keep up with it.”

He fills up a large, low pan with water and places it outside the stall. “I’ll leave the door open, but the barn is going to be closed,” he tells the pigs. “If you want out before morning, now is your last chance.”

Porshetta merely blinks a few times before going inside the stall. The rest of her family, including the capybara that I’m still trying to dry off, follow.

“She does really seem to know what you’re saying.”

“Yeah, pigs are smart. I’ve got to get the ladies dried off before they settle down. Do you want me to take you inside first? I don’t want you to freeze.”

I shake my head. “If you tell me what to do, I can help with Ramona.”

He removes their saddles and hands me another towel and brush. “We’re just going to dry them off and brush them a bit before we leave them to rest.”

I watch Randy as he dries off Grace, and then I attempt to copy his movements with Ramona. She watches me carefully, but doesn’t seem to mind my inexperience. I brush her, and then Randy leads them into separate stalls, shutting the bottom half of each door behind him.

“You have to keep them closed in?”

“Yeah, Grace isn’t a fan of Ramona yet. I don’t want them to fight.”

He puts things away, shoulders my backpack, and heads for the door. “Ready?” he asks, pulling open the barn door without giving me a chance to answer. Air blows a blast of snow into the barn. He holds out his hand. “C’mon, Soojin, the cabin’s a bit of a walk and it’s already crazy out here.”