15. Iris

15

IRIS

I lay back on the table and let out a tense breath with my doctor positioned between my legs.

“There’s going to be some slight pressure, might be uncomfortable at first, but just relax.” She’s got a nice, motherly face, a middle-aged woman with a cropped haircut. She’s been incredible considering Trevor and I are vibrating with nerves.

“Okay.”

Trevor holds out his hand, and I take it, pulling it up to my chest.

Dr. Smythe’s work is veiled by the sheet over my legs, but she’s right, it’s uncomfortable at first.

“Hard to relax when I think my life is about to change,” I murmur.

Dr. Smythe chuckles. “Do what you can, it’s normal to be nervous.”

I swallow, breathing through the discomfort.

Trevor kisses the back of my hand.

“I love you,” he mouths.

Each time he says he loves me, the weight of our time spent apart lifts. I grow stronger each time he says it.

I’m no longer afraid. All it took was the reaction to maybe being pregnant to clarify everything for me. I’m safe. I’m good. I deserve this.

“There we go.” Dr. Smythe smiles. “Yep, there’s a baby there.”

I laugh. Trevor’s hand tightens in mine.

“Fetal pole is developing nicely, we can see the gestational sack here…” Dr. Smythe turns the screen toward us. “And that’s the heartbeat. Subtle, but you can see it.”

All of the gray blurs and black splotches are perfect. Because they’re mine. My baby. It doesn’t have to look like a baby for me to know. “Oh my god, Trevor.”

Trevor’s head dips down, pressing my knuckles to his forehead. Tears catch on my fingers.

“Baby.”

“It’s a beautiful thing when people are so happy.” Dr. Smythe smiles. “You’d like pictures, I’m sure.”

“Please.” Trevor nods. “Poster sized.”

I laugh, beaming ear to ear. “It’s happening. It’s real.”

Trevor places a hand on my lower belly. There are no signs of a baby yet, but it will happen sooner than later, I’m sure.

And it doesn’t matter if we can’t see it, I can feel it. The baby doesn’t have to be wiggling around for me to know it’s there. There’s just a warmth in my belly. A power.

I’m growing life.

We’re starting our family.

“So, I’ll run your blood work to make sure everything is above board as far as your levels go. You’ll need to start prenatals and…” Dr. Smythe rattles through everything, and I try to keep up, but the gears are spinning in my brain.

I’m four months into the future, nine, one year, ten, eighteen .

A whole life. I’m going to be responsible for a whole life.

The most beautiful terror I’ve ever experienced.

Shortly after we get our grainy prints of our grainy growing baby that looks more like a blob than a baby right now, Trevor and I leave the office in a daze. We walk down the street hand in hand without a plan. We just walk. Doesn’t matter where we go or what we do. What’s unspoken is we have each other now. We will always have each other.

Trevor stops suddenly. “Uh, how are you feeling?”

I shrug. “I feel fine. I realized because my period was late. Not because of feeling ill or…” Though that will change. That’s one of the many things Dr. Smythe said. It’s early yet. I’ll more than likely start feeling the effects of my pregnancy sooner than later.

“Are you hungry?”

I laugh, pulling myself into his chest. “You think because I’m pregnant I’m suddenly ravenous?”

“I think I’d rather be safe than sorry.” Trevor runs his hands up my arms, then places his palms against my cheeks. “It’s my job to take care of you.”

I look into his eyes. The eyes of the love of my life. The father of my child .

I wonder if our baby will have his eyes. His curls. The softness of his smile. “I could eat.”

Trevor kisses my forehead. “Then let’s eat.”

We go to the diner underneath the El, the one we used to go to with Rowan and Oliver in the middle of long workdays where we’d sit side by side in the booth, picking food off each other’s plates.

We might be here alone, but we still sit side by side in the booth.

Brenda, our usual server, is over the moon to see me. “I thought we’d lost you!” She gives me a big hug. “The usual?”

Trevor places his hand on my shoulder. “The usual.”

“Coming right up.”

Trevor extends his arm along the back of the booth, allowing me a place to rest on his chest and look out the window. Like no time has passed.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the series of photos.

“It still doesn’t feel real.” He lets the folded photos cascade down.

I take his hand resting behind me and move it down to my stomach.

Our hands lock together, and we give each other a loving, longing look.

“What’s next?”

Trevor looks between the photos and me. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears. “You’re coming home, Iris. You’re coming home to me.”

I touch his cheek, pull him into a soft kiss. “Forever. I promise.”

“I will be wherever you are. You just have to tell me.”

“No more secrets.”

“None. Ever.”

The door to the diner dings open, and Red and Oliver walk in. They see us immediately. After all, we’re in our booth, the one we always shared.

Red’s face alights, her hands moving to her cheeks.

“Did you invite them?” I look at Trevor.

“No. Promise. If it was up to me, I would have kept you all to myself. Besides, no more secrets, remember?”

I grin and go to my best friend, holding her in a hug.

The flurry of reunion fills my body with warmth and a rightness I haven’t felt since I left Chicago.

I’m home. I’m where I belong. Where my baby belongs. Where there is love and light and understanding.

I will never take this away from either of us ever again.

* * *

The next couple of months move in a hurry. A lot changes.

I move back to Chicago, back to the apartment I used to share with Trevor. However, we have to start looking at houses for our growing family.

I’m growing too, subtly.

It’s my first baby and according to the internet, it takes longer for me to show. But Trevor and I can tell. We spend every night exploring each other in bed as if it was the first time.

He’s tender with me. Protective as he promised. And I don’t doubt for a second that our life together will be good.

The Hawthorns too are ecstatic when they hear our news. The next family dinner, we announce we’re back together, I’m returning to Chicago, and we’re expecting a baby. I’m surprised no one passed out from shock.

“You really are a Hawthorn, Trevor,” Ash slaps my boyfriend on the back.

Trevor flushes, but secretly I can tell he’s proud to be included in the fold, even if it is due to the fact that he also got a woman pregnant by accident the way Ash and all three of his sons did.

They all had happy endings, though. Not a bad club to be a part of.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Dara rubs her hands together. “And when can I get started on the cake?”

“We’re taking things slow,” Trevor says. “Working our way back to it.”

Jarred scoffs. “You’ve already got a baby on the way. What’s there to work back to?”

It’s my fault we aren’t technically engaged yet. I told Trevor I want to have my next career steps underway first. There’s something I can’t shake about trading my career for being a wife. It doesn’t feel like me.

There are jobs, sure. But people aren’t going to want to hire me if I need an immediate maternity leave. And I’m definitely more tired than I used to be. Hard to motivate myself some mornings, especially the mornings where I’m hung over the toilet puking my guts out.

The next morning, I’m too overwhelmed by the nausea to even think about getting up from the bathroom floor.

I sit with my back against the wall, waiting for the next wave. I run my hand over my lower belly, the ever so slight swell.

“You’re worth it,” I grumble to myself.

And it’s true. My growing baby is worth all of it. As long as they’re all right, I’ll suffer.

There’s a knock on the bathroom door.

“Come in if you dare,” I mumble.

Trevor comes in with a plate piled high with toast. “A meal for a queen.”

“My hero.” Toast is about all I can scarf down in the morning. Can’t even have butter on it. “Breakfast of champions.”

He holds the plate out to me, and I take a slice, scarfing it down in three bites.

“Mm. Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

I smile. “You heading out?”

It’s easier to get through this when he’s nearby.

Trevor adjusts the knot of his tie. “No, I’m not going in today.”

“Trevor, you didn’t go in yesterday. It’s fine. I’ll be okay here.”

Trevor sinks down to the floor next to me, suit and all. “I actually put in my resignation this morning.”

My stomach lurches. Not from a need to vomit or intense hunger, for once. From shock. “What?”

Trevor just looks at me, knowing I heard him.

“You resigned?! But your job–”

“I don’t need it.”

My mind is racing. “But what are you going to do, then? With your time? I mean, I guess if you want to be a stay-at-home dad, we can talk about that, but–”

“No, that’s not what I’m going to do.” He pushes some hair out of my face. “I’m following your lead, Iris.”

I frown. “You’re going to sit on the bathroom floor and start puking with me out of sympathy?”

Trevor laughs, throwing his head back, curls bouncing. “If that’s what you want me to do, fine, but I had a different idea.” He takes my hand and looks deep into my eyes. “I am going to be the first investor in your game studio.”

“My game studio?”

He nods. “Yep.”

I frown. “But I don’t have a studio.”

“Not yet. But you will. Because you have access to anything money can buy, and you have me for all the business side of stuff and–”

“You want to start a company with me?”

Trevor’s smile blooms. “No, I’m going to sponsor your company. I’ll give you the capital, it will be your dream, look however you want it to look, and–”

“You can’t do that.”

“Yes, I can.”

“But you have no idea how it will go. It could fail, I could fail.”

Trevor shakes his head. “No, that’s not possible. I believe in you and anything you want to create.”

“Trevor…honey, that’s sweet, but we’re having a baby. We need to have something steady for him. We can’t have a baby and a baby because a company is like a baby, right? So–”

“You leave all the red tape to me, all right?” Trevor kisses my hand. “I already have the Hawthorns in on it, there’s no way we’re going to fail because all the money is there. All we need now is your brain and your creativity.”

“My brain?! I can barely peel myself up off the floor most mornings. I’m going to have pregnancy brain for the next six months, I’m–”

“Don’t talk about the love of my life like that.” Trevor places a hand on my cheek. “Because she’s the most brilliant woman in the world, and all she needs is someone who believes in her. And Iris, you have a whole lot of someones. I promise.”

I stare at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure. You wanted that job in Seattle for a reason. Your goals haven’t just changed because we’re having a baby, have they?”

I place my hand on my stomach. “No. No, they haven’t.”

“So, let’s achieve them together. Let me help the way I can.”

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Trevor kisses my forehead. “To be honest, it’s a bit selfish. You didn’t want to get engaged again until you had a job and now you have one, so…”

I gape at him. “You’re really quitting your job just so I’ll marry you?”

Trevor grins. “No, I’m getting a new job. And marrying you would be a great bonus.”

“Is this your proposal?” I’m not sure how much more excitement and anticipation I can take.

He snorts. “No, are you kidding? This would be an embarrassing showing. No, no, no. As long as I have your blessing, you can expect a proposal in the next couple weeks.”

Giddiness has my heart fluttering like a hummingbird. “All right. Yes, you have my blessing.”

“Good. Now, eat another piece of toast, I can’t have the mother of my child starving.”

* * *

Before the proposal, there’s lots of paperwork. I come up with a name for my company: Red Violets, an homage to my friendship with Red.

I already have a few visions for releases. Games with plots that empower women.

As promised, Trevor has all the money to make it happen. He gets the LLC started and together, we’re working on proposals for other investors, looking at spaces for a design studio.

We spend all day, every day together. Sometimes we bicker, but at the end of it all, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather do this with. The father of my child.

Trevor admits selfishly he likes being close to me all day so he can keep any eye on things, get me what I need when I need it.

I’m so lucky. So lucky I nearly forget about the whole marriage part of the deal.

That is until after touring a few office options, Trevor asks if I’m feeling all right for one more stop.

“I can do one more stop.”

Not to long into our drive, I realize we’re heading toward Red and Oliver’s house. Is this when he proposes?

I wonder how he’s going to do it. Over a dinner with our friends? A big party? My head is swirling with ideas.

He pulls into a parking spot in front of Red and Oliver’s. Their house is dark, though. Doesn’t look like there’s any activity inside.

“We’re here.”

He rushes around the car to open my door and help me out.

I used to give him shit for treating me like I was already carrying a full-term belly around, but I stopped once I realized how much I love his doting. It’s helped our relationship recover, go back to the way things were.

I start toward Red and Oliver’s house, but Trevor grabs my hand. “This way.”

I frown as Trevor leads me to the front gate of the townhouse next door. I’ve always remarked how pretty it is, what with the trees out front that flower in the springtime and the brickwork.

“What are you doing?” I lower my voice. “There are people home!”

Trevor produces a key from his pocket and unlocks the gate.

“How did you get that?”

Laughing, Trevor tucks my hand against his bicep. “Just let the surprise happen, Iris.”

I’m just as surprised when he unlocks the front door too. Our footsteps echo in the empty hall. There’s no furniture, no rugs.

“I don’t underst…” I look up and see a banner hanging over the doorway leading deeper into the house.

“Welcome Home,” it reads.

Trevor squeezes my hand. “I know we said we wouldn’t keep things from each other, but this is the last surprise, I promise.”

I turn to him. “What does that mean?”

He laughs. “You’re so sweet when you pretend you don’t understand.”

“That banners for us?”

“I bought the house.”

“You bought the…” I take a few steps further, touching the wall for support. “The house I love? Next door to Red and Oliver?”

Trevor smiles and nods.

“How did you do that? I didn’t even know it was for sale.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, looking up at the banner. I didn’t realize at first but it’s done all in crayon, some of the letters bigger than others. The kids must have done it for us. My heart swells. “It wasn’t.” He shrugs. “But I know how much you love it. So, I had Oliver ask them how much it would take for them to sell it.”

“Oh god, how much?”

Trevor winces. “You don’t want to know.”

“Why did you do that? Why? That’s ridiculous.”

“You don’t like it?”

I shake my head. “No, I love it, Trevor. There’s no house more perfect for us. But you didn’t have to–”

“Of course, I did. You’re worth every penny spent on it and more, Iris.” Trevor steps up to me and reaches into his pocket.

In all the shock, I’d forgotten about the proposal. “Oh my god.”

“I wanted to propose to you in the house we’re going to spend the rest of our life together.” He drops down to one knee before me.

I cover my mouth with my hand even though I knew this was coming.

“Iris, I love you. I love you more than I did when I proposed the first time, which I didn’t think was possible. I wish it hadn’t taken losing you for me to realize just how important you were to me. I wish it hadn’t taken losing you twice . But here we are now. With a baby on the way.” He beams. “Which makes me happier than I know how to say. That you would do me the honor of carrying my child.”

I put my hands against my stomach, the small, growing swell. “Of course, I would.”

“You’re my better half. My inspiration. Everything in my life has led to you. To this moment.”

Trevor takes my hand, kisses the back of it, and smiles up at me with gleaming eyes. “Will you marry me? Do me one more honor and be my wife?”

“Of course, I will, Trevor.”

He slips the ring on my finger. Different from the first engagement ring. This one is less traditional than the diamond ring he gave me over a year ago. This gold is set with a minty green jade stone, framed by diamonds. “Jade represents eternal love in some cultures. And I wanted to give you something that would signify to you that my heart yours forever. Would have been even if you weren’t standing here with me.”

“I love it. I love you .”

Trevor gets to his feet, wraps me in his arms, and kisses me like he’s never kissed me. If we were standing before our friends and family now, this could be a kiss sealing our marriage.

I fist his curls, enjoying the feeling of my ring finger weighted by the promise of our marriage.

“I have one condition,” I whisper against his mouth.

“What? Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.”

I grin and press my forehead against his. “We get married as soon as possible.”

Trevor is quiet. Then, he kisses me again, deeper and more passionate. “That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

I don’t get a chance to respond before he scoops me up in his arms and carries me toward the stairs.

“Where are we going?!” I scream out through a laugh.

“Upstairs to our bedroom.”

“There’s no furniture!”

“In our bedroom there is.”

Sure enough, there is a king-sized bed in the master, accompanied by no other furniture.

“You certainly were prepared, weren’t you?”

Trevor carries me to the bed, sitting down with me still in his arms. He kisses and kisses me, finally saying through a breathy laugh, “I just wanted to make sure that we could wake up tomorrow in our house.” His hand drifts down to my stomach. “In our home.”

I hug my arms around his neck. “You’re my home, Trevor.” I touch his hand resting on my stomach. “Our home. We’re not going anywhere.”