Chapter 8

Iwant to kiss him again, taste the sweet Crown Royal on his lips, but I resist. I’ve become the master of denying myself with Cash. Scaling our walls in one night is not what I want. We still have a lot to talk about, but he’s here, and that’s all that matters.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I admit. His hand firmly grips my thigh, holding me tight as if I’ll disappear.

He chuckles as I run my fingers through his messy hair.

“I’ve exclusively been yours since the moment I moved back, Rem. You know that, right?”

“I do now,” I say. “Thank you. I don’t share.”

“Fuck, me neither. Tonight, I wanted to beat the fuck out of Archie.”

“You’re the only man I want, Cash. That’s the truth. I just have to figure out how to make it work.”

“I know,” I say. “And you will.”

I love the way he smells, and I wish he knew how much I’ve craved having his muscular arms wrapped around me just like this. Before the rest of the restraint I have left falters, I create space and stand because I know where this leads, especially when he looks at me with fire in his eyes.

I’m wobbly on my feet but keep them firmly planted.

His hazel eyes sweep me from my head down to my toes. “Damn, Valentine. Being that gorgeous should be illegal.”

“It’s illegal for you,” I say with a smirk.

“That’s the fucking truth,” he murmurs.

Unspoken words stream between us, and we hold a silent conversation—one that might take me under as the liquid courage swims through my veins.

I’m happy about the lowered inhibitions. It’s made having this conversation more manageable. I’ve dreaded it since we spoke earlier.

“I’m going to change clothes, I think.”

I need to create more space before I do something I shouldn’t.

“Sure,” he says, watching me leave as I break the tether of temptation between us.

My heart hammers as I walk down the hallway to my room. Once inside, I slide out of the dress and put on some pajama shorts and a tank. After a few minutes, I braid my hair and return to the living room. Cash stands at the table. Before announcing I’m back, I watch him for a few extra seconds.

Cash is the man of my dreams and my wildest fantasies, the only one who can bring me to the edge and please me in the ways I need. He’s my dangerous temptation, which only makes me want him more.

“You still puzzle?” he asks when I’m closer.

“Yes, I usually finish one every other month. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.”

He picks up a piece and snaps it into place. “What are your others?”

“Reading.”

He nods.

“And you,” I admit.

Cash glances over at me with his brow popped. “When you say things like that?—”

“I can’t pretend like it’s not the truth.”

He finds another puzzle piece and clicks it into place. Cash leans against one of the mismatched chairs from under the table, the same one where I’ve sat countless lonely nights thinking about him.

“There are so many things I don’t know about you,” I say, moving closer, meeting his eyes. “Like, what happened after you left Valentine?”

“Ah, yeah,” Cash admits, scanning the scattered pieces I’ve sorted by color. “What do you want to know? I’ll tell you the truth, even if it’s not what you wanna hear. You have my word.”

Cash’s word is as good as gold, almost better than Harrison’s favors. I could practically sell them on the black market.

“Beckett mentioned Samantha and you being into her. Was he right?”

A smile plays on his lips. “We never officially dated.”

“Oh.” Friends with benefits?

“I don’t start relationships with doctors, Rem, especially those obsessed with career climbing. I worked long days for nearly seven years. Thankfully, Hayden was in Houston, too, and would force me to have dinner with him once a month to keep me in check. He made sure I didn’t forget who I was until he moved back. That’s when I spiraled and was very hard to be around. You wouldn’t have liked who I was, trust me. I was a bastard.”

I swallow hard. The world has hardened Cash in ways I didn’t imagine. “You believe that?”

“Absolutely. I was obsessed to my detriment. When Beckett told me about buying the Horseshoe Creek Ranch, it woke me up. I looked at my life and asked myself what the fuck I was doing. I had the job of my dreams, made ridiculous money, and was unhappy. After I was offered another five-year contract for triple the money, I refused it. I became an equine vet to be outside, but I barely saw the sun. I had everything but felt empty.”

“I thought you were happy. You seemed happy online.”

“No. I was miserable,” he says. “That’s why I came home. Being here is happiness. I needed fresh air, Rem. I needed you. When you stopped answering my calls and texts, I knew what we had was over. I also knew the longer I stayed away, the greater risk I had of losing you forever. In the chaos, you were the calm in my mind, the light at the end of my tunnel. I came back as soon as I fucking could.”

My emotions bubble, and my heart hurts for him. I had no clue.

“Cash,” I whisper, understanding the mental anguish he put himself through. I did the same thing. Maybe we’re more alike than different.

“Knowing I was coming home to you was the only thing that kept me going. Hayden kept me updated and would always tell me how you were. It felt like you were waiting for me, too.”

“I was.” I study him. Since he returned, this is the first time we’ve had the chance to have a serious conversation. Our time has always been rushed, and I cherish this so damn much.

“What we had... have… people find once in a lifetime. I’m not walking away from that.”

His truths make me smile. “I was lost without you. I searched high and low, trying to find someone who could fill the hole you left in my heart.”

His jaw clenched. “And?”

“You’re not replaceable.”

As I swim in his hazel eyes, I understand he’s a dangerous rip current taking me under. Somehow, I’d buried myself so far under his skin he couldn’t erase me. However, it goes both ways and now we’re swimming in dangerous territory. I want to kiss him so fucking badly, but I know I need to stop this before it starts.

As if he can read my mind, he speaks up. “I should probably get going.”

“Will you stay with me tonight?” I ask, not wanting him to leave, not yet.

Since January, we’ve rushed our time together. For once, I want to slow down with him.

“Do you have extra blankets and pillows?”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest and smirking.

He tilts his head at me, and I see the desire in his eyes, but Cash doesn’t say a word.

“I won’t force you to stay if you want to leave,” I say. I’ve grown tired of pretending I don’t want him when I know it’s just us.

He steps forward and grabs my hands. Sparks fly and flutter when he touches me. “I don’t want to leave you.”

I let out a relieved sigh.

“Let’s go to bed,” he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we take the hallway. “Beckett told me Summer was changing your shifts to days.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” I admit. “Guess not anymore.”

He chuckles. “Whoops.”

I shake my head. “Gonna have to tell Beckett to stop running his big mouth.”

Once we’re in my room, I shut the door and look up at him. “Please don’t leave me once I’m asleep.”

“That won’t ever happen again.”