Chapter 41

DARCY

* * *

My phone pings for the millionth time today. Another text congratulating me on my big day. They should make me feel happy and excited as I prepare for our graduation ceremony. But they don't.

Cole

I wish I could be there, but know I love you, and we'll be watching the live stream. So proud of you Darce. ??????

Mom

Don't get mad at me if I take too many pictures today. I want to capture the moment my beautiful daughter begins her new chapter. See you after. I'll be the proud mom trying not to cry.

Harper

Congrats on your big graduation day, girl. Sending you hugs. I want to see pics of your dress. You respond to him yet?

No. I haven't responded to the texts that Matt sends. Sometimes they're an attempt to start a conversation, and others are updates on his day. They started six weeks ago, and I get at least one daily. I almost blocked him, but I can't. The thought of cutting him out hurts too much.

Each text sends me through a flurry of emotions. I get excited when his name pops up, and a sense of longing hits deep in my soul. Then I fill with anger at the thought we were a mistake, then switch to regret and loss. It's a whole emotional workout with each text.

I open his text thread and a slight smile escapes, and my stomach flutters as I scroll through the last few texts this week.

Matt

Graduation is this weekend. I'm so proud of you, pretty girl. Did you make your dress or buy one off the rack? I'll be there in spirit.

I'm in a little batting slump, so I need to change my walk-up song. Any suggestions?

I should be used to striking out, but you know what I've learned? Keep swinging for the fence. Don't give up. I'm not giving up, Darcy.

It's late, but I wanted to say sweet dreams, pretty girl.

I saw you today when I got carryout from The Wreck. I was going to say hi but you were busy. Your sparkle was a little dim. You taking care of yourself?

Road trips are the worst part of this job, but I'm making friends. My teammates aren't so bad after all. I just wanted you to know new things aren't so bad once you jump in.

Good luck today. You'll be the most gorgeous girl getting a diploma. Beauty and brains. A wicked combination. You're the whole package, pretty girl.

* * *

"Wow." Sammie stands in my doorway, slowly shaking her head. "You look amazing."

I turn to look at her and give her the signal to spin. "Stunning," I say. Sammie wears her hair in natural curls, and her dark skin under the sheer white lace sleeves of her dress is gorgeous.

Sammie giggles. "I told Jay we wear white dresses for graduation. It will look like a bridal convention but don't knock the tradition. Our graduations are special." She walks towards me, puts her hands on my shoulders, and I turn to look at her in the mirror. "Want me to do your hair? A partial updo would look great with your dress."

"Thanks." I don't have the energy to think about my hair or make myself presentable today.

Sammie brushes out my hair, and then her nimble fingers create braids that look like a work of art. "So, have you decided which med school you want to attend? I know you want to stay in Charleston, but getting into Colombia is incredible, too. When's the deadline?"

"I have to let them know next week. I wasn't sure I'd get into any school, and getting multiple acceptances is wild. I'm still leaning toward staying here. I mean, it's an elite school. I'd be close to family and friends." Her hands still, and I look at her in the mirror. "You. I'd be here with you," she smiles.

I move my head back to get her to keep working. "We'll always be besties. I mean, in theory, I could go to New York with you. That's the beauty of being my own boss. I can go anywhere." I empathize with Cole and Matt when I think about this next step. Sammie being somewhere else will be like losing a limb.

She's quiet and finishes my hair, taking a step back. "I love it." My hair is in loose braids that knot in the back. She left the back down, giving it a soft look. It's perfect with my simple tea-length tulle dress. I bought the old wedding dress at a thrift store, made a few modifications, giving it a more modern princess and less wedding vibe, and plan to pair it with my red Chucks. Unconventional, I know. But that's what everyone expects from me. The shoes will complement the red roses we carry. The perfect statement piece.

The reality of graduation is upon us. No more soon, or in a few weeks, or before we know it. It's here. Now. We could go our separate ways. I'll always be there for Sammie, and I know she'll do the same for me. Long distance can work in any kind of relationship, or so they say.

"What about you? You hanging your design shingle here?" She wiggles her eyebrows at me and makes me laugh.

"Kinda. I told you about the two jobs I have lined up in Atlanta. I can do a lot of the planning here, but I need to be onsite when it's install time. So when I take jobs in other cities, I'll be on the road some. Ash and Cole invited me to Nashville, and Chance offered me a room in Raleigh. I don't know where I should go." I release my tense shoulders and lean into her. "I'm staying here and finishing our lease through August, so there's still time to decide. I'll pick up shifts at The Wreck for rent money."

"Sure you do. But let's both enjoy today. We'll worry about this tomorrow. Today, we celebrate!" She wraps her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. "I love you, girl."

"Love you too, Sammie. No matter what." I cry, and she pulls away, wiping a tear from my face. My crying is practically a regular thing these days. I'm doing my best keeping my emotions in check, but they still leak out.

"No more tears. Let's go get ready and let the world know we're ready to kick ass."

"Yep, totally kicking ass." I put on a smile, mostly genuine, and finish my makeup. We're ready for the future. I'm happy to start this new chapter. Really. I am. But if I'm ready, why do I feel so hollow?

* * *

The graduation ceremony was a blur. A typical May morning in Charleston, under the grand Live Oaks - it was everything I imagined. The girls in white dresses, the guys in white dinner jackets, and red roses bring a splash of color against the old Charleston buildings. Everyone was smiling and laughing despite the humidity and the no-see-ums biting bugs in attendance. Sammie and I weren't seated near one another, which allowed me a little alone time among the crowd.

What am I going to do now? I no longer have the protection and excuse of school to hide behind. I need to face my future, but honestly, I'm scared. Everyone wants me to launch my design company, or as Ashleigh calls it, my brand. While I like the idea, there's a lot of pressure to succeed. What if no one likes my brand? What if I don't have steady work? How do I know what to charge? I've mostly done things for my friends, for free, because it's my love language. I want people to be happy. I want them to be comfortable and enjoy the freedom to be themselves in their space. So far, everyone seems to love what I do for them, but is it because they're friends and don't want to hurt my feelings? Or do they like it because it's free? How do I make money from my hobby? And how do I do this by myself? My insecurity overwhelms me, and by the time graduation ends, I'm practically having a panic attack.

After we make our way out of the ceremony, everyone is connecting with their families. I escape, find my favorite bench behind the English Department house, and attempt to get my breathing under control.

I miss Matt, and my heart constricts at the thought of a future without him. He was my number one cheerleader when I was doing Chance's house. How do I do this without him?

Like magic, just thinking about him conjures another text.

Matt

Wow. So damn proud of you! You looked gorgeous this morning. You made Cole cry. He mumbled something about your wedding day would kill him when he tried to wipe the tear away. I'm not making fun of him. I openly cried. Just wanted you to know we were there, even if not physically. Can't wait to hear what's next for you. You're going to do great things, Darcy Davidson. I'm your #1 fan.

I reread the text. He's with Cole? That's surprising. I pull up Cole's schedule and see they're playing against Matt's team in Nashville this week. Okay. That makes me hopeful. They're friends again. I'm glad. It's the best graduation present I could ask for.

Matt and Cole need each other. I should respond, knowing we'll both be around Cole and Ashleigh. I should hit the reset button and put us back in the friend zone. Well, maybe not friends, but more like we can be in the same room zone.

I start to respond with a simple "thanks" when Sammie finds me and sits next to me on the bench.

"Hey girl, you okay?" She puts her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a half hug.

"Yeah, just taking a minute." I put my phone away, and she doesn't let it go unnoticed.

"Anything interesting?" She nods at my phone.

"Not really. Well, maybe. Did you know Cole and Matt were hanging out again?"

She looks away like she's trying to decide how to answer. With a loud sigh, she takes her arm from around my shoulders and clasps her hands together. She picks at her manicured nails. Why is she nervous?

"Yeah. At spring training, after you ran away to Atlanta, they kinda had an incident."

"What kind of incident?" My heart races again. My mind relives my anxiety when Matt called me a mistake.

She blows out a breath. This must be bad. "With your social media hiatus, you missed it. Anyway, they almost went to blows on the field. It would've cleared the benches if the coaches hadn't stopped them."

"Ohmygod, why? That can't be good for either one of their careers. Shit." Yep. That's me. Darcy Davidson, the harbinger of failed futures.

"Oh, it was fine. They had words, but they kissed and made up, so to speak. When Matt texted me congratulations, he said he was going to Cole's to watch the live stream."

"Matt……. Matt told you that?" I shouldn't be surprised he texted her. They're friends, and just because I screwed up, their friendship shouldn't end.

"Yeah. Their relationship is special. Like ours. Nothing can change that." She bumps shoulders with me to emphasize her point. "You two had a special relationship too. Any reason you don't want to fix that?"

"You know why." I close my eyes, the sunlight too bright for my dark thoughts.

"No, I really don't. You didn't want to ruin their friendship, but look, they're fine. Can't you try with Matt again?"

"No, they're fine because we aren't together. If we were…."

"Then Cole would be supportive."

I shake my head. She doesn't understand. I can't bear that responsibility again. And besides, I was a mistake. My heart can't take another blow. I'm barely holding on as it is.

"Look, you know I love you. It kills me to watch you being fake happy. I haven't said anything because you thought you were doing a good job convincing everyone you're fine, but girl, you were not a theater major. Your acting isn't that good. I can tell you're heartbroken. Maybe talking to Matt can help you move on?"

"Maybe." I square my shoulders and stand up, reaching my hand out to Sammie. "But today is about celebrating our graduation. Let's go have fun with our family and friends." She takes my hand and stands next to me.

"Let's go." She gives me a wink and doesn't let go of my hand as we walk back to the graduation crowd.

"And my acting isn't that bad," I mumble.

"Girl, it's Razzy Award-level bad."

FML.