Chapter 40

MATT

* * *

Spring training wasn't what I expected. If I'm honest with myself, it was overwhelming. I played decent ball and got better as the games went on. The extra muscle didn't hurt. I'm surprised I played as well as I did, all things considered.

Cole and I are finding our way back. We talk several times a week, text, and compete. That part's a little different, but it brings a new dynamic to our relationship. The wagers are fun and involve a good bit of humiliation for the loser. Yeah, we'll be fine.

We both make the Forty Man Roster, which means this season could be a lot of extra travel for us. Travel to the show, that is. We could be pulled up and down, depending on the needs of the team. It's the next step to making it to the big leagues. I never thought I'd get there so quickly.

It also reminds me how unstable my life is right now. I'll be traveling a lot this season, but adding the possibility of being in Charlotte instead of Charleston gives me pause when thinking about her.

Team True Love, which has apparently expanded to include Cole and Ashleigh, agrees Darcy and I need to focus on ourselves for the next few weeks. We're both unbalanced and need to make decisions when we're on more sure footing.

One decision I'm sure about? I love Darcy Davidson. Of this, there is no doubt.

I log into the scheduled Team True Love video call. They're routinely checking in on my progress and these calls are both helpful and a pain in my ass. They've given me assignments and these sessions are supposed to keep me in check. This group isn't messing around when it comes to holding me accountable. We agree I need to go slow with Darcy. But it's time to open the lines of communication. That's the subject of tonight's meeting.

"There you are," Julian says when I log in. "Good game tonight."

"Thanks. I can't believe you follow my games." I'm a small fish in the Julian Decker Agency pond.

"Gotta protect my investment. I'm expecting big things from you, Matty boy. Big things." Julian's laughter cuts off when Ashleigh chimes in.

"Hey Matt. Cole's game ran late tonight, but he said to tell you, hold on." She looks at her phone and reads from her text. "It's time to reach out. He said to send texts, but nothing pushy. Friendly. Oh, and not to fuck it up." She rolls her eyes as she reads it out loud.

"That boy's a fucking wordsmith," Julian adds. "How he writes heartfelt love songs, I'll never know."

"Me either," I mutter.

"But I agree, it's time," Julian says.

"Yep, it is," Ashleigh says. "You've got some homework tonight. You ready?"

"I'm ready. Nervous, but ready."

We all think I need to focus on myself and my career while Darcy focuses on graduation and Darcy Davidson Designs. While we focus on ourselves, we'll work on building a relationship as two individuals. Friends. Because with the baseball lifestyle, Darcy needs to have her own thing. Besides, she's fiercely independent and needs to know I support her and her career. I'd never want her to come second to baseball. Never.

"How's it going with your new roommates?" Ashleigh asks.

I told Julian about my conversation with Jake, and he told me to focus on my team. I didn't do a good job as a team player last season and got a reputation I need to repair. Unfortunately, I lost part of myself, my identity, so I need to fix that. As Darcy said, I value team, family, and relationships. Working on reconnecting to my values this season is a priority.

I rented a house with Jake and Hunter, two guys also on the Ghost Peppers' Forty Man Roster. We'll all be in the same situation this year, and since each of them has been with the Ghost Peppers for a few years, they offered to help me break into the team culture. I have mentors in every segment of my life now, and I vow to carry on the tradition as my career grows.

My one housing stipulation? I wanted to live on the beach. That wasn't a hard sell for them, so we found a house at Folly Beach. It's the perfect place for us to unwind and get away from baseball when we need it. The chill beach vibe is perfect for all of us, and the commute to the ballpark is half the time it was when I lived on the Isle of Palms.

"Good. It's good. Jake and Hunter are solid, and it's been positive for me. Jake and I are teaching Hunter how to surf." Jake's a California surfer, so while our waves aren't the same, it's a connection he appreciates. Hunter's from Texas, so he's adjusting to the beach life.

"I'm glad to hear they're good guys," Julian says. "The Reapers like to maintain that all-American image, you know."

We all laugh. I was sure my dust-up with Cole would get me reprimanded for blowing that image. No one has mentioned it. I still don't know what that means, but I'm grateful.

"Hey, before I reach out, can I ask? How is she?" They've kept me on a need-to-know basis when it comes to Darcy, which apparently, I don't need-to-know much. She's back in Charleston, safe and sound. They support her, but Team True Love is working with me, not her. I'm the one that needs the assistance. I'm the fuck-up.

Darcy's healing from the Matt induced wound. She needs to graduate and get her future mapped out. Then, maybe I can see how I fit into that. I don't need her to plan her life around me. Around us. I need her to be the main character in her story. She was born to shine. She needs to heal, recover. Sparkle. My pretty girl.

"She's good. Moving forward. I don't hear "All Too Well" as often, so that's a positive sign," Sammie chimes in. Oh yeah, she's joined the team too.

I wince. "Not the ten-minute version?"

Her look is sympathetic, but for me or her, I'm not sure. "Yeah. But it's not even every day now, so that's better. I miss her when she's in Atlanta, though."

"What? Atlanta? What's she doing in Atlanta?" My anxiety rises.

"Good job, Sammie," Julian chides. A beautiful woman walks behind him, drawing his attention away. Wasn't she in that last Marvel movie? "Sorry guys, I've gotta bounce. I've got reservations at Nobu. Never said this would be easy, Hartman. Do the work. Hang in there." He disconnects and leaves the meeting.

"Not your fault, Sammie," Cole says, joining the meeting. This video chat is like a fucking revolving door. He's on his phone in the locker room, chatter going on around him. "He might need to know about Lawson, so he has time to process."

"Lawson? Who the fuck is Lawson?" Add jealousy and a touch of anger to my anxiety mix.

"Do you think he'll still be able to go slow and do this right?" Ashleigh asks.

"Hello! Guys! I'm right here. Who the fuck is Lawson?" I toss the computer on my bed and pace. Is she seeing someone else? Maybe this is futile?

"Um, Lawson Cartwright," Sammie says, meekly.

"The hockey player? How did she get with him?" I'm yelling at the screen. I can take a guess how they met.

There's a knock on my door and Jake sticks his head in. "Hey, you okay?" My yelling got the attention of my housemates. Great.

I drop to my knees so I can see the laptop screen again, pull at my hair, and take a cleansing breath. "Yeah, Jake, just reevaluating my friends at the moment."

"Understood." He shakes his head and closes my door.

"Remember when we told you she was MIA during spring training? Well, she was in Atlanta with Lawson," Cole says matter-of-factly. "Chance hooked them up."

I grind my teeth so hard I practically break a molar. Hooked her up? He may be a founding member of Team True Love, but Chance Fuller is dead the next time I see him. "What do you mean, hooked them up?" I say each word slowly, breathing through my nose to stay calm.

"It's not like that," Ashleigh interjects. "Lawsy and his sister, Harper, rescued her when she got stranded in Atlanta. Darcy's been working on their house. They've been super-supportive friends to her. It helps that they don't know you, so she doesn't feel like they're taking sides."

"How supportive has Lawsy been, exactly?" My jaw ticks.

"Dial it down," Cole says. "I don't think it's like that." He doesn't think it's like that? Are they trying to kill me here? So much for me thinking they could help.

"Oh, it's not," Sammie interjects. "Not at all. He's like an extension of Chance. Lawsy is giving her a job, and it's building up her confidence. It's helping, I promise. And if anything, Harper is rooting for you because she's a hopeless romantic."

"So, stick with the plan," Ashleigh says. "Send a text. Don't mention Lawsy. You've got this."

"Don't fuck it up," Cole says. "Love you, sweetheart," he says to Ashleigh in a totally different tone. His ability to switch it up like that is terrifying.

"You can do this," Sammie says. "We believe in you."

I let out an audible sigh. "Fine. I hope you're right about this because I've never been so nervous about sending a text in my life."

We disconnect, and I stare at my phone.

"Okay, homework time," I say to myself. Their need-to-know rule makes sense as I attempt to put Lawson Cartwright out of my mind. Fucking Lawsy. Ugh. Nope. This is about Darcy and me. I let him go. Or try to. I'll never buy a Jeep, that's for sure.

I've started and erased dozens of texts. What do I say? We can't jump back to where we were. That's not the best way to start. We're both in different places. I want to grow our relationship if that's what she wants. I probably need to grovel and beg forgiveness for ghosting her, but Cole says to keep it light. We need to rekindle our friendship first. And apparently, that starts with a text.

I stare at the message and hover my thumb over the send button. I hold my breath and push it. And now I wait.

Hey pretty girl! Graduation is just around the corner. Congrats! I'm proud of you. Are you excited?

I watch as bubbles begin and stop. She's responding. I watch the bubbles like they're a lifeline. Then they stop. They start again and disappear. This goes on for a few minutes. An hour later, no message. I get it. She's hurt and needs time.

Yeah, I fucked up.