Chapter 19

MATT

* * *

I know there's a standing invitation to the Davidson Sunday brunch, but I can't do it today. I need to step back and clear my head, but even the cold water of the Atlantic doesn't help me this morning. After a surf session that consisted of me floating on my board more than trying to ride the waves, I took a warm shower, which made me think of Darcy. She showered here a few days ago and left the evidence to prove it. I'll admit I used her body wash and enjoyed being surrounded by her scent. Her bag still sits on my dresser. I should get that back to her. Or should I hold it until she needs it again? Wishful thinking? Probably.

I lay on my bed and think about my future. And baseball. And Darcy. Mostly Darcy. I picture scenarios of moving up and getting traded. I think about what happens when I leave Charleston. In every scenario, I want her beside me. How do you decide between doing the right thing and doing the right thing for you? What if it's both? My dad's words play on a loop in my brain, along with her words from last night. I'm nothing to you. My heart hurts knowing she thinks that she's nothing to me. Surely, she knows better.

I'm startled by a loud knock at the front door.

I open the door and am greeted by a grinning Cole and his blushing fiancé.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We came to say goodbye," Cole says as he walks in.

"Come on in?" It's more of a courtesy since he's halfway to the couch.

Ashleigh stops and kisses me on the cheek.

"Hey, friend. Sorry about the drop-in. It was my idea." She gives me that look she gets when she's plotting. I've seen it before.

"No problem. You're always welcome." She walks in and takes my hand, pulling me into the den.

"I like this house. It suits you," she says as she looks around.

"Yeah, I guess. It's just a rental. Not all of us can put down roots yet." Their house in Nashville is an actual home. It's a comfortable sanctuary for them to start their lives together.

Cole silently flips me off from the couch as he scrolls through something on his phone.

"Show me around?" she asks.

"Um, sure. The den, kitchen, dining room, and my bedroom are on this first floor. Come on, I'll show you upstairs. I rarely go up there, but it's got a magnificent view."

We go up the staircase off the kitchen to the second floor, that has two more bedrooms and a second sitting area. Ashleigh opens the sliding doors and steps out onto the upper deck.

"It's beautiful. I've always pictured you at the beach." She watches me before turning her attention to the view.

"Yeah, something about the water. I've always loved it."

We both lean against the railing, looking at the waves rolling in. It reminds me of when I saw Darcy and Chance not that long ago.

I absolutely love this time of year when the beach is deserted. It's like this view is just for me. And Ashleigh. I smile at her. She rubs her arms to ward off the chill, so I grab a blanket off the couch and throw it around her shoulders.

"Thanks, Matt. You're a pretty great guy."

"So I've been told. But you still picked the other one," I tease. There was never anything between us. She was always Cole's.

"Like I had a choice." She chuckles. "I don't think you have a choice either, but you're fighting it. And how's that working out for you?"

"Not sure what you mean." Fuck.

"You know exactly what I mean. We just left a pretty miserable girl. Kinda looks like you do."

My heart twists just thinking about her being unhappy. Those tears last night practically broke me.

"Can't." I barely choke the word out. That's as close to a confession as she'll get.

Her brief look is one of pity, but she quickly shifts to boss mode. It's the same look she gives when she puts her older brothers in their place. I've seen her make them cower when she wants something, and damn if I'm not under her spell too.

"And why can't you? Because of some stupid bro code?" Her attention is wholly on me. The beach no longer a distraction.

"It's not a stupid code. You wouldn't understand," I mumble.

"Oh, because I'm not smart enough? Because I'm a girl?"

I give her my best don't be stupid glare. It doesn't even phase her.

"Let me tell you something, Matt Hartman." She pokes me in the chest with her finger. "That girl is hella awesome and has a bright future ahead of her. And so do you. And the thing about bright futures? They're filled with ups and downs, people who want to help you, use you, and hurt you. The journey is thrilling and terrifying at the same time." She reaches out and touches my arm, getting my full attention.

"Matt, you need someone special to walk beside you to help you navigate the journey. You want someone to celebrate the highs and support you through the lows. But letting some bro code keep you from someone special is idiotic. Do you want her to go through that alone? Do you?"

"He'll never forgive me," I confess.

"Oh, you let me worry about him." My head snaps up, and I'm terrified by her statement. "I won't tell him because that's up to you when the time is right. But you go make that girl happy, you hear me?"

I give her a half-hearted shrug.

She doubles the glare intensity.

"Yes, ma'am. I hear you."

She gives me a wicked smile and a wink. "Good, now finish our tour. We need to head to the airport soon." Her work here is done.

* * *

Ashleigh added more words to my jumbled thoughts. What if it's both? I'm nothing to you. Keeping away from someone special is idiotic. It all plays on a loop that gets louder and more jumbled.

I need to run. Work it out. Figure out the how. The solution.

The steady rhythm of my feet hitting the sand and the pattern of the waves breaking untangles my thoughts. Before I realize it, I'm at the same place I first saw her with Chance. The flash of jealousy subsides as I look up at the house that has brought us closer over the past few weeks. With a shift in perspective, the object of jealousy transforms into a thing of gratitude.

A light turns on in an upstairs bedroom, and I see a shadow pass in front of the window. A smile slowly creeps across my face, thinking about that girl. Who is apparently miserable. I need to fix that.