26. Jonathan

I 'd asked them to take control.

I was also terrified of not being in control, but that fear was, oddly, what I needed to keep me sharp. I couldn't make sense of it.

My skin prickled in the cold air, and I grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa and pulled it over my chest, then pushed it away. Too hot. Too cold.

Mabel was on their knees on the floor, doing things…to my penis. I had to stifle a giggle because this was so surreal that I didn't know what to do with myself.

Also?

"Stay still," they commanded, tugging at my hips until I was half-lying with one leg up, my foot on the edge of the sofa cushion, the other leg flailing as my body spasmed.

I was so turned on that I was dizzy. Their tongue moved up my shaft, down again, fingers pushing me apart, then their tongue again, going down.

"Shhhh," they warned, shooting me a small smile.

I hadn't realised I'd been grunting and groaning in pleasure.

"I'm going to play with you. If anything is too much, say stop."

"Like a…safe word?"

They stopped and looked up at me, an amused smile on their face. We were in the dark, but the light of the city spilled across the apartment, painting us in its soft, blue glow. "Exactly. I don't know you well enough yet to get this right, so I will push you. But you have to set the limits."

"Okay," I breathed out.

"I trust you to guide me here."

"Thank you."

"You need to trust me too, Jonny. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I answered truthfully, which was strange. Objectively, it wasn't that long since I'd existed in a world where Mabel Donovan was part of my life, but I liked it.

No, I loved it.

More noises. I did my best to stifle them, but it was difficult with that warm wetness engulfing me. I had no control over the way my body was reacting. My neck craned back of its own volition, and my nipples were hard, I discovered, when my fingertips found their way to teasing those hard nubs.

"Pinch them," Mabel said before swallowing my cock back down, ridiculously deep. My leg reflexively kicked out. They were holding my other foot down, causing me to slide to the side. Oh God. I couldn't stay still. But I did what they told me to do and pinched hard enough that I moaned.

"Shhh. Don't wake the kids."

Kids? What kids? Oh, yes. Kids. I laughed, then swallowed my breath as they licked down over my balls. I gasped and flailed some more, my back arching off the sofa.

I loved the way their fingers gently parted my bum cheeks while their tongue lapped underneath my balls and up over them, rewarding my poor, neglected penis with a full, deep kiss.

God, I loved this. I loved having my balls played with, what they were doing with their tongue. I willingly spread my legs, shuffling down another inch or two, begging with my body for them to give me what I wanted. This. All of this.

Sex was fun. It had never been fun before, but it was with Mabel. They slid up on top of me, rubbing their shaft against my stomach, and my mouth was on theirs, or maybe theirs was on mine? What did I know? I didn't care where that mouth had been because the whole naughtiness of what we were doing was the biggest turn-on.

"I'm going to get some lube when I'm out tomorrow," they said. "The good stuff that'll get you all nicely wet and ready and—"

"Yes!" I gasped out as they kissed down my neck, my hand on my cock, theirs on theirs. Maybe it should have been the other way around. Or maybe not…because just watching them handle themselves, the way their fingers worked the head, the hand sliding down…

I wanted it back in my mouth. Or did I want mine in theirs?

The details didn't matter, I just wanted…this. Their mouth so close to mine, lips softly nudging mine.

"Next time, with all that lube?" they huffed out, holding my gaze.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to finger you. Just loosen you up down there, get all those juicy nerve endings around your passage on fire. Nothing hardcore. Just…get you—"

Oh, God. Putting that vision in my head after the way they'd worked me up, all my no-penetration rules went straight out the window and evaporated miles above the skyline, and that enormous roar… Yes, it was me, because as I spilled my load over my stomach, I wanted all of that. I wanted my backside in the air getting completely destroyed and whatever pain would go with that. I wanted my hands on their chest, exactly the way I was positioned right now, with their cock inside of me, the two of us joined together, all sweaty and raw and primal and making me feel like this. Free. Alive.

Human.

My body was still on fire as Mabel's orgasm tore through them, all shivers and hard breaths and their lips crushed against mine in a kiss that took my breath away before they collapsed on top of me, far too heavy, but it was a weight I welcomed. I was sticky, exhausted, full of feelings I wasn't quite ready to acknowledge or admit to out loud.

Maybe one day.

Keeping my sticky hands in the air, I stroked their back with my forearms, my legs bending around them in some kind of double-limbed attempt at hugging.

I was a hugger. How had I never known that before? I needed hugs. Their skin on mine. This closeness.

And I hated it when that comforting weight lifted off me, the cool air flooding into the empty space they'd left, flooding my mind…

"Come," they said, holding out their hands to me. "Don't care about the clean-up. I just want to hold you."

Still dazed, I took their hands and let them guide me back to bed, where they lay on their back so I could crawl into their embrace.

I didn't care about the clean-up either. I wanted them on my skin forever, tattooed into blotchy patches of white. They were all I wanted, all I'd ever need…

The next coherent thought came as Jenny snuck out of the room with one of the twins, and it shook me awake. My heart was beating too fast, yet this was…different. I'd slept, and it was almost as terrifying as not sleeping because I had no idea how I'd managed it or how I hadn't heard Jenny come in or why I was hobbling around in circles, naked and freezing.

I rummaged in the wardrobe, wishing I owned a dressing gown. I'd never needed one, since I was nearly always alone and up before everyone else. This was brand-new territory. I settled for a pair of tracksuit pants and a T-shirt and stumbled out into the too-bright living area. The coffee machine was gurgling away, the heavenly scent filling my nostrils.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," I replied as a twin was thrust at me, fully dressed. How Jenny managed that in a few minutes flat, I'd never know, but I was familiar with the drill and peeled the banana in front of me, handing half over to the baby bird on my lap. I smiled and kissed the top of their head, inhaling that special smell these children had.

I remembered reading an article, long before I'd known them, about how physical contact with another trusted human could lower your heart rate and get your blood pressure to drop in an instant. These two had always done that for me, even as babies. If I was getting irate, Jenny would dump a baby on my lap, forcing me to sit still until the only thing on my mind was the small human gripping my fingertip.

God, I loved these kids.

"How was your night?" Jenny asked, sliding the bedroom door shut behind her with another sleep-drunk child in her arms.

"I slept," I said, glancing at the clock. It was just gone past six, and I felt more tired than usual, like my body had no idea how to function after getting too much rest. "I have no idea how to do this," I admitted.

"Having a proper night's sleep in a bed?" She nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. I sleep better when I have these two writhing around and kicking me in the guts every five minutes, but it's still nice have the bed to myself. Don't let Mabel steal my pillows again."

"Noted."

"I like them."

"It's new and far too fast and weird and ridiculous, but…"

"They make you happy."

"Yes. It feels…really nice. And it just works. Do you know what I mean?"

"Well, I met Damian, and I did everything right. We dated. We took it slow. We didn't move in together, instead living our independent separate lives. Followed that handbook to the T. See where that got me?"

"Yes."

"Straight down shit creek with twins on the way. No rules, Jonny. Live your life and do things your way. Whatever makes you happy."

"They do."

"I can see that."

"I need to figure out how to be better at this. At being—"

"A good partner? Jonny, you're the best partner I've ever had. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have asked you for a turkey baster and a pot of sperm and had your babies. You're one of the good ones. Seriously, don't worry too much. Just live. You're good at that."

I laughed. "Thank you, but I was actually going to say, I'm going to try to be more…out."

"Out." She smiled. "Darling, you don't need to be out. Or in. Or in the middle, for that matter. You're great just the way you are. Don't make anyone change you. I hope this isn't Mabel telling you that you have to be something you're not?"

"No, no. Absolutely not. I actually, want to be…more honest? Hide less?"

"Jonathan Templar has never hidden anything. And I meant what I said. You're one of the good ones."

"I don't always feel like it."

"Perfect people like us never do. We just bumble through life."

She was being sarcastic as anything, but maybe she was right—that I should just be me. Do this my way. No rules.

"Sex with them is—" I cut myself off, blushing as I clumsily covered Frazer's ears. How I knew it was him, not Felicia, I wasn't sure.

Keeping her eyes on me, Jenny took a seat, peeling a banana then squashing the fruit against Felicia's cheek, completely missing her mouth.

"Sex?" she questioned, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes." My cheeks felt like they were on fire. "It's…surprising."

"It usually is when you find a good partner, someone who ticks all your boxes."

"Yes."

Jenny was still waiting for me to continue, but I had no idea what I wanted to say. She fed some of the banana to Felicia and took a bite herself, chewing as she studied me.

"Mabel is not like everyone else," she said. "I always thought your type would have been someone more…masculine presenting."

"So did I," I admitted. "I'm…I'm in love with them, Jenny. I don't know where it came from. I love the way they make me feel, the way they move, their clothes, the make-up… I love all of it."

"And the sex?" she said. "You brought it up."

Typical Jenny. No stone left unturned.

"You know…" I mouthed the word. " Anal ."

"And what? A lot of people are into that. Straight people too. There's no shame in liking things done to you or liking to do things. Girls can be really into it too. Receiving and giving. I had a boyfriend once who was obsessed with it. Made me pop all sorts up there. You know all this, don't you?"

"Jenny…" I warned, tilting my head towards the kids.

"They're eating bananas and don't care about out grown-up talk, but we're not saying anything they shouldn't hear anyway. Can I give you some pointers?"

"Jenny…" I sighed. "I think we've crossed that professional line."

"It's not even seven in the morning, and anyway, you brought it up."

"I know," I squealed out.

"Okay. How about this? I met a nice couple yesterday in the bar. They invited me back to their hotel room. I politely declined. There. Now we've both crossed the line so we're even. Back to what I was going to say… Are you listening?"

"Yes."

"Firstly, trust Mabel to guide you. That's what intimacy is all about. And secondly, Google is your friend. Find on a reputable site and look at equipment. Then you can practise. Just don't let me walk in on you. Keep it out of office hours and all that…" She shuddered, grinned evilly.

"Enough," I said sternly.

"Agreed. Moving on to your schedule for today, Mr Templar…"

"Go on."

"Cloud Ten Construction at ten—for God's sake go easy on Lysander St Cloud this time. We actually need him to agree to this contract. Then you have Thomas Wu at one-thirty, which will include lunch. After that, I need you at three for a full debrief with me and Kizzy with regards to the Birmingham build. Christmas party is all booked. You're expected for the first hour, then you can skulk off. I will prompt you. Are you good with all that?"

"All good," I chirped as Frazer smeared a handful of banana on my leg. I didn't even blink. Jenny gave me one of those looks worth a million words. I think she was getting emotional.

"You are a good person, Jonny," she said quietly. "And I'm incredibly grateful for having you in my children's lives. I hope they will always have you. And should anything happen to me—"

"Don't," I begged. I didn't want to think about it.

"Life is fragile, and I know you would. I just want you to know how much I love you for being in my life too. Remember that."

"We're a team," I said, overwhelmed again. With love. Gratitude. "I love you, Jen. I hope you know that."

"I love you too. I know we never say it, but I do. Now, can we go back to being boss and PA again before I lose the plot and burst into tears? I've got kids to sort, a proposal to email to HR before nine, and I need to ring legal before they swamp me. I will speak to you later."

Propping Felicia on her hip, she stood, grabbed the bag off the sofa and walked to the door, pausing for me to prop Frazer on her other hip.

"Speak later," I said.

"Thank you," she whispered.

There were a lot of unspoken things in those two words. Things we didn't need to say out loud. Our relationship had shifted today, I knew. Jenny and I were family, and now I had Mabel too. And it dawned on me how blind I'd been in my depressive, anxious state to how incredibly good my life was.

After Jenny had gone, I dressed quietly and poured myself a coffee. Then I spent an inordinate amount of time standing in the bedroom doorway, watching Mabel sleep. Their very presence calmed me…the same way as holding a baby on my lap had, the peace in my chest setting me up for the day.

Smiling, I turned away and headed for my office as the city around me slowly came to life.