25. Jonathan

I would have forgotten all about babysitting had Jenny not repeatedly reminded me throughout the day, so it was no surprise when she came crashing through the door, one child hanging from each arm.

"Left the pram in the car. Can't be bothered."

"It's fine. My deathtrap of a home is all ready for you. I've left all the knives out, all the cleaning products are on the floor, and I will be letting them sample alcohol for supper."

She laughed, having trained me herself for what was to come. Everything was out of the way. I'd even put up the travel cots I had stashed in the otherwise empty broom cupboard.

"No alcohol when on childcare duty, Jonny, and good job on finally showing Kopetski the door. If you hadn't done it, I would have put in another grievance report."

"HR weren't amused. He'll cause trouble."

"What kind of trouble can that man possibly stir up? He's bound by his NDAs and professional terms."

"I told him I'm gay."

"Well, if he didn't already know that, then he's even more intellectually challenged than I took him for," Jenny said flatly.

"Have I always been that obvious?" I almost shrieked.

"Jonny, you have good taste, you're handsome and incredibly charming, none of which automatically means you're gay, but I've known you a very long time. But seriously, don't give the kids hard liquor."

"As if I would." I smiled, catching one of the twins mid-flight as they jumped into my arms and slathered wet kisses on my cheek while almost strangling me with my tie.

"Jon-Jon," they said, whichever one this was. Jenny had told me, time and time again how to tell them apart—something about sticky-out ears and birthmarks. The twins weren't identical, but to me, they were a flurry of matching blonde curls and too-loud squeals. Still, I loved each of them as much as one could love any small child that was perpetually covered in snot.

"Be right back, have stuff to get from the car," Jenny hollered as the door slammed behind her, leaving me with one child still intent on turning my tie into a noose, the other endeavouring to tear off my socks without lifting my feet off the floor.

Despite these two in no way calming my nerves, I liked their company—needed it after the day I'd had. I still felt queasy about the whole Kopetski business, but to be fair, this wasn't the first time I'd had to tell him to control his language, treat our staff with respect, generally be a decent human being, and the list of complaints against him was mounting. I'd had his back for far too long, and I really couldn't keep doing that.

"Ice cleam," the twin by my foot said, getting up and tottering off towards the fridge.

"No ice cream today, baby. Mummy told us off last time, remember? No sugar before bedtime."

Which was, of course, when Mabel made an appearance in the doorway, looking gorgeously confused. I didn't blame them. Once again, I had failed in my communication skills, so used to Jenny covering all bases.

My relationship. My bases.

It felt surprisingly good to think those words. And I had this in hand.

"Kids?" they said, looking from one twin to the other.

"Not his," Jenny filled them in, pushing past Mabel with an armful of large bags and continuing without missing a beat. "You stole my pillows, and apparently complained about them, so I've taken the liberty of replacing them. Feedback taken on board. I'm Jenny. You're Mabel."

Jenny. Sharp as anything, and Mabel?

"I'm so sorry."

"God, don't be. Those pillows were bloody awful, and it was no problem. I nipped into IKEA on the way here and picked up some proper ones. Cheap, fluffy ones constructed by disadvantaged children in the third world, no doubt, but sleep is important here, and I can't buy feather ones. Jonny's allergic."

"Oh."

"No ice cleam!" The wayward twin was back and standing on my foot. I picked them up, both of them now in my arms, as I watched the conversation from the centre of the room. Yes, it was a circus, and I still wasn't the ringmaster, but it was a delightful one that made me incredibly happy.

"Mabel. I've heard a lot about you—I believe we met once or twice when I was inspecting your restaurant next door."

"Not actually…mine." They grimaced.

"Well, that Mark was no use, but you were most helpful. I hope we can work as well together on this new…project." Jenny winked at Mabel and spared me a glance. "And to confirm, Jonny is not the twins' father. The sperm donor is something I will tell you about one day, over copious amounts of wine. Deal?"

"Deal," they said with a smile.

"Which doesn't mean I don't expect Jonny to perform his godfatherly duties with gusto and pride. We have the kids' nursery Nativity play coming up. I expect you both to attend and look like you love it. Enthusiastic cheering throughout. Jonny is not allowed to be on his phone."

"Fabulous!" Mabel said.

Gosh, this was wonderful. My four favourite people in one room.

"Mabel just had lunch with Mother," I said, laughing when Jenny grasped Mabel's arm.

"And you're still alive?"

"Barely," Mabel squeaked out. "She's quite the force."

"Oh, she's a witch in public, but I promise you…" Jenny's voice was barely audible, but practice makes perfect, as they say, and I could lip-read better than she knew. "She's a total softie. I tried to pay the kids' nursery fees for next term—turns out she'd made a sizeable donation as well as paid my fees for the next two years. I was so angry I almost rang her. Luckily, I stopped myself and let myself calm down while I came up with a more sensible response."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. The twins sent flowers."

"Of course they did," Mabel laughed. "That does sound like the kind of thing she'd do. I enjoyed getting to know her. Too much Champagne, though. Do you prefer I leave you guys to it?"

"God, no," Jenny said, picking up her coat. "Pillows. Kids. A bag of emergency supplies. They're in their pyjamas and should pass out within the hour. Last time, Jonny read them the Financial Times before bed. Apparently did the trick."

"I'm sure it did."

I really didn't mind that they were chatting as if I wasn't here, but the twins were getting heavy. Jenny came over, kissed them both on the head and then kissed my cheek.

"Be good," she whispered. Then, squeezing Mabel's arm affectionately as she passed by, she left.

"She needs some time to herself," I explained nervously, trying to balance the kids walking as Jenny closed the door behind her. "It's only her, and the kids take everything out of her. She's going to the theatre."

"Sounds wonderful." They met me across the floor, like we were dancing a carefully choreographed minuet.

"We should go sometime. Jenny will get us tickets. Do you like the theatre?"

"Who doesn't?" Mabel smiled, slipping their coat off their shoulders. "So we're parents for the evening?"

"Yes." I liked how they'd taken all this with ease, not even batting an eyelid at my imminent strangulation. "Jenny said to put those pillows back on the guest bed. She bought…well, I have no idea what she bought."

"Cheap, fluffy things from IKEA," Mabel said. "Not feather because you're allergic."

"Yes," I confirmed.

"I'll sort it," they said, pushing up their sleeves. "We need to figure out some dinner for later, and…where do these kids sleep?" Their hands were on my elbows, supporting my arms, like we were all in an embrace.

"In my bedroom. Along the back wall. They have cots."

"Cots."

"So no…hanky-panky," I spluttered out. How Jenny trusted me with her children was sometimes beyond my understanding.

"Blimey, Jonny. Of course not. Oh!" They expertly caught the child as it dived into their warms. "Hello. I'm Mabel. Who are you?"

"Fliiica."

"Fliica…" Mabel whispered. "It's very nice to meet you. We're going to be friends, okay? And who's this little one?"

"Flazzzej," the other twin piped up.

"Flazzej. Nice names. Jonny. Can you translate?"

"Felicia and Frazer." I grinned. I loved this. I truly did. "Jenny dresses them identically on purpose. I can never tell them apart."

Mabel nodded. "Blue sleeves," they said, pointing to Felicia. "Pink sleeves." Those were Frazer's. "Well then, Felicia and Frazer. Do you like strawberries? I have some in the fridge. Why don't you help me wipe down this table, and then you can tell me all about yourselves." They leaned in, planting a soft kiss on my lips—a quick one, but still wonderful.

"I love you," I said, and I meant it. I absolutely did.

"Me too." They laughed. "Now, where will I find a duster? A rag? Kitchen roll?"

I had none of those, but that didn't seem to matter. The twins toddled around after Mabel, ‘helping' to clean the table and distributing strawberries between four bowls while they chattered away, most of it indecipherable to me, but Mabel could understand them, no trouble at all. What seemed like minutes later but was actually hours, we had two sleeping toddlers in their cots, and Mabel took a shower, emerging with a towel around their waist.

God. I loved seeing them like this. Bare. Nude. So much beauty. Totty. Really, I should have fired Jasper years ago, because what an insult that term was. This was my beautiful partner, a vision of pale skin and blonde hair and arms and legs for days. Everything in one perfect package.

"Stop staring, Jonny."

"Can't help it." I smiled, finally pulling my poor abused tie from my neck. "I dread evenings. I'm usually in an absolute panic by now. You have no idea how much it helps having you here."

"Funny that." A kiss. "I've been looking forward to tonight all day. Just lying in your arms, us talking, like we do. It's my favourite part of the day…with you."

"Mine too," I echoed. All that fear, mellowed only by this. Them. Being right here. "I've always hated nighttime, left alone in a bedroom that was far too big for a small child, abandoned to my fate until morning when Nanny would march in and scare the living daylights out of me with her curtain-pulling and booming voice. Then I was sent off to boarding school."

It was so easy with them, sharing my childhood woes.

"You were lucky," they said with a wink. "I shared a bed with my parents until I was almost ten—no wonder I'm an only child."

I laughed, as did they.

"I was very anxious and well," they admitted. "But we're not designed to sleep alone. Humans are pack animals. We're supposed to pile up for warmth and safety. Defence. It's in our genes, and there's is no reason to fight it. That's what my father's always said."

"Jenny would agree with him. She still does the co-sleeping thing. Them staying here is the only chance she gets to have her bed to herself."

"I really like her."

"You won't like her so much at six in the morning when she barges in to retrieve her children so she can have them in nursery for eight-thirty and be on the phone to me minutes later, demanding all sorts. I sacked someone today. We'll be completely swamped by legal tomorrow. Not good. But necessary."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Such a small sentence. I swallowed down like medicine.

"Maybe tomorrow, when I have my thoughts in a better place."

"I'll be here."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to go home tomorrow. I need to spend a bit of time with my parents, do their shopping again and…if it's still all right, pick up some more things. You know. Essentials? Dusters. Mop. Washing-up brush. I have all that from my old flat. You'll hate me, cluttering up your neat space here."

"I'll actually love seeing your things here. Honestly. I'm done with living in a shell. I want a home."

"A home? That, my darling, we can do. Complete with dirty underwear on the floor."

"Socks in the corner?" I laughed, removing my socks and hurling them toward the kitchen.

"Towels left wherever they fall…" On cue, their towel landed in a crumpled heap and they walked off, wiggling that gorgeous bum at me.

Still laughing, I threw myself in the shower to wash the day off from my skin, all those small stresses going down the drain. Based on past experience, I should have been in a panic. I wasn't, but I still took my sleeping tablet. Doctor's orders. No cold turkey allowed. Trust the process. Let your body adjust.

I hoped I was adjusting, that my body was following my mind, because I felt at peace. God, how I had longed for this.

"How old are the kids?" Mabel asked as I crawled under the duvet beside them, naked. It was nothing Jenny hadn't seen before.

"Two. I was there when they were born. I hadn't intended to be, and I was very reluctant at first, but Jenny needed me. There's something about a friend putting that kind of trust in you changes you as a human being. It definitely changed me seeing those two born. I was the first to hold them. I was never the same after that, and I developed a great deal affection for them."

"Good for you."

"It was, very much so. Jenny and I were close before that, but we've been through a lot, the good and the bad. She's my employee and I'm her boss, and we have a firm boundary line. At six p.m., we pack that boundary line away. It works for us. We're friends."

"We all need good friends."

"We also all need someone to be more than friends with. I still can't believe I met you."

"I'm right here, Jonny. Even though your mother called me a gold-digging tramp."

"Perhaps I should sack her too."

We both snorted with laughter at that—quietly. The kids slept on. I could hardly believe it. I had my own little family here with me.

"You can't sack your mum," Mabel said after a while. "She's a hoot. Give me a few months to peg her down a notch or two, and I'll have her eating out of my hand."

"I don't doubt that. Look what you did to me."

"I charmed you, and you charmed me right back. All grumpy in that awful tracksuit. I can't believe I fell for it. Yet here I am, naked in bed with you."

"No funny business."

"No, not tonight."

"I…I liked what we did," I admitted, or confirmed, since it had been obvious at the time how much I'd liked it.

"You like being told what to do," they pointed out.

"Yes. I can't explain it. I suppose like you, I find it difficult to jump. I need to be pushed. It's…a turn-on. I always wanted someone else to take control. I have no idea what I'm doing…in the bedroom."

"So you want me to take control?"

"Sometimes. Push me to try things. Explore."

"That, my darling…" They were up on their elbow, making themselves comfortable against the pillows. Soft. Fluffy. Not feather. "I have a question."

"Shoot." I liked their questions. I liked this. So, so much.

"Do you have any toys?"

"Toys? Like toy cars?" I was laughing. I knew what they meant. I was just buying myself time to calm down.

"I'm going to do some research," they said. "Get some things for us to…try. See if we can find out what that kink of yours is. What really gets you going."

"And what is your kink?"

They smiled. "I'm not going to even tell you, because…well…it's something I'll never make you do. Boundaries, Jonny. I won't ever cross them. But you know what really turns me on?"

"No. Tell me," I whispered.

"There are children in the room." They grinned.

"Whisper," I begged.

"Just the thought of being balls deep in your arse. You begging me to go harder. Wanting it."

"Huh." I could feel myself getting hotter, the tingling in my groin spreading in all directions.

"Did that make you hard?" they murmured. The tip of their tongue nudged my nose. A lick of my bottom lip.

"Tease."

"I know you said no anal, but maybe we can explore other options. One day…" they mused. "For now? Early start tomorrow. Come. Cuddle up. Get some rest. And wake me if you need me."

"Okay." I wriggled, tried to settle against them. No good. I was hot. Uncomfortably so, despite the cool darkness in the room, the soft snoring of the kids and Mabel, right there beside me.

I was unsettled again, but not because I was scared. The nighttime demons were quiet for once. I was struggling to conceal the way my breath was hitching, my rampant need to be close to them.

"Jonny?" they whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to sneak out in the living room with me and sit on the sofa so I can take care of that delightful erection you have going on?"

Oh, good gracious, yes.

"Yes, please."