Chapter 11

Matt

T he baby party is uncomfortable. Mostly because I only know Lou and Hannah well. But their mom considers me a family friend as a result, which is why I received an invitation. I put a card on the table with some cash that I hope will help get the baby whatever it needs. According to Lou, his mom wanted to make sure the food she paid for was eaten so that is our job.

Sitting by Hannah, is a slow torture in and of itself. Every time her arm brushes mine, or I catch sight of her smile as she talks with her family, it sends a jolt through me. Even if I know that her smile is hiding something. When she shot me down earlier it hurts a lot more than I care to admit. It makes me realize that I feel a lot more than I want to recognize. She's right of course. I don't want to put her job at risk, and if I get the call up to the big leagues, I don't want to leave her behind. Long distance isn't my thing. My parents traveled a lot, and by the time I had my driver's license they were gone more often than not. A housekeeper kept the fridge full and the house clean. The more they were gone, the less I desired to talk to them. That kind of relationship death is not something I'd do to someone I was serious about. Hannah I definitely wanted to be serious about.

Needing space, I get up to grab a second plate from the buffet. I join the line behind a guy with curly brown hair, who's a full head shorter than me. A lot of people are shorter than me, but it means I can look over the buffet easier. Things are moving along until he completely stops the line to meticulously count the number of broccoli florets on his plate. If I didn't want broccoli too, I'd just move around him. When he realizes I'm waiting on him, he has the decency to apologize.

"No worries," I tell him and as soon as the scoop is free, I scoop up enough steamed broccoli to fill half my plate.

"You're with Hannah right?" He asks.

His question made me pause. "You're asking because?"

He glances to the corner where a pregnant woman with a purple headscarf is eating by herself. "I used to date her. Didn't do right by her."

"Okay..?" I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"She's a good person. She could have been mean and nasty when she found out her little sister is friends with my wife. She wasn't. I hope that you're worthy of a person like her."

"Well," I cleared my throat. "Sounds like she's moved on, and you should get back to your wife."

He ducks his head, grabs his plate, and returns to the corner with his wife. It was only then I continue through the line. I really don't like the idea of someone who had hurt Hannah being anywhere near her. So I vow to myself to keep him away from her the rest of the night.

When all the food is cleaned up, and the gifts are packed away into the cars, there isn't enough room for Hannah in Lou's car. The front seat, back seat, and trunk are all full.

"I can give you a ride." I offer her.

"I have to pick up my suitcase," Hannah tells me. "I'm staying at the hotel with the team tonight."

"I can grab that when I get mine," Lou tells us.

"I'd love a ride," She tells me.

After she hugs her family goodbye and they all pile into their cars, Hannah and I walk to my rental. It's a plain sedan and doesn't offer enough legroom, but it works for tonight. I see the twerp from earlier watching us. When he realizes I'm glaring at him, he quickly ducks away into his own car.

I chuckle to myself as I open the door for Hannah.

"What was that?" Hannah asks me.

"He asked me if I was good to you earlier."

Surprise is written all over her face.

"How long ago did you date him?" I ask.

"High school."

"Well he still feels guilty about something."

"Dumped me right before prom."

"Want me to punch him?"

She rolls her eyes and gets in the car. "Lou already offered."

I close her door before walking around to my side. I start the car and turn up the heat since I can see my breath in the cold night air. It's a mistake, as it swirls Hannah's perfume in the tiny space. She smells of pomegranates and cider and it's just one more reason I want to be near her.

"Do you want to go straight back to the hotel?" she asks me. "Or do you think you could stop by somewhere first?"

"My chariot is yours, madam."

She smiles and I know I've chosen right.

"In that case, take a left at the light," She tells me.

She directs me to an outdoor skating rink that has warm twinkling yellow Christmas lights draping high enough above the ice, giving it a cozy feel. It's like something straight out of a Christmas movie.

"You mentioned wanting to skate with me earlier. This is one of my favorite spots, if you have the time."

"Are you taking me on a secret date?" I ask her.

"Think of this as a not-a-date, friend date."

"I wish I had my skates with me."

"Oh, where's your sense of adventure?" She teases.

I shudder at the thought of rental skates.

I find a spot to park, and we hurry to the skate rental counter. I refuse to let her pay, and smile when she asks for figure skates. I'd have figured her for a hockey skates kind of girl. We lace up, and then step out onto the ice. What I hadn't realized from the car is this isn't a regular rink, this is more of a ribbon. The ice follows a winding path before looping around to the same spot we stepped out on.

Our first lap is leisurely, getting a feel for the ice and each other. The few families with kids dwindle, even with the space heaters placed in two different spots to help skaters warm up along the ribbon. In our coats, I can go a few laps before I'd have need of one. But the air temperature is dropping rapidly now that the sun has gone down. Pretty quickly it's just the two of us skating on the ice, and the teenage kids running the ticket and rental counters are much more interested in staying inside where it's warmer.

Hannah and I skate side by side, and even though there's plenty of room, I find my arm brushing hers, and then I'm not sure who did it first, or if we each made the move at the same time, but our fingers brush. When our hands touch for a second time I loop my pinky around hers. We skate just like that with only the sound of our skates and the distant music playing from a speaker near the entrance.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She's beautiful, and under the twinkling lights, I'm seeing her beauty in a new light. It makes me want to see her in all kinds of light. Sunlight, starlight, and everything in between.

Her hand ends up fully in mine, and it's seamless as we skate together.

She gives me one of her big smiles that's so full of happiness it just beams from her. I decide to name that one her million-dollar smile. Then I decide to name all of her smiles. Her million-dollar ones are my favorite because they mean she's genuinely happy. Then there's her pageant smile, it's pretty because she is, but it's just a mask to whatever she's actually feeling. Her smiling laugh is a close favorite, because the sound of her laugh makes me want to know what made her laugh so I can bring her that joy again. Her tired smile is when she's finished for the day, but it's been a good day. I want to know all her smiles.

She pulls her hand away from mine as we skate around the turn in a loop and it opens up into a wider space. She glides in front of me putting a little more distance between us as she gathers speed, lifts up one foot, and moves into a beautiful spin before coming to a stop. My skates scrape on the ice as I come to a stop next to her.

"Beautiful," I tell her as I stare into her eyes.

The smile she gives me now is better than the million-dollar smile. It's joy and hope, and all the good things reflected in her eyes. It makes me want to lean forward and kiss that smile to find out if I could discover a smile like that for myself. She bites her lower lip.

I lean forward, and her eyes close.

And just before I kiss her, I hesitate. I use one hand to brush a loose curl away from her face. It's still as soft as I remember.

This isn't a date, date. This is a friend date.

So instead of the kiss I want to give her, I ever so carefully, brush a kiss on her forehead before pulling away. When she opens her eyes, they are so full of questions, that I don't think either one of us are ready to answer.

I give her a playful smile of my own just before I bring up my hand and using the tip of my finger I boop her nose.

"Tag," I tell her and skate away.

She laughs, and I look over my shoulder to see she's skating after me. We race around the ribbon playing tag, and I never want this to end.

F or the return to Glacier Bay, Hannah sits by her brother for the flight. After skating the other night, I haven't had a moment with her alone. Lou is always there, or another member of the team. Talking to her about anything I'm feeling is impossible without risking her job. The terms of her contract, and that stupid clause Lou put in it… I'll take my frustration out on him the next time we have practice.

Because I hate not being able to explore this with her. Whatever it is that's growing between us, it's constantly on my mind. She's constantly on my mind.

The private jet is relatively small, and not luxurious by any means. There are enough seats for the team to travel and a few extra for the occasions when the team owner wants to bring his family or an investor along.

I have a seat next to a window, but it also means that the steady hum of the engines try to put me to sleep as we ascend. Up above the clouds, the world fades away into a patchwork of grays and blues as we leave the snow and smog behind. I'll be glad to be home with the cleaner air with the smell of the ocean salt.

Lou and Hannah have their heads close together as they work on a crossword puzzle book together. Frustration that it's not me sitting next to her won't go away.

As I sit in my seat, I pull out my phone and start scrolling to distract myself. Instead, as I scroll through different posts of friends showing off their Valentines Day celebrations, I can't forget those stupid flowers Hannah got. Which is how I end up with the wonderful idea of sending her a gift anonymously.

As I'm scrolling, Nate leans over and grabs my phone.

"Got a girlfriend finally?" he teases. His tone is curious, and not loud enough for others to hear.

"Just a friend," I tell him. My voice is a bit too sharp, and I glance around to see if it's caught anyone's attention.

Lucky for me the guys sitting around us either have headphones on or are napping.

I glance at Hannah and Lou more pointedly. After all that Hannah did for Nate, there's no way he'd say something that would cost her, her job.

Nate nods and nudges my arm with his elbow. "Well, chocolate is the way to go." He pulls up a website. "Those are always a safe bet."

But I don't want a safe bet. I want something that every time she sees it, she's going to think of me. Something more personal that has meaning. Something that reminds her of our moments together and hints at what I can't say. Something that will make her smile. I take my phone back and keep clicking through different options, but nothing is standing out.

The flight seems to last forever as I click and scroll through page after page. Then I stumble upon a photo of the perfect thing. It's so simple. I know instantly that it's the route to take. I can add to it as we make memories and it's something she can look at often.

By the time the flight lands I've gone all in with the idea. I've found a local place to pick it up from, it'll take a couple of days to get to her, but it's worth it to make it perfect, and I hope I'll be able to see her face when she gets it.

Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice that we'd landed. It's only when Nate nudges me that I realize it's time to deboard the plane.

"Find something?" Nate asks.

"Yeah I think I did." I'm smiling as I walk off the plane.