Chapter 10

Hannah

L ou and I fly home two days early to see our family. The rest of the hockey team will fly in tomorrow so they aren't jet lagged for the game this weekend. As I walk through the front door of my childhood home, memories flood back. I put my suitcase in my old room, which no longer has the posters that adorned the walls when I was in high school. Instead, Mom's turned part of the room into an office. My old bed is shoved up against one wall, the dresser is still under the window, and office stuff takes up half of the room. It feels bittersweet, to see how things have changed. I put my suitcase at the foot of the bed and go back downstairs.

Mom has a spread of Lou's and my favorite foods when we get there, including her signature potato salad. The kitchen smells like home, a mix of roasted chicken, fresh salad, and baked bread. I snap a few quick photos for Lou's hometown story before we all sit down to eat. The look on Mom's face is so happy as she watches Lou fill his plate and devour it. There are more lines on her face, and gray in her hair, than I remember her having. Dad's talking hockey stats with Lou and giving him pointers on what he's watched the hometown team do. Dad's wearing a shirt with the home team's logo on it, but doesn't hesitate to tell Lou about their weak spots as we eat. He might be a fan of the home team Lou is playing against this weekend, but for Dad, his kids always come first. The warmth of their conversation fills the room, a comforting hum of family connection.

Missy and her husband Gabe arrive just as we're finishing lunch. Missy looks like a perfectly cute pregnant lady. Her blond hair is framing her face in soft spiral curls, and her baby bump is complemented by the beige soft knit sweater she's wearing with dark wash jeans. Her husband Gabe looks giddy as he holds a hand to her stomach to feel the baby kick. Gabe is only a few inches taller than Missy and looks like the everyday accountant that he is in his kakis and white polo.

I've lost my appetite and start picking up my dishes to put away. The sight of them so happy together makes my chest tighten with a mix of happiness for her and envy for myself. The others must decide they're done too, and it only takes five minutes to get all the food packed away and dishes loaded into the dishwasher.

Dad takes Lou out for some male bonding with Missy's husband, while Mom has plans for us ladies to go look at baby stuff for the party tomorrow. As we drive to the store, I try to shake off the lingering sadness, focusing instead on the excitement in Mom and Missy's voices.

The first store we go to has furniture to look at. The store is bright and filled with expectant parents and grandparents, their voices a low hum of anticipation. "If our baby is a boy, we want a zoo theme," Missy tells me. "If it's a girl, we're thinking more floral decorations in pinks and purples." Mom gushes over the ideas and we try to find a crib that would work for either theme. Missy settles on a weathered white color and we add it to her registry. Even though the party is tomorrow, Missy's in-laws are planning another shower for next month.

We have moved onto the strollers when Missy spots people she knows. "Oh look," Missy says, "It's Grace and Ethan." My heart skips a beat. Grace's belly is big enough that it looks like she's due any day, and she's laughing at something Ethan says.

Mom whispers to me, "Grace is in Missy's prenatal yoga class."

Missy starts towards them and Grace smiles when she spots my sister. Ethan, on the other hand, only has eyes for his wife as it should be. But I see the recognition in his eyes when he sees me. We haven't had a conversation since he dumped me two days before prom to take Grace instead. I'd spent the weekend crying and baking so many cookies Mom started handing them out to the neighbors. From what I'd been told, Lou dumped the punch bowl all over Ethan at the dance because of it.

Ethan gives my mother and me a polite hello as Missy and Grace chat. "It's been a while," he tells me. "How are you?"

"Fine. You?" I ask, even though it's so awkward. The words feel heavy, like lead in my mouth.

Luckily for both of us, Mom bridges it and asks Ethan about strollers instead. He tells her all about the double stroller they're considering for their twins and I die a little more inside. The unfairness of it stings, and I find myself fighting back the bitterness.

Missy and Grace finish their chat, and I hear Missy invite her to the party tomorrow. We all part ways shortly after.

"I'm so glad I ran into her," Missy tells us as we head to the next store. "Her invitation must have been lost in the mail."

Mom gives an mhmm and I know she knows the real reason the invitation was lost. Lou got his overprotectiveness from her. The rest of the shopping trip is a blur as I try to focus on helping Missy pick out baby clothes and decorations. Despite my best efforts, my thoughts keep drifting back to Ethan and the life he's building with Grace, a life I once thought I might have had.

T he next morning after breakfast I spend two hours with Lou in some of our childhood spots. His hometown highlight is all typed up, it just needs photos before it goes live. I plan on posting it before Missy's party later. The familiar humid morning air is cold and cuts through my coat, much like it did growing up. As we drive from one spot to another, taking photos and videos for his spotlight, nostalgia hits hard.

We wind up at the local rink where Lou's love for hockey all started. I managed to talk the owner into letting us have an hour on the ice without the public. As the rink is mostly used by kids, and it's a school day, he agreed to my request in exchange for the publicity.

Lou pulls two sticks out of the back of the car along with a puck, and my old pink skates. I smile as I take the skates from him.

"What're the stakes?" I ask as we walk into the rink, the smell of ice and the rubber flooring bringing back memories.

Lifting the puck up, Lou has a mischievous glint in his eyes as he suggests, "Loser has to clean my apartment."

"Oh no. There's no way I'm getting stuck with all your dirty socks." I retort and find a bench to pull my skates on.

He rolls his eyes. "Fine. A box of Maria's cinnamon rolls when we get home."

"You know she doesn't make those often." I finish tying my first skate.

"Sounds like a problem for you for when I win." he teases and pulls his own skates on.

The rink is quiet, save for the hum of the cooling systems, as we finish lacing up. The ice is pristine, and untouched since the Zamboni last cleaned it.

"What do I get if I win?" I ask him.

"I'll give Ethan a black eye at the party," he suggests with a grin. Over dinner last night Mom had apologized to me for Ethan's invite to the barbecue.

"And why would that benefit me?" I ask lifting a brow.

"He broke your heart."

I shake my head. "That was years ago, Lou. And hurting him won't change anything."

"Would make me feel better," he mutters.

I roll my eyes. "I can fight my own battles now. How about when I win, I get your hotel room."

"Oh no deal. I need my beauty sleep if you expect me to win the game this weekend."

"You owe me for getting Missy's present from the both of us."

"I already offered to punch Ethan," he jokes.

We step out on the ice, each of us with a hockey stick. The cold nips at my cheeks, but I relish the feeling. We loop around the ice as a warm up, the scrape of our skates a familiar sound. Lou drops the puck and we pass it back and forth. It's been far too long since I stepped out on the ice and even longer still since I last held a stick. Dad never approved of me playing hockey. Missy and I were to be figure skaters if we wanted to skate.

Missy loved the dance elements of skating. Between the spins and sparkly leotards, she excelled. Whereas I preferred the speed of going from one end of the ice to the other, and when I could, hitting a puck with Lou and his friends. Lou lets me take a couple of shots at the net without him blocking me. Even though we both know I wouldn't stand a chance against him, he lets me win.

After playing and getting a few more photos for the website I see the guy running the rink waving at us and pointing to the clock. Our time is up and it's time to get off the ice. I lift a hand to acknowledge him and as Lou and I skate to the exit, I see the guy pulling open the doors to get the Zamboni out. I must watch him for too long because Lou steps in front of me to block my view.

I shake my head and sit on the nearest bench to pull off my skates. "Lou, can you please stay out of my love life?"

He's taken aback by my shift in mood. "Are you dating someone?"

"Not yet."

"If he breaks your heart I reserve the right to make him pay."

"I want a chance at what Missy has, Lou. And I'm not going to get a chance to have that if you scare off any guy that looks at me."

"Yeah well, Gabe only had a chance with her because I wasn't here," he grumbles.

"Exactly. I don't want to leave Glacier Bay. But I will if I have to. My contract is up with the team at the end of this season."

The sound of the Zamboni rises as the big machine is driven around the ice. We watch it for a moment as it erases the evidence that we were ever on the ice. Lou sighs, running a hand through his hair, clearly torn between his protective instincts and wanting me to be happy.

"Fine. I'll back off." He finally says. "But all bets are off if he hurts you."

I beam at him, feeling relief and hope, "Thanks, Lou."

"And also don't screw up the job, because I've heard Tiffany has been trying to get you replaced."

"She's always wanted me gone."

"True, but now I know it's my ex that she's recommending as your replacement. And I really don't want to that to happen."

"Me too."

As we walk out of the rink, the cold morning sun has risen higher in the sky. The day is full of possibilities, and for the first time in a while, I'm hopeful about the future.

I'd wondered how my mother planned on having a barbecue in the middle of February in Minnesota. With snow still on the ground, having people over to hang out in coats in the backyard didn't sound appealing. But as my Mom explained that she'd reserved the new barbecue joint that a nice couple from Texas had opened last summer, I grew less concerned. I also appreciated the fact that I wouldn't be spending the night doing dishes either.

Instead, my responsibilities include making sure the gift table is decorated. Lou on the other hand has to guard the desert box since no one would go up against a hockey player for a slice of cake before Missy and Gabe had a chance to slice into it.

Lou and I arrive early with the rest of the family to ensure set up goes flawlessly. Inside the restaurant has a very rustic feel to it. Between the reclaimed wood and metal accents, and the smell of cornbread and smoked brisket, I can almost pretend I am out in the country.

I find the table for the presents and quickly spread the pink and blue tablecloth across the top. Decorations are simple enough, a bunch of balloons anchored to the center of the table so there is plenty of room left for gifts. Half of the balloons have zoo animals on them, and the other half have flowers to match Missy's themes. Once it is all in place I add the gift from myself and Lou. The jumbo-sized teddy bear gift bag makes the table extra obvious it is for gifts. After skating with Lou yesterday, Lou had insisted on stopping at the store to pick up a few more things for Missy's baby.

If I hadn't limited Lou to the one jumbo bag, I have no doubt he would have bought enough stuff to fill the table. Instead, we'd used Tetris precision to pack in diapers, enough rubber hockey ducks for a game of bubble bath hockey, Glacier Bay branded baby clothes, a Glacier Bay teddy bear with a replica of Lou's jersey, and a couple extra toys Lou'd insisted upon.

With my task complete, I find my seat next to my dad and across from Gabe. We watch as the restaurant staff brings out the buffet line of food.

"Is the food good?" I ask them, even though my nose is already signaling to my stomach that it was.

Gabe pats his belly. "Missy's been craving this place her entire pregnancy, and I haven't gotten sick of it yet."

The tables and chairs get filled up as people arrive for the party. I am glad when I notice Ethan and Grace sitting in a corner far away from me. No need for small talk with them unless we somehow ended up in the buffet line with each other and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen.

Gabe gets up to talk with Missy and my mother about the plan for the evening one more time.

I enjoy the quiet moment to sit by my dad. I'm still watching guests as they trickle in when I spot Matt walking in. He doesn't notice me at first so I watch him as he walks over to Lou and they do that half handshake, half high five thing.

"If you stare much longer, I think drool is going to fall out." My dad whispers in my ear.

I jolt, "Dad! It's not like that."

"Are you sure it's not like that?" My dad asks. "Because he's coming this way."

My hand immediately pops up to smooth my hair, and my dad gives me a big knowing grin.

Matt reaches us and asks, "That seat taken?"

He's pointing to the chair next to me.

My dad is the first to answer. "You might need to fight Lou for it later, but you can have this one."

"Oh," Matt says. "I don't want to take your seat."

"Nonsense," Dad waves away the concern and stands. "I was just keeping Hannah company. Now that you're here, I need to go see if my wife needs a hand."

Dad pats my shoulder and gives me a wink before he walks away.

Matt takes the seat next to me, and after a pause asks, "How's it going?

"Good, just helping with the party." I'm panicking inside. We haven't had a conversation since the hockey game where we both put those messages up on the Jumbotron.

"I saw Lou's highlight. You did good."

"Thanks." I smile, and then tease, "It wasn't easy but I managed to get good photos of the big lug."

He laughs, and it's loud enough several people turn to look at us. My parents are two of them and I can feel their silent approval from where I sit. I don't dare look at Lou.

"I wish I could have been there. I'd have liked to skate with you," Matt says.

There's a twinkle in his eye that's giving me butterflies.

"Maybe we can discuss it during trivia night?" I bite my lip, the butterflies in my stomach are fluttering hard as I wait for his answer.

His smile grows slowly across his face. "I'd like that. Should I pick you up next Tuesday?"

I blush, and I hope people are no longer looking at us.

"I can swing by the arena when you get finished with work. Or we could grab dinner first."

Reality hits me like a slap in the face. My contract, no dating. There's no way I can go to dinner with Matt without Tiffany at the office reporting me. She'd be all too happy to see me fired so Lou's ex can take my job. There's no way in ice hockey history that I'm going to let that witch get anywhere near Lou.

"I—Matt I can't." I say, my voice dropping. "My contract doesn't allow me to date anyone on the team."

There's an intensity in his eyes as he looks at me. "Does your contract say anything about being friends?"

"Well..." I think about it for a moment. "No. I don't think it does."

"Then we'll go out as friends, and if we need to cross the bridge of dealing with your contract we'll figure it out."

"It's complicated," I say. "If my boss even thinks it's more than being friends I'm gone faster than you can say puck drop."

He sighs and leans back. I hadn't even realized that we were so close to each other, and I lean away as well.

"I get it. I don't like it, but I get it."

I nod and look away. Only to see Lou standing by the cake watching us. He's got narrowed eyes and the clench in his jaw gives away his irritation. My dad's got a hand on his shoulder and I really don't want to know what they're talking about.

Lou lifts a brow in question, then purposefully looks at Nate. I shake my head, not wanting to answer his question. But Lou visibly relaxes and I realize then what he was asking. I'm such an idiot. After our conversation at the rink earlier, of course he's asking if I'm seeing his best friend.

I'm making such a mess out of everything. I turn away from Lou to finish this conversation with Matt.

"I appreciate that Matt." I tell him.

"I'm here Hannah. If you want to talk, or...anything."

I nod. My feelings are all mixed up now and I'm left frustrated and hopeful. It's so unfair. Knowing that Matt might want something more, with me, well that's a dangerous thing to know.

Leaving the table, I excuse myself to the lady's room. I need a moment to clear my head. I text a 911 text to my friends asking for their advice. I spill it all out in my texts about Matt, and Lou, and the mess with Tiffany at my job. I even tell them about the flowers I bought myself. The responses I get alter between helpful and absurd.

Charlotte suggests I go for it anyway while Maria says I should leave it alone. One after another my phone buzzes, but there's one idea that stands out.

Sofie: Make them think the admirer is real. If your heart's taken you couldn't possibly be seeing Matt as more than a friend.

I think of Tiffany at the office, she gets gifts from her long-distance boyfriend all the time. Maybe if I go back to the office and tell her I got back in touch with an old boyfriend, she'll back off. A gift or two at the office could help too. Then I'd be free to do trivia night with Matt.

Responding back to the group, I agree to Sofie's plan. Immediately the ladies start volunteering to help send me stuff.

With my plan in place I return to my seat. I'm about to tell Matt that I'm good to go to Trivia Night when Missy and Gabe ring a metal triangle to get everyone's attention. For now I have to focus on the party and my family. I smile and cheer when Missy and Gabe slice the cake to discover they're having a little girl.

But each time my Dad catches my eye, I think of his question. "Am I sure it's not like that?" And maybe it is, or maybe, just maybe, it could be if I find a way to make it work. A few white lies can't hurt, right?