Chapter 47

I threw my arms around my sister, burying my face in her shoulder as the gravity of what I'd done sank into me. When I discovered what happened to Addie, I was filled with fury and devastation unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I hated that she'd gone through that without me by her side.

Then, I did the same thing to her.

I clung to her, repeating my apology over and over, promising I would never do anything like this ever again. Addie stayed quiet, holding me tight. I could smell the blood of her tears and her grip was iron.

"So, let me make this clear," I muttered after we'd been quiet for a while. Addie hummed. "You don't hate me?"

Addie snorted. "No, I don't hate you." She pinched my arm. "And apparently, I'm stuck with you." I smiled weakly. She bumped my shoulder with hers. Her brow furrowed. "Indy, you know what this means, right?"

"What?" I tilted my head.

She sucked in a breath. "That someday, in five years or ten, Mom and Dad are going to lose both their children."

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. Of all the things I'd given up to become a vampire, that one hurt the most. Our parents didn't deserve what we'd done to them, no matter how complicated our relationships had become. "They have each other," I rasped. "You needed me more."

Addie hugged me again. "We'll deal with that when the time comes. Together."

I held up my pinky finger, a silly grin pulling at my lips. Addie lit up and looped her pinky around mine.

"What do we do about Mom and Dad right now, though?" I asked. "They aren't exactly delighted that we're in Paris."

Addie's smile weakened. "I think our parents grew up in a world where their only option was to get a good job, get married, and have children. I'm not sure they know how to see a life lived any other way."

I frowned. "Do you think they'll come around?"

"Maybe," Addie said, though she didn't sound convinced.

"Can we try?" I knew Addie had a different relationship with our parents than I did, but I couldn't stand the thought of leaving my parents behind this way. I would take whatever time left with them I could.

"Of course," Addie said.

"Can I have a hug?" I whispered.

Addie opened her arms wide. I fell into my older sister's arms and cried for a while.

When we let each other go, she said, "You should let Simon know you're okay."

I nodded. "Where's my phone?"

She pointed across the room to the dining room table. I pushed myself off the couch, hissing at the cold hardwood beneath my bare feet. Sighing, I crossed the small room and picked my phone up off the table. I scrolled past half a dozen texts from Mom asking when I was coming to my senses and coming home, three from Cassandra demanding I update her on my fancy new Parisian lifestyle, and two from Jackson telling me to go fuck myself.

I opened the only text thread that mattered. I'm awake and I'm okay. Going to spend the day with Addie today. See you tonight?

Simon's reply came a moment later. See you this evening, my darling.

I stared at his text in confusion, unsure why it made my stomach flip a hundred times. Then, I remembered.

I spun toward Addie. "He said he loves me."

Addie grimaced. "Over text?"

"No." I shook my head, fumbling over my next words. "During sex."

Addie raised an eyebrow. "Hasn't it been like three weeks?"

"You're one to talk," I shot back, motioning to the apartment she lived in, which belonged to her vampire boyfriend.

"Fair enough," Addie laughed, shrugging. "Do you love him?"

I stared at my sister with wide eyes.

Did I love Simon? It seemed absurd to say yes. I hadn't been in Paris that long, and he should have been just the vampire I dragged into the mess that was my life.

But when I asked him to show me the city, he did it without hesitation.

He found a part of me I didn't know existed—a part that smiled, and laughed, and appreciated the little things. A part of me that slowed down to live the life she truly wanted.

I thought of every time I'd watched his eyes glitter in the sunlight, each time I traced the curve of his lip when he smiled. The feeling of his naked body against mine, inside mine.

And when I tried to imagine Paris without Simon, I couldn't. He had become so entangled in this new life of mine that he was irreplaceable.

Addie burst into laughter. "You totally do, don't you?"

"Fuck," I swore and placed my hand on my chest. I spun in a circle, unsure what to do. "It's been three weeks!"

"Are you going to tell him?" Addie asked.

I tossed my arms in the air. "I kind of have to, don't I? Unless, he didn't mean it. He was balls-deep, honestly."

Addie gagged. "I don't need to know that. You're my sister."

I shrugged.

Addie patted the couch next to her and I scrambled over, sitting cross-legged. She made no effort to touch me again; she'd had enough physical contact for the day. "Have you ever been in love?" she asked gently.

I thought before I answered.

I had a boyfriend in high school—Jared. We dated from freshman year to junior year, until it came time for our first prom. He asked me with a bouquet of blue roses, ones he'd spent weeks searching for. Up until that moment, I thought Jared was my everything. Except, when I imagined spending my prom in his arms, I felt disgusted. I said no. We never said we loved each other.

I had one boyfriend in college for a few months. He said he loved me two months in, and I broke up with him a month later for sleeping with my suite-mate. I never felt anything for him.

There were flings and one-night stands, a few girlfriends that almost became something. Relationships that could barely be described as such. Almost was never enough.

Then, there was Jackson.

And I thought I loved him. I really did.

We spent over a year together, even if it was mostly pizza nights, sex, and longing glances at work. He was significant. As I thought about it, I realized I never said I loved him either. He said it once on the way to work after I told him about our baby.

I wondered if he loved me when he hit me, or when he talked about trying again as if I hadn't just lost everything.

I thought I loved him. I would have spent my life with him if my baby hadn't died. Maybe I would have even been happy. I would have never known any different.

But what I felt for him wasn't a fraction of what I felt for Simon.

With Simon, I felt alive. I felt as eternal as the night sky. He made me smile. He made me laugh. He made me feel important.

I looked at Addie and shook my head. "No, I don't think so."

Addie smiled at me knowingly. "You should tell him. If you love him, tell him."

I pursed my lips and pulled my knees to my chest. "Fuck," I said, burying my face in my arms.

Addie laughed. "Go get him, Indy."

"Now?" My eyes widened.

She nodded and motioned me along.

"Are we okay, though?" I hesitated.

"Always. Till death do us part, right?" Addie's smile was genuine and bright. She raised her pinky finger.

I looped mine through hers. "Till death do us part."