Chapter 46

A ddie.

I looked through the dark to see my sister standing over me like a guardian angel. Her jaw was set in determination, but her eyes were wide. She wore a black jumpsuit and a deep purple cardigan. There was someone behind her, but they didn't matter.

All that mattered was that my sister was here.

I croaked her name, reaching for her like a small child. Addie fell to her knees in front of me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me against her. I sobbed into her shoulder, smearing blood all over her clothes.

I wasn't sure where she'd come from, but I'd never been more relieved to see her.

"What happened?" Addie asked over my shoulder, brushing her fingers through my hair like I was a wounded bird.

I didn't hear Simon's answer; I wasn't listening. I was trapped there. In the moment, everything was a blur, but pieces flooded back to me—one by one. The sound of the dancer's flesh tearing beneath my teeth. Her blood splattering on the ground. The single, strangled cry she released. The way her heart beat faster at first, fluttering as I stole her life force, then slowing and sputtering when there was nothing more for it to do.

The deafening silence when it fell silent.

Humans had to lose more than forty percent of their blood to die.

I stole so much blood from her.

Addie's grip tightened around me. Another scream built in my throat, smothering me.

"We have to get her off the street," Addie's companion said, their voice far away.

"Indy, we have to stand up, okay?" Addie murmured.

Something critical inside me shattered .

Everything turned red. Everything went black.

I woke on the couch of Addie's apartment; I recognized the dark red fabric instantly. I wore clothes I didn't recognize that were a few sizes too big; they were likely Addie's. Gentle daylight cascaded over my face, warming my skin—which felt impossibly cold. I blinked a few times, struggling to pull myself entirely into the waking world.

I smelled coffee.

A moment later, there was the soft pad of bare footsteps, and my sister appeared in front of me with a steaming cup of coffee. She held it out to me, sitting on the edge of the couch. I pushed myself up and took it from her. Her hands fluttered and she pressed them to her thighs.

"Simon went back to his apartment. He wants you to call him as soon as you're ready," Addie said softly.

I realized we were alone. "Where's Holland?" My voice hardly sounded like my own; it was broken and ragged.

"He's at Sophie's," Addie said. "I thought we could use some time alone."

I stared at my sister, red tears welling in my eyes. "I killed someone, Addie."

Her face crumpled and she moved to sit behind me, wrapping her arms around my torso while I sobbed. The grief and pain and regret over what I'd done flooded back into me all at once, stealing my breath. Addie took my coffee before I spilled it and set it on the coffee table, returning to hold me while I cried.

"I'm sorry, Indy," she breathed. "There's nothing I can say or do to make your pain go away."

"I don't understand," I whispered.

"What don't you understand?"

"It was like I became something else," I said. "I didn't realize what I was doing. I was angry. I was starving. And then she was dead."

Addie drew in a deep breath. "It happens that way sometimes. Sophie describes it as becoming the predator we really are. Some vampires are like that all the time."

"I don't want to feel like that," I cried helplessly.

"Simon says you're doing wonderfully," Addie replied, rubbing my arms. "He told Holland how you picked up drinking blood without hurting anyone very quickly."

"Look where that got me," I spat.

Addie sighed, resting her head against mine. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "The first person I killed was riding a bike down the Champs-élysées . She had a pretty pink bow in her hair and a yapping dog in the carrier of her bike. I remember watching her, and my fangs just extended. I was alone, out for a walk and getting ready to meet Sophie and Willa at the Louvre—Sophie has a goal to visit every room and apparently it takes one hundred days." Addie drew in a breath. "Anyway, I thought I would drink a little, enough to curb my appetite."

I closed my eyes, knowing what came next.

"I left her there, bleeding out behind a Ladurée . Her dog barked and barked and barked. I couldn't think straight. I don't even remember how I got out of there without anyone stopping me; I was drenched in her blood and the dog kept barking. The next thing I knew, I was on my knees in the Tuileries outside the Louvre, and my friends were there."

"Addie," I started.

She wasn't finished. "The next one was after you woke up as a vampire. I was so angry with you. Furious. I've never been that mad, ever. On the metro ride here, it was just me, Holland, and this harmonica player. He was only looking for a couple of coins. It wasn't his fault he got in the car with the enraged vampire." Addie's hand trembled where it sat on my shoulder. "It was like you said; I became something else. And then, he was dead."

We were both quiet for a long time. Silent tears streamed down my cheeks. Addie handed me a box of tissues. Each one that touched my face came away bright red.

When I finally stopped crying, Addie got me a new shirt to wear and tossed the other one in the trash. She made me a fresh cup of coffee and opened the window as it began to rain. I stayed where I was on the couch, breathing in the wet air and holding it in my lungs for as long as I could before releasing it.

Addie returned to her spot next to me on the couch. I turned to face her.

"Do you hate me?" I asked suddenly.

Addie jolted in surprise, shaking her head. "Why would I hate you?"

"Am I a burden?" I ignored her question.

"Where is this coming from?"

I slumped into the couch, deflated. "Nevermind."

"No, not nevermind," Addie insisted. She sat up and gripped my shoulder, turning me to face her. "What are you talking about?"

My bottom lip quivered. "I did this for you," I motioned to myself. "I died for you, and you… you were angry." My voice broke.

Addie's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Oh," she breathed.

"And it occurred to me," I continued. "That maybe you didn't want me like this. Maybe one lifetime with me was enough for you."

"That's not it, Indy," Addie breathed, shaking her head.

"I would understand if it was. I know how differently Mom and Dad treated us; I understand now."

"Would you let me talk?" Addie said firmly.

I clamped my mouth shut.

She took my hand in hers, running her fingers over my knuckles. "A hundred lifetimes with you wouldn't be enough, Indy. Knowing I get to spend eternity with you has lifted a sadness off me that I didn't know was weighing me down. I'm happy you're here in Paris with me." I opened my mouth to ask what I'd done wrong, but she shot a stern look my way and I stopped myself. "But my sister died , and I wasn't there for her."