24. The Hardest Thing

24

The Hardest Thing

Ivy

It feels like hours have passed since Luke took Bobby into surgery. Zane is sitting next to me, his leg bouncing up and down as he stares into space. I want to say something to soothe his nerves, but I’ve been around patients whose loved ones were in surgery. There is nothing to say. All I can do is be here for him, even if the silence looms over us like a sword of Damocles.

He gets up, paces around the room, then sits back down. He drops his elbows to his knees while muttering something under his breath.

I rub circles on his back, and he lifts his face, throwing me a clouded look. His gray eyes seem to go through three different shades, and I must be a terrible person, because as we lock eyes, all I want to do is lean forward and kiss him. What’s wrong with me? This man is in pain. It’s neither the place nor the time.

But then, he takes my hand and squeezes it, just leaving it there on his thigh. He doesn’t look affected by any of this, probably because it doesn’t mean anything to him. Plus, he has a lot more on his mind. But it’s sending so many sparks straight to my heart that I can’t even feel my hand anymore. I was right. I am a terrible person.

“It’s so dumb to get this attached, isn’t it?” he asks, surprising me.

I frown. “Of course not. They’re your dogs. They’re a big part of your life.”

He lowers his eyes. “My dogs are my best friends, my family. I just can’t imagine them being gone, you know?” His voice constricts. “But I know they won’t always be here.”

“Hey,” I say, rubbing his back again. “Don’t go there. Bobby’s going to be fine. He has to be. ”

Zane opens his mouth to answer when Luke barges into the room. We both spring to our feet, and my heart thrums rapidly.

“I took a few tissue samples of the stomach and colon. Kathryn should get to them fast. While I was in surgery, I got the other analysis back, and his blood work shows inflammation, a low level of B12—which means a decreased ability to absorb nutrients—and an imbalance in the normal bacterial populations in the GI tract. All of which confirm my diagnosis of IBD. We’ll be one hundred percent sure once we have the biopsy results.”

Zane seems to hold his breath. “So, he’s going to be okay?”

“I think so,” Luke says with a smile. “While there is no cure for IBD, we can try different diets, B12 supplementation, and probiotics. I’ve already started him on an IV to help him feel better.”

“Thank you,” Zane says, releasing a loud breath. “Do we need to take any precautions?”

Luke once again glances between Zane and me. Yup, I also caught that “we,” but he probably meant Seth.

“Nothing in particular. Keeping him inside and isolated would do more harm than good. I would just keep an extra close eye on him and avoid taking him on sled rides for a bit. The vomiting made him a little weak. Oh, and no treats.”

Zane nods rapidly. “Okay. Thank you, Luke.”

They shake hands, and Luke slaps Zane’s back. “He’ll be fine. We’ll figure out something that works for the big guy, and he’ll be back to normal in no time.”

“Can we see him?” I ask, dying to pet my furry friend.

Luke grins. “Of course. He’s still a little drowsy from the anesthesia, so don’t worry if he doesn’t move too much.”

Zane nods and takes my hand as we walk to the recovery room. And I’m reminded, once again, what a terrible person I am as my heart somersaults in my chest.

Zane

A wave of relief floods me as we park the car in the dark yard. Ivy yawns beside me, and I suddenly realize how tired I am myself. It’s been a heck of a day. Well, technically yesterday was, since it’s now three a.m.

Bobby’s feeling a little better, but I still carry him out of the car once I open the door, then haul him inside the barn. He gets a warm welcome from the other dogs once I lay him on a blanket, and I take a look around, making sure there’s nothing that could injure him.

Ivy and I pet him a few more times, and he curls up on the blanket, ready to sleep. It’s been a long day for everyone.

Sighing, I take one last look at him before we walk out of the barn.

“I’m glad he’s okay,” Ivy says, rubbing her hands together before pulling her gloves out of her pockets. “I was so scared.”

My throat closes up, and a shiver runs through me. “Me too.”

“Can I check on him tomorrow?” Her big emerald eyes are still brimming with concern.

There are no words to express the gratitude I feel toward her. For choosing to be here for me today, for Bobby. For caring as much as she does. “Of course you can. You’re welcome anytime. Thank you, Ivy. It means a lot that you came with me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’m glad I wasn’t alone.” Having her beside me in that waiting room was the only thing keeping me sane. I focused on her hand in mine and her soothing words of comfort. As we’d sat there, I’d never felt so close to her. To anyone. Sofia liked the dogs, but she would have never gone to those lengths for any of them .

“Don’t even mention it,” she murmurs. “I didn’t want you to go through this alone.” I lean forward to hug her, but she sighs loudly. “Well, I think we’d better call it a night. And we don’t have to do our lesson or go on that hiking trip tomorrow. You should stay with your dogs.”

I’m tempted to agree, but I want to do something nice for her. To thank her for her kindness. And to spend more time with her before it’s too late. “Nonsense. We’ll do both. What kind of teacher would I be if I let you skip class?”

She winces. “Well, I’m outside with my teacher at three in the morning, so I think we’re past protocol.”

I scratch my head and chuckle. “Right. But Daisy and Seth will be here to look after him. Besides, skiing and hiking would take my mind off everything, so you’d really be doing me a favor.” And I’m craving more alone time with Ivy, especially since it has an expiration date. The thought makes my stomach twist.

Her eyebrows knit together, and I’m reminded once again how beautiful she looks under every circumstance. “Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent,” I say firmly. “It’s the least I can do after what you did for me and Bobby today. Last thing I want is to ruin your vacation. ”

“No. You’re not ruining it, Zane. It’s the opposite,” she says, and suddenly, she feels incredibly close to me. So close, her flowery perfume envelops me as her eyes widen ever so slightly. “You’re the only reason this vacation has been fun, or that I’m still here.” Her last words die into a whisper as we lock eyes.

I swallow hard, wondering how I can express my gratitude for tonight and let her know how I feel about her. Would she let me kiss her? Because there’s nothing I want more right now.

Just when I’m about to make my move, she clears her throat and averts her eyes. Looks like I have my answer.

“Anyway, see you tomorrow.” She spins around and starts to walk away.

“Wait,” I call out, way too loudly for both the hour of the night and our proximity. “I’ll take you back to your hotel.”

She turns around and throws me a pretty smile. “You don’t have to. Stay with Bobby. Besides, I’m pretty sure there aren’t any serial killers in Winter Heights. Not enough variety for them.” She winks, and that makes the corners of my mouth twitch into a smile. I had never smiled this much until I met Ivy. I didn’t know I’d like it. Crave it .

I shake my head, ambling toward her. “Can’t take any chances. I’ll walk with you.”

We wander toward the hotel in a silence that matches our surroundings. I’ve always loved Winter Heights at night. Not that it’s particularly loud during the day, but there’s an extra level of peace and quiet once the hustle and bustle dies down.

“Thanks for walking me back,” she says once we reach the front entrance. Her nose is red from the cold, and her cheeks are flushed. The sudden urge to kiss her overwhelms me again, but I keep it locked up, reminding myself that it’s clearly not what she wants right now.

“Of course.” I give her a gentle nod, placing my hands in my pockets so I don’t accidentally take her into my arms and kiss her into oblivion. “Maybe we could meet an hour later than usual tomorrow? Try and catch a few more winks.”

She rocks on her heels, biting her lip. “Sounds good.”

Gosh, she really has to stop doing that. I swallow what feels like a ton of bricks and give her a single curt nod before turning around and walking away from her. After everything I’ve endured today, somehow, it feels like the hardest thing I've done.