20. Fate

20

Fate

Zane

Being with Ivy here tonight feels right, natural. Like I’ve known her all my life. Just like I knew she would, she’s getting along with my family. Even if I’m having a great time, this doesn’t help with the way I feel about her. I never thought I’d ever want to be with someone again after what happened with Sofia. I was happily resigned to life as a lone wolf. But in the span of a few days, everything changed, and that scares the heck out of me.

I’m walking back to Belinda and Ivy when Darwin appears at my side. He places a hand on my shoulder.

“How’s the knee?” I ask him.

“Still hurts. But it’s getting better. The swelling has come down, so there’s that. Hopefully, I’ll get back on my feet soon.” He moves to stand in front of me. “So, Ivy’s great. I’m glad you’re finally getting back out there, bro.”

“I’m not.”

He furrows his eyebrows.

“Getting back out there, I mean. She’s just a friend.”

“It doesn’t look like it to me. Even Ethan said so. You guys look way too cozy to be just friends.”

I release a long groan. I’m not sure whether it’s because he’s annoying me, or because I wish he was right. “Well, we are. She’s leaving in a few days. There’s nothing there.”

“Of course. I’m not saying this has to be anything more. Just a little vacation fling.” He winks. “Exactly what you need.”

Could this be a fling? Do I even want a fling with Ivy?

“I need to get Belinda her drink,” I grumble, moving past him. I don’t want to talk or think about any of this now. Not when I know that whatever happens will inevitably lead nowhere.

Belinda and Ivy are laughing when I join them, and the sight makes my heart beat just a little faster .

“Thank you, my boy,” Belinda says when I hand her the martini.

“Are you okay?” Ivy asks, cocking her head to the side to scrutinize me.

I scratch my beard. “Yes. It’s—I’m going to go outside.”

“Been cooped up for too long?” she asks with a smile.

“You know me,” I joke, but the fact that she really does goes straight to my heart. How can someone I just met understand me so well? And not just about my craving the cold, but everything else. “Do you want to come?”

She nods. “Sure.”

We grab our coats and step out onto the wooden deck at the back of the house. It stretches across three quarters of the house and was a pain to build. But now that it’s done, I love hanging out here.

I take a deep breath and set my beer on the railing. It’s dark out, but strings of colorful lights on the trees and beams illuminate the backyard.

“It’s so pretty out here,” Ivy says, pulling her gloves from her pocket.

“I know. Same view as when we were kids, but a whole different perspective.”

She turns to me. “What do you mean?”

I sigh, my eyes roving the dark backyard. “This is my childhood home. Well, Darwin and I tore the old house down and rebuilt everything. But this right here is the land I grew up on.”

“Wow, okay,” she says, looking around.

A light chuckle escapes me. “If it wasn’t for the yard, you wouldn’t recognize it. It’s the only part that hasn’t changed. We spent so much time here, playing in the snow, climbing trees. It’s always been my escape. Darwin’s too. Our dad hated the outdoors and the cold. Inside the house, with his bottle in hand, was his favorite spot. So as kids, we would spend a lot of time outside.”

“I’m sorry about your dad,” she says, placing her hand on mine. “Did he—?”

“Die?” I glance at her, and the empathy in her eyes warms my entire body. “I don’t know. Maybe. He always had a problem with alcohol. One day, he just packed up and left, and we never saw him again.”

“I’m sorry.” She squeezes my hand. “It’s a good thing you had Bruce and Belinda to help you. She’s so nice.”

I smile. “I’m glad you like her. She really is a mother figure to us, just like Bruce was a terrific substitute dad.”

She gazes out at the backyard again. “Well, it’s a beautiful place to grow up.”

“I’m sure Fort Lauderdale was too. I’ve never been, but you have gardens and nature there, don’t you?” At least, I’d assume so.

She swats my hand, pulling hers away, and I instantly miss the contact. “Of course we do. It’s just not as picturesque as the wilderness here. Not as peaceful . . .”

“It probably has its own beauty. You’re just used to it by now.”

“Yeah, maybe.” She bites her lip. “So, it’s almost midnight,” she says. “Do you have any resolutions?”

I take a swig of my beer. “I don’t do resolutions, since I know I’ll never follow them,” I joke. “I have no self-discipline.”

She cocks her head to the side. “Oh, come on. I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is.” I nod. “I keep talking about expanding my business, but I never do.”

“That sounds fun. What would you do?”

I roll my eyes, but honestly, I’m touched that she’s taking an interest. “Just offer some hiking, camping, longer rides with ice-fishing excursions. That sort of thing.”

“Those are all great ideas,” she says, her face lighting up.

“Thanks. I actually used to offer camping and hiking in the summer, but I didn’t this year . . .” I swallow hard at the reminder of how I spent my summer .

“Why not?”

I shrug. “A bad breakup, I guess. Messed me up pretty bad. Am I less of a man for admitting that?” I say it like it’s a joke, but that’s only half true.

She locks her beautiful green eyes on me. “That makes you more of a man, in my book. You’re human, and you have emotions. Being a man or a woman has nothing to do with that.”

“Yeah, I guess . . .”

She stares at the contents of her drink. “What happened?”

My first instinct is to cut this conversation short. The last thing I want is to talk about Sofia. Especially with Ivy. But I know she’s not prying. She’s been pretty open about her own heartbreak, so it’s only fair I do the same. If there’s anyone who can understand the feeling, it’s her. Though I’m pretty sure her pain is a million times worse than mine. I never made it to the altar.

I lean my elbows over the railing. “Her name was Sofia. She moved here from Seattle to work during the high season, and we started seeing each other. We were friends before we got together, so I lost both when she left.” My stomach constricts when I recall that moment she left—and all the moments after that. I spent the entire summer and fall sulking, not wanting to do anything except hang out with my dogs in the barn. I even avoided going on rides when the first snow finally came. Until Ivy.

“Why did she leave?”

“She didn’t like it here. After two years, she decided she missed city life. Just when I was getting ready to propose.”

Her mouth forms a small “o”. “And you didn’t want to go with her?”

“I’m a mountain guy,” I joke, even though my insides are twisting. “Can you picture me in a city? I’ve never even left Colorado. All my family is here, my job, my dogs.” Even if I did love Sofia, leaving this place was never in the books for me, and she knew that. But she decided she loved city life more than she loved me.

She looks down. “Yeah. I get it.”

“But I’m better now. I feel like I’m finally back to normal. Time heals all wounds, I guess.”

“Yeah. And you know what? It’s her loss. You’re a great guy, Zane Harden. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who makes you happy.”

The image that pops into my head is one of Ivy and me. I try to shove it away, but it keeps creeping back in. “You too,” I mutter, feeling bile rising in my throat. Picturing her with someone else is torture. But I know she will find someone. Once her heart has healed, and she’s open to dating again, she’s going to make a lucky guy very happy .

“Thanks.”

A silence falls between us, and I wonder if her mind is also reeling, imagining what our futures could look like.

“It’s beautiful,” she says in a breath, surprising me. I follow her gaze to the sky. It’s particularly clear tonight, with hundreds of twinkling stars.

“It is.” But I’m not looking at the stars anymore. Ivy’s eyes sparkle brighter than the stars above us, drawing mine to hers like a magnet. She must feel my gaze on her, because she turns to me.

“Do you believe in fate?” she asks. “Like there’s something written in the stars, and no matter what we do to fight it, it’ll still happen?”

I swallow to wet my dry throat. “Maybe. I know there are things we don’t understand. I know some things are impossible to push away, no matter how hard we try.” Like those images inside my head, tormenting me.

“Exactly.”

Her coat is now touching mine, and I don’t know whether she took a step sideways, or if I did. Maybe it was both of us.

“Ivy,” I say, grazing her cheek tenderly before pulling my hand away.

She takes it in hers, squeezing my palm, and my heart pounds faster than it ever has .

She leans toward me, and I know I can’t back out. There’s no way, when all I want is right here. I’m not strong enough to fight this. I need to feel her lips on mine.

Ivy’s mouth parts at the same time as mine, and we’re now inches from each other.

Then, a loud boom reverberates through the sky. Ivy jumps, and I raise my eyes to the fireworks crackling above us.

“It’s midnight,” I say, turning back to her, but she’s already taken a step back. The spell is broken.

My friends and family start to fill the deck to watch the fireworks, shouting “Happy New Year” and taking me in their arms.

Ivy’s expression is impossible to read. Is she glad we were interrupted? Should I just take her inside and finally kiss her, or should I give her space?

I try to find an answer in her eyes, but I can’t. Offering a faint smile, she raises her head back to the fireworks that are lighting up the sky above us.

If I make only one resolution this year, it’s to stop being a coward and go after what I want, because it’s suddenly crystal clear.