Chapter two

Delaney"s Journal

See, Journal? Aren't you glad I took you with me? Just look at this view.

Okay, I realize as I write this you don't have eyes, so let me set the scene.

I'm just assuming at this point that whatever words I press into the page are magically absorbed into your paper and received into your journal brain where they"re then processed. I like to think we're friends, Journal. I mean, I did hook you up with that other pretty journal I bought. That was pretty pro-friend of me, am I right?

There are some perks that come with being the daughter of the queen. I didn't have to wait until normal business hours to get keys to my new conduit dorm; Adam was able to get them for me so that I could move in when I was ready. Since I was ready to do that bright and early today, I"m definitely still tipsy from my mostly all-night drinking binge with Adam and Cory. Unloading my car and getting the boxes into the right rooms was much more amusing with alcohol in my system, though probably not quite as efficient as it could have been without.

Of course my parents wanted to see me off and help me move in and completely equip my space with everything I'd need, but one thing I do not want right now is attention. If seriously any of my dads showed up, let alone all of them or my mom? The campus would be in a whole tizzy, and we"d need all sorts of security. We're not playing that game. I"m trying to play this game where I melt into obscurity. I definitely do not need more bad publicity.

I figure I'll just make a running tally of everything I need and pick it up at the store later. Maybe I'll even make the order online so I don't even have to walk through the store. Yeah, that sounds like a much better use of my energy.

Adam left my new place a little bit ago, and my stomach is in knots. I should warn you that it looks like me and him are not going to be a thing. I was really hoping we would be eventually, especially when things crashed and burned with Jackson and August, but it looks like my bad luck is still bad lucking.

However, I did manage to wait until right now to let a few tears fall. I figured you"d appreciate them more than my exes would.

I think I'm back to being envious of you, Journal. If you don't have a heart, then it can't break.

It felt so good to fall apart in Adam's arms when I got to campus last night, to wrap myself around him and get the comfort I so desperately needed after things ended with Jackson and August, but then immediately I realized he was with somebody; and I don't mean just at that moment in time.

No, it seems he's found himself somebody to date, and it's likely serious. I want to say they're cute together, but I don't know how I'm supposed to be his best friend when I'm in love with him and I can't have him. How do I pretend I'm happy for him when I have to constantly see him with somebody else who's basically prettier than I am?

No, scratch that. Cory is definitely prettier than me.

Like, I get the appeal. I really do. I just don't know what to do with this useless thing trying to clunk along in my chest.

You want to know the real kicker? Apparently that bite from Wilder was a mating bite. He's also a teacher here, so that's fun. And wouldn't you know, I"m in one of his classes. I"m assuming he's avoiding me because he doesn't actually want to be mated to me, so story of my life.

He sent some lion shifters to welcome me to campus with an array of cooked chicken products, which was more than a little confusing, but no sign of Wilder himself. August brought ham (please don't ask) so know my fridge is a carnivore's wet dream, but I'm almost too sad to eat. I'd share my snacks with you if I could, Journal.

Besides dwelling on the contents of my fridge, I can't help but feel stupid. I went from having all these prospects, to having basically negative prospects, and it just really sucks. This is definitely not how I wanted to start the semester.

Maybe there's somebody on campus here meant to be mine. If not, then I'll just keep hiding out here on this sweet little balcony my dorm has.

Honestly, knowing this is here makes me not care at all about the interior décor of the dorm room. Yes, it's incredibly ugly, but because it's incredibly ugly, it hasn't been used that much. It's in pretty good condition considering. It's bigger than others', it's farther away so it's more private, and then there's this balcony.

I"m situated in the back corner of the school, so from here we look over most of the grounds of the Academy with trees and even a lake in the distance. There's this really intense gargoyle right next to my balcony, but he's sitting with his legs folded crisscross, making his stone lap the perfect spot to sit.

As the sun sets, the stone is warm and almost cozy. I admit he's in a weird position for a gargoyle, but I'm talking to a journal, so what business do I have judging stonework?

I'm leaning against his chest, and I feel like I'm in my own little throne high up in the sky. I've got the window cracked so I can hear Jackson and August moving around and putting things away, mumbling to themselves. I don't think I want to deal with them right now. It's too peaceful out here.

Journal, what are we going to do? It seems it's an old wives' tale they tell conduits to be scared of, that if you don't find your mates quick enough some bad things will happen to your magic, but what if that's actually true? I just figured out my magic; what if I have to give it up completely because nobody will love me?

There's a back-to-school soiree tonight. Technically it's winter so it's not a pool party like I've heard happens at the beginning of the year, but since we live somewhere that never gets too cold, the party is still being hosted outside. Telling myself I was going to attend school here so I could study magic and find my mates is one thing, but actually being here is sort of terrifying.

I've never really put myself out there before. What will people will think of me here? Will they think I'm just some spoiled princess they've seen in the media? Do they think I'm weird because of my security guards? Or will they think I'm the drunk person that does nothing but think about three ways because of that stupid interview?

Though to be fair, I do spend a lot of my time doing just that. But that's between you and me.

I don't know, Journal. Mom's way of dealing with situations she's uncomfortable with is to dress well so she's confident, like she's wearing armor to hide behind. I don't know if I'm ready for that. What if nobody wants to talk to me?

Well, I think I might have actually just won the self-pity award. Impressive. Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go wash the smell of dorm room drinking off of me and organize my bedroom. I"m going to start that list I said I'd make for shopping, and I'm going to stop telling myself bad things are going to happen to me.

Let's manifest the shit out of a good first semester, what do you say?

I"m taking your silence as confirmation of my ability to do awesomeness.