Chapter Nine

Wilford

It's fine, people knock on doors every day, right? This is a completely normal thing to do.

I adjust my glasses again, straighten my bow tie, flatten my shirt to ensure there are no wrinkles, and raise my hand to the door.

Being in this wing of the dorms is terrifying. Conduits scare the heck out of me. All that divine goddess energy they've been granted? Shivers every time. I never feel as if I'm worthy enough to stand in their presence, let alone talk to them, but alas, I have been given a mission to make sure that all of them know who their patron is.

Beetle dung. I actually knocked.

"Come in, I'm outside! It's unlocked."

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?

I could come back later. Maybe I should.

But I'm already here so maybe I should just…

I try the doorknob, and sure enough it's unlocked. I peek my head in. This is the realm of the divine female energy. Weird. I thought there would be less underwear strewn about.

"Quick, come here, I need your opinion!"

I carefully remove my shoes so I don't drag in any dirt, then I follow the voice of the angel to where there's an open window and a small balcony. But I don't see her out there. It's raining; surely she's not out in the rain?

"Come here, come here, don't be shy!"

Well if my goddess commands me, I shall go.

I step onto the wet plot of decking, unaware this even existed on any student rooms.

Before me, the curvaceous feminine delight is flat on her back, staring at what appears to be a stone gargoyle mounted to the outside of the school.

"Does this gargoyle look like he has an erection do you?" she asks, unabashed and un-ironically.

I can feel the flush in my cheeks immediately. It's a superpower, the ability to look embarrassed before my brain has even processed what's happening. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Get down here with me," she insists. I'm already soaked from the rain, what will lying down in it really do to further my dishevelment?

She's only wearing a thin nightgown and I avert my eyes, because it wouldn't be proper for me to look upon her so.

Once I'm on my back and a very reckless foot away from her, ensuring there's no accidental touching on my part, she sticks out her hand for me to shake. "Delaney," she says.

"Uh, I'm Wilford."

"Charmed. Isn"t this the hottest gargoyle you've ever seen? And look at those cheekbones. Whoever sculpted him seriously knew what they were doing."

"I don't find the male form sexually attractive," I inform her.

She leans up on an elbow and looks over at me, her perfect face itched in slight confusion. I would say an appropriate amount though. Definitely not overdone. "Is that so?"

Belt buckles. Was that offensive? I immediately start to backtrack. "I can say though, speaking from a strictly artistic standpoint, and he is a sculpture, his proportions are nice and symmetrical. The artist indeed had a smooth touch, ensuring his features were very human-like. The expression he wears, it speaks of such passion."

"I think I just fell in love with you," she says before plopping down on her back again. "No, he definitely has an erection. Look, you can even see his balls. I swear they weren't there the last time I was out here. Am I going crazy?"

Time to be a hero. "Even though I don't normally make it a habit to inspect the genitals of stone creatures, I shall do it for you, my lady."

I crawl over to the gargoyle in question, who's perched just next to the little balcony we rest on, but only to serve my divine goddess. "He is life-like indeed, my lady. The artist was either very inspired, because let's be honest, the manhood within this gargoyle has to be at least nine or ten inches, or he was making a statement. Either way, I find it oddly arousing."

"Wilford, did we just fall mutually in love?"

I step back and collect myself. "Have you been imbibing, Miss Delaney?"

She waves me off. "There was tequila in there at some point; the whole bottle was broken though, it all disappeared."

"I've heard that's a common problem for college students."

She laughs, but it starts as a really soft, slow giggle, and soon enough she's laughing so hard that she's actually snorting.

"You don't need to make fun of me, Miss."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she says in between heaping gasps of air. "I could listen to you talk forever, Wilford. I promise you I'm not making fun of you."

"Everybody else does," I assure her. "I'm not offended. I'm not exactly your typical college student, am I?"

"Oh, but that's why we're in love," she sings songs.

Then there's another pounding on the door. "Should I get that for you?"

"You might want to cover your ears, Wilford. Come in, I"m outside!" she bellows.

"I thank you for the warning."

Somebody that I'm pretty sure is a professor comes striding into her dorm, hands in his pockets and jaw tense. I immediately stand up and back away from Delaney. "I wasn't doing nothing Sir, I swear it. I came over merely to discuss things with Ms. Delaney, and she bade me come out here to check something for her."

"Hey mate," she says, very drunkenly now. "We're checking out the balls on this gargoyle, care to look? We were just admiring the artist's fine work and attention to detail."

"Are you drunk?" he asks, sounding irritated.

"Sure am, sweet cheeks!"

"Unbelievable," he says under his breath.

Delaney merely rolls her eyes in the dim light, and then stands so she can get closer to the gargoyle. She pats him on the cheek, barely even needing to stand on her tippy toes to reach him since she's so statuesque. "You're the best kind of man there is, aren't you darling? Fake ones can't ever hurt me. Maybe I should just mate you!" And then she starts giggling as if she said something hilarious before waving in my direction. "This is William, and we're in love. We're eloping."

I immediately hold up my hands in a gesture of what I"m hoping looks like innocence. "It's actually Wilford, sir. And I must confess no actual planning of elopement was discussed in any capacity. Are you with child, Ms. Delaney? If so, I would be honored to marry you and offer you my protection. Out of duty, you see."

Delaney looks at me and starts tearing up. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That was so mean of me! What is wrong with me, I can't even remember my own boyfriend's name. And aren't you the sweetest? Wilder, isn't he sweet? No honey, my womb is blessedly empty."

The professor looks at me with more scrutiny. "Who the hell are you again?" Then he swings his head back to a sobbing Delaney. "And where are those two goons you call bodyguards? You just let any random person into your room without checking to see who they are first?"

Delaney sits up and blows a really loud raspberry at him as the rain continues to fall on her face. "Looks like the fun police are here, Wilford. No fun allowed with this dude around. Guess we'll have to have that wild sex party another time. One of us needs to go notify the neighbors."

I once again throw my hands in the air, disliking that she's making me look like I am ready to swing my most sacred piece of flesh around without a ring on my finger. Belittling the most sacred union the goddess has given us. Disliking also, the way this surly professor is looking like he wants to believe I was about to do this sex party thing with someone he clearly feels protective over. "I believe she's trying to play a joke on you sir, I have never in my life wanted to do anything less than engage in a sex party. You see? I can't even say that phrase without hives breaking out." I hold out my arm where there is a very prominent set of bumps. Another superpower—the ability to react bodily to uncomfortable situations.

I try to head towards the window so I may put more space in between us and flee her room, but the teacher's blocking it. Also, I get hit with another dose of play-the-gentleman. "Wait a minute, what are you doing in her dorm room? I must ask Sir, because it seems quite improper. I think I must actually stay and defend her virtue."

"Oh I haven't had any virtue in a long time," she assures me.

"Cute," the teacher says, clearly not impressed.

"You know what? You can just leave," she tells him. "Me and Wilford got plans. Big messy ones."

"We do? I mean yes, of course. I came to ask about the goddess. Have you accepted her as your personal savior?"

"Wilford," the teacher says in a condescending tone, "do you know who this woman is?"

He seems amused, but I can't fathom why. "She is a conduit, a vessel of the goddess. Sent to the earth to tempt us mere mortals into better things."

"This is Queen Gabriella's daughter," he informs me. "I'm pretty sure she's familiar with the goddess, seeing as how her mother is her official voice in this realm."

That can't be…

Sweet baby meatballs.

I drop to my knees and bow. "Please forgive me, Your Highness."

"Wilford, the only time I want you on your knees for me is if you're planning on eating me, we clear?"

"I assure you I have no cannibalistic tendencies, Your Highness."

The teacher snorts. "I don't think that's what she meant, kid."

"Well aren"t you the cutest thing ever? Please can I keep you? What do you think Wilder, can we keep him? He's so sweet and innocent."

She leans down to whisper in my ear. "I was talking about oral sex, Wilford. Seeing you on your knees makes me think about your mouth on me." She winks, and then it's my turn to cover up an erection. I didn't think my blood could possibly flow that quickly. Maybe it's genital hives?

"You"ll give this poor boy a heart attack if you talk like that," the teacher tells her. He must have extraordinary hearing to have heard what she just told me. How is he not embarrassed though?

"There, look!" she says, spinning towards the gargoyle. "I swear his dick just got longer. That vein through the pants wasn't there a second ago. I'm gonna lick it," she says as she starts crawling up there.

But the teacher grabs her around the waist. "Are you insane?" he growls. "You"re drunk, it's raining, and that"s a stone on the side of the fucking building. Are you trying to kill yourself? Also, do you have any idea how many birds have probably shat on that thing? Why in the goddess's name would you want to lick it?"

"Obviously because it"s the biggest, hardest dick I've ever seen. The better question is, why don't you want to?"

"I think you need to go to bed, Delaney."

"You don't tell me what to do," she argues, pushing away from him.

"Has anybody ever mentioned how utterly exasperating you are?"

"I'm pretty sure I got the gist of that when you decided to claim me and then pretend like I didn't exist."

She jumps inside, pulling me with her. She tries to latch the window so she can lock the teacher out there in the rain, but he manages to get his foot in the sill before she can.

"Real mature," he tells her.

She shrugs, clearly not regretful. Then she looks around her dorm. "Sorry, wasn't exactly expecting company. I would have cleaned up," she says as she stares at a pair of polka dot panties laying right smack in the middle of the table.

"What the hell were you doing with your underwear?" The teacher asks. I really need to learn this guy"s name.

"I thought it might be fun to hide them sober and then find all of them drunk. You know, kind of like a treasure hunt? I have the room to myself for the weekend, so I'm being spontaneous."

It is so very hard to look at her and not stare at her breasts. They're full, and round, and her nipples are so hard that I'm sure they have more in common with the stone man outside than they do with the flesh that I carry on my own body. I avert my eyes because it"s the right thing to do.

"Can we talk, Delaney?" The teacher asks.

And that"s my cue to leave. They clearly have some sort of history, and she"s not acting as if she's truly uncomfortable with him being in her space, so it"s not my business. "I'm sorry to intrude upon you Delaney— Your Majesty— Your Highness, I mean. I mean Princess. I'll remove myself from your presence. I apologize for overstepping, it"s clear to me you know all about the divine feminine that is our goddess. I shan't be bothering you again."

I'm halfway to the door when she runs at me to stop me. "I'm taking you out next weekend, Wilford. I'll be sober and everything. Let me see your phone." She starts reaching when I don't produce it immediately, so I'm quick to scrabble and rip it out of my pocket, unsure exactly what's happening. If she's making fun of me, it might be worth it.

I drop the phone in my nervousness and then drop it again when I try and pick it up. I'm shaking, feeling out of place standing in the dorm room with a member of the staff watching me make a fool of myself. Also feel foolish making a fool of myself in front of Delaney Duncan. Fool all around, really.

She types something into my phone, then I hear her phone go off from a side table in the living room, which means it's a real number.

"What do you want me to do with this information?" I ask, wanting to make sure I don't misread this.

"Whatever you want there, cutie. Dick pic, head shot, cat memes, the world is your oyster. We looked at gargoyle balls together, we"re bonded now."

I feel the need to defend my presence in this room, because the princess seems to have a knack for making it seem dubious. "I assure you sir; it isn't what you're thinking. I cannot stress this enough."

It"s not until then I remember she called him Wilder, but I"m afraid to use his name because I have no standing with him.

She kisses me on the cheek, smelling like a straight up college bar, but that's okay. Still counts. So does the trail of saliva I feel on my cheek when she decides to lick me.

I'm so proud of myself for not even hyperventilating until I'm halfway back to my own dorm room. The hives are absolutely worth it. What a night.