16. Julian

I"m not going to complain about where this day takes us, but leading Claire through the kitchen and into the pantry has her eyes darting all over the place. We have this big place all to ourselves after I gave the staff the weekend off. No chefs. No maids. No landscapers plotting to take my Claire out on a date.

"We"re in a food closet," she huffs. "What happens now?"

There"s a good reason for her confusion. When my mother left this place, so did most of the staff. Charleston didn"t mind since he didn"t want witnesses to what he"d was putting me through, either. The butler left, but his quarters remained. The renovations to the entire manor took three years to finish, and this nook became a special project to put a piece of my personality into a home I never felt welcome in.

The kitchen, its pantry, and the butler"s quarters were all reconfigured to make room for a space I could let loose. The back wall of the pantry is a door that has a push-to-release function. The click of me opening the door seems louder in the small space that"s about the size of Claire"s bathroom.

"It"s like a movie. This house would be great to put in one of those murder mysteries, a good whodunnit, you know?"

I laugh, but little does she know that the murder that happened in this house was no mystery. I know whodunnit and I know one of these days, it will probably come out. However, I don"t want to sink into that headspace. The reality of this house and my past remains buried as I lead Claire into a much larger room that hides in a space between the kitchen and ballroom.

"The equipment room for the training area is right above us," I tell her.

Claire turns to me, shock and annoyance etches across her face. "Edward told me this was a panic room! That I didn"t need to come and see it."

"I guess it can be considered a panic room of sorts. It"s a safe space."

"How many people have you brought in here?" she asks, but then backtracks, "No, don"t answer that. I don"t want to know your body count."

"No one but the trades who built it for me have been in this room. I took this task on when I first started exploring my relationship to pain and pleasure. I realized very quickly I didn"t want anyone else here. I haven"t dated anyone seriously enough to show them this room This room became something unattainable for me, a place that said I had to find a woman to use it with and know that she wouldn"t use what we do here against me."

"Julian, I would never?—"

I cut her off. "Claire, I trust you. I also know I can"t hide this side of myself from you. The more I bury these parts of me, the more, uh, outbursts, I have."

The way her head shifts up and down, as if pieces of an internal puzzle come together tells me she"s linking my temper to my pent-up tension. I turn the lights all the way up and show her around.

"The lights and music can be controlled with the same app we use for the rest of the house."

"It"s so, so, clean and bright. Cream colored walls and white tiled floors? Where are the whips, chains, and that big X thing that you tie people to?" Her eyes bounce around the space, and I sense a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Claire, I have chronic night terrors. I don"t want that same darkness in a place I"m supposed to enjoy myself with a woman I care about. The last thing I want to do is pull you into the dark with me."

She spins to face me, closing the gap between us and stretching onto her toes to kiss me. Her fingers run through my hair, raking against my scalp, and I fall into the moment, letting her tongue push into my mouth. I let Claire take whatever she needs from me, because she needs to be in control. She needs to see how much I want this and how much I want her to be in this part of my life.

When she pulls away, I take her by the hand, kissing the top to show her the rest. "It took four guys to haul the wood in for these bed posts."

I tap the behemoth taking up the center of the back wall. Four large posts keep the king-sized bed suspended above the floor, with iron spindles running between the top two posts and across the bottom posts as well. Claire runs her small hands between them.

"Easy to tie someone down," I tell her as we move toward an open doorway which leads into a small walk-thru closet and finally into a private en suite. "This has some stuff in it, generic mostly. I wanted to wait to personalize the stuff more."

"You have a favorite thing you like done to you?" She cocks her head to the side, opening drawers and running her fingers across an assortment of paddles.

"I did. The paddle, the wooden one used to feel great against the back of my thighs, but I haven"t performed a scene in a long time. We can go through this stuff, see what we like, see what we don"t. All of it"s new, untouched. I"m hoping the fact you"re not running out of here says you"re at least interested."

"I"m very interested. And is that a swing?" she asks, leaving the closet and heading back into the main room. Claire bounces around the room like a pinball.

"Yeah, it folds up like a Murphy bed. There"s a huge soaker tub in the bathroom for relaxation and recovery. No Saint Andrew"s Cross because I don"t like being tied up. I need to be able to have my hands free."

"Do you want to tie me up?"

"We can try that."

"What about this drawer? What"s in here?" she asks of the drawer in a nightstand beside the table. The interior is lined in dark blue velvet where an assortment of plugs and clamps sit in size order.

The way she picks up one plug, turning it around like a marble makes me chuckle.

"Anal plug, Claire."

"I"ve seen one of these online. There was a fox tail attached to it," she says matter-of-factly.

"I don"t judge, but the furry business is not in my wheelhouse."

She picks up a flexible black band, stretching the Oh-shaped silicone with her thumb and index finger. "Where does this go?"

"Around me, at the base where it stops me from coming." The way her eyes widen in horror, pulls a chuckle out of me. I assure her. "It"s fine, Claire. It"s not permanent. The cock ring comes off, but it can heighten pleasure, pain. You can use it to punish or reward me."

"How do we use these?" She puts the ring down and picks up a pair of clamps. Two identical pinchers about the size of a Jolly Rancher that open and close with a silver link chain connecting the pair.

I take them from her, gripping her by the waist. I press firmly against her torso and let my thumbs trace the outline of her stomach up to her breasts, rubbing them behind her shirt until her nipples perk. She moans and I pull the collar of her soft t-shirt down to pull one out.

My mouth descends on the hardening bud, letting my tongue flick against it. I use my lips at first to press her nipple between them. She whimpers a gasp. I palm her ass with my free hand to keep her close to me but can"t stop it from snaking its way up the bottom of her shorts.

My fingers graze her slit as my mouth applies pressure to her tit. She grabs me by the hair as I work my mouth over her nipple. When I dip a finger inside of her, she moans out my name.

"Julian."

Her breaths come in quicker, faster, and match the rhythm of me fingering her pussy. I pull away from her, dropping down to take her shorts off as she pulls her shirt off. Claire sits down on the bed while I spread her legs to taste her essence. The flavor of her pleasure settles over my tongue as I slide it between her folds.

This time, my fingers reach up to tease and pinch her nipples. I press even harder than my mouth which draws a muted yelp followed by the moan of her climax. She embraces the pain, leans into it and grinds her hips against her face.

I stand up, fully erect, and grab the clamps. I clip one to her nipple. It"s the pair with the least amount of pressure. They"re bigger to cover more flesh instead of the smaller, tighter ones that focus solely on the nipple.

"How does that feel, Claire?" I ask her.

Her deep inhale of pleasure and pain sets me on fire to consume every ounce of her. She licks her lips, telling me, "I can feel the sharpness from my clit to my nipples, and down to my toes. I want to feel you everywhere, inside and out. Fuck me, Julian. Fuck me now."

The minute she says the words, I strip out of my pants and slide myself into her wetness. Claire"s walls clench around me as I lose myself in the push and pull of our rhythm together. This space is going to smell of us, our passion, our climax.

I pump in and out of Claire, losing myself in the idea of nights to come in this room. The future we"ll share together as we learn and explore what brings us to unimaginable heights that excite me like nothing I"ve ever felt before. The steady thrum of my pulse against my eardrums makes me feel like we"re in our own little bubble.

My hands, my mouth, they trace the lines of Claire"s neck. My body moves in sync with hers. We"re in our own space and time as she drags her nails down my back. The stinging sensation unleashes my primitive urges to speed up my pace. The sounds of her welcoming sheath of wetness makes it easy for me to dip in and out until I"m plowing inside of her at a more furious pace.

She pants and grunts with every push and pull of me inside of her pussy. Her climax coats my shaft. The sight of her slickness covering me as I dole out pleasure brings me over the edge of ecstasy. Claire follows me over that cliff as I remove the clamp and bring her to one more orgasm with my own chasing hers.

There"s no end in sight to the pleasure I feel inside of Claire, or the hope I have with her by my side. We stay in the dungeon until sleep finds us. This time, passion soothes the raging beast that keeps me awake at night. There aren"t any screams or terrors. It"s just me in the comfort of having Claire in my arms without the dangers of our past weighing over us.