19. Lev

19

LEV

Harsh winds whip at my face, and I shudder from the cold. The smell of salt hits my nose, and I catch the sound of waves crashing in the distance.

I haven’t dreamed of the sea in months.

My father used to bring me out to the cliffs of Oyster Bay as a way of scaring me into submission. He would threaten to throw me over the edge, saying I was no use to him, or anyone, for that matter.

What he failed to realize was that I was never scared of drowning.

In fact, quite the opposite.

The thought of closing my eyes and letting the water slowly fill my lungs brought me a sense of peace that I always craved.

A peace I eventually found when I was buried deep inside Elle?—

My eyes fly open, and I gasp as I realize the sound of the water isn’t in my mind but in fact five hundred feet below me.

“Holy fuck!” I scramble away on my hands on knees from the cliff’s edge. One wrong move, and I could so easily have woken to find myself falling to my death.

Where the fuck am I?

I take a moment to try and breathe. Panicking never helps, it only ever brings on another blackout, which could be fatal considering where I am.

As my heart continues to pound in my chest, I glance around to see if my car is nearby. But from the looks of it, I’m completely stranded, with no fucking idea how I got here.

“Fuck!” I run my fingers through my hair.

It feels damp with sweat, and when I hold my hands in front of my face, small cuts cover my skin and dirt is caked beneath my fingernails.

Did I hike all the way here from the city?

There’s no fucking way. It would have taken me hours to get anywhere near the ocean, though from the way my muscles ache and my head throbs, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly what I did.

It’s likely I drove most of the way and abandoned my car somewhere, and the chances of me finding it again are slim to none.

Collapsing onto my back, I stare up at the clear sky and try to think of the last thing I remember.

Which turns out is not a lot.

It doesn’t help that every time I close my eyes, my mind fills with the image of Elle lying naked beneath me as I thrust my cock inside her.

It’s been a few days since we slept together, and it’s all I’ve been able to think about.

I know I should be feeling guilty for what happened, but I can’t. It was single-handedly the most incredible experience of my life, one that I can’t seem to stop reliving in my mind.

Even lying a few feet from the edge of a cliff that I could easily have fallen off the side of, my cock still manages to thicken as I remember the look on Elle’s face as she came around my cock.

She was breathtaking.

But I knew the moment she asked me to stay once we were done that I’d fucked up.

This was never meant to happen. I was meant to keep my distance so that she could live a normal life without ever knowing I existed. It was better for both of us that way.

Instead, it took one glance at her naked body in the window for my self-control to shatter, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to piece it back together.

Climbing to my feet, I brush my dirt-covered hands on my jeans and sigh at the feel of my phone in my pocket.

I waste no time dialing Pyotr’s number, hoping he’s not out of state on a job and is willing to drive out to wherever I am and pick me up.

“Come on .”

The phone continues to ring.

After another thirty seconds or so, I give up.

He’s not going to answer, which leaves me with only one other option.

Judging from how high the sun is in the sky, it’s not much past noon, which means Elle could have been unprotected for at least the past twelve hours. She wasn’t due at work until tonight, and she is likely spending the day in the city, soaking up the sun by reading in the park or in her favorite coffee shop.

All places where my father could quite easily intercept her .

For all I know, she could be tied up in another motel room, begging for her life.

The thought sends me to my knees as my mouth opens in a silent scream of rage.

This can’t keep happening. I can’t keep letting Elle down like this. I need to face the fact that my blackouts are becoming frequent again and longer, which leaves her unprotected and at risk.

It’s time I swallow my pride and admit that I’m not enough for her, and I never have been.

Which brings me to my only option… I need to call my sister.

I have no idea if Nina will even be willing to help me. After all, in the eyes of her new family, I am the enemy. But I have to hope that she is willing to put the past aside in favor of Elle. After all, the Koslovs have infinite resources in terms of men and weapons that would mean Elle would have protection twenty-four seven.

“Hello?”

“Nina? It’s Lev. I need you to come and get me.”

An approaching blacked-out Range Rover has me holding my breath.

It’s been years since I last saw my sister, and I’m riddled with nerves as the car comes to a stop and the driver’s door opens.

As Nina steps out, a wave of grief hits me at how grown up she is.

In some ways, she looks exactly the same, with her long, dark hair pulled back into a neat bun, wearing her signature pink. This time, in the form of a long coat over what seems to be her dance gear.

But on the other hand, a certain maturity lines her features. Her cheeks are less rounded with youth, and she holds herself with a confidence I’ve never seen in her before.

I guess this is what it looks like to finally be free of our father.

Her eyes roam over me, and she pauses, her demeanor cautious as she takes me in.

I stay silent, too overcome with emotion to speak. Gone is my little sister who used to sneak into my basement room to show off her dances as a way to bring some form of light to my otherwise dark existence. In her place is this grown woman who seems so self-assured, so… happy .

And here I am, being a selfish bastard yet again for dragging her into my mess.

“Fuck, Nina, I’m sorry for calling.” I run my hand over my face.

“Are you okay?” She pushes her bangs out of her eyes.

I nod, too lost in my head to speak.

“Did you blackout? Is that why you’re…here?” She glances around, and all color drains from her face as she takes in the edge of the cliffs behind me.

I stalk toward her, my eyes fixed on the ground.

“Lev? Are you still getting help from that psychiatrist I set you up with?”

I shake my head, a heavy weight settling in my stomach.

“It helped for a while, but it didn’t fix the problem, so I stopped going.” I lift my gaze to meet hers.

She nods, looking past me at the view of the cliffs, lost in her own thoughts for a moment.

“Let’s get you home.” She turns, heading back to the car.

I follow behind her, my feet dragging with exhaustion. When I climb into the passenger seat of the car, I glance over my shoulder and cringe at the sight of the pink car seat, yet another reminder of how everyone else’s lives have moved on.

Nina catches me looking but says nothing as she turns the engine on.

She stays silent as she begins the drive back to the city, and I rest my head against the window, closing my eyes.

I jolt awake as the car comes to a stop outside my apartment building.

“We’re here.”

“How do you know where I live?” My thoughts are still muddled from sleep.

“I have contacts too. But don’t worry, they don’t know.”

I know she means Alexei and the rest of the Koslov bratva.

Nina has no reason to keep my location safe, but I’m grateful all the same.

“I can’t keep all of this from my family, Lev.” She stares straight ahead with her hands on the steering wheel.

My eyes linger on the huge diamond engagement ring and matching wedding band, given to her by Anton.

Things really have changed…

“Elle is a part of that family, and Lucia especially has a right to know. ”

“I don’t want you to keep it from them.” I rub my hands up and down my thighs.

“Really?”

“Alexei should know. Igor was likely the one behind Elle’s kidnapping, and she needs to be protected. You of all people should know how dangerous our father is.”

“He’s behind this?” She turns now to face me.

I nod, not wanting to shield her from the truth.

“But why? That makes no sense. I would understand if he had targeted Lucia or even Zara.”

I choose not to tell her the truth, that he’s likely coming after her to lure me out of the shadows.

“I need you to promise me that you will persuade Alexei to help. Please, Nina.”

“Why are you so obsessed with her safety, Lev? What aren’t you telling me?”

“It’s not important.”

“Clearly, it is.” She folds her arms across her chest.

“Just…promise me.” The last of my energy is draining.

“Fine, but I think you should come with me to speak with Alexei. We don’t even know for sure if you had anything to do with the death of his parents, so maybe if we could convince him?—”

“No. Don’t paint me as innocent, Nina. Not when the evidence suggests otherwise.”

“Lev…” Her voice cracks, and I cringe, hating myself for the position I’ve put her in.

“You should get back.” I reach for the door handle.

“Wait, there’s something you need to know.”

I pause, glancing over at Nina to see her lower lip trembling as she tries to hold back tears.

“What is it? ”

When the tears start to stream down her cheeks, I know whatever it is she’s about to tell me isn’t good.

“ Nina ?”

“Your mother…h-had an affair.”

“An affair?” My voice comes out cold.

“With Andre Koslov.”

“What are you saying, Nina?”

My heart starts to hammer in my chest as I consider what it is she’s trying to tell me.

“Igor isn’t your father, Lev.”

To hear her speak it aloud has my throat burning with the need to vomit.

“The Koslovs… They’re y-your brothers.”

Brother s.

There’s no fucking way.

“You can’t be serious.”

“It’s true, Lev. Andre Koslov is your father.”

Andre Koslov. The man I killed him in cold blood. He’s my father?

I throw open the car door and empty the contents of my stomach onto the sidewalk.

My ears ring as I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand, trying to comprehend what the hell Nina just told me.

If this is in fact true, I will be the reason my own father is lying in a coffin six feet below the ground.

The thought has me retching again.

I’m a fucking monster.

“I’m no better than Igor,” I choke, leaning back against the seat and slamming the door closed.

“Lev, you’re nothing like him.”

“I’m not so sure. ”

I press the palms of my hands into my eyes, gritting my teeth as I try not to explode. This would explain why Igor made me suffer the way he did for all those years. It’s likely he blamed me for what his wife did and took his rage out on an innocent child.

I have no doubt that when I came home with the blood of Andre Koslov on my hands, he triumphed in what he had done. Making me kill my own father as payment for my mother’s betrayal and taking away any last shred of humanity that I might have had.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” My voice shakes as I try to contain my anger.

“I didn’t trust you to know.” She looks down at her lap. “I thought you were caught up in this mess with Igor and would somehow use the information against my family. I’m so sorry, Lev.”

“You were protecting your family.” I place my hands back on my thighs. “I won’t ever make you feel bad for protecting your family.”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you, but the way you pushed me out of your life… I had to be sure.”

“I understand.”

“It means I’m not your sister—” Nina’s voice breaks, and she buries her face in her hand as her body trembles as she sobs.

I reach out to clutch her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“You will always be my sister, Nina.”

She lowers her hands and nods, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes rimmed red.

“Come back with me, Lev. We can work this out.” Her eyes well with more tears as she reaches for my hand. “You’re part of our family?—”

“They will never see me as family.” I pull away from her touch. “Igor made damn sure of that from the start.”