26. Zara

26

ZARA

My first ultrasound is tomorrow, and I’m yet to tell Dimitri about the pregnancy.

Nothing like waiting until the last possible second to share the news, but every time I’ve gone to tell him this week, my mouth has gone dry, and I couldn’t find the courage to admit the truth.

He thinks the nausea is down to the situation with Giovanni, and I’ve let him believe that out of selfishness.

No matter how many times Bianca assures me that Dimitri will be over the moon about becoming a father, I just can’t believe it to be true.

Perhaps I’m just self-sabotaging to try and protect my own heart from being shattered into a million pieces by the one man I never thought I would fall for.

But I’ve let myself run out of time. Tonight is the night I reveal the truth, and I just have to come to peace with the fact that I could lose Dimitri.

Raising a child together wasn’t part of the deal, and he has every right to walk away if he chooses to.

I won’t stop him .

Dimitri texted me earlier to let me know he would be home from his meetings at the Russian Tea Rooms around eight, so I spent the afternoon setting up a romantic evening for two.

I wanted to recreate my own version of the evening that he planned for me at that incredible restaurant as a way to share the news. So, I popped out during the afternoon to pick up an obscene amount of candles as well as some fresh flowers for the table and the most expensive bottle of red wine I could find, not that I can enjoy any of it. I also put in an order for his favorite carbonara dish from a small Italian restaurant around the corner as well as a double helping of their famous tiramisu for dessert.

It should be a perfect evening.

Once the food is delivered, I pop it in the oven to keep warm and get to work scattering the candles on every surface throughout the entire downstairs living area to make the large space seem more cozy.

With the huge floor to ceiling windows, the sight of the city lit up against the soft glow of the candles once the sun finally sets will be a sight to behold.

I finish off the table with some glasses for the wine—well, for him at least. I can pretend to drink until the moment I tell him—and straighten up the cutlery that I’ve laid out.

It’s not nearly up to the standard Dimitri set with hiring out an entire restaurant, but I hope he’ll appreciate the effort.

When it gets close to seven, I make my way up the stairs to start getting ready.

I’ve set aside another dark green dress as the color not only makes my eyes pop but it brings out the soft golden tones in my skin to counteract the dark circles that have taken up permanent residence beneath my eyes.

I’m almost tempted to slip on some sexy lingerie beneath my dress in case Dimitri is overjoyed by the news and wants to celebrate right there and then.

I root through the drawers in my closet, eyeing the many lacy pieces that were stocked prior to my arrival.

My cheeks heat at the skimpiness of some of the panties, but then I imagine what it would be like to have Dimitri rip them off me and take me right there on the dining room table, and my embarrassment soon turns to lust.

We haven’t slept together in almost two weeks because I’ve been feeling so ill with morning sickness, and my body is starting to crave that level of intimacy with Dimitri.

I want to lose myself in those moments with him, where nothing else matters except the pleasure that we give one another.

It's a pleasure that I never thought would be possible for me to experience. I thought I would always be too terrified to let myself fully submit to a man, to be able to relinquish complete control over my body.

But I was wrong.

Dimitri not only makes me feel so safe when I’m with him, but he brings out a level of confidence in me that I didn’t realize I had. He’s been everything I could have ever dreamed of, and I’m not ready to let him go.

I have loved waking up every morning wrapped in his arms over the past few days. I still jolt awake from the nightmares, but the moment I realize that Dimitri is the one holding me close, my body instantly relaxes, and I fall back into a dreamless sleep as he gently strokes my hair.

“Screw it.” I reach for a matching set of black lingerie. “Tonight is going to go just fine.”

A pang of guilt hits me for not having better faith in Dimitri.

He’s stuck by me even when he learned the truth of my past when many men would have run in the opposite direction, deeming me too broken to stick around for.

That knowledge gives me hope that tonight won’t be any different.

I lay my skater style dress out on my bed along with the underwear. Checking the time on my phone, I realize that Dimitri will be home in forty-five minutes, so I head into my bathroom and turn on the shower.

As the water starts to heat up, filling the room with steam, I set my phone down on the counter in case Dimitri calls to say he’s running late. I don’t want the food to be ruined, but if we end up having to eat it cold, then so be it.

I hope he’ll appreciate the effort just the same.

I quickly shrug out of my leggings and tank top and step under the rainfall shower. My body is a bundle of nerves, and I hope a hot shower will help to ease some of the tension in my muscles.

I just want tonight to go well and for Dimitri and me to be able to celebrate this news. The thought of losing him when I’ve barely had a chance to have him has my stomach sinking.

It seems I’m falling harder and harder for him with each day that passes, no matter how hard I try to fight it.

But if he decides this is all too much, then I have to respect his wishes.

I don’t want to be the one to hold him back if he wants to walk away, no matter how much it would hurt to let him go.

Raising a child alone will be hard, but my family is supportive, and I have good friends. I won’t be entirely alone, but it’s not the life I would choose for my child.

I can only hope that Dimitri feels the same.

I reach for my peach and vanilla body wash as I know the scent drives Dimitri wild, and lather up my body, sighing as the sweet smell fills my nose.

My eyes flutter closed for a moment as I gently wash my skin, my mind wandering to thoughts of Dimitri coming home and being so overjoyed by the news of the pregnancy that he takes me right there and then on the table, lifting my dress up around my waist and bending me over to take me from behind.

A soft moan escapes my lips at the thought of the feral hunger that flashes in his eyes when he can barely contain his need for me.

I’ve missed the deep grunts he makes as he pounds into me, and to know that I’m the one bringing him such pleasure has me rubbing my thighs together as a dull ache starts to build.

“Stupid pregnancy hormones.” I let the water wash away the last of the bubbles.

My phone dings, and I whirl around at the sound, hoping it’s not Dimitri saying he’ll be home late.

Instead, I find Dimitri standing in the doorway to my bathroom, glancing down at my phone screen, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“Dimitri,” I exhale, holding my hand to my heart as it races in my chest. “You scared the crap out of me.”

I must have been so lost in my own dirty daydream that I didn’t register the sounds of his footsteps approaching.

I bite my lip, wondering if he caught sight of the lingerie laid out on my bed and decided to get a head start on the evening by joining me in the shower .

But Dimitri doesn’t move. It’s as if he’s fallen into a trance, his eyes still fixed on my phone long after the screen has turned black.

“What’s wrong?” I switch off the shower. “Dimitri?”

His body has turned rigid, a deep crease forming between his eyebrows as he reaches out to tap my phone screen to light it back up.

I reach for my towel off the rail and wrap it around my dripping wet body as I step out of the shower onto the cold tiles.

“Dimitri?”

“What’s this?” He picks up my phone, holding it out to me.

I glance at his face, at the hard set of his jaw and the lack of warmth in his eyes.

What the hell is going on?

But then my eyes flick to the phone screen, and my stomach sinks at the sight of the calendar alert for my ultrasound appointment.

Oh no .

I look back to Dimitri, and my throat grows thick with tears.

“I can explain,” I whisper.

“I sure as hell hope so.” He tosses my phone back onto the counter top. “Why do you have an appointment for an ultrasound?”

I try not to flinch under the intensity of his gaze, but his face is like stone.

“I-I’m pregnant.”

His eyes flick down to where my hands are now resting over my abdomen.

Time seems to slow as I watch his expression, praying for his eyes to crinkle at the edges, for a huge smile to spread across his face as the shock wears off and he realizes how happy he is.

But it never comes.

“Fuck.” He balls his hand into a fist and slams it against the counter, causing all the products littering the top to rattle.

I jump, clutching my towel tighter around my body as I watch anger flicker in his eyes.

“Dimitri,” I whisper, but he only shakes his head, running his hands through his hair as the tendons in his neck flex.

He’s in shock, that’s why he’s acting like this. He just needs time to process.

“Dimitri, please .” I take another step toward him.

He’s looking anywhere but at me, and the tears start to sting my eyes at the rejection. “This can be a good thing. If we could just talk about is?—”

“I have nothing to say.” He turns, storming out of the bathroom without so much as a backwards glance.

I watch him go with tears in my eyes, the sound of his heavy footsteps disappearing out of my room and down the hall. I catch the faint echo of his office door slamming shut, and I know it’s all over.

My knees buckle beneath me, and I sink to the floor.

He doesn’t want this baby.

The thought makes my heart rip in two.

I bury my face in my hands as tears start to fall.

Had I been so wrong to believe that fate was on our side? That Dimitri and I were meant to be together all along, and we just needed the excuse of a fake marriage to realize it?

I guess it was all too good to be true.