23. Zara

23

ZARA

I’m fucking pregnant. Pregnant .

I have to keep pulling the pregnancy tests out of my purse, where I’m hiding them, to stare at the two red lines, hoping that at some point it sinks in.

But that is yet to happen.

Thankfully, Dimitri seems preoccupied with work, so he hasn’t paid too much attention to my sudden change in behavior. I’ve been an anxious wreck around him, terrified that he’s going to piece together that the nausea I’ve been feeling hasn’t been a stomach bug, but rather morning sickness.

I need to get this pregnancy confirmed by an OBGYN before I can even think about telling Dimitri.

Pregnancy tests can be wrong all the time, so it’s worth checking.

But I’ve been putting it off because I don’t want to burst the bubble that Dimitri and I have been in for the past week.

Since I’ve been sick, he’s taken so much time out of his day to take care of me, making sure I’m eating and drinking enough and tucking me into bed every night like I’m a child.

I’ve loved every second of it, and a small part of me hopes that it will only continue when he finds out the truth.

But mostly, my mind has been spiraling in the opposite direction.

Biting the bullet, I decide to call the doctor's office on my way into work, and I manage to get an appointment for lunchtime for a blood test. In a few hours, I’ll know for certain, but until then, I need to try and get through the work day.

Stepping out of the elevator onto my office floor, I head straight for the break room to make a coffee. It seems that morning sickness likes to hit me at every hour of the day and night, so I’ve not managed much sleep over the past few days.

I run straight into Karlie who’s in the process of putting on a fresh pot.

“Hey.” She glances over her shoulder. “Have you heard the news?”

“What news?” I grab a coffee mug from the cupboard above her.

Karlie looks toward the door before leaning closer to me.

“Giovanni’s back,” Karlie whispers as she leans against the counter.

“Really?” I almost drop the coffee mug as my heart tries to climb out of my throat.

Karlie grimaces. “Yeah. He looks a little worse for wear.”

I frown.

“In what way?”

“You’ll see.”

I’m a bundle of nerves as I walk over to my cubicle .

Not only do I have my pregnancy to worry about, but also Giovanni.

He’s been off for the past two weeks, which has eased a lot of my anxiety as it meant I haven’t been constantly looking over my shoulder. But I knew I would have to face him eventually, and I’m scared of how he’s going to act.

Sitting down at my desk, I force myself to focus on my work. Once I get in the flow, the hours will fly by, and I’ll be at the doctor's office soon enough.

I just need to survive until then.

I’m opening up all the files on my laptop that need consolidating for an upcoming tribunal when a folder is slammed down beside me.

Startled, I glance over my shoulder to find Giovanni towering over me.

I choke back a cry of surprise when I take in the state of him.

Karlie wasn’t kidding.

Not only is he sporting a nasty black eye, but a cut runs from the corner of that eye to the edge of his jaw which is also bruised, and his right hand and forearm are in a cast.

Dimitri did this .

I swallow as I wait for him to order me into his office where he will no doubt reprimand me for having Dimitri deal with him, but the order never comes.

Giovanni simply stares at me with nothing but cold fury in his eyes before he turns and walks away.

The moment he’s out of sight, my body sags, and I release the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

He’s gone.

It can’t be that easy. There’s no way in hell Giovanni’s going to let Dimitri get away with what he did .

I know Giovanni, and he won’t stop until the price for Dimitri’s crime has been paid.

And I have no doubt that I’ll be the one to pay for it.

At noon, I pack up my bag and head out for my doctor’s appointment.

It’s only a short walk to the office, and on the way there, I almost call Bianca just for some moral support. She knows exactly what I’m going through as she had the same experience with Leo.

She was terrified of telling Alexei, but she was brave enough to tell me. Hell, I was the one to make her an appointment with the very same doctor I’m about to see.

But I just can’t risk the news getting back to Dimitri.

If he were to hear it from anyone else, I don’t think he would forgive me.

So, I’m doing this alone.

Dr. Waite calls me in almost immediately and gets me situated in his examination room.

I wrinkle my nose at the sterile smell. It brings back too many memories of spending a month in hospital last year when I was recovering from Gilanto’s attack.

But at least then I had Dimitri by my side.

My eyes sting at the thought.

Dr. Waite offers me a warm smile. “If you’ll just roll up your sleeve. I’ll take some blood, and then we should have the results back to you within four to six hours.”

I swallow the lump in my throat as I roll up the sleeve of my blouse, and Dr. Waite quickly cleans my arm with an alcohol wipe.

He reaches for the needle. “You’ll feel a little pinch.”

I nod, looking up at the clock on the wall rather than at the needle he’s about to jab into my arm. I wince as it pierces my skin, but it’s over in a few seconds .

“All done. You did great, Zara. I’ll give you a call when I get the results in and we’ll go from there.”

I nod and glance over at the small vial of blood that he’s labeling. “Thank you.”

I leave the doctor’s feeling emotionally drained.

All the pregnant women in the waiting room had me feeling a wave of excitement at the thought of being a mother.

When I was younger, I used to dream about being pregnant, having babies, being in love with my husband. Even back then I dreamed about being a career woman and I’d be able to do it all. I thought I’d wait until I was closer to thirty, until I had my life in order, my career secured.

But then Giovanni came into my life, and those dreams flew out the window when I was left a broken mess.

Not being able to be intimate meant the dream of having a family would be impossible, so my life became all about my career.

Then he came back to screw that dream up too.

Now, here I am. Only twenty-four years old, fake married and potentially knocked up. This was never part of the plan. But then again, neither was Dimitri.

Thankfully, work keeps me busy for the rest of the afternoon while I wait for the call to confirm my results.

I put my headphones in and block out the rest of the office as I focus on finishing the notes for court next week.

Giovanni doesn’t come by once, instead choosing to hide out in his office for the afternoon. It’s clear that whatever Dimitri did has spooked him enough to stay out of my way, for now.

By five thirty, my phone is still yet to ring, and I wonder if I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to get my results.

Dimitri messaged to say that his meetings in the city were finished, and that he would be working from the penthouse for the rest of the evening, so we can order takeout for dinner. The thought of curling up on the couch with him and eating Chinese food is exactly what I need after the day I’ve had.

Though the moment I step out of the office onto the sidewalk, my phone starts buzzing in my pocket, and my heart races as I see it’s Dr. Waite calling.

“Hello?” I hold the phone tightly to my ear.

“Zara? It’s Dr. Waite. I’m calling with your test results.”

I take a deep breath as my heart starts pounding in my chest.

This is it .

“I can confirm you are pregnant.”

“Oh, my god.” My eyes flutter closed.

“Your hCG levels are high, which is a good sign. So, the next thing is to get you in for your ultrasound. I can schedule you in for next week if that suits you?”

“Uh, sure, next week is fine.”

“Great, I’ll book you in for next Monday.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Waite.”

“It’s my pleasure. See you then.”

I stare at my phone for a couple of seconds.

This is suddenly real. There’s no more convincing myself that the tests were false positives or that I’ve got the stomach flu.

I’m carrying Dimitri’s child, and he has no fucking clue.

My chest hurts, and my lungs are closing. “Breathe, Zara…”

I can’t go home because Dimitri will see the shock written on my face. I need to get it together before I can face him. Even then I’m not sure how I’m going to tell him the news. But my ultrasound isn’t for another week which means I have until then to work out how to tell Dimitri he’s going to be a father.

I unlock my phone and decide to call Bianca who answers after two rings.

“Zara! Thank god you called, I’m going out of my mind. With Alexei gone, the only person I’ve spoken to in four days is Leo, and he’s not exactly a great conversationalist.”

My chest tightens as Leo squawks in the background.

“I’m sorry I haven’t checked in.”

“Don’t be! You’re a newlywed.” Bianca laughs. “I’m sure you’ve been very busy .”

I’m so grateful I chose not to facetime my friend so she doesn’t catch the way my cheeks burn as I think of all the ways Dimitri and I have gotten busy.

“That’s what I was calling about.”

“Uh oh. After all the hype, is Dimitri actually bad in bed?”

I huff a laugh.

“That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Oh yay! I’m so happy for you. Wait. Why don’t you sound happy?”

“C-can I come over? I, uh…don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Of course! Me and Leo are at the penthouse while Alexei’s gone. He wants us close to the rest of the family, not that Danil and Mikhail are much help with the baby.” She laughs. “Come and have some baby snuggles.”

My eyes sting as I realize in a matter of months, I’ll be able to hold my own baby in my arms.

“I’ll be there soon.”

By the time I’m taking the elevator up to the Koslovs’ penthouse on the Upper East Side, my cheeks are damp with tears.

It’s made worse by the sight of a sleeping Leo in Bianca’s arms as I step out of the elevator into their living room.

Bianca throws an arm around my shoulder, hugging me close. “Zara, what is it?”

I take one look at Leo’s chubby face as he sleeps, and the flood gates open.

“I’m pregnant.” I bury my face in my hands.

Bianca is silent for a moment, and I worry that she misheard me.

I glance at her through my fingers to catch her blue eyes widening.

“You’re pregnant?”

“The doctor just confirmed it.” I drop my hands to my sides. “I have my ultrasound next Monday.”

“Oh, my god !” Bianca cries, accidentally jolting Leo awake. “This is so exciting! Leo’s going to have a cousin!”

My heart warms at the thought, but it seems Leo has other ideas as his mouth falls open, and he lets out an almighty wail, his chubby face turning bright red.

“He doesn’t seem so pleased at the idea.”

“Shit. Sorry, Leo honey,” Bianca coos, rocking Leo in her arms. “I think I just traumatized my son with my own excitement.”

“Can I?” I reach for him.

“Please.” Bianca hands me over the crying baby.

I tuck Leo against my chest, holding his small hand in mine as he blinks up at me with his big brown eyes. I wipe away a fat tear that’s rolling down his cheek and smile down at him .

“Would you like a cousin, Leo?” I whisper, gently rocking him in my arms.

He blinks again, his eyelids growing heavy as he fights sleep.

I nod. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

Bianca laughs.

“Come and sit. I want to know everything .” She takes me by the elbow, leading me over to the couch where I tuck my legs underneath me as I clutch a now sleeping Leo in my arms.

Bianca curls up beside me and watches her son with such joy in her eyes.

“ Zara, this is amazing news.” She sighs, reaching out to stroke Leo’s dark head of hair. “Are you happy?”

“Well… I’m not sure. It’s all just so overwhelming.”

“What does Dimitri think?”

I wrinkle my nose, and Bianca raises her eyebrows.

“You haven’t told him yet, have you?”

“No, so please don’t say anything to Alexei. I want him to hear it from me.”

“Of course.” Bianca nods. “But don’t wait too long.”

“I’m scared.” There is a giant knot in my throat.

Bianca offers me a reassuring smile as she takes my hand and squeezes it.

“I understand feeling apprehensive. I mean, you’re about to turn his life upside down, but he’s going to be thrilled, Zara.”

“Do you think so?” My voice cracks as I try not to consider the alternative.

“How could he not be? He’s married the love of his life, and now he’s going to be a father. That’s the dream right there.”

Or the nightmare.