Chapter 27

TWENTY-SEVEN

T he flowers continued through the week. Along with other choice bits of poetry, some Japanese, some English, but all of them totally pertinent to the situation. They even came directly to the house, as if Xavier knew somehow that I would have at least told Matthew something about him.

I ignored them all, still uncertain about how to deal with the new revelations about his life and family. Except now it was Friday, I’d finally agreed to see him, and Xavier was due to arrive in New York this weekend. And I had absolutely no clue what to say.

I was still trying to figure that out on my way out of school to teach my Friday dance class when I heard my name.

“Frankie! Hey!”

Dread creaked through my mind like a rusty door hinge. I turned on the foursquare court to face Adam Klein, who was pushing his way out of the school’s main exit, his messenger bag slung across his body, glasses crooked over his nose, ever-present driver’s cap pulled on backward in his hurry.

“Frankie,” he wheezed after jogging across the playground. “Hey.”

“Hey Adam,” I said, checking my watch. “Can this wait? I have a class to teach at five, and?—”

“It’ll only take a second.”

Adam stood up straight, still catching his breath, but tipped his head expectantly. Still, it wasn’t without humility. Though he had tried multiple times to get my attention in the months since our date, he hadn’t been too persistent. As if he knew I needed time to get over the fact that he had tried to force a kiss after too much wine and my kid’s father had threatened to punch his lights out for it.

I sighed, waiting. “All right.”

“I was wondering, ah, what you were doing this weekend. Maybe we could catch a movie or something. I feel like I owe you for last time.”

I had to fight a grimace. “Adam, I don’t really think that’s a good idea?—”

“I don’t mean like that. I just never got to apologize properly for how our date ended.” His brown eyes widened with earnest, unwavering, and kind. “I know I messed up. I was nervous and drank way too much that night. You’re just so pretty, and I didn’t know how to deal with it, and…”

He continued babbling while I looked everywhere but at him, trying to figure a way out of this conversation. Unfortunately, before I could, I caught sight of the Duke of Kendal striding around the corner, making straight for the entrance of the playground.

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Huh?” Adam asked.

I turned back to him, dancing on the balls of my feet like a sprinter waiting for her gunshot. “Look, it’s all right. Water under the bridge. Consider yourself forgiven. Now, I’m going to be la?—”

“Well, I’d like to make it up to you,” Adam rattled on, oblivious to my discomfort. “Maybe a do-over on that drink? Or just coffee if you like…”

“Francesca. Ces!”

I froze. Goddammit, he really just couldn’t wait outside the school grounds, could he?

Adam frowned, looked over my shoulder, and then his expression morphed to shock. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“I wish I knew,” I said, more to myself than to him.

“Francesca! I know you can hear me.”

I sighed. “Adam, I’m really sorry. Can we talk another time?”

But now Adam wasn’t paying attention to me either as a shadow fell over both of us in the exact silhouette of one Xavier Parker.

The man himself came to stand next to us, looking a far cry from gentry but still every bit his delicious, slightly dangerous self in a pair of jeans, his black leather jacket, and silver aviators covering his sapphire blues. His tattoo snaked out the top of his T-shirt, licking his neck.

“Hey, Xavier,” Adam said. “We were having a conversation, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Do I know you?” Xavier demanded irritably. “Because you’re talking to me like I do.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed through his thick lenses.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” I snapped. “Yes, you know each other. Xavi, you’re just too self-absorbed to remember that you and Adam were at Eton at the same time together.”

“Adam Klein?” Adam reminded him. “We had biology and calculus together. I was the ambassador’s son.”

Xavier blinked, completely nonplussed. “Oh right. Lizard, wasn’t it?”

Adam’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. It wasn’t hard to imagine where the nickname had come from.

“I don’t really go by that anymore,” he said.

“Good for you, then,” Xavier retorted. “Are you still trying to assault women with your lizard mouth on their doorsteps too, or is that also a thing of the past?”

“Xavi!” I hissed. “Cut it out!”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve apologized for that behavior,” Adam gritted through his teeth. “Didn’t I, Frankie?”

“Her name is Francesca.”

“Only to self-important jerks who barely know her.”

“Barely know her? You can fuck right off, mate.”

“Jesus.” I shoved my way between them. “Can we not with the schoolyard antics? There are enough actual children on the property.”

I placed a hand on both their chests and shoved. Hard. Adam took several steps back, but Xavier stood his ground for an extra few seconds before taking one single step backward.

“All right,” I said. “Adam, let’s get a drink next week, all right? Maybe at Pioneer Works after we’re done here? We can talk more then and look at some art too.”

Adam brightened, though he was staring at Xavier when he answered, “Sounds perfect. I’ll get your latte.”

“She drinks tea, you twat,” Xavier snarled, though he quieted once I shot him another glare.

“A latte sounds great,” I told Adam. “I’ll see you then. Xavier, I have a class to teach in thirty minutes. If you want me to listen to whatever reason you showed up here, you can walk me there.”

Xavier smirked at Adam like he’d won some kind of fight. “Be delighted.”

I rolled my eyes. Freaking cavemen. “We good here, gentlemen?”

“Perfect,” Adam gritted out.

“Perfect,” Xavier replied.

But I was already on my way out of the schoolyard, no longer interested in being witness to further dogfighting.

“Francesca, hold on.”

I didn’t bother waiting, but Xavier caught up with me as I began the walk up Court Street to the YMCA. He had such long legs, it only took a few seconds.

“I thought you were going to let me talk,” he said.

“I’m walking. You can talk if you want to.”

Xavier sighed. “So it’s like that? I don’t even get a chance to explain myself? That’s messed up, Ces.”

“No, messed up is going four months not telling me you’re a freaking duke! Telling me this sob story about your horrible relationship with your dad when, in fact, he passed too, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he did!” Xavier exploded. “And so what? At least it isn’t four years of not telling me I have a daughter, who is very much fucking alive!”

I whirled around. “That is beside the point now, don’t you think?”

He scowled. “Not really, no.”

“And why is that?”

“Because to start with, I’m not a fucking duke.”

I pressed my lips together. “So Nina was lying about your family?”

“I—no—” He shoved a hand through his hair. “It’s complicated.”

I turned back on my way. I had nothing more to say to that.

We strode another block, but Xavier remained mute, sidestepping people, poles, mailboxes, while he apparently figured out what to say.

“It started after Mum died,” he said at last. “Like I told you, my dad shoved me off to boarding school rather than deal with me in person. That’s where I met Harry Potter back there.”

I bit back a laugh. With his brown hair and glasses, Adam did sort of resemble the famous wizard.

“So you did recognize him.”

“’Course I did. But he’s a prick, so I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.” He wrinkled his nose. “Honestly, Ces, I don’t know what you see in him.”

I blinked. “Whatever it is, it’s none of your business.”

Xavier grunted, clearly thinking otherwise. But rather than argue, he continued with his story. “Look, it’s really no different than what I told you. My dad was a politicians. He was just in parliament, not a councillor. And yeah, he had a title. Not that it made a lick of difference. I didn’t know him either way. When Mum was alive, he was just the stranger who paid for school, and after she was gone, he was the arsehole who shipped me off to Eton until I came of age. He refused to pay for culinary school, but I handled that by selling Mum’s flat. Did a year at Dartmouth just to piss him off, but in the end, he just hated that I wouldn’t do what he said. Stay quiet in my little corner of London and behave.”

I nodded. I couldn’t exactly imagine Xavier being quiet anywhere.

“Things changed, though, after I was done with school. I told you he had a bit of a change of heart. Got testicular cancer and realized his chances of having any other heirs was nil. His wife had a son from her first marriage, but that didn’t mean a thing to him. So after his his wife left him, he asked me home.”

“You must have put up quite the fight,” I snarked.

I could just imagine him at that age, not much younger than when I met him. Stubborn and confrontational, just like he was now. Fewer suits, more T-shirts and jeans. Tall, of course, but maybe with the longer hair he’d had when I met him. Maybe even still past his shoulders, like Adam had described. Lankier, slightly rounder-faced with the innocence of youth.

Well, some innocence, anyway. I had a feeling Xavier had never been that innocent.

Xavier shrugged. “He was nice, really. Apologized for being such a wanker and blamed it on his ex-wife.”

I pursed my lips. I didn’t really buy that but let him continue.

“Anyway, he sort of made up for lost time. Taught me all the things a man teaches his son in that sort of life. How to ride, shoot, play polo. It helped, of course, that Lucy’s family owned the neighboring estate.”

“And was her dad a duke too?”

I couldn’t help the tinge of bitterness. I knew it was wrong to be jealous of a dead woman, but I couldn’t help it. So much of Xavier’s life had been affected by one of the few people he said was a true friend. He said he didn’t believe in love, but I did think he had loved her.

Xavier just took off his sunglasses and peered down at me. “No, a viscount. Why?”

I just huffed. I couldn’t even make a joke about any of this, could I? Because things that seemed absolutely ridiculous to me were actually reality to him.

“Anyway, I was only twenty-three. Thought I knew everything, but the truth was, I was just a kid who missed his mum and wanted a family again, even if it was just an old man and his housekeeper. And Luce encouraged it. She said he was a good person and everyone deserves a second chance. And so, for a while, I actually enjoyed myself. He even gave me a place to start my first restaurant—a little pub in the nearby village where I could experiment all I wanted.”

“Where is the village?” I wondered, trying to place him in some sort of setting. “Or the…the manor? Is that the right term?”

This was all so foreign. The Xavier I knew was an undeniably urban creature. I couldn’t imagine him riding horses in the country or chasing foxes with a bunch of dogs.

He peered down at me, almost looking grateful that I was finally asking questions. “Corbray Hall. It’s in Cumbria. Near the Lakes District, just northwest of Kendal.”

The fondness in his voice was unmistakable.

“So, what happened with him?” I asked. “You always talked about your dad like you hated him.”

“What happened was, it was all a lie,” he said. “I made Corbray Hall, and his house in London, my homes for five years. Dad actually embraced my culinary work, but always close to home. He made no secret of wanting me to be his heir, and with Lucy around, it seemed plausible that someone like me could do it. And I liked it. I actually liked being Rupert Parker’s son. I wanted him to like me too. More than like me.”

He shook his head and muttered something like “idiot” under his breath.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “It seems like you were getting what you wanted. Why all the vitriol?”

He sighed. “It started with Lucy. I told you we stuck together that Season. I was useless in society, and she was sick a lot and not much of a looker. But her parents treated the Season like it was the nineteenth century, you know? But she couldn’t even get through most of the events without feeling poorly. And she hated most of the men who ever tried to talk to her anyway. Fortune hunters, all of them.”

I made a face. I hated that idea on principle. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes—no doubt wanting to be loved, but never knowing for sure if anyone could love her for anything but her money.

“You also remember, her parents gave her an ultimatum. Dad said I should help her out.” Xavier’s eyes narrowed, as if he wanted to go back and shout at the man. “He made it sound like it didn’t matter if we didn’t love each other—that would come, or maybe it wouldn’t—but in the meantime, we could remain friends. Take care of each other as we grew old. Continue the way they had been. That we would stay a family.” He shrugged. “I guess I believed him. So I talked to Luce, and she agreed to get engaged for our parents’ sakes. She’d stay at her family’s estate and run things. Help my dad when he wanted. I could keep working on my business in London. We decided that if neither of us found anyone else before we were forty, we’d get married for real.”

“Sounds great for all of you,” I remarked, unable to keep the sour taste from my mouth.

“Well, it was. Until I met you.”

I closed my eyes briefly. The city seemed to be pulsing around us, but I couldn’t hear it over the memories. The idea of Xavier, young, happy, and ambitious, traveling and looking for new inspiration. Me on the precipice of my own studies, dreams about to come true. Our hope was intoxicating. He hadn’t said anything about his past back then. But of course, we were too wrapped up in each other to notice anything else.

Xavier stopped on the sidewalk, tugging me to face him. His blue eyes shone with intensity. “You changed everything , Ces. I honestly thought I was set up. I had my fun and my restaurants. The dad I always wanted. And then I met you, and the world shifted. I really did lo—” He cut himself off, his gaze flickering all around us. “Well, you know what happened after that. I came here, and for the first time in my whole life, I wasn’t Rupert Parker’s son or bastard, the heir to Kendal. I wasn’t a mistake, and I wasn’t rebel gentry, and I wasn’t a fucking disappointment. You looked at me like I was a whole person, someone really worth knowing. And you know I thought the bloody world of you.”

I swallowed. His emotions made his eyes sparkle like stars, even in the light of day. He was looking for me to confirm that I had felt the same way. That I had been equally enthralled.

Instead, I kept quiet.

“So I went home, ready to tell Lucy all about you,” Xavier continued. “She would have been happy for us, Ces, I know she would have. But when I got there, she was too far gone for even a conversation, much less a wedding or anything else I promised her. Six months later, she died.”

He wiped his eyes. I didn’t see any tears there, but he seemed to be feeling them, gazing around like he was uncertain of where to land those deep blue pools of sadness. I couldn’t help it. I had to hug him. Obviously surprised, he allowed me to wrap my arms around his waist tightly, pressing my face to his chest. I felt his hands slide tentatively down my back, keeping me in place. He didn’t make any other move. Not until I did, at which point he released me with a frustrated huff.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“You seemed like you needed it.”

“Yeah, well. Anyway.” Xavier cleared his throat and pulled at his jacket. “Once Lucy’s estate was settled, that’s when I started to look at the numbers. Her family’s land had largely been sold off years before we met. She had a huge fortune, but the viscount’s title was already going to a distant cousin.” He swallowed, fury replacing the sadness. “It was the Kendal estate that was upside down. Had been borrowing money from the Douglases for years just to get by. Half the land taxes unpaid. Farmers, whole villages left to crumble. Walking on the edge of losing everything until Dad realized I was best friends with a cash cow and decided to make it work to his advantage.”

I frowned. Something wasn’t adding up. “Xavi, can’t it be both? Can’t your dad have wanted to save his estate and loved you and Lucy at the same time? Because it kind of sounds like he did.”

He just shook his head in disgust. “I confronted him about it, but he couldn’t explain it. He manipulated her, just like he manipulated me. He pretended to love me, Ces. Pretended he actually wanted to be my father. But in reality, he was playing puppets with me and her, nudging and pushing our friendship so he could sell me off to his debtors like a fucking stud horse.”

I gulped. It certainly didn’t sound good. I was starting to realize why Xavier had avoided talking about his father. I understood parental betrayal too. Not much hurts worse than the person who is supposed to protect you turning out to be the one who attacks.

“So I left,” Xavier said. “Told him he could shove the estate and his title and everything else up his arse. I never returned, even when he died the year after when his cancer returned too. Bit of karma, that. After all, it was Luce that kept me there, Ces. Not Rupert Parker. And now that they’re both gone, I’ll never go back. They can’t make me be the Duke of Kendal. No one will.”

His story finished just as we stopped outside of the Y. I had less than ten minutes until my class started, but now I was in no hurry to go in, mulling instead over everything I’d just heard.

There had been so much loss in Xavier’s young life. First his mother, then his best friend, and last, his father. Death and betrayal. No wonder he didn’t trust me with his secrets. He didn’t seem to trust anyone at all, and by this point in his life, he really had no one left.

I swallowed. It was a lot. But then Xavier Parker, erstwhile Duke of Kendal, was always a lot.

“Who’s there now?” I asked finally. “At Corbray Hall, I mean?”

In my head, I imagined an abandoned manor covered with ivy and crawling with wildlife. But I had a feeling that wasn’t what had happened over the last four years.

“My uncle Henry stewards the estate, like I told you,” Xavier said shortly. “I gave him pretty much everything but the title since I’m not allowed to pass it on. Sometimes he makes noises about me coming back, but it’s a joke. It was always a joke.”

He rolled his eyes, like he thought it was absurd. Honestly, it sort of was. This whole story was unbelievable.

And yet, it was true.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked. “If this was all in the past, it wouldn’t have mattered. But you left it all out.”

“To be honest, when I saw you again, I thought you knew who I was. And then, when it was clear you didn’t, I just…” Xavier shrugged, obviously struggling. “It was addictive. You and Sof, you’re addictive. You both looked at me, and I was only Xavi again. Even when you were mad. Even when I fucked up. I hadn’t had that in years. I didn’t want to lose it because of some title that doesn’t mean shit.”

We stared at each other for a long time, green eyes meeting blue, an ocean between us.

“Do I have to call you ‘Your Grace’ now?” I wondered, almost laughing at the idea. The day I’d bow to Xavier Parker was the day I’d fly over the moon.

“Fuck no,” Xavier replied. “For all intents and purposes, that’s my uncle in everything other than name. He runs the estate. He lives there. Kendal belongs to him.”

He picked up my hands and gripped them tight in front of his chest. For a moment, I had a feeling like he was going to propose. Nonsense, of course. But there it was, nonetheless.

“To you, and anyone else who matters, I’m Xavi,” he said. “Maybe, if Sofia’s ready, I can be Dad too. That’s all that matters to me now. That’s all that will ever matter. Ces, please. Tell me you believe me.”

“I want to…but I just…Xavi, it’s a lot to take in. I need some time.”

“Time?” he repeated incredulously. “ Time ? Fuck time, Francesca. You’ve had five years with her and the last four months to get used to me again. This bullshit—history, titles, whatever—it’s just details. So what do you really need here? Get down on my knees? Pray for your forgiveness? Atone for my sins?”

I perked up. Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. “You know what? Yes.”

Xavier frowned. “Yes?”

I nodded. “You want to be in her life? I think it’s time to do it for real. Sofia asked for you to come to Sunday Mass. Come sit through the service, and then we can tell Sofia the truth afterward at the park or something. And then you can meet the rest of my family. You’re right. It’s time.”

I smiled at the scenario I’d been dreading for months. If Nina’s appearance was any indicator, my family was all but guaranteed to jump into battle mode the moment they met Xavier. And right now, I was sort of eager to watch him wage that particular war.

But to my surprise, Xavier straightened, looked at me directly, and nodded.

“Tell me when and where. I’ll show up.”