Chapter 9

Xavi's cries woke him up about eight o'clock, and he stumbled around in the dark, tugging on pajama pants, feeling muscles twinge in fascinating areas.

Dammit.

"Coming baby. I'm coming." He had had a nice long nap, so he was wide-awake and thinking about the pizza waiting for them.

He moved to change Xavi's diaper, then held his little boy while he headed to the kitchen to feed him again first. Then he would feed Sterling and himself.

Sterling wandered into the kitchen a few minutes later, hair everywhichways. "He okay?"

"Yeah. He thinks he's starving to death. He was stinky and wet and starving and mad, but now? Just starving."

"Well, I get that. That pizza still smells damn good."

"Yeah. You want it heated up?" He grabbed the warmed-up bottle.

"I'll warm it up again. Gently." Sterling gave him a wink. "You feed. We'll try to actually eat this time."

"I'll try to keep my hands to myself." He rubbed the nipple against Xavi's lips. "Can you believe in a few months he'll have teeth?" It was a wild thing, to be able to watch his son grow.

"That's nuts. He seems so tiny. I'd be afraid I'd break him, but I've delivered my share of animal babies. I know they don't break as easily as we think."

"They don't. Would you like to feed him?" It wasn't as if he was doing more than supporting the bottle.

Sterling's expression went from surprised to pleased in an instant. "I would, yeah."

"Cool." He waited for Sterling to sit, and then he transferred Xavi over, the little one moving with a frown.

"Hey, little dude. I swear, you're in good hands." Sterling cradled Xavi in one arm, then popped the nipple between his already sucking lips.

Xavi settled pretty easy, those big dark eyes following him around to make sure he was staying close.

"He's really alert." Sterling grinned at Xavi. "You know what's up, huh?"

"He's very into watching the world. He has always been, from the day we brought him home."

Sterling's smile as he stared down at Xavi was hard to read, but it seemed downright fond. "He's adorable."

"He is. He's going to rule the world when he grows up."

"I can see that." Sterling let Xavi eat, humming a tuneless song as Benji reheated the pizza, careful not to burn the cheese to a crisp.

God, he wanted to know things about Sterling. Anything.

What do you do?

What's your favorite color?

What are you doing here?

He knew Sterling had a mole on the base of his cock, that he had a crooked bottom tooth, a hot spot on the base of his spine, but he didn't know the man's birthday.

Sterling glanced up when he turned around with the warm pizza, meeting his eyes. "I think he's done." That blue gaze was deep. Knowing somehow.

"I'll burp him. I don't want you to get urped on." Xavi tended to not spit up, but sure as shit, this would be the time.

"Okay, cool. I need a crash course on that anyway. Foals and calves don't do that." Sterling winked.

"No. I have to admit, I've never raised cattle. One day. It's on the RN retirement bucket list."

"Is it? I've been known to work cattle." Sterling watched him burp Xavi, seeming to catch every movement. He probably was memorizing how to do it.

"Yeah?" He was coming off as a giant idiot, he was sure, but he hadn't grown up on a ranch.

"Yep." Sterling chuckled. "I was five the first time I did a spring gather on my own horse."

"I was twenty-seven when I bought my first horse?"

"You said you were a townie, huh?" Sterling pulled the plates out of the microwave, their uneaten pizza less than appetizing.

"I was. Do you want me to make something else? I have spaghetti sauce in the freezer from my mom."

"No, the stuff in the boxes is fine. Just these two pieces are like little rocks of solid cheese now." Sterling wrinkled his nose as he scraped pizza off plates into the trash. "Does your mom make good sauce?"

"I think so, yes. It's the thing I always ask for on a birthday, any special occasion." He chuckled softly, patting Xavi's back gently.

"Wow. If it went in the freezer in my house growing up, it pretty much went there to die."

"I'm pretty good about using them up, because by the time I get home, I'm pooped."

"I bet." The pizza from the oven did look better, and they sat down to eat once he got Xavi in his little seat. "It's got to be nuts, being a nurse and a dad, huh?"

"Sometimes, yes. I'm getting used to the routines, but sometimes…" It would be nice to have another adult, another set of hands.

"Sometimes you wish you didn't have to go it alone?" He saw this expression of pure understanding on Sterling's face.

"Sure. I mean, of course. I wasn't super-datable before, but now? Whoa."

"Single dad status doesn't put you on the shelf as far as I'm concerned." They dug in, and for twice-reheated pizza, it wasn't bad at all.

"No? Handy, since we just…uh…" He waved his hand. "Shelved."

"We did at that. And it was pretty amazing." Sterling watched him as he took a bite. "I hope we get to do it again."

"God, me too." The words popped right out of his mouth, like they weren't the most desperate things ever.

A slow smile spread across Sterling's face, and he reached for Benji, but then he leaned back, frowning. "I need to tell you something, Benji. Ben."

Uh-oh. Here it came. "Okay, shoot."

"Hey, you act like I'm going to tell you I don't want to see you again or something. Nothing could be farther from the truth, okay?"

"Okay. Sure. Tell me. I'm listening, and desperately curious."

Xavi hiccupped, then started to wail, sounding like he was being killed, and Benji winced. "Shit. Let me get him. Sometimes after he eats he chokes on his own spit a little, and it makes his little body panic."

"Sure. Of course. Poor baby."

Benji nodded and reached down, scooping Xavi up and rocking him.

The sound of a cell phone ringtone made him jump, because it seemed so out of place.

"Dammit." Sterling grabbed his phone out of his pocket. "Shit. It's my cousin. Hello?" Sterling scowled. "But I'm— Uh-huh. Are you sure? Okay, well, I'll come on back then. Okay. Bye." Sterling shoved his phone away, then ran a hand through his dark hair. "I have to go. Family shit."

"Oh. Well…okay. Uh. Do you want to… I mean…" Fuck.

"I want to see you again, Ben. Soon. Is that okay?" Sterling searched his gaze, standing and coming around to lean down, one hand on the table.

"Yeah. Absolutely. I'm home…all weekend." And not desperate. Not.

"Then I'll text before I come, but—" Sterling kissed him hard on the mouth. "I guarantee I'll be back."

"I'll hold you to that, and you can tell me whatever you need to. Fair?" He was having trouble catching his breath from that kiss.

"Fair." Sterling kissed him again, more gently, then sighed with what sounded like real regret. "Okay, honey. I'll holler soon." Then he headed out without so much as a backward glance.

"I…bye." He rocked Xavi, feeling about stunned. "That was awful weird, son."

Xavi sucked his fist, staring up at him. Poor little guy was tired out from eating and crying.

"I know. I know. Just relax, baby. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Seemed like he was staying in again.

Alone.

At least that he was used to.