Chapter 29

29

Kara

Nikki came right back over, and we’ve been wrapped up in blankets on my couch, watching movies, ever since.

We haven’t talked at all about the pregnancy or Silas. When I called her, asking to come back over, nothing else needed to be said. He was gone, and I was alone. That was all she needed to know.

I jump when I hear my phone ring and close my eyes, saying a silent prayer that it’s Silas calling, but I’m even more surprised when I see Joey’s name pop up.

I glance at Nikki, then answer it, concerned Silas might be at Ruby’s and not in good form from the bomb I dropped on him earlier.

“Hey, Joey.” I try to fake that I’m happy he’s calling, hoping my worst thoughts aren’t true.

“Kara, this is Myles, Fed’s friend from the station,” he says.

I sit up, wondering even more now what’s going on since he’s calling me from Joey’s phone. “Is everything okay? Is Silas there?”

He sighs. “No, sorry, he’s not. He’s not answering his phone either.”

I look at Nikki, trying not to panic.

“Look, I know what’s going on. And I’m sure he’ll absolutely kick my ass for calling you, but I felt you needed to know his why.”

I get more comfortable on the couch and put the phone on speaker so Nikki can hear too. “Okay.”

“You know we see some crazy shit in our line of work, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Some of us learn how to deal with it, and some of us deal with certain situations different from others.”

“Okay …” I say, a little confused as to where this is going.

“Feddeler is a great guy. He’s my best friend, no doubt.”

“Yeah …”

“But he’s dealing with a situation that led to how he reacted today.”

I lick my lips, fighting back tears. Memories of him crying before walking out are still too fresh in my mind, no matter how much I’ve tried to push them away today.

“One of the first calls he went on was for a child who drowned.”

I cover my mouth in shock.

“It was a horrific scene. The mom was screaming while the dad administered CPR on the two-year-old little boy who was already blue.”

Tears that I can’t hold back fall down my face as Nikki reaches for my hand.

“It fucked up Fed bad. For months, he couldn’t get the mom’s screams out of his head. We tried to take him to choir practice as much as we could to help him get it out of his mind. Eventually, he was able to move on, but obviously, a part of it stayed with him.”

Then, it hits me. “That’s why he said he wouldn’t be able to survive it?”

He lets out a deep breath. “Yeah. He’s so scared to have his own child that he swore he’d never have any.”

“Oh my God,” I whisper, looking at Nikki, who wraps her arms around me.

“Now, I don’t know where he is or what his plans are, but I just felt like you needed to know his why. He’s really not a bad guy.”

My voice cracks as I say, “I know he’s not.”

“Okay, well, my good deed for the day is done, though I’m not sure how much it helped.”

“It helped a lot. Thank you for telling me.”

“Just hope you two work it out. I know he really cares for you. He told me that this morning.”

I nod, not able to say anything else as the tears are falling too much to do so.

“Myles, this is Nikki, Kara’s friend. When you spoke, did he tell you where he was going?”

“No, just that he was going for a drive.”

“I know where he went then,” I say, my voice cracking.

“Glad to hear. He’s pretty messed up, and I don’t like the idea of him being alone.”

Nikki looks at me for confirmation, and I nod.

“We’ll get him,” she says. “Thanks for calling.”

“Yeah. Good luck, and, hey, congratulations.”

I let out a surprised laugh, forgetting for a second why we’re here in the first place. “Thank you.”

We say our goodbyes, and I look at Nikki.

“So, you’re going for a drive?” she asks.

I nod.

“Do you want me to come?”

I grasp her hand. “I think I’ll do this one alone.”

She stands with her arms wide open. I do the same, and we embrace.

“Thanks for being here for me,” I whisper.

“Anytime. Now, go get your guy.”

I head to the door, slip on my shoes, and look at myself in the mirror. “Oh my God, I look like a wreck.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he should see what he’s done to you.”

I turn her way in surprise after what we just heard.

She holds her hands up in defense. “Hey, I know he’s got some fucked-up shit in his head, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t see what his actions did. Forgiving him is one thing; making sure he knows what he did is another.”

I close my eyes, take a breath, and nod.

“Love you, girl.” She hugs me again.

“Love you.”

I head out the door to my car, hop in, and turn up the radio, needing the calming force music can provide me with right now.

As I drive, a million things go through my head.

What if he still doesn’t want this child?

What if I show up and he freaks out again?

What if I can’t find him?

It’s all giving me a panic attack, and I need to breathe so I can work my way through everything that’s going on.

I drive to Natchez Trace Parkway, hoping he’s there and at the place we did that day. As I follow the scenic route, I allow the music to take over my mind, body, and soul, healing me with every note and every lyric.

When I see the restaurant we stopped at, I take a deep breath and pull off the road, praying he’s here. I head around the back of the parking lot, and my chest tightens when I see his truck.

I park my car, open the door, and walk to his truck, only to see it’s empty. I search around for where he could be and find him walking down a path, coming back to his truck.

When his eyes meet mine, he freezes in place, staring at me, but not moving an inch.

He’s already walked away from me once. I’ve made the move of coming here, but he’ll have to show me he actually wants me here before I do anything else.

To my surprise, once he moves, it’s not to go away from me, nor does he slowly make his way to me.

No.

He runs in a full-on sprint to exactly where I am.

Silas

This can’t be real.

I blink a few times, afraid if I move an inch, she’ll disappear.

I’ve been an absolute wreck since I left Kara’s place. I’ve felt like I’m losing my mind, but I swear, if my brain is this cruel to be playing games like this on me, then I don’t know how I’ll go on with my life this way.

I close my eyes, say a quick prayer, then open them again to see her still standing next to my truck, like the angel I always thought she was.

She’s here.

She came to find me.

Even after I did the most fucked-up thing a guy could possibly do, she’s here.

I do the only thing I know how to do.

I run.

I run toward her, having no clue what I’ll say, but knowing I need to say it as quick as I possibly can.

Then, I realize, I can’t say anything at all. I’ll break down again if I do. For right now, I just need to hold her, to show her how sorry I really am.

When I get close enough, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me, holding her as much as I can. Tears fall down my face that I don’t even try to hide. This entire time, I thought I fucked up so bad that she’d never forgive me. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me, but the fact that she’s here shows I have a sliver of a chance, and I plan on taking full advantage.

“I’m so sorry,” I finally am able to whisper. “I’m so unbelievably sorry that I reacted the way I did.”

“It’s okay.” She holds me tighter.

“No. It’s not. It will never be okay, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Proving to you that I am the man you deserve.”

“Silas, Myles called me. He told me why you freaked out.”

My entire body tightens. I’m not sure if I want to kick the living shit out of him or hug him.

“It’s going to be okay. There’s no reason to be scared,” she says, and a sob escapes my lips.

I drop to my knees, wrapping my arms around her waist and bringing her stomach to me. “I’m so sorry,” I say both to her and my unborn child. “I promise I’ll be the best dad possible.”

She lets out a sharp laugh. “So, you’re in for this?”

I look up at her in shock. “Fuck yeah, I’m in. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You could have fooled me,” she says with a laugh but a side of honesty as well, which I can’t blame her for one bit.

I stand and grab both of her hands. “Kara, I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you on that stage. I promise I will be the best husband to you and dad to this baby and any other babies you want.”

“Whoa, husband, babies …” Her eyes go big. “Let me get used to the idea of this baby first.”

“I’m serious, Angel. Anything you want, I’ll do.”

She squeezes my hand. “Right now, I just need you to love me the same way I’ve fallen in love with you. That will be enough. The rest will fall into place.”

“Done.” I bring my lips to hers, kissing her softly, hoping she feels the same relief I do.

From this moment on, my life will be dedicated to never hurting her again and being the best dad possible.