28. Lexi

Why oh why does Lake Spark do this to me? I think as I stare at the general store. There's a sign on the door that says they've closed early due to a staff meeting. It throws a wrench in the works for me to buy a bottle of wine and drown in it. I know drinking alcohol is not the best way to cure the misery that I'm mired in, but I've cried enough today, the numbness overbearing.

There's Catch 22, but right now that feels like too far of a walk. Jolly Joe's doesn't serve alcohol, and I'm not sure whose home wine supply I can steal without them asking how I am and then I'd break down in tears.

"Damn it," I growl to myself. My only option right now is the Dizzy Duck, and I should avoid that place like the plague… except… it's late, and a school night which means Holden won't be there, since that's the time he's with Lori and Harry who I already miss.

Ugh, I'll take the risk and go for it. Maybe Stuart will be at the front desk or Jonathan behind the bar. They're good company, and they don't really talk to me as they seem to lose their words if I'm around. Talking to a wall could be good. Okay, the Dizzy Duck it is.

It's a ten-minute walk to the Dizzy Duck, and when I walk in, there is only Jill tonight working in reception, but she's friendly and smiles at me. The line of my mouth snags in an attempt to return her sentiment. I spot the plate of chocolate chip cookies that are always available for guests in the lobby. Walking by, I grab one then stuff it into my mouth as if I'm a savage, because I don't care that my mouth is full or that I'm leaving crumbs. Straight to the bar I go and greet Jonathan.

"Hey, Lexi, I'm surprised to see you. It's been a while since the re-open." He places a clean wine glass back on the rack. "What can I get you?"

Sliding onto the stool, I cut to the chase. "White wine. Wait, no… go straight for something stronger. A vodka tonic, please." I slump over to rest my head on my hands. "Don't forget to add a slice of lemon," I order.

I am not the best version of myself right now.

In my peripheral view, I see that there's a hockey game on the television. A line on my mouth twitches. Hockey. It's my dad's team, and I always forget to tune in, but after years, it's impossible to watch every game. Hockey; it's also the reason I first met Holden. A flicker inside me hits, and that only causes me to sigh.

"I'll be right back, need to get more ice from the back," Jonathan informs me.

My eyes bug out. "Hurry. Can't you see I'm a woman who is desperate?"

He tries to suppress his humored look, and I just snarl to myself. My nails begin to tap the wood of the bar as I contemplate what to do going forward. I'm supposed to stay in Lake Spark for my next project, and I only want to stay at Summer's place for so long. Plus, my chances of running into Holden are too statistically high.

Tonight, though, I will just drown in my sorrows while I try to take my mind to a happy place of thinking about refurbished wood and hanging lights.

Jonathan returns with a small bucket of ice. "Back. Okay, let's get you that drink."

"Let's." My tone is flippant.

His brows furrow as he gets to work on my drink. I stare aimlessly at the floor while I wait.

"Here you are."

I turn my head, and he sets my napkin down, and I do a double take because something catches my eye. There is black writing on the napkin. From a dark pen, and my eyes focus to read the writing.

I owe you an apology and a future.

"An IOU on a napkin. Just like all those years ago." My head whizzes to search the bar area, and I spot Holden as he slowly saunters to me. I hate to say it, but his swagger is already weakening me. My jaw drops, but I'm speechless as my eyes follow his every step until he slides onto the stool next to me.

"I don't believe this seat is taken," he conveys to me. There is satisfaction shading his gentle smirk that he's stunned me a little.

Once again, my eyes circle the nearly empty bar area. "It would seem so," I whisper.

"I'm sorry," he begins. I give him my full attention. "I've made a lot of mistakes lately, and you're one that I want to fix, because you're right, we could be everything."

The speed of my heart picks up.

My eyes stay locked on Holden. "Will you hold off on that drink, Jonathan?" I don't bother turning my head, as I'm still in disbelief.

Holden's mouth snatches up slightly. "He already left us alone about thirty seconds ago."

"Guess I didn't notice. I wasn't expecting you here, which is why I came to bless this place with my presence," I explain.

"Lori and Harry are at sleepovers with friends. I kind of needed some space to figure out my shit, and it just so happens I was here, ready to find you, but it seems fate gave me a break and here you are."

I wet my lips, gathering my emotions, then finding words. "You hurt me," I state blankly.

He scoops my hands up in his. "I'm aware. I just believed complete happiness wasn't meant for me."

I chortle bitterly. "That belief is the biggest lie of the century. Everyone is allowed to have it all if they want."

Holden squeezes my hands and his head tips slightly to the side. "I needed to discover that myself, it seems."

"Shitty way of communicating that." I do make my disappointment apparent, yet I will listen for as long as I need to.

He exhales a deep breath. "I didn't mean what I said, any of it. I'll keep apologizing even if it takes eternity."

"Eternity is a long time." My neutral tone doesn't change as I study his eyes, soaking in his honesty.

"Well, that's kind of what I want, and since you mentioned that you would still be waiting even though I don't deserve it, then I'm hoping you would be along for the ride." A line draws across his mouth.

Lightness begins to flow through me. "I think…" I bob my head side to side. "You might have to grovel a bit more. Probably for a while, but my heart won't tear away from that future that I desperately want with you."

He lifts my hand to kiss the back of it, with his eyes raking up to ensure our connection doesn't break. It makes me smirk because it's such a classic gesture, a saccharine move, yet it breaks another piece of sadness from the last few days away.

"Is the issue with your ex-wife solved?" I wonder.

Holden glances away for a few seconds before swinging back with an impartial face that I can't read. "Very much so. I got closure too. She signed away her parental rights."

My jaw drops, as that's such a big milestone for any parent. "That's… a lot."

"It's sad but the right move. No potential return that could hurt Lori and Harry," he explains.

A long breath draws out from my body. "I'm relieved for you." I press my lips tightly together, as I owe it to myself to confront any doubt I may have. "But you can't be sitting before me just because the issue with your ex-wife is solved. If that was the reason you pushed me away, then… it was a weak reason. I refuse to be reunited with someone just because they let something like that get in the way."

His finger instantly lands on my mouth to hush me. "I shouldn't have let it all affect me, even though it was scary to have any potential harm to my kids. However, the reason that I pushed you away is because I felt maybe the situation was a warning that it was all too good to be true. Because, Lexi, you are too good to be true. But lucky for me, you entered my life. Life feels complete when you're with me, with my kids, in our house. Finally, I have it all, and it's scary as hell because does anybody get that lucky? For a few days, I thought it wasn't what I was allowed."

Tears build in my eyes. Everything he says helps me understand his mind frame lately, and it's full of promise. "I've been miserable without you. I'm missing you and everything in your life, it's as though I'm not complete. It makes no sense because our speed is fast but so right."

Holden brings his hands to cradle my face. "It is right, and I just need you back, desperately. Because I fucking love you so much."

A smile stretches on my lips. "Me too."

"We're a team, like you said. You didn't give up on me and stayed feisty the way I like. I want us to move forward, and I promise never to doubt our life again."

I nod up and down. Maybe I'll be hesitant to trust the coming days or weeks, but it's only because I need to shake off the fear of losing him and the pain of the last few days. "Forward it is."

He crashes his lips down onto mine but kisses me slowly, gentle yet sensual and completely loving. I accept all of it because with him is where I belong, and I promised to be waiting because I believed he would find his way back to me.

Our lips part, and we both have giddy looks on our faces, ready for our next step.

"Move back in?"

My mouth slides side to side. "Yeah." I smirk to myself. "I mean, I did accidentally leave behind a bra in a drawer, and that was going to be awkward trying to get it back anyhow."

He feigns doubt. "Did you now?" His voice rises an octave. "That is the oldest trick in the book."

"Completely."

That repartee I love returns to us, and I'm relieved and curious if I will fall in love with him all over again, because the first time was already amazing.

"Lori and Harry let me bake a peanut butter and jelly cheesecake last night that wasn't for them. Harry thought it would convince you to come back."

My face completely brightens. "I love that. What do they know?"

Holden's shoulder lifts. "That we were taking some time apart, and they both instantly told me they didn't agree with my choice. Lori even told me that I suck at emotions."

A giggle escapes me. "Was that before she flipped her hair and stormed upstairs?"

"Obviously."

"Harry and I have some catching up to do, too. He needs to update me on my stock choices." My smile is pure contentment.

"He did mention something about that."

I stand between the seat and Holden, bringing my arms up to drape off his shoulders. "Don't ever run away again."

He pulls me close, a jolt that sends fire through me. "Can't. You've locked me down."

Kissing him, goosebumps bubble on my skin and an uncontrollable need to take more of him, away from here.

"Want to get out of here? I might have checked that our favorite room is free," he murmurs against my lips with pure trouble in his tone.

"Someone is presumptuous." I grin.

Holden stands too, and our bodies glue together for another kiss that's a warning for the night ahead. I love it.

"Does it fucking matter? Even if you didn't want to take me back, I would have found a way to get you to the room and convince you that we're meant to be."

"Hmm, that might have been a better experience," I tease him. He yanks me in the direction of the exit, but I resist. "Wait, I need something." I reach behind me and sweep the napkin off the bar top. Holding it up, I show Holden. "A memento that we need to keep."

He smiles in agreement.

* * *

Clothes scatterto the floor within seconds of closing the door. But we don't even manage to make it to the bed because we fall to the rug, laughing when one of us trips on his belt that fell somewhere in our frenzy. We explore one another with our hands as our lips stay melded to one another as we kneel. We're in this crazy frenzy of wanting it all at once.

The moment his fingers sneak between us to circle my clit, I'm already shuddering from an orgasm that will hit me soon. Holden always knows how to touch me, the map of my body he long ago discovered and imprinted in his head.

His skims down my neck, nipping a few times as he strokes my pussy. "So fucking ready for me," he mutters against my collarbone. He brings his soaking fingers up to twist my nipple, and he latches his mouth onto the other.

"Please," I croon. "Inside of me now."

He answers by guiding me back onto the floor and parting my thighs with my knees up. "I need to come inside you." He slips inside of me, taking me deep on the first thrust, my entire body buzzing with anticipation and desire. Surrendering to Holden leads us on this session of clinging to one another, his cock hitting that spot and his tip going as deep as possible. I'm snug around him, squeezing a little extra, with my arousal covering his length.

"You're mine," he whispers in my ear.

"I'm yours," I rasp back.

We move together in sync, and I don't even care that our bodies are roughly mounting against the rug.

It only takes a few minutes until we both collapse, seeing stars. Holden stays in me, his ear resting against my chest where my heart feels like it might explode.

A droll smile ghosts my lips. "I'm positive I might have bruises tomorrow." I laugh. We have every reason to be happy right now.

He kisses the top of my breast. "Sorry."

"I'm not. It's kind of funny."

Holden looks up at me with skeptical eyes, only to notice my overjoyed face. "We didn't even make it to our favorite bed."

I rake his hair with my fingers. "Meh, we now know the rug I chose is perfect for all activities."

He chuckles. "Let me get you something." The moment he pulls out, I feel a loss and want him back. But the logistics of sex on a rug that isn't ours is crucial right now. Holden returns with a towel and cleans me up. "On the bed."

My eyes turn into saucers. "I know you used to be an athlete but surely your recovery time after what just transpired can't be that quick."

He shakes his head ruefully then offers me his hand to yank me up. "To actually enjoy the bed. We can even sleep here tonight. That's a first and a cause for celebration."

I snort a laugh. "Oh, because our making up is not at all important," I say sarcastically as I find my way under the duvet with Holden.

"We can go back and forth like this for eternity." His smile is something new to me; he's truly happy and at peace. My head finds the center of his chest to rest on, and he kisses the top of my hair. "Speaking of eternity, do you ever want to get married?"

My eyes turn bold because he said that so easily. "Oh." I bite my bottom lip. "I guess, yet again, we might have missed a tiny detail or two in terms of discussions we probably should have had." A sound of humor rumbles in the back of his throat. "But yes."

He squeezes me close. "Okay. I'm on board. Kids?"

Something inside me twists. He already has two kids, so maybe he doesn't want to relive having a baby around, but honesty is essential. "Yes, one baby."

"I can do that. Or rather, I would love it. To see you pregnant with my child." God, I love the certainty in his voice.

"All the checkmarks complete… Oh, wait."

Holden gives me a peculiar look. "Yes," he draws out.

"I want a dog too. That would be fun."

He rolls his eyes. "Have you been talking to Harry?"

"Hmm. Would you still say no if I did?"

"For now, yes. I can barely keep them in order. Adding a dog would just bring more disarray."

I shift my position to straddle him, and I bop the tip of his nose with my finger. "You know that I will still come home with a dog without your approval."

He grips my hips to yank me down. "And that's why I love you."

"Thought so." Then we kiss because we have all night to be tangled in the sheets while the moon shines in.

* * *

Harry and Loristare at me as I slide my suitcase down the hall from the garage.

"Can't my dad be a gentleman and do that?" Lori questions as she observes the scene.

I continue to kick my suitcase as it moves a few inches since it's on wheels. "He can, but he's busy grabbing another bag from my car."

"Duh, leave it there and he'll carry it later. He's supposed to be strong. Otherwise, why does he bother with his protein shakes?" I love the wit and attitude of this almost teenager.

"Come on, Lexi. I've been waiting for you to come back. Now I can eat my cake." Harry turns to nearly stomp to the kitchen.

I'm slightly taken aback but not surprised, he's a kid. "Thanks for showing your true excitement that I'm back and that it's more fun than cake," I call out. "Never mind that we have my stock profile to talk about and you're holding my financial future in the palm of your hand," I add.

Lori grows quiet, and that just means she's about to share some of her wisdom that is far too clever for a girl her age. "Finally, my dad can be happy… it loosens him up." That's sweet, and I give her a soft smile. "It's perfect, really." My heart melts more. "Now he won't freak out when he finds out that there are boys meeting our group when I go to the movies on Friday." My own smile drops while hers just rises. "Thanks, Lexi." She nearly skips away.

I blow out a breath, already trying to think of a way to calm this blow to Holden; better yet that Lori just charmed me and now I need to form a team with Holden. To think that I got him to agree to buy her concert tickets for her birthday. Chaperone duty here I come.

But a few minutes later, I enter the kitchen with Holden, and Lori comes to hug me, then Harry, before they hop onto their stools. As if it was an everyday occurrence, and my heart is completely soft for them.

We all assess the peanut butter and jelly cheesecake that's waiting for us to cause some serious carnage on the snacking front. I interlace Holden's arm with mine and lean my head against his shoulder.

"I love you," I whisper.

Holden continues to look forward. "That's good to know since I just carried all your stuff upstairs and will never ever carry that stuff down again since it's dead weight. But yeah, I love you too," he teases me.

My eyes follow the line from Holden to the kids already using their fingers to grab crumbs.

And this scene is perfect.

It feels like home.