24. Lexi

Holden is broken.

I see it. He did his best when we drove us home, but I could tell he was about to break into pieces. Holden kept looking back in the rearview mirror to observe his children, and right now, he is spending extra time to get them to sleep. He normally gives them space and says a quick good night as they're old enough.

Standing in the shower, the hot water loosens my muscles as I analyze my concern. We haven't had a chance to discuss what happened yet. I'm trying not to make predictions, but an uneasy feeling fills my body.

With the sound of the shower door opening behind me, there is no need to glance over my shoulder, my sense of him near has been in full force lately. His fingertips fall to my hips and begin to twist my body to face him, and I do, looping my arms around his neck, my eyes fixed on his face with pain flooding his eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong," I softly plead as the steam warms us.

Holden shakes his head gently that he's not ready to talk; instead, he steps to trap me between the wall and his body in a tight embrace, with his hand sliding up my leg between us. I'm sure he needs comfort.

"I'm on my period," I remind him.

"Shh, I don't care. I need this."

It's a lighter day, and we're in the shower. I'm surprised, and it's new to us, me. But I want to help him grieve whatever the situation is. He desperately needs relief.

I don't answer and reach between us to guide him to my pussy.

The moment he slides into me, senses overload me. It's different both physically and emotionally. Our eyes lock as he begins to move deep within me, our bodies tightly bound together. I let him lead the way because he can take whatever he requests right now. I want to give that to him.

My mouth seals against the shape of his shoulder, burying my whimper and feeling his lips below my ear as his breath and grunt brings more tightness to my nipples. His thrusts turn faster and harder into me. I wrap my leg around his middle to give him more space to rock into me. It won't matter if I come or not, he just needs something to calm down.

The sensual emotions between us build as he moves faster, running toward his release until he reaches his point, and he fills me while he strongly pants, syncing with the pulse of his heart. His head falls to the crook of my neck, and I lower my leg and begin to draw circles on his back.

I've never seen a grown man so fragile. I'm positive we will collapse onto the floor, but instead, we stand for minutes, holding one another with the sound of water in the background. When we do exit the shower, we stay quiet while we dry off. Holden throws on a robe to give me an extra minute to prepare for bed and clean up a bit.

When I enter his room, I see that he must have collapsed onto the edge of the bed to sit, with a lack of energy left in him. I'm quick to crouch down, my eyes drifting up to grab his attention.

"She wants to be back in their lives," he informs me simply.

Maybe that was floating in the back of my mind as a possibility, but for some reason, this doesn't blindside me.

I grab hold of his forearms to ensure our eyes meet. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure. First solve if she is telling the truth. I'm 99% sure she's lying and just wants money. But still, maybe there was a flicker of honesty in what she said too. I think I owe it to Lori and Harry to at least hear Michelle out. Also talk to my lawyer, keep Michelle away from the kids until this is all figured out. They can't have their hearts broken. She already left them years ago," he explains then stands to pace the room with his head hung low. "There is a chance that this will also bring us back to court which is a mess in itself."

I slide onto the mattress and sit patiently to be the sounding board he needs. "I'm sorry. This can't be easy. I wish I could help."

His eyes snap up to observe me, with a snicker escaping his from his mouth. "That might be a problem."

My face puzzles. "Why?"

"She saw a photo of us, and that's one reason why she appeared out of nowhere to blindside me."

My heart sinks because contributing to his current state is the last thing I would want. I want the opposite, to support him.

Words are lost in my throat that now feels strained.

"I'm sure there are other reasons too. She loves money, after all." He attempts to quell any fears brewing inside me, but it sounds too weak for me.

"I don't know what to say or how to wrap my head around this," I admit.

A long silence hits us again as my face remains blank.

He steps back in my direction. "Let's sleep. Maybe I'll have clearer thoughts in the morning."

I nod once. "Probably the best idea for now."

* * *

During the night,we barely slept, and even if I tried, I could feel Holden lost in his head. Could it be that when I briefly closed my eyes to capture light sleep, that even while sleeping I still felt him near and knew he was awake?

No amount of holding one another feels like it's leading us to any resolution.

But still, I manage a little shuteye, except I wake to find Holden aimlessly staring out the bay window as he stands with his head against the glass. He's clearly exhausted with no ounce of sleep had.

I sit up and grab my robe at the edge of the bed. Quickly, I walk to him and stand behind him to touch his hanging arms.

"You must be tired," I whisper.

"It doesn't matter. I needed to get my thoughts in order."

I hum a sound of understanding. "I can imagine."

He steps out of my hold and leaves me like an unexpected breeze. When I have the opportunity to study his agitated face, my center point in my stomach begins to twist with fear.

"I should have been wiser," he begins. "I've been careless by letting you into my life, into Lori and Harry's lives."

My attempt to walk to him is stopped when he holds his hands up indicating not to step closer. But I will say what I need to anyhow. "We can figure this all out together. I won't let you do this alone. I care for Harry and Lori too," I assure him. I'll stand firm on that.

"Lexi, we've been doing everything backwards. Living together, saying feelings that might not be true…" He stalls because my entire body freezes. I want to believe he's just pushing me away and trying to hurt me. "I mean, one day you'll want a husband and a child of your own. You're still young, and we haven't talked about it. I just assumed probably."

My fearlessness and conviction to my beliefs hit me in a flash. I walk to him to grab his arm, as if I can beg. But he only shakes me off. "I know what you're doing, but I'll still be here for you because I love you. You don't have to do this all alone."

He goes even further to the other side of the room, and I keep my feet planted in place. To anyone who might walk in, it would appear as if we are in two separate corners in a boxing match, except no physical pain will happen except in our hearts.

"Lexi, I'm serious. I've made a mistake, and I realize that now." Holden can't even look at me, yet his voice is excruciatingly firm.

I raise my voice. "I'll erase this conversation, because you can't be thinking clearly after being blindsided by your ex-wife and protectiveness for your children because you're a great dad?—"

"I need to do this alone." Our eyes meet, and his are a razor to my heart, his eyes dark.

Tears begin to burn, but I won't let them escape. He needs to realize that I will put action behind my words. "I won't let you do it alone. That's how relationships work."

He shakes his head in disagreement, now ignoring my presence, walking to his dresser and fumbling in his drawer. "Not when our relationship is a mistake. We're just two people who have great sex and got lost in lust."

A swoosh of change finally hits me, and his wall is too big and strong. Holden has made up his mind.

Those tears that I've been squeezing tight fall. "If you really feel that way, then I'll pack up my bags now and leave. It seems like I have no choice. You may break my heart now, but I'll still hold on to hope that Lori and Harry will be okay and you'll be at peace with your decision."

He ensures his back is to me, as though he doesn't want me to read his facial expressions. "It is my decision," he reiterates.

I wipe away a tear and take a moment to gather myself. "Well then… goodbye."

Holden storms to the door to leave me to gather myself. But his hand stalls on the knob, and he stands there for a few beats.

"When it comes to you, Lexi, a realization struck me last night…"

"What would that be, since you already made your list of our failures together known," I snipe with bitterness.

Another long pause keeps him stalled as he sighs, but then he opens the door and gives me one last look.

"The moment we kissed is when I should have run."