6. Nash

6

NASH

7 YEARS AGO

" W e're going to miss your presence during hockey season. We're still holding out that you'll get traded to the Spinners here in town." One of the guys from the ice rink holds his cup up amongst the chatter. The kitchen is buzzing with a few of Zac's friends as we talk around the kitchen island with drinks and chips with dip.

"We should have just made this a goodbye party to our town's royalty." My brother sounds almost annoyed.

Summer nudges Zac from where she's leaning against the countertop next to him. "Don't be a grumpy old man."

My brother's eyes flare up at her, unimpressed by her comment.

I step forward and pat my brother's shoulder. "Come on, little brother, let's go check if the BBQ is ready to grill the burgers."

Zac sighs. "Sure. I could use some fresh air."

Summer gives me a nervous nod but stays put, and my heart heats in anticipation of this conversation, and the endgame is that I can kiss her in the open right after it's all done.

My brother needs to know.

When we're outside, the music from inside simmers down, and despite two or three friends perched on the steps on the other side of the pool, it's quiet enough.

My brotherly senses ring an alarm bell because Zac just doesn't seem himself, or at least not the same guy as earlier today.

I squeeze his shoulder and guide him to sit down on a chair. "Everything okay? You seem a little off tonight."

He shakes his shoulders and adjusts his neck as if he can rid the tension. "It's fine. It's just…" He's agitated for sure. "It's Summer."

My brows rise. "What about her?" Does he already know?

Zac sighs. "Tonight's the night, tonight's the night that the truth has to come out."

"Look, Zac, about Summer and?—"

"I'm going to make my move," he interjects.

My entire body jolts from surprise. "W-what do you mean?" There is an edge in my voice of concern and fear.

"You've seen the way I look at her. I know you have. You keep examining us with your eyes. You've got to see it, that she and I could be more."

Nausea hits my stomach. "I… don't know."

He leans back into the chair, sulking. "Of course, you wouldn't know. At the snap of your fingers, you have it all. I don't think she and I were meant to be friends. Our connection is too strong and only gets stronger as the years go by."

I swipe my hand across my jaw, now stuck behind a difficult rock. "What if she doesn't want that? "

My brother seems to contemplate, and even he doesn't know. "It's… she's been different lately. I feel like it's a sign that I can be honest with her. Do you think she's seeing someone?" Swallowing, words get stuck in my throat, and I can't answer. "I think I might kill the guy that gets to kiss her."

"I never knew you felt this way about her."

"She never gave an indication that maybe she would be interested, so I kept it all in. But, for sure, she's been so happy lately, and it has to be…"

I clench my fist, doing my best to come up with a game plan for this turn of events. "What if I said I kissed her?" What the fuck just spun off my tongue?

Zac frowns yet doesn't seem concerned. "You wouldn't do that to me. Nah, you're just throwing hypotheticals at me. Besides, you're leaving for your hockey career, and that would just leave Summer here all alone. Not to mention, you would never let a girl come between us." He eases as if my sentence was crazy, but his facts are correct too, and a hint of doubt begins to hit me. "High school sucked, I was home a lot sick. Then college and medical school are stressful as hell, but maybe now I get to have something great in my life. For once, I can be the guy who is luckier than you."

My stomach fills with nausea. If I admit the truth now, then he will be shattered. And he's already had a few bad years. What have I done? I had no clue he was interested, except deep down, I probably did but kept it locked up.

"I mean, with you busy with your hockey career, we don't see one another as much. But Summer? We seem to bond closer," he continues, but my ears seem to be buzzing.

I'm his big brother. I've watched him suffer, and I feel guilty that it wasn't me. He seems excited and happy. Even though I know Summer isn't interested, they will be together more than I will with Summer, that's what my professional life does. I don't want him to be alone.Because even if he makes a move, Summer will laugh it off and get them back on track as friends.

Except if she's with me? He'll resent us both, and he'll be miserable.

Everything inside of me twists.

There is a long silence between us. My brother stares at me, and maybe he is reading my mind or he's completely oblivious, but it feels as though an unspoken warning seems to be sent from him.

And that's enough for me.

My lips part from the bruising kiss between me and Summer as we sit in the front of my car. Our noses nuzzle, and I wish I could take more.

"Don't do this," she whispers.

"You shouldn't have followed me." I'm desperate to get as far from her as possible. I barely drank, a few sips really. Getting away from the party and the house is the only way I might breathe tonight.

I shake my head, bracing myself for the struggle not to touch her as I sink back into my seat. "We can't make this work."

Summer sighs. "That's a lie. You're telling me that you spoke to Zac and now you say that we have no future. What aren't you telling me?" She's begged me to explain, but all I can do is break up with her and use a lie.

"I've thought about it more, with my hockey schedule and you living in Lake Spark. Zac just pointed out the obvious. There is no realistic way for us to work. You'll be miserable and so will I." I do my best to avoid her eyes .

She turns, with her sight landing on me as her head stays put against the headrest. I always love the way the light from my dashboard reflects off her beautiful face.

She turns away from me to look out the window, doing her best to stay composed.

"You can blame me, Summer," I rasp. I can't tear my eyes away from her as I watch her crumble. "I'm doing this so in the long run your heart doesn't break even harder."

An unamused sound leaves her lips. "So just do it now, is that it?"

I start the engine with every intention of taking her home. We need to part ways because the air around us is insufferable right now.

Unbearable silence fills my car as I drive us away from my house.

"You'll change your mind in the morning when you realize how much of a mistake this is," she tells me softly.

"I know you. You have a kind heart. Nor do you want to be that girl that gets between two brothers. Tell me that isn't true?" I challenge.

Her face bows down, and she goes quiet for a second. "You're right."

"It's why you will let me walk. You have to let me walk away."

"You'll change your mind."

My heart is ripping into pieces. "I won't, Summer." I feel my throat strain, as I don't want to talk but I have to. I swallow. "Sometimes we have to let go, and that's what we need to do. We had a few great months, but we need to just…"

The sound of her sniffling is torment. My entire body tenses, and I want to escape the vehicle.

But I can't because I feel the wheel of the car shift, and my hands lose grip as we swivel.

It happens so fast.And it isn't until we crash and the airbags deflate that I realize I must have lost grip of the wheel. I can't process if it's a tree we hit or something else, I'm not sure, because there are a thousand thoughts in my head.

I don't even worry about myself, even though I feel an ache somewhere. But when I glance to my side, my heart drops when I see Summer has blood gushing down her face.

I watch from the doorway of the hospital room with my arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe as the nurse finishes bandaging Summer's head. An airbag and a broken window caused Summer to need stiches that the doctor said will probably scar. There's bruising on her body, plus abrasions on her chin. Not to mention, her arm is probably going to ache for days. Are we lucky on the car crash front? We aren't on any other front.

Or at least me. Because of guilt.

Someone bumps into my shoulder, ignoring me, and it doesn't take long for me to see it's Zac. He storms straight to Summer and pauses for a moment as he looks at the nurse who gives him a smile as she gathers her things and gives them space.

Zac sweeps Summer's hand between his two palms. "Fuck, I was so worried. When Nash called, I nearly went out of my mind."

Summer groans as she attempts to sit further up, and my brother is quick to touch her arms to encourage her to slow down. "Sorry if we ruined your BBQ, hope you saved us some leftovers," she attempts to joke, but her voice is groggy.

"Not funny. I guess Nash was taking you home. Thankfully, he was there to help you." Zac glances back to me, and I can see the concern in his face. "It's miraculous that she's not in more pieces. We're lucky that you're okay and we can focus on Summer getting better."

Over his shoulder, I see Summer gawking her eyes at me. She wants me to say something, but I can't. It's my fault she's lying here. I broke her heart, and the anger within me caused me to lose focus on the road. All because I don't act normal around this woman.

"Relax, Zac, Mr. Future Doctor. I'll be fine. They want me to stay overnight for observation, but tomorrow I'll be good as new," Summer attempts to calm him.

My brother's eyes whip to Summer. "Not so easy. I want to check your vitals."

"You're a soon-to-be doctor if things go well. I think she's fine," I remind him. Partly, because I don't want him to study all the ways that Summer is in pain right now… because of my doing.

"I'm going to ignore him." Zac perches on the edge of the bed and holds Summer's hand tighter. "Summer, I would hate life if you weren't in it. You're everything to me."

She can't look at him. And my focus on Summer is boiling emotions inside of me. All I do is cause her pain. This has to be a sign, another reason that I made the right decision.

Zac is about to melt down because he cares more for this woman than anything. He loves and pines for her, that I'm sure of.

The thought already spins in my mind.

"We should probably let Summer sleep," I suggest softly.

"I'm not leaving her. They must be checking for a concussion. "

A sound escapes Summer as she attempts to shift again. "Really, it will be fine. Nash was my superhero."

My brother circles his thumb on top of Summer's hand. "Doesn't matter. You're precious goods to me. Probably Nash, too… well, when he doesn't disappear for long periods of time for the hockey season. But you get my drift," he attempts to make a joke.

However, he's right again.

Summer's eyes soften to me, pleading, and maybe she already grasps my thoughts.

I'm no good for her. She deserves better. Around me, her life gets turned upside down.

Water begins to swell in the bottom of her eyes.

"Nash," she warns and pleads, her voice uneven and quiet.

Our eyes hold, and it hurts, but sometimes you have to close a door.

Maybe she's lucky.

Her scar that will be visible on her head will be nothing compared to the deep scar that I'll carry on my heart.