5. Summer

5

SUMMER

I adjust the few flowers that I just set on the grave.

"I know, I know. I'm being a complete, well…" I ponder to myself and even roll my eyes. "A bitch, if I'm being really honest. But your brother is returning it in full."

Speaking to Zac's grave seems to be a weekly occurrence for me. But it's never tears, no. Oh no, he would never have that.

"Every time, I want to lay it on the table. And I know I should, but… I'm scared of his reaction."

The truth is too easy.

"It's the same as you, I guess. You never told me you loved me until you were sick. Before then you chickened out, and I didn't feel I needed to press. Anyhow, Bo will be excited to have Nash here. He also thinks O-shaped cereal is the greatest thing on earth, so perhaps his standards are low. You know, Bo still loves to look at the photo on the mantle of you, Nash, and me. We were so young and na?ve then, weren't we? Oh, and did I tell you that we had a guest at the Dizzy Duck who screamed to her husband that she wanted a divorce? We all know, because it happened in the restaurant… where the husband and his mistress were having dinner. These are the kinds of things that keep me moving."

My eyes draw a line up to the sky, admiring the clear blue, then I return to the gray stone. "I wonder if you're mad at me up there for never telling you about me and Nash before you died. You probably get all of the best secrets up there, don't you? I have a feeling I should brace myself. What are you up to?"

I trace my fingers over the lettering on the stone. "Until next time." I smile to myself.

Leaving the graveyard, I take a deep breath. It's odd, but I always feel calm after visiting. It's quiet here. I don't follow any religion, but if there is something in our afterlife, then I would like to think everyone here has found solace.

Deciding to take the long walk, I wander along the lake and then up Main Street. A freshly brewed coffee is in order, and when I walk through the door of Jolly Joe's, with the bell dinging, I inhale the smell of the place as my eyes take in the 50s-style diner and hope someone picked a good song on the jukebox.

It's still early enough in the day, which means the smell of coffee and cinnamon rolls runs strong. It's so silly, but they place little jellybeans in every single cup of coffee because apparently it brings luck.

"The usual?" Mary, behind the counter, asks. She's worked here for as long as I can remember.

"Yes, please. No cinnamon roll today." I smile.

"Sure thing, kiddo. By the way," she begins as she holds up a mug, and I know where this is going. Now is the time to plaster on a fake smile. "I heard Nash was back in town."

Yep, there it is.

"He is." My smile is strained .

"Hmm." That's how she manages to respond? I would say I got off easy, but she seems to be examining me and forming an internal theory.

Ignoring her, I slide into a booth and remove my scarf. I texted Lexi on my way here to see if she was in town, but I didn't hear back.

I have to smile to myself as I sit here. It's nostalgic, and you always know what you'll get. I thank Mary when she places the coffee in front of me and look up in pleasant surprise when I see Harlow, another friend, stepping through the door.

"Hey there, can I join you?"

"Please." I sound relieved because it means I won't have to listen to Mary share her observations.

Harlow smiles politely at Mary in passing before joining me at the table. Harlow is married to Stone who owns part of the Dizzy Duck, and she's also an author.

"I've been craving an orange roll since two am this morning," she groans.

My face forms lines. "Two am?"

She tucks her light brown locks behind her ear then looks down at her belly. "This thing won't let me sleep."

I chuckle at her. "Thing. You mean baby?"

"Baby, thing, does it matter? I can't sleep, and I still have another two months to go."

"It's a special time." I raise a shoulder.

She waves me off and captures Mary's attention then points to the orange rolls on display.

"So, how are you? I heard a special guest checked into the Dizzy Duck, only to check back out." She flashes me a look.

That's what I appreciate about my friends. They don't treat me like I'm fragile. I've made it clear that I want to have normalcy in my life, and they follow my lead; hence, why she can tease me about a fact that shouldn't be funny at all. Yet, if I were in her shoes, I would do the same.

"I'm surprised the mayor hasn't put up a billboard yet to welcome Nash back. But yes, he rolled into town and now apparently gets a key to my house, too." I take a long sip of my coffee.

Harlow's eyes bug out. "Why?"

"It's Zac's wish to have his brother move in for six weeks."

"Huh, he didn't talk about this at all before he passed?"

I shake my head. "No. Don't think he would have, actually. From what I gather, it's a sort of brotherly tribal thing, you know, step in when the other cannot. I'm just surprised that Zac would think I need a protector."

She taps her flawless manicured olive-green nails on the table. "I mean, you all used to be friends, right?"

I huff a sound. "Something like that…"

A friendship too far, perhaps.

So many things where I should have put my foot down, but I didn't, especially three years ago, and recalling it still brings mixed emotions.

I nearly tumble onto the chair at Catch 22, the restaurant on the lake that's half casual and half sophisticated. I'm late.

"So, so, soooo sorry." I'm panting after hurrying from my car to here where Zac is waiting. "There was a family of ducks crossing the road, and you know how I get. Have to stop for ducks. I mean, who doesn't in Lake Spark? Did you hear that there is a coyote that's been rampaging through people's garbage at night?"

He smiles wryly as I ramble, and he waits patiently for me to stop. When I set my purse on the empty chair at the table, he takes it as his cue to speak. "You are a noble citizen. And we all had the extra section on our drivers test in regard to stopping for Lake Spark wildlife."

I smile brightly. "See?" I grab the glass of water and take a quick sip. "I'm happy you picked this place for our weekly brunch. I want to try the new chicken salad."

That's us. We see one another on a regular basis. One another's ride-or-die.

"I'm going to head right into it. I have to ask you something."

His sentence grabs my attention. "Shoot. What's up?"

Zac swipes his fingers across his jaw as he hesitates. "You and Nash."

I nearly spit out the ice cube in my mouth as my body freezes. His name gives me this reaction every single time, yet I attempt to be unaffected.

"What about him?" The room feels cold. "If this is about Nash living in his own world, then just, you know, let it go, or you can reach out. I'm sure you both will renew your brotherly bond."

The thorn in my side. Nash breaking my heart then distancing himself from Lake Spark altogether. I know he has an investment in the Dizzy Duck, it was their parents' stipulation when they sold the place.

"It's not that. Although, I wish we were at a better place. He has his hockey career." A pit in my stomach always forms when we talk about him. "Nothing ever happened between you and him, right?"

My heart sinks. A lie is a lie, but for some reason, Nash and I decided long ago that it's better for Zac. Not even sure why I went along with it, but I keep my feet firmly planted for stability against the lie that is about to spew from my mouth. "No, of course not."

Relief fills his eyes. "Sorry. Of course." A half-smile breaks out. "I mean, at the random family functions when he graces us with his presence, you two look like you might kill each other. And to be honest, I wouldn't like it if you two had some history. In fact, I would hate it. I'm too protective of you, and my brother isn't always great news when it comes to the female population."

Oh, I know. Preaching to the choir.

"I know you've clarified this many times, it's just lately…" He rolls his shoulder back then subtly shakes his head. "I'm being crazy."

That's why we haven't told him. No need to crush him. I'm not blind, I know Zac loves me in a different way, he's just never openly admitted it, and still, it hasn't affected our friendship.

Swallowing, I remind myself to bury Nash deeper inside of me, as he surfaces too much in my thoughts when someone brings him up. "Anyhow, was that all, detective?" I manage to bring back my bright and cheery voice.

Zac seems to chuckle under his breath, and his eyes circle the room as he seems to be finding words. "You know I would do anything for you, right?"

"Of course. And I return the sentiment in full." I beam.

"Then I have the world's most extreme favor to ask." His face shades to pleading.

My eyes narrow as I try to figure out where this conversation is going. "Okay, and…" It draws out.

"It's more that I need a favor to ensure that everything is set for a life insurance policy should..."

"Did the doctor say something?" My heart sinks for the second time in this conversation, but this time it's all devoted to Zac. Fear fills me at record speed. He's been healthy for years, but it doesn't surprise me that there could always be a recurrence or it leading to something else .

He doesn't need to say any words, his face says it all. "The thing is, I have this long list of things that I wanted in life but…"

I stare at him blankly. "What's on the list?"

"You… Marry me."

Harlow waves a hand in front of my face. "Uhm, are you okay?"

My eyes flicker. "Oh yeah, totally."

Not really. Did I do the right thing? I married my best friend. I couldn't say no because of an overbearing feeling of caring for him while he was ill. I was na?ve to think that he was supposed to get better. I wasn't supposed to feel that I wanted a child and that he would be a great father. Zac was optimistic he would be okay, until he told me when I was very pregnant that he didn't have long left.

Harlow sinks into the booth. "You know if you need a break or something, just send Bo our way. I'd be happy to take care of him if you need rest or…"

I look at her, unimpressed but still with a humored smile. "I'm sure you mean if Nash and I need to have a serious discussion?"

"No," she lies, her voice uneven, then she takes a second before she gives in. "Totally," she says bluntly.

That causes the corners of my mouth to tug up. Twirling some hair around my finger, I do my best to sink into my current life status. "I should have thought about this more. I mean, not just agreeing that he could move in."

"Maybe. But if it's in his will, can you even do anything? How do those things work?"

A short laugh escapes me. "I'm still processing the request a little more. Instead, my mouth didn't connect with my brain, and I found myself agreeing to it."

She shrugs. "Maybe that's a good thing. Our brains are the last to catch up. Besides, wouldn't you want Bo to be around his family?"

I hold my mug up to her. "Exactly that." Harlow waits for me to continue because she can tell that I'm about to rant, and I do. "We will just have to set some rules, go over schedules, and he will need to learn that we work around Bo's needs. And he has to work on his baby-caring skills. Do you think I can leave him alone with Bo yet?" I bring a finger to my chin, also recognizing that they had an instant connection. "Of course not, silly thought. He probably doesn't even know how to change a diaper. Oh, and he absolutely better not leave dirty dishes in the sink."

Harlow taps her nails on the table. "You might need to slow down. I think you first need to make him a spare key," she points out.

"Ugh, this is not happening." I collapse onto the table with an innate need to bang my head for show.

Harlow gently pets my head. "Unexpected things can bring sadness, but they can also bring the best things in life," she mentions softly.

I raise my head to look at her.

Because what she says is crazy, ridiculous… and probably true.

Couldn't he use a doorbell? But noooo, let's just knock.

It stirs up some therapeutic nonsense that someone offered after Zac's passing. I vaguely remember the words that knocks means right decisions, positive change, a message from a spirit, a soul mate…

Huffing out a breath, I open the door with gusto.

"It's me… again." Nash has an uncomfortable look on his face.

I crane my neck and tip my nose up to search for his luggage. "Changed your mind? There are no suitcases."

Nash steps through the threshold without a care in the world. "In my car, and I'll get it later."

Closing the door, I follow him to the living room where he plops himself onto the couch as if he owns the place.

"Where's Bo?"

"Sleeping. He does that a lot in case you're wondering. Speaking of which, what is your experience with babies on a scale of one to ten?"

"Probably a two." He doesn't seem bothered. At least he's honest.

"And how do you want to handle the schedule? Are you just going to come and go as you please?"

He kicks his feet up on the coffee table, bringing his crossed arms behind his head, and I stomp right over and strip his feet off back onto the floor. "I'll work around you guys, handle everything I need to while I'm in Lake Spark."

"Fine." I pick up a baby blanket on the floor and begin to fold it to keep my hands occupied. "Dishwasher and garbage, those are your chores."

Nash chuckles. "Didn't realize I would have a sticker chore chart. Do I get ice cream at the end of the week if I'm good?" He's mocking me.

I throw him a tight smile. "Funny."

He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging between his thighs. "Seriously, do you need anything? The house all good? "

I take myself down a notch to bring neutrality to the room. "It's fine. I've only had this house since right before Zac passed. He was insistent that he buy it, and in a rush, too. We didn't have a lot of time once he found out that he was terminal. In fact, in the end, he didn't even sleep here since I moved in while he was in the hospital. Still, I'm sure his spirit is here."

Nash seems to register my meaning. "He wanted to ensure you and Bo were taken care of."

I toss the blanket onto the arm of the sofa, giving up on folding it properly. "That's him. He kept saying to me ‘Don't worry, Summer. I've made sure that you have everything you'll need, I promise.'" The pure thought causes my lips to curve.

Perching on the sofa arm almost exhausted, I reach up to find the charm of my necklace to twist between my fingers.

"Everything made sense in his head," Nash notes.

"So it seems." I bring my charm to my mouth, a habit.

"What is it?"

At first, I don't understand, but then I see Nash with his eyes set on my fingers.

"This?" I hold it up and affection warms my face. "It's a treasure chest." Nash seems surprised, and his eyes widen slightly. "Zac got it for me."

To me it's normal, but Nash's eyes are lasered in on my chain, and most of all, I can't help but notice his eyes have darkened. A shiver runs down my body all the way to my toes.

"A lucky guess on the charm since I never mentioned my ridiculous theory of the mystical lake. He got it for me after we…"

I don't finish the sentence because I can already see that Nash is lost in thoughts, or worse, memories.