21. Nash

21

NASH

W atching Summer flee is as excruciating as facing my father who decided to cross the line on many fronts.

"What the hell was that?" I gesture with my hand to where Summer and Bo are now nowhere in sight. "Whatever your opinions, why on earth would you say all of that shit to her?"

My dad pinches the bridge of his nose and seems to have a wave of remorse. He takes a moment to gather his bearings, and then his eyes flick up to meet mine. "Okay, I was maybe a little too candid. My views are still the same."

"Summer will never want to see us again," my mom chides my dad. "She's Zac's widow and the mother of our grandson."

"Exactly. My son's widow. Last year it was Thanksgiving here with one of our sons, and now this year it's Thanksgiving with our other son." My father relays his opinion.

I shake my head as my hands clench in the air before sliding down the back of my neck, doing everything in my power not to reach for my father in pure fury. "Leave her out of this. It's me you have the problem with."

He takes hold of his scotch glass again. "Damn straight. You couldn't resist comforting her and taking advantage of the situation."

"Oh my God." I look up to the ceiling only to align my nose back down. "We're going in circles. Summer and I… we just connected, always have. We're both hurting, except… not with one another." My heart pinches because maybe to the outside world it might appear that Summer and I disregard anyone except each other.

"You know my thoughts are not far away from the truth."

"I'm going to leave you two alone," my mother says, getting up from the table. "I don't want to hear any more of this. Am I surprised you and she happened so quickly? Yes. But I'm by no means blindsided." She's disappointed with my father and me in our behavior, and she has every right to be.

We both watch her nearly march away. My chest moves visibly up and down as I count in my head to try and calm down. It's useless.

"Why the hell did you say all those things?" I grit out.

My dad crosses his arms. "Someone needed to. You need to grasp the reality of this situation. You're ignoring reality."

"What? That you pretty much just called your daughter-in-law an indecent woman?"

He licks his lips and pauses for a second. "You're right, and I'll apologize to her later."

"Damn straight you will. You don't even deserve the forgiveness that I know she will give you because she's a good person, so kind that she gave Zac everything he ever wanted."

"What does that mean?" My dad's eyes freeze on me .

Rubbing my face, I'm already exhausted from all of this. "Nothing." Only that she married and made him so unbelievably happy, even if she harbored different feelings. "You know I did everything I was supposed to. I gave up Summer, and he got her just like he wanted."

He cranes his neck and his chin tips slightly up. "Is that so? The reason you kept your distance in recent years. You couldn't overcome your pride to remain close with your brother?"

I want to respond with a denial, but… I can't, simply because it's true.

"Why don't we just get down to it and realize that Summer and Bo are not part of this. At the root, it's your disapproval of me."

My father drops onto his chair, deflated, and swipes a hand across his jaw. "You're right." Honesty is brutal, and it seems that it's about to barrel at me. "I'm angry that your brother isn't here?—"

"Because the wrong son died?"

He shakes his head. "What kind of father would I be if I were to think that? So no, I don't believe that."

"Then what is the issue?"

His deep sigh in a way turns the axis of tension in the room. "I do think it's too soon for all of this to transpire. I worry that neither one of you are thinking clearly. Forgetting the repercussions if it doesn't work out or how you will fit into their lives."

Biting my lip, I hate that he's making me boil. I don't want to listen to him, even if he has points that I've chosen to ignore.

"I think you've both forgotten a few steps. It's your responsibility to ensure they're okay. "

My nostrils flare, and I close my eyes tightly then open them. "What about me being okay?"

My father's lips quirk out. "Exactly. All the more reason that you and Summer are not a good idea right now. You're both trying to return to normalcy."

"Except normalcy is with her," I justify, and I'm not sure why it sounds as though I'm pleading for his understanding.

"Nash, I think we both need a breather from this conversation. I believe you're being disrespectful by you both moving on so quickly, not fully grasping the situation. That's where I stand. I need space, and I promise I'll apologize to Summer tomorrow." At least, he sounds calm and sincere. The first time in the last fifteen minutes.

Gently nodding my head, I agree that this is the best plan, too. "Fine."

Storming out, I beeline it outside, slamming the door in the process. Immediately, I see Summer finishing buckling Bo into his car seat.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"Please," Summer agrees as she slides into the front seat.

When I'm in the car and turning on the engine, I still feel hyped up.

Summer holds up a bag. "Your mom gave us the food she still had in the kitchen." She sounds melancholy. Her shoulder lifts. "Apparently, we need an entire pumpkin pie."

I begin to back the car up, looking over my shoulder. "She's the least of our problems."

"I know. We're doing exactly what she wants. It's your father who basically thinks I'm the worst person in the world."

Focusing on the road, I remind myself that it's prime deer-crossing time. "He'll cool off. If it's any consolation, it's me he's really mad at. Thinks I'm trying to replace the missing puzzle piece in your life."

The stone-cold silence has me concerned, especially when the only sound I begin to hear is a stifling attempt not to break out in a cry.

Shit.

Of course, it's true.

"Is that what you think? I jumped in to replace him?"

In the corner of my eye, I see her gently shake her head side to side. Noticing a spot up ahead, I pull off the road, remembering the night I crashed the car with Summer in it.

The crash that happened because I broke her heart.

And here we are, in a car, with tears in her eyes all over again.

"Maybe it's true. We're in a fog and not thinking. It could just be lust or we're confusing this moment in life with reality." Summer wipes a tear away.

My entire body burns inside. I could end this pain for her in one moment, but I won't. We have to reach the destination on our own terms. "I believe we're living reality."

"Nash, everyone is thinking what we ignore. It's only been a few months and…"

Reaching over, I catch a tear descending her cheek with my thumb. "Who cares what anyone may think."

Her snicker takes me aback, and she looks at me, with the dashboard light shading her face in a light blue hue. Just as it did all those years ago. Beautiful and sad. She was the Summer I let go then. But she won't be the Summer I let go now.

"That's kind of rich, don't you think? Back then, you cared about what Zac thought so much that it destroyed us. Now it doesn't matter? "

Yet again, someone is calling me out on what I should be thinking about more.

"I-I guess…"

"Because we no longer have something blocking our way?" she highlights that fact.

Shamefully, I nod my head. "Summer, this isn't how today was supposed to go. We knew they would find out, and we were aware that it might be uneasy."

"That was a lion's den, Nash."

Finding her hand, I trap it between my palms. "You're not any of those things my dad said. He's just… dealing in his own way since Zac left us."

She exhales. "I'm aware. It's more his points about us that maybe rub me the wrong way."

"How so?"

"What is the plan? You move in? To the house that your brother bought? What about Bo? Do you raise him as your own? Or as your nephew? Can there be a difference? You and me? Are we going too fast? We never had closure, you and I. We were a car crash followed by years of silence. Maybe this is our closure."

I don't have answers. All I realize is that when I saw a moment to have her, I didn't let go. Maybe I should have given her more breathing space or just thrown her the magic sign that I've been holding onto.

"We'll figure it out."

"Don't keep saying that." She raises her voice but then glances to the back where Bo has fallen asleep. "My world is spinning," she whispers. "I'm in a car with you, and it doesn't feel like last time. I see it in your eyes. You won't let go this time."

"I won't," I promise.

Her lip trembles while she wipes away another tear with the back of her hand. "Why do we keep ending up in these places?" She attempts to smile. "A car or that ridiculous dock."

Letting go of her hand, I choose to hook my finger under her chin to guide her gaze to me. "Want some good news?"

"Yes."

"The cookies at the Dizzy Duck are now shaped as snowmen."

It causes her to giggle and cry at the same time. "That is good news."

Leaning down, I capture her mouth for a kiss, not caring about the salty tears. I just need to ease her. My heart wants to wrap around her and lock her in.

It's so painfully obvious to me right now.

My brother left her in pieces when she became a widow, and now I'm bringing her to pieces because of confusion of what is right. That's two times broken in a short time. It makes sense why this is so difficult for her.

It should be for me too.

But I'm too strong and greedy.

The moment our lips part, she places a soft kiss inside my palm. "Tomorrow, I think I'm going to see my brother since he finally unpacked all of his moving boxes in his new house."

"Okay, we can do that."

She shakes her head. "No. I want to go alone. I need a little breathing space."

My stomach drops with fear that she's running away with regrets, but at the same time, she needs to get perspective. She deserves that. "Sure, are you taking Bo with?"

"If it's okay, I'll leave him with you. Your mom wanted to spend time with him. "

Her kindness is in full swing. That's just Summer. Her heart is soft for others and hesitant around only me.

"You know I love you, right?" I remind her.

"I do, because I love you too. I'm just a bit of a wired mess now."

I kiss her again on her mouth, eager to shake her until she believes that everything will be alright.

But true love is when you let someone find their path to you on their own terms.

Which is what I will give to her.