Chapter 22

K olt’s fingertips dance up and down my arms as the sun begins to rise, shining its bright, promising rays through the windows of our bedroom. A bedroom that is no longer flooded with what-ifs and sadness. Instead, it has been restored to its former days, full of love and warmth.

And sex. Lots and lots of sex.

Since last night, we’ve been in here. We’ve made love countless times before dozing off for just long enough to gain some energy back, wake up, and do it all over again. So many times, I’ve been sore and exhausted. But I know he needs to get up to go to the arena. And I’m headed to Boothbay in an hour or so to see a few patients. Something tells me the drive there will be much different from how it was yesterday. Because instead of that looming feeling of confusion hanging over me, I finally have clarity. If I’m being honest … I don’t know what has taken me so long to get here.

“We both might be dragging ass today,” he murmurs into my hair as I turn onto my side to face the window. “I’m also supposed to work out with the team’s physical therapist today.”

I giggle at the sensation of the stubble on his chin brushing against my neck. “Just tell him you got plenty of exercise last night.” I grin like a little kid. “Heart-healthy, blood-pumping exercise.”

“The blood was pumping all right. But I’m not sure he wants to know what body part it was pumping to.” He tickles my side lightly before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me snugly against him. “I wish we could just stay in here all day.”

I know what he means. In here, it feels safe. Once we go outside, back into the real world, I’m terrified something is going to pull us apart again. Deep down, I don’t see how that could happen. We didn’t jump back into this blindly. Nor did we overnight. It took time and consideration. And even though more conversations will be had, I know it’s going to be all right. Because, unlike the last time trouble arose, this time, we are going to communicate.

“Me too.” I pull the comforter under my chin, nuzzling down into it. “But in a few days, the Sharks take on the Bruins. Even if you can’t lace up mentally, they need you this week to prepare.”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, and suddenly, it’s like he’s traveled far away. Finally, he tightens his hold on my body and flips me over to face him. “What you said last night, about me playing again—”

“Kolt, it’s okay,” I whisper quickly. “I was being selfish. Hockey is a big part of what makes you … well, you. I’d never ask you to walk away from it.”

He stares down at me; his expression remains unchanged. “But I would, Paige. Would it hurt? Yeah. But being apart from you taught me one thing: I can do without a lot of things, but you aren’t one of them.”

Reaching up, I brush my hand across his forehead. “But you retiring? You being a broadcaster or a coach or really anything besides a defenseman for the New England Bay Sharks?” I sigh. “It wouldn’t be right. You wouldn’t be whole.” I bring my lips to his chin and brush them along the stubble. “But I’d be lying if I said that I’ll be ok watching you back on the ice again.” I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know how I’d feel if you never played again either. I’m a mess.”

His eyes remain on mine while he thinks. Finally, while strumming his fingers up my back, he swipes his thumb along my cheek. “No matter what, before I make any decisions, moving forward, I’ll talk to you first. One day at a time. That’s how we’ll do this.”

“I think that sounds perfect.” I nod. “And same with my office. Moving forward, we will decide what’s best—together.”

“I’ll support whatever you do. And if you want to sell this house to move closer to your practice, we can do that.” He says the words, though I feel the hesitation behind them.

“This is our home,” I say quickly. “We’re staying here.”

A grin spreads across his face, and he dips his head down to kiss me. “I like that,” he murmurs. “Feels so good to be home.”

When he pulls back, I frown. “You never left.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But you did. Without you, this wasn’t home.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I pull myself closer to his body and bury myself in him. Because when it comes down to it, this building isn’t my home.

Kolt is.

“You look oddly … happy,” Tripp says, eyeing me over suspiciously. “Especially for a dude who is missing this weekend’s game.”

Logan glances at me while lacing his skates up. “He looks like a dude who got lucky before he came to work.” He salutes me like the cheesy motherfucker he is. “I see you, Kolburne. I see you.”

“All right, all right,” Walker drawls, smacking me on the shoulder and giving my body a shake. “Happy to hear that, my man.”

Normally, I’d hate all this attention, and I’d tell them to fuck off or something, but right now, I’m on too much of a high to even care what these guys rib me about.

My wife is back. I’m on top of the world.

“I knew when Kolt went to Boothbay and got the three-legged cat, Paige wasn’t going anywhere,” Ryder chimes in, making me regret telling him that I now have two cats at my house. “Good luck to that poor bastard. Ted scares the shit out of me.”

“Ted loves Amelia,” Logan says matter-of-factly. “Hates me though.”

“She hates everyone,” I utter before changing the subject. “How are you all feeling about this weekend?”

They grow quiet, and Tripp glances around. “Well, if we’re going to act like a bunch of pussies, the Bruins will probably mop the ice with our bitch asses.”

Logan’s head lifts, and right away, I know this can go one of two ways. One, he can say something serious. Maybe uplifting. Or two, he’s going to make it into a joke because that’s his answer for literally everything.

“I take that as a compliment, you know—being called a pussy,” he says with a shrug. “That is one body part that can take a fucking beating.”

“For real. Ask Walker in a few months when he watches his baby come out of Poppy’s—” Ryder tosses out, but as soon as the words leave his lips, he cringes. “Don’t punch me, James. I wish I hadn’t said it. Now, I’m thinking about it, and it’s fucking gross.”

Walker’s eyes narrow as he grabs his stick. “Because you caught your mistake on your own, I’ll let it slide. But next time you mention my wife’s body—at all”—he taps his stick on the ground—“you’re going to take my hockey stick right to the fucking nuts.”

Ryder grimaces, resting his hand over his junk and nodding quickly. “Understood, James.”

“Seriously, guys?” Tripp groans, dragging his hand over his face.

For a moment, Tripp stares at everyone in disbelief. As the team’s goalie, he takes everything more seriously than most of the team—aside from me. Well, and Walker because Walker James came from absolutely nothing, and now that he’s made a name for himself, he wants to make everyone who’s helped him along the way proud. And he sure as hell has too. He’s one of the very few centers who, as far as talent goes, is evenly matched with Cam Hardy—the Bruins center.

Even though Logan, Ryder, and Tripp might act like a bunch of cackling knuckleheads, they care about this team and its success more than anything.

Logan stands, grabbing his helmet and smacking Tripp on the back.

“I promise, we’re not going to be a bunch of nuts on the ice.” He looks at all of us, proud as a peacock. “See what I did there? I know the pussy is one tough fucking piece of flesh. My nuts are super sensitive. Just this morning, Amelia accidentally smacked me in them when I was putting my sneakers on, and I almost cried, so I’m switching the reference around. You know, to be more fitting.” He looks back at Tripp. “Don’t get me wrong, T. Without Kolt, this game is going to be fucking brutal. But I’m confident we can get it done.”

Most of the time, I think whatever nonsense Sterns is going on about is annoying. But right now, I find myself grinning slightly at him talking about nuts versus vaginas.

He has a point though; I mean … last night is proof that a pussy can take a fucking beating. But nuts? Hell, I tear up, just thinking about being kicked in them.

Standing up, I think I surprise everyone when I clap my hands loudly. “Time to go get to work, fellas. When you win this weekend—and that’s when, not if—it’s going to be because you worked your asses off.”

I wave my hand toward Harland, the kid who’s been filling in for me. “He’s done a great job, stepping up in my absence. Coach has trained him because he trusts him. Now, it’s time you all trust him too.” I inhale, gripping my palms together. “I’d give anything to be playing with you all, but right now, that’s not an option. So, go out there and do your jobs. Deal?”

Nodding, everyone stands and begins filing out onto the ice. Each one of them gripping my shoulder while they pass. For the first time since my heart attack, I feel like I’m part of the team again. I guess I always was, but I was too much of a stubborn prick to see it.

“Quite a speech, coming from you,” Coach says, standing beside me. “How are you feeling about the appointment on Monday?”

I keep my eyes forward on the ice. “It’ll be what it’ll be, right?”

“That’s right,” he utters before hitting his elbow against mine. “Glad to see everything with your wife worked out, Kolburne. It’s good to have you back.”

My head spins toward his, and I frown. “How did you—”

“My wife drives me batshit crazy, Kolt,” he says. “But if that woman ever left, I’d lose my mind. The impact Paige being back has had on you wasn’t lost on me. And today, it’s obvious that the ton of bricks sitting on your shoulders … well, it’s been lifted.” He nods his head. “I’m happy for you. I think the past month, it was imperative she was here with you.” As he starts to walk past me, he grins. “Women just have a way of making us a better version of ourselves. It’s like their secret power.”

When he walks away, I let his words sink in. I’ve always known Coach Jacobs was a smart dude, but he’s even more intelligent than I thought.

Before Paige came into my life at seventeen years old, I was just an angry kid who had no idea how to give or accept love. I didn’t deserve her, but she chose me anyway. Even as a teenage kid who didn’t know much, I knew right then I’d spend my entire life choosing her.

We might have gone to hell and back, but in the end, we came out together, holding hands.