Chapter 21

T he closer we get to our house, the more the heat pumps from her body. Her hand holds on to mine, and her thumb makes small strokes against my skin. I can feel what she wants. I want to give it to her too. A lot more than once.

But as much as I want to have sex with Paige, there’s one sort of small, but also sort of fucking gigantic, problem. And that problem is, I’m terrified. And not because I’m not ready to be balls deep in my wife—because I am.

I am so ready for that.

But before I take her into that room, I need to have a tough conversation with her. We need to say out loud all the things we keep skating around. There’s no more running from it or pretending it’s all going to go away. It isn’t. It’s going to hurt, but before I can rightfully make love to her for the first time since she left me, we need to figure our shit out. Not just for now, but for forever.

Pulling into the head of the driveway, I quickly stop at the gate and type in my wife’s birth date. Within seconds, it opens, and I drive through. Continuing down the driveway, I pull in front of the garage, hitting the button to open it before parking inside.

Nervously, she pulls her hand back from me and pushes her door open. By the time I’m out of the truck, she’s heading into the house. When I follow behind and she turns to look at me, it’s like she already knows what’s coming.

“You don’t want this?” she asks quickly, stopping in the dimly lit kitchen and looking down at her hands.

Pressing my thumb against her chin, I force her to look at me. “Baby, I want this more than I want my next breath,” I rasp, dropping my finger down and backing her up against the counter.

I put my hands on both sides of her before bringing my palms down on the counter. “But before we do this, I need to know you’re mine.”

My eyes sting with tears, but I try to stay strong for my wife. Because that’s what she needs—a strong man. Not the weak bitch I was in the past. The one who sabotaged us or hid from pain on a barstool.

“I can’t go through losing you again, Paige. It’ll fucking kill me. I know it will.” I look away from her, but only for a split second. “Losing you the first time felt like losing an organ. Somehow, I stayed alive, even though it felt like I was dying. But going through that twice? I can’t do it.”

“Kolt, I—”

Bringing my hand to her cheek, I stop her. “I understand if you want to find a man who can give you everything you want. It would destroy me, but to make your dreams come true, I would let you go.” I swipe a tear away from her face after it spills from her eye. “I might never be able to give you a baby, Paige. And I know more than anything, you want to be a mom.” I scrub the back of my free hand against my eyes to wipe away the wetness. “You’d be the best mother—I know you would. And while I can’t promise anything, I swear this to you: if you stay, I’ll do anything I can to make that dream come true. I’ll stop at nothing. But I know there’s no guarantee, and if you can’t stay and risk it—if having only me isn’t enough—” I blink the tears from my eyes. “I’ll forgive you. Because I love you that much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

Reaching between us, she cups my face and quickly shakes her head. “I promise you, Kolt, it has never been about you being enough. You will always be enough for me. And the life we built before, and will continue to build back up, will always be enough.” She presses her forehead against mine. “If we never have a yard full of kids, we will be okay. Because we’ll have each other.”

She stops, sniffling. “I haven’t given you an answer not because I’m scared you can’t have kids. I haven’t given you an answer because I’m scared that once you get me back, you’ll go into that dark place again.” She takes a few shaky breaths. “But this time, Kolt, just like your mom made me promise … I will love you through it. I swear I will never ever turn my back on you again.” With her soaked lashes, she blinks a few times. “I am as much at fault for letting us fall apart. But there wasn’t a single second of when I was gone that I wasn’t missing you.”

I bring her face to mine and roughly kiss her. “I’m so sorry I kept everything from you for so long. I was scared. And I felt like a fucking failure.” The truth feels like a knife cutting me right down my chest. “You are my best friend, Paige. You’re my person and the love of my life. I never want to keep a secret from you again. Especially not one that makes me lose you.” I kiss her again. “I love you, baby. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she sobs. “I love you. And if I’m being honest, I think I knew the second I saw you in the hospital bed that I was never leaving again. I just … had to come to the realization on my own terms.” She presses her mouth on mine, whimpering, “Take me to our bed, Kolt. I’ve missed you so damn much that I can’t take it anymore. I need you now.”

His lips crash against mine once again, and his tongue slips into my mouth, leaving me completely breathless. We’ve kissed thousands of times. And a bunch since I’ve been back in Portland, but this time, it feels different from before.

Raw. Real.

And forever.

Draping one arm around my lower back, he pulls my body against his, and his erection presses against my stomach, growing rapidly as I continue kissing him. Then, he scoops me up into his arms and carries me toward our bedroom.

“I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around me,” he growls against my lips, and I inhale sharply, breathing in the minty taste of his mouth. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, baby.”

After he pushes through the bedroom door, he kicks it shut behind him before charging toward our bed.

He sets me down gently and pulls off his suit jacket. In record time, he leans down again and continues kissing me before reaching down and taking my dress off, letting it fall to the floor.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing up my shoulder. “The most beautiful woman in the world.”

Sliding his fingers to my back, he unclasps my bra and slides the straps from my shoulders and lets it fall from my body, leaving me only in a thong. His eyes drink me in, and he stares at me in such a way that it brings a tear to my eye. I don’t think I’m beautiful because he said the words. I know it because of this. The way that he’s looking at me.

The same way he looked at me when we were seventeen. And now, here we are, all these years later. We’ve been to hell and back, and still, I get that look.

“My wife is so perfect.” He rasps the words, thick with emotion. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’m right here now,” I whisper. “I love you.”

“I love you, Buttercup.”

Gently, he pushes me flat on my back, and he glides his palms up my legs and to my thighs. He stops when he touches the fabric, and suddenly, he peels my thong down and tosses it onto the floor.

Pushing my knees up, he spreads my legs and lets his eyes take me in. “There’s my gorgeous girl. Lying in our bed. Ready to be fucked by her husband,” he whispers gruffly.

I swallow down my drool when my eyes take in the huge bulge growing in his pants, all from looking at me.

“I can’t wait to watch your pussy drip all over these sheets, bringing this room back to life.”

Letting his knees fall to the bed, he inches his head closer between my thighs until his tongue flicks against my clit. It’s the smallest touch, and yet it has me crying out already.

“My favorite flavor is your pussy when it knows my cock is about to slide inside of it,” he groans between my legs, sliding his tongue deeper inside of me. “I could come in my pants just from tasting you, baby. You know I love to eat.”

“Kolt,” I moan as my fingertips tug his hair, scraping his scalp with my nails. I wrap my legs around his neck, bringing his tongue deeper inside of me, and bite down on my lip. “Fuck … Kolt.”

“Greedy girl,” he muses, clearly satisfied with how turned on I am.

His tongue feels like heaven, and my head spins. Every nerve in my body is ready to explode because, finally … he’s mine again and I’m his. And that makes this so much more intense. I know I can’t stop my orgasm from hitting, even if he’s barely touched me.

His tongue hits deeper, and I choke out a moan. My hands drop from his hair, and I take hold of the sheet instead, lifting my hips from the mattress.

“Kolt … stop. I’m going to—” I try to pull away, but he holds on to me tighter.

“Let me taste it,” he grunts before flicking his tongue quickly against my clit. “Come right in my mouth, baby. I’ll lick up every ounce. I promise I’m just getting you warmed up for the night.”

“Uhh,” I croak out, moving my hips quicker against his face. “Oh my God …”

I scream when my orgasm hits, warming every inch of my body and making a shiver run down my spine. My hips continue to roll as he keeps his tongue buried deep until my movements stop. And as promised, he drags his tongue over me once more before he releases his hold and climbs above my body.

His lips crash against mine suddenly. “Taste how sweet you are, baby.” His voice is gravelly. “You taste like fucking home.” He kisses me once more. “ You are my home, Paige. My forever and always.”

My eyes water with emotion at the same time my nipples harden. I suck his tongue into my mouth, and as I twirl my tongue around it and moan, a groan escapes his lips.

Pulling back, he looks down at me, his eyes darkened. “Told you, you taste so fucking sweet,” he groans. “Everything you do turns me on, Paige Kolburne.”

To feel this wanted and this desired brings me back to the bulk of our marriage. I can’t continue worrying about if I’m going to lose him again. Right now, my heart wants this marriage. And I want my husband.

Physically. Emotionally. And soulfully.

I reach between us, unbuttoning his shirt as quickly as I can and shoving it off of him before greedily grabbing his belt, undoing it. I unbutton and unzip his pants, eager to set his cock free. He pushes himself off of me and kicks them off. When he rolls his briefs down and his steely cock stands tall, my nipples harden so intensely that it’s painful. My stomach hollows out as my eyes drink in the sight of my husband’s dick, hard and ready to fuck me.

Bending down, he reaches inside the nightstand and pulls something out. I’m about to ask what it is when he speaks before I can.

“Get me nice and wet, baby,” he grunts, palming himself as he stands by the edge of the bed. “Make this cock slide right inside your tight pussy.”

Leaning forward, I spit onto his cock before using my tongue to drag the wetness down the entire length, getting him nice and soaked, the way I know he likes it.

A bit of pre-cum spills from his tip. I eagerly run my tongue over it, and tasting him only makes me ache more for him.

“Always such a good girl for me,” he utters, dragging his hand over my hair. “Lie back in our bed, baby.”

Pushing myself back, I part my legs and bring my knees up, spread apart, and he climbs between my legs. When only the tip of his cock nudges against my center, I can’t stop the cry that explodes from my throat.

“It’s been so long,” I whimper, throwing my arms around him and driving my fingertips into his back. “Fuck, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.” Tears fill my vision, and I blink them from my eyes in a steady stream.

Just from my words, his cock jumps. He keeps his head hovered over mine so that our eyes never stray as he nudges himself a little deeper. But that’s not what makes me fall apart. What does is when he opens his palm and takes my wedding ring in his fingers.

As he brings it to my ring finger, he slowly slides it on while he thrusts deeper inside of me. “I couldn’t go another second without putting this ring back where it belongs.” He pushes it the rest of the way down and kisses me. “I just want to be with my wife.”

“I love you,” I squeak, my lip quivering.

“I love you too.” His hips thrust. “Never going to let you go again,” his voice hums against my chin as he dips his head down. “Ever.”

As he gets deeper, he pulls back and watches me, repeating the motion. Tears fill my eyes yet again, and a prickly sensation of emotions floats all over my scalp.

There’s a slight sting because this is the first time in nineteen months that he’s been inside of me, but I welcome the pain because it means I finally have my husband back.

This somehow feels like our first time ever, even though it’s far from it.

Tears continue to pool in my eyes, but they aren’t sad ones, and when he sees that, he doesn’t ask me if I’m okay or what’s wrong. Kolt understands because he gets it too. As his gloss over, he grabs hold of my hands and pins them to the mattress, lacing our fingers together.

With every thrust of his hips, he’s deeper, not only inside of my body, but in my soul too.

His hands continue to clutch mine, and my legs clamp tighter around his waist as my back moves up and down against the mattress with every thrust of his hips. He’s so deep now, but there’s no pain or sting. Just a feeling of profound fullness in my soul. A sensation that I’ve missed so much.

He might not speak, but his gaze says a thousand words. I don’t know the exact moment it happens, but our souls become one. Skin on skin, thrust matching thrust. I feel him everywhere. It’s like … he’s dug his way into my mind, body, and soul again. But this time, I’m never letting him leave.

It feels so good, having him again. My tears slow down, but my heart never stops pitter-pattering. It feels like warm, relaxing sand is being poured over my body. My belly begins to tingle, and my toes start to curl.

Throwing my head back slightly, I keep my eyes on his as my lips part and I drag in a breath. A low grunt comes from somewhere deep within him, and his thrusts become more intense, though he never speeds up.

We’re both coming, and we don’t even have to say the words out loud to know for sure. I can’t speak for Kolt, but I know I’ve never felt an orgasm so intense in my entire life. One where I can feel it in every cell of my being.

His hands release mine, and I move them to his back, digging my fingernails into his flesh. Speckles of white dance around the edges of my vision, but I never lose sight of Kolt as he keeps his stare on me.

As I hit the peak of my orgasm, my brain grows fuzzy. My pussy pulsates around his cock, clenching him tightly, and soon, I feel his warmth spreading inside of me while he falls headfirst over the ledge. His thrusts gradually slow, and his body trembles as he comes inside of me.

His eyes watch me, eyes that are filled with nothing but love.

Eyes that promise me the world without his mouth having to open.

Eyes that I can’t wait to stare into for the rest of my life.

Tears sting the back of my eyes, and I squeeze him tightly. “I love you,” I choke out, falling apart into a crying mess. “I love you so much, Kolt. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of my lips. “I love you, baby. It’s all okay now.” He nuzzles his nose against mine. “Everything is going to be okay.”

For the first time in forever, I know, with everything I am … he’s right. Because as long as we’re together, it will be okay. No matter what else life wants to throw at us—infertility, low sperm count, or endometriosis—whatever it is, we will endure it. Together.